Wade and Kaiya speculate on Ness's paternity, compare the network coverage of psychics vs. bird-phones, navigate a figurative minefield of foreign relations and then navigate a literal volcano! They finish up the episode by coming full circle and taking a peek back at the beginning of it all.

Wade and Kaiya witness the sped-up crumbling of a monkey relationship, discuss self-chosen nomenclature (twice!) and discover that the game devs are waving at them from the 1990s! Along the way, Kaiya determines that she's not playing Assassin's Creed, Wade tries (and fails) to beat the odds, and Kaiya manages to turn Wade's understanding of the ontology and ethics of EarthBound completely on its head.

Wade and Kaiya mourn the deregulation of the dungeon maintenance industry, evaluate the limitations of the local phone system, reflect on the unique economics of swamp-based usury, attempt to talk about baseball and/or literature, and agree that they're narratively lost.

Wade and Kaiya dodge a whole lot of lightning, take a ride with the worst sea captain ever, discover the hotel that offers the least bang for your buck (it doesn't even have doors!), and finally discover how to make Jeff useful!

Wade and Kaiya set a mushroom on fire, get a taste of the lives of the rich and pretentious, endure gratuitous amounts of brutality in the name of Buddhism, and finally... pursue a rat in a sewer? Just another day in the world of EarthBound!

Wade and Kaiya welcome you to Moonside. Welcome to Moonside. Wecomel to Edinsoom. Wel come to Moo nsi ns dem oons ide

Also, click here for the promised guide to the monkey caves, courtesy of the Starmen.net Earthbound Walkthrough!

Wade and Kaiya encounter a recording mishap which means that Kaiya must rerecord all her audio FROM THE FUTURE! But they manage to hold a temporally-disjointed discussion about black market weapons cartels, workplace harassment, and finding Twitch chat in the desert.

Wade and Kaiya know you are very busy today and many of you have plans with your families. Therefore, they're doing their part to speed you back to your holiday activities.

Wade and Kaiya wander into terra incognita, discuss the bizarre North America marketing campaign for the game, and demand to know about the society, hierarchy, and manufacturing capabilities of sentient piles of vomit. They close out with their thoughts on the game so far over a refreshing cup of coffee.

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