Today we’re bringing you the final episode of the current series and taking a look back at some to the topics we’ve discussed over the last year, asking how we can put what we’ve learned into practice.

HOW DO WE FEEL ABOUT THE GOOD FAIL NOW THAT WE’RE 3 SERIES IN? 

We’ve discussed a wide range of topics over the last three series and in our current times The Good Fail feels like an important source to draw from.

HOW CAN THAT GOOD FAIL TOOL BOX HELP US WITH LIKE THE WORLD BASICALLY ENDING?

We’ve not always taken our own advice on this podcast but unlearning PERFECTION and practicing PERSEVERANCE is a good place to start. 

WHAT OTHER TOOLS DO WE HAVE IN OUR BOX?

We talk through what we’ve learned about OWNING IT, RESILIENCE and KNOWING OURSELVES to better help ourselves grow and change more effectively. 

DOESN’T THAT SOUND LIKE A LOT OF EFFORT?

It’s always going to be one step at a time. Finding POSITIVITY and remembering the alchemical process of NEGREDO might help.

CAN POSITIVITY REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

Our situation won’t change but our perspective on our situation will. While the world seems to be going through it’s own NEGREDO process we’ve also found GRATITUDE a powerful tool to staying present.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE ON ALL THIS?

We can definitely, 100% succeed at doing The Good Fail during a world wide pandemic by adjusting our EXPECTATIONS, being kind, GENEROUS and FORGIVING to ourselves and others.

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?

Use the links in our shownotes to revisit all our previous recommendations and subscribe to the Good Fail podcast to listen from the beginning. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:

https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Today we want to ask whether our low self esteem is impacting on how well we can do the Good Fail? And what we can do to remind ourselves we're all awesome creations.

DOES LOW SELF ESTEEM EFFECT HOW WE DO THE GOOD FAIL?

Yes, self esteem does effect us doing the Good Fail.

HOW HAS LOW SELF ESTEEM EFFECTED US?

We definitely suffer from low self esteem and this has held us back from opportunities. There is an inner narrative that we will always fail that unconsciously shapes our reality.

SHALL WE INTRODUCE THE CONCEPT OF THE INNER CRITIC?

Tara Mohr’s book Playing Big calls this inner voice our Inner Critic and she has this to say about it: 

We don’t need to have had particular life experiences to develop a harsh inner critic. We’re hard wired for it. The inner critic is an expression of the safety instinct in us - the part of us that wants to stay safe from potential emotional risk - from hurt, failure, criticism, disappointment, or rejection by the tribe.

CAN WE EXPLORE THE LINK BETWEEN LOW SELF ESTEEM AND THE INNER CRITIC MORE?

The Inner Critic is motivated by keeping us safe from emotional pain and in doing so is happy for low self esteem to keep us from taking risks.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO BUILD UP OUR SELF ESTEEM BY GETTING RID OF THE INNER CRITIC?

It is unlikely we can get rid of it completely. Separating its voice from our own is vital and then we can work on building our self esteem.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?

That by recognising and separating the voice of the Inner Critic from ourselves we can start to build our self esteem which is vital for failure.

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?

Playing Big by Tara Mohr

Still working through this book but the work on the inner critic alone makes it worth reading.

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:

https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Today we're discussing how society has taught us to value the revenge narrative over the redemptive one and how that might effect us in doing the Good Fail.

HOW DID WE COME UP WITH THIS TOPIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL?

It all started with a discussion about the ending of a TV series.

WHAT WAS THIS DRAMA THEN?

Gold Digger. It was about a rich, older woman meeting and falling in love with a younger man. Much mystery surrounds the young mans past and his intentions.

THAT SOUNDS NICE BUT WHERE IS THIS LEADING?

By the end of the series we were convinced that someone was going to commit murder. But the ending was more radical then that! Our female heroine instead practiced forgiveness.

BUT WHY WERE WE SO CONVINCED MURDER WOULD BE INVOLVED?

Popular culture has come to revere the revenge narrative. This has skewed out perspective. Gold Digger broke this convention, as did another recent TV series, I May Destroy You.

STILL DON’T QUITE SEE HOW THIS RELATES TO THE GOOD FAIL?

Our culture sees revenge as action based and forgiveness as passive. This relates to The Good Fail because a similar relationship plays out between success and failure. Success=active and meaningful. Failure=passive and out of our control.

IS THERE A WAY TO MAKE FAILURE A POWERFUL CHOICE?

How many of us are mean to ourselves when we fail? Instead of taking revenge on ourselves this way we could choose to forgive ourselves instead. 

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?

Both forgiveness and failure are seen as being passive but there are examples of both being very powerful and full of the meaning we crave.

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?

Gold Digger by Marnie Dickens 

I May Destroy You by Michaela Coel 

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Today we're exploring who building resilience can help us feel more confident in our ability to cope with whatever life throws at us.

HOW DOES RESILIENCE DIFFER FROM PERSEVERANCE?

We reference Monty Python and Brene Brown as we discuss how much we need resilience in order to persevere but why relying on our resilience might not always be the best policy. 

