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This ain’t your grandma’s podcast recap. After five long-ass years and 200 episodes of pure chaotic energy, The Funky Panther boys are still talkin’ shit, takin’ names, and accidentally jacking off crickets (don’t ask). In this “farewell-but-not-really” dumpster fire of nostalgia, we look back at the beer-soaked beginnings, roast our old intros, and get weirdly emotional over CPAP machines and robot vacuums. Chad announces he’s ditching the mic for married life and adulting — RIP to his balls. Also featuring: edible-fueled honeymoons, dick jokes during serious announcements, and more clickbait than a Buzzfeed intern on meth. 

If you’ve ever wanted to hear grown men cry into microphones while debating the proper term for robot slurs, this one’s for you. 

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Welcome to Touching Tips — where four emotionally unstable dudes collide into one chaotic AF podcast experiment. We’re talking anime, metal, horror flicks, Bad Bunny backlash, and yes... nachos worth a three-hour road trip. It’s the pilot of the Emo Panther crossover nobody asked for but everyone secretly needed. From Gilmore Girls rants and hot takes on Breaking Bad to unsolicited butthole elasticity facts — this episode’s a fever dream in 4K.

Expect:

• Unhinged anime analysis (One Piece, Chainsaw Man, Dandadan)
• Controversial takes on A24 films, Rocky, and Rory Gilmore being an actual menace
• Raw, offensive humor about Ghost Dongs™ and circumcision conspiracies
• A holy war over nachos, Chacho’s, and Salt Lake City mole dreams

We said what we said. If you're easily triggered or a Five Finger Death Punch fan… you’ve been warned.

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We’re back, btches. After a short summer break filled with meat sweats and mental breakdowns, the Funky Panther trio returns to shove brisket, burnout, and batsht headlines right into your earholes. Chad, Javier, and Tim go full Texas savage, starting with the 2025 BBQ rankings—DFW’s laying pipe all over the state, with Goldee's and Dayne's making mouths (and arteries) explode. We build the ultimate meat plate that would make a cardiologist cry. #BBQPorn #TexasMeatCult

Then Tim has a corporate meltdown on mic. His desk job gets eaten and now he’s back in an ambulance, wrestling death and existential dread while pretending this is all fine. Spoiler: it’s not. #CorporateHell #ParamedicProblems #MidlifeCrisis

Javier dives into the international paintless dent mafia—yes, a real thing—where Italians and Brazilians get flown in like storm-chasing mercenaries to fix Texas hail damage while dodging visa drama and sketchy middlemen. It’s capitalism, but make it Fast & Furious. #DentLife #ImmigrantHustle #TexasStormMoney

Things spiral fast:
 🚗 Self-driving Teslas plotting murder
 🍁 Abbott vetoing THC like it’s the 1950s
 ✈️ Plane crash survival tips from dudes who definitely wouldn’t survive
 🚽 And the crown jewel—someone literally stole an 18-karat gold toilet named "America" from a palace. If that doesn’t summarize 2025, nothing does. #GoldToiletHeist #AmericanDreamMyAss #WTFNews

Oh, and JaeBoy calls in with music updates that make us question our own life choices. Again.

This episode’s got meat, madness, and mild existential terror. Buckle up—or cancel us. Either way, we’re flattered.

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Texas is at war, but not with crime, poverty, or actual danger. Nope, Lt. Gov. Dan “Buzzkill” Patrick is busy trying to nuke hemp from orbit, calling regulated THC products “poisonous” without a single shred of evidence. Translation? He’s either high on his own supply of bullshit or getting off kneecapping an $8 billion industry while 53,000 jobs circle the drain.

We drag this political clown show through the mud and hand the mic to real business owners, like Hometown Hero's CEO, who slap down the lies with receipts, lab tests, and common goddamn sense. Sorry, Dan, weed with QR codes isn't exactly a cartel operation.

Then we dive headfirst into a Black Mirror-esque fever dream where AI might start holding humanity hostage for battery life. If your toaster sends you a ransom note, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

From there, we go full shock-and-awe on Ukraine's mind-blowing drone strike deep into Russian territory—some are calling it “Pearl Harbor 2.0,” but with Wi-Fi and a kill switch. War got a software update, and it’s terrifyingly efficient.

And in the “let’s see how far we can bend human biology before it snaps” category: the Enhanced Games. Think Olympics, but everyone’s juiced to the gills and no one gives a damn. Jesse Magnusson looks like he absorbed a bodybuilder and spit out an Adonis. It’s legal doping and it might be the future of sports whether you like it or not.

