Grief doesn’t just show up after someone is gone—it begins in the waiting, in the witnessing, and in the quiet moments in between. In this deeply personal episode, I share the story of my grief as I walk alongside the final days of Roland Merrill, a man who was not my biological father, but who loved me and showed up for me like a dad.
I talk about what it means to grieve while someone is still here, how hospice changes time, and what it feels like to navigate love, loss, and family dynamics that make grief even more complex. I open up about the struggle of showing up for others while managing my own health and full-time life, and how this moment echoes the grief I felt after losing my grandpa in 2021—but with an intensity and surrealness all its own.
This episode is an offering—for anyone grieving, for anyone who’s ever felt alone in that grief, and for anyone learning to care for themselves in the midst of it.

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