WHY IS RESILIENCE IMPORTANT TO THE GOOD FAIL?

It may be a cornerstone of doing the good fail but we haven’t really acknowledged its importance until now and we go on to talk about how impossible it would be to keep going through the hard times without it. 

HOW CAN WE BE MORE RESILIENT? 

The good news is resilience can definitely be cultivated and we run through what steps we should take to build that resilience. But in a funny way it has more to do with letting down then building up. 

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS? 

Resilience might just be our unsung hero and we’ll let you know why. 

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK? 

Breathe Magazine

Issue 27 had a great article about resilience in it which gave us inspiration for this episode and is an all round brilliant slow living mag.

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:

https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Today we're looking at the key role perseverance plays in doing the good fail and ask whether is is the real secret to success?

CAN WE DEFINE THAT FOR OUR LISTENERS? 

We give our own personal definition of perseverance, something we know quite a bit about after 10 years of striving to make a sustainable career for ourselves in the arts. 

WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT?

As individuals free from any overwhelmingly demonstrable signs of success we feel undeniably qualified to give you the lowdown here and after discussing just how fundamental perseverance is to not failing we also cover why we haven’t brought it up until series 3! 

DOES PERSEVERANCE LEAD TO SUCCESS?

When we feel like giving up all our ambitions because it seems easier then continuing not achieving what we want most, the thought that persevering might be the magic door that inevitably leads us to our dreams of success is pretty tantalising right?! We let our listeners in on how likely that is as a theory and how much it’s an absence of abject failure. 

SHOULD EVERYONE PERSEVERE MORE? 

It’s important to know why you’re persevering: Is it the expectations of others driving you to persevere at something you don’t want? Or is it something that you can find joy in even when you also want to give up on it? Persevering may not always be the right answer. Here Merle explains why persevering at running her own business is the right choice for her. 

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?

Persevering may be the messy bit in between all we ever dreamed of and everything we’ve had to say goodbye to but at The Good Fail that is the best way to succeed. 

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?

The Indie Roller

@keep_going_indieroller

A community for small, indie businesses packed with resources. Plus its unofficial motto is “Keep Going”.

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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Today we're exploring the idea of rewards, as described by author Gretchen Rubin, and asking whether it can be applied to The Good Fail?

CAN WE CLARIFY WHY WE’LL BE TALKING ABOUT REWARDS IN THIS EPISODE?

We read a book: Better Then Before by Gretchen Rubin. The way she talked about rewarding good behaviour clearly related to doing The Good Fail in our eyes.

CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT YOU’RE GOING ON ABOUT HERE?

We think a lot of people view success as a reward for hard work…we know we do! Even as we explore ways of accepting failure, we still feel like the reward for all that good failing will be success.

QUOTE (from Better Then Before by Gretchen Rubin)

“…I eventually concluded, rewards can actually be dangerous for habit formation…First, a reward teaches me that I wouldn’t do a particular activity for it’s own sake, but only to earn that reward; therefore, I learn to associate that activity with an imposition, a deprivation, or suffering.”

This clearly relates to how we view failure and success.

WHERE DOES THIS VIEW COME FROM?

Many aspects of our culture have rammed this idea home in the form of books, films and TV shows. Even the legacy of our ancestors may have had an impact. 

HOW CAN WE SWITCH OUR MINDSET ON THIS?

QUOTE (from Better Then Before by Gretchen Rubin)

“We are extrinsically motivated when we do an activity to get an external reward (a carrot) or to avoid an external punishment (a stick); we’re intrinsically motivated when we pursue an activity for its own sake. Drawing on intrinsic motivation makes us far more likely to stick to a behaviour, and find it satisfying.”

We need to see failure as worth experiencing and not as a means to the ultimate reward of success.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?

By practicing the Good Fail we can find reward enough in the process.

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?

Better then Before by Gretchen Rubin

A book that helps find out how to work with your own strengths when forming new habits as well as showing us how to do The Good Fail better.

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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Today we're delving into a recent personal experience in order to show you just how much the toolkit we've been putting together on this podcast can help us embrace failure. 

SO, WE WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU A REAL LIFE TALE OF THE GOOD FAIL IN ACTION.

At the beginning of March we travelled to the US to visit friends, right when Corona Virus chaos was ramping up in Europe and the States. In the wake of lockdown, the plan suffered!

HOW IS A STORY ABOUT OUR INTERRUPTED TRIP TO THE STATES RELEVANT TO OUR LISTENERS?

Our trip highlighted key things we’ve been discussing on the Good Fail over the last two series and we had to put many of our Good Fail techniques to practical use.

WHAT HAPPENED?

A lot! Plans had to be changed last minute, experiences we had imagined ourselves having were outright cancelled, expectations were foiled and the trip was cut short!

WOULD YOU CLASSIFY OUR TRIP AS A COMPLETE FAILURE?

It wasn’t a success in terms of meeting our expectations that’s for sure! We limped towards the finish line to make the most of the time and money we had spent but it was not the glorious confection we had imagined and our return home was stressful and lacked finality.