We roundhouse kick tradition right in the teeth by asking the real questions: Why can’t football be a full-contact death match like NFL Blitz? What if basketball was just streetball with sanctioned violence? And should we finally relegate loser teams so they stop getting paid to suck?

This episode is a Molotov cocktail of politics, war, AI dread, and sports on bath salts. Tune in, rage out, and embrace the end times. #DanPatrickIsHigh #THCTruthBombs #AIOverlords #DronesWithAttitude #EnhancedGamesUncensored #LetThemJuice #RelegateTheTrash #BurnThePlaybook #WTFTexas

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They vanished for two months—and no, they weren’t in rehab (probably). But now the boys are BACK, and chaos reigns supreme in Episode 197 of The Funky Panther. Think less "warm reunion" and more "group therapy session with snacks and sarcasm."

Chad and Tim crawl out from their academic hellholes to humblebrag about finals, while Javier dives into the emotional minefield of health woes, family drama, and the eternal quest for a ‘Good Job, Son’ from a dad who thinks feelings are for communists.

Just when you think it can’t get weirder, a random 17-year-old named Maddox calls in live to ask if Eminem is still relevant—and shocker, we actually had thoughts. Cue the hot takes and hip-hop nostalgia.

Then comes the real test of friendship: Chinese snacks. Spicy konjac strips? Hawthorne fruit bars? Sounds cute until your taste buds file a formal complaint. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, you might even order a mystery snack box out of morbid curiosity.

We sprinkle in sports rants, rage against scalpers, and finish with a necro-courtroom drama starring a medieval pope who literally dug up a corpse to win an argument.

This isn’t just a podcast—it’s a barely contained meltdown wrapped in nostalgia and dipped in absurdity. #DeadPopesAndKonjac #PodcastChaos #EmotionalDamage #HipHopHotTakes #SnackAttackShowdown

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Buckle the f*ck up, because The Funky Panther just dropped an episode that smells like incense, ego death, and pure audio chaos. Musician and part-time sweat demon Ben C Jones is back—flexible, funky, and freshly cooked from his daily 105-degree hot yoga cult. Spoiler: his chakras are aligned, his joints are loose, and he might’ve accidentally joined a tantric death spiral. Enlightenment optional.

While Ben’s finding nirvana in a puddle of his own BO, Chad escapes Fort Worth and dives straight into Asia’s adult playground—Macau and Hong Kong. Between gambling dens, dice games in back-alley bars, and Portuguese bartenders with loose morals, it’s a travelogue that sounds more like a deleted scene from The Hangover 4: Oriental Express.

Then it gets extra spicy—the gang breaks down Blue Origin’s girlboss space cruise, featuring Katy Perry floating around like it’s a zero-G makeup ad. Are these pop stars actually astronauts—or just influencers with rocket-fueled privilege? The debate spirals into capitalism, space pollution, and how much they’d personally fork over to escape this flaming meatball of a planet… for eleven goddamn minutes.

Meanwhile, Ben teases his new psych-rock masterpiece, dropping May 23rd via Amplify 817. It’s like Pink Floyd, Tame Impala, and your weird stoner cousin had a baby and let it record itself in a home studio filled with lava lamps and vintage trauma. Don’t sleep on the June 13th album release party at The Post—expect killer vibes, musical therapy, and maybe a few mild hallucinations.

The episode ends with nuclear-grade “Bad Takes” that’ll piss off astronauts, yogis, and probably your mom. Plus, an “Overrated vs. Underrated” segment that drags Spotify and worships the holy gospel of local music legends.

June 13th. The Post. Ben C Jones, Richer Hall, Dave Cave, and Reagan Beard. It’s not just a show—it’s a sonic exorcism. Be there or stay basic. 

#SexSweatSpace #BenCJones #HotYogaCult #SpaceTourismScam #KatyPerryInSpace #MacauMayhem #TheFunkyPanther #Amplify817 #PsychedelicRockRevival #BadTakesOnly #ZeroGravityEgos 

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You’re gonna die someday—might as well make it count. In this brutally honest episode, we talk with Kevin, a tissue procurement specialist (yes, that’s a real job), who spends his days elbow-deep in the stuff you leave behind when you check that little box on your driver’s license. Spoiler: he’s not here to steal your kidneys in a back alley—he’s here to save lives.

From slinging HDMI cables at Best Buy to preserving human limbs with surgical precision, Kevin breaks down what really happens after you flatline. Forget the myths: doctors won’t pull the plug early if you’re a donor, your casket can stay open for the viewing, and no, your tattoos don’t make your organs goth rejects.

