If you're taking the sudden return of Blackbeard's ghost as seriously as we are, by now, all your bathtubs are full of chili. Here at Instead Of HQ, that goddamn disgusting bathtub chili is starting to look as good as a golden shower from a bullet train honey cannon. You see, your hosts have been working up an appetite. We know what's coming. We've seen the signs. Every hundred years, they say: A great flood. Last time it was molasses. This time... only that bastard Blackbeard can say for certain. But there's one thing we know: We'll be chili steppin' 'til the bears come home. In Dr. Colleen Cassidy St. Clair we trust.

Pairings: socioeconomic distancing; parking lot game; milkgator