SO WHERE DID WE PUT THE GOOD FAIL INTO PRACTICE?

Despite everything, we did manage to find wonderful experiences in between but only through conscious effort. 

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?

We were always going to have a lovely time with our friends but who knew what joy could be had from things not going as planned. We’re making important discoveries on our journey with this podcast. We’re not pros (yet!) but with conscious effort it really can change out lives.

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?

Mooji’s A Simple, Powerful Prayer in Challenging Times on YouTube 

Teaching us how a simple thank you can shift our mindset dramatically. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL...

For the last episode of series two we’re honestly discussing our difficulty in understanding how the act of letting go can help us achieve what we truly desire.

We share two fails this week and one exciting joint success then dive right into our main topic, letting go.

It always seems like the biggest paradox to suggest letting go of the idea of getting what you most fervently want is the most powerful way of having it manifest in your life.

WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT IT THEN?

Because it links to other episodes of The Good Fail where we spoke about planning and expectation. Also, letting go is part of doing The Good Fail.

HOW DO WE DO THAT?

Our image of success is almost more inflexible that our view of failure. But acknowledging what we want to succeed at most is an important step in letting it go. If we can’t articulate our desires it’s hard to change our perspective on it.

BUT REALLY, HOW DO WE DO THAT?

We need to confront the idea of 100% failing at something and accept that as an outcome. And then fail a few times to see that we can survive it. Because discovering success is slippery like water and not set in stone might open us up to the possibility of finding success in unexpected places.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE?

We need to remember that it’s not about letting go of what we really desire but how we allow it to find us that is key.

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION?

The Four Tendencies Quiz by Gretchen Rubin.

Find out how you respond to inner and outer expectations and learn how you can work with your innate self in order to work better at life.

Also mentioned in this episode:

The Four Rules of Life that Change Your View of Everything by Vishen Lakhiani.

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:

https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Today we're exploring how our greatest expectations can lead to our deepest sense of failure and if it's possible to change that.

WHY ARE WE DEDICATING A WHOLE EPISODE TO THIS?

We didn’t think it could fill an entire episode at first but as we recorded season 1 & 2 of The Good Fail it kept coming up. In fact, we realised it was a big factor in how we felt about failure.

WHY SHOULD OUR EXPECTATIONS INFLUENCE OUR FEELINGS?

Our expectations are a big deal for us. Even a small event turning out not as expected can hamper our enjoyment of it. It might seem silly that our foiled expectations have an impact on our feelings but they do.

IS THE ANSWER THEN TO MANAGE OUR EXPECTATIONS?

For the longest time we thought this was the answer. If we didn’t expect anything we couldn’t be disappointed. The problem with this thinking is that by limiting our expectations we also limit ourselves. It also doesn’t stop the disappointment any less. Brené Brown has something to say on this in her book Daring Greatly.

WHAT CAN WE DO INSTEAD?

In theory you should be able to let go of your ego and experience the world purely in the present, where expectations become meaningless. However, we think changing our perspective on the outcome is more doable.

HOW DO WE DO THAT?

Know yourself so you can recognise what you’re feeling and why.

Realise that disappointment is inevitable but that shouldn’t curtail our expectations.

Learn to trust that you can handle any situation that may arise.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?

 Our expectations are here to stay, we just need to learn not to let them run the show.

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK? 

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

A book that teaches us how allowing ourselves to be vulnerable can help us be happier, stronger people. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW

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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:

https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Today we are asking if making plans for the future is simply a way of ticking our life goals off a list? Or can it bring us a greater sense of meaning?

After discussing some major fails and some more minor successes we get strait to the point by asking how we make plans for the future? And the short answer is that we don’t plan that much because it hasn’t worked in the past but we are filled with a certainty that life would be easier if we had a plan. 

HOW DO WE BREAK THE CYCLE?

It’s different because of fear. We’re basically working on a plan to fail, fail to plan scenario. So instead of not planning all together maybe we should change the way we plan.

LIKE MAKE A TO-DO LIST?

We are definitely advocates for making to-do lists. They can break down scary projects into manageable steps and can be shaped to your strengths. But sometimes you can do everything right and tick off every to-do list and still not end up where you planned!

SO WHAT CAN WE DO INSTEAD?

In her book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers talks about our fear of making wrong decisions. In this scenario we are operating on her lose/lose system rather then her win/win model. We can extrapolate this concept and use it to rethink planning.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE?

Having no plan doesn’t work for us but making plans needn’t send us into palpitations of dread either. Instead of feeling our plans are the map to the holy grail, where the outcome is either hold the the sacred relic in out hands or face abject failure, we can rather see them as a means to facilitating a series of experiences and opportunities. 

WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION THIS WEEK?

Flow Diary

Frankie Diary

The Ink Bucket Planner

PAPAYA! Weekly Planner

For all your paper planning needs!

SUPPORT THE SHOW

You can become an official supporter of the show by joining our Good Fail club on Patreon. Visit: www.patreon.com/thegoodfail

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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:

https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)