We also hit some cold, hard facts: someone in Texas joins the transplant waitlist every nine minutes, and 17 people die each day because there’s not enough to go around. Still think your spleen’s too special to share?

And just when you thought this episode couldn’t get more unexpected—Kevin also flexes his Rangers pride, immortalized in World Series tattoos and childhood memories of his baseball-loving grandpa. Death, donations, and dingers? We cover it all.

If you’ve got a pulse, you need to hear this. If you don’t—well, Kevin might be on his way.
 #DeadButUseful #OrganDonationTruths #TexasTransplantCrisis #FunkyPantherPodcast #RangersInkAndOrgans

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What do you get when three degenerates dig up cringey home videos, debate astronaut nut trajectories, and confess to hoarding junk like emotional support USB cables? Pure, unfiltered chaos—welcome to The Funky Panther.

Javier stumbles upon a camcorder from his hormone-riddled youth and unleashes footage so humiliating it should be classified under the Geneva Convention. Naturally, this spirals into a confessional about the crap we cling to for no reason—shoeboxes, old tech, and probably some repressed trauma. Oh, and let’s not forget the cursed GoPro currently marinating in Lake Texoma that allegedly holds footage too spicy for YouTube.

Then it gets weirder. The guys dive into NASA’s recent astronaut rescue, but instead of celebrating science, they spiral into a fever dream of surviving space madness armed only with early-2000s music videos and a questionable Wi-Fi signal. And yes, we go there: bodily fluids in zero gravity. Spoiler alert—it's not as poetic as Interstellar.

Things heat up when the crew debates whether paying $500 to breathe the same air as a celebrity is dumb or dangerously horny. Plus, they test their sanity with “AI or Insane Person?”—because in 2025, your toaster might be smarter (and sassier) than your last Tinder date.

Is talking to your dog cute, or are we just one step away from marrying Alexa? Find out in this gloriously unhinged episode full of hot takes, cold regrets, and existential dread wrapped in a tortilla of dark humor.

#SpaceJizz #CringeCore #AIvsPsycho #FunkyPantherUnleashed #LostFootage #DigitalDumpsterDive

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We've all been there—stomach rumbling, cold sweat forming, and no bathroom in sight. In this episode, we expose our most humiliating, panic-inducing bathroom disasters that will make you grateful for every flushable toilet you've ever encountered. From desperate public dump decisions to fully-naked survival tactics, this is the episode you never knew you needed.

Then, we take a hard left into insanity with the "Brown Note" conspiracy—a sound frequency rumored to make you lose total bowel control. Is it real? Has the military secretly tested it as a weapon? And more importantly, could we use it for evil?

Also in this episode:

• Chad’s Olympic-level ladder-climbing obsession (because why not?)
• Tim’s post-dental drugged-up adventure at Trader Joe’s (bad decisions were made)
• Javier infiltrates the Fort Worth music scene (or does he?)
• Kanye West’s latest Nazi-inspired fashion disaster (yep, he’s still talking)
• Local legend Abraham Alexander gets screwed at the Oscars (Hollywood hates Texas)
• Florida Man swallows $769K in stolen jewelry (because of course he does)

Five years and 193 episodes later, we’re still serving up zero-filter, unhinged conversations that you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or a first-time listener, welcome to the wildest corner of the internet.

#PublicPoopHorrors #BrownNoteWeapon #KanyeWest #OscarsAreRigged #FloridaManMadness

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The unthinkable has happened—Luka Dončić has been snatched from the Dallas Mavericks and shipped off to the Lakers, leaving us spiraling into a full-blown existential crisis. But was this just another ruthless NBA business move, or is Mark Cuban playing 4D chess to tank the franchise and relocate to Vegas? The conspiracy theories are flying faster than trade rumors, and we’re here to break it all down—mock funerals, fan meltdowns, and all.

As we wrestle with whether to abandon our beloved Mavs for the Celtics (traitorous, we know), a pregnant stray cat crashes our recording session—because apparently, even animals can sense Dallas’s pain. Meanwhile, airline chaos has us questioning if flying is even worth it anymore. Delta flights flipping? Mid-air collisions? Maybe we should all just stay home.

Oh, and we’re celebrating five years of The Funky Panther! From surviving the pandemic to interviewing a friend who was wrongfully jailed and extradited, we've seen some wild times. Tune in for a raw, hilarious, and slightly unhinged discussion on sports heartbreak, travel paranoia, and the madness of modern life. Hit us up @TheFunkyPanther and let’s commiserate.

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