In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, Kathy sits down with Pat Barber—father of four boys, longtime CrossFit leader, and thoughtful voice on masculinity, parenting, and personal growth. Pat opens up about the evolution of his core values, his marriage, and the lessons he brings into raising boys today.

Together, they explore conflict, communication, risk-taking, digital safety, sexual development, honesty, and the role of testosterone in shaping boys’ inner worlds. Pat shares candid stories about raising four sons in the mountains, why he gives his boys real opportunities to take risks, and how he and his wife navigate everything from arguments to conversations about porn, erections, and emotional regulation.

This episode offers grounded wisdom for parents raising boys in an age of misinformation, overprotection, hyper-connectivity, and confusion around masculinity.

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Guest Bio

Pat Barber is a dedicated husband, father of four boys, and one of the most respected leaders in the functional fitness world. A longtime CrossFit athlete, coach, mentor, and community builder, Pat is known for his thoughtful reflections on fatherhood, integrity, and personal development. His work centers around authenticity, honesty, and strength—values he works to model in the gym, online, and at home. Pat speaks openly about parenting, relationships, and raising emotionally intelligent boys in a rapidly changing world.

Topics 

Identity & Core Values

• Pat’s three core values: authenticity, honesty, strength

Marriage & Conflict Navigation

• Pat’s turning point in conflict with his wife
• Learning to let go of “being right”
• Distinguishing core values from trivial arguments
• Curiosity as a parenting and relationship tool

Parenting Boys

• Raising boys to be emotionally intelligent and self-aware
• When to guide vs. when to let children experiment
• Giving kids real risk: autonomy without negligence
• Risk comparison: physical danger vs. digital danger

Discipline, Boundaries & Communication

• How Pat handles disagreements with his boys
• Encouraging them to explain their reasoning
• When to say “No” and when to say “Show me your plan”
• Apologizing to kids and modeling emotional regulation

Masculinity & Testosterone

• Why parents need to understand testosterone surges
• How hormonal changes shift boys’ psychology
• Normalizing sexuality without shame
• Lack of societal literacy around male development
• Effects of testosterone seen through the lens of transgender men

Digital Safety & Porn Exposure

• Why Pat keeps devices in open spaces
• The dangers of unsupervised online access
• Navigating anime, sexualized content, and curiosity
• Talking to boys about erections, masturbation, and sexual urges

Men, Purpose & Cultural Narratives

• The impact of narratives that men are “dispensable”
• Harmonizing pro-men and pro-women mindsets
• Teaching boys that strength is for service, not dominance

Self-Reflection & Personal Growth

• Why the work starts with yourself
• How two people create “a third thing”—the relationship
• Learning to trust oneself in an age of misinformation
• Asking: Why am I doing what I’m doing as a parent?

Links

https://www.instagram.com/thefathersguild/?hl=en

The Fathers Guild - Website

The Fathers Guild - Podcast

Sonhood Coaching

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SEASON 3 IS DIFFERENT

Too many boys today feel lost, alone, and misunderstood. And far too often, the same is true for their parents.

Behind the troubling statistics is a generation of boys quietly longing to be seen, heard, and valued — yet the conversation around boys’ emotional lives remains far too quiet.

Season 3 of Unlocking the Parenting Code is here to change that.

In this new season, you’ll hear:

🔹 Real conversations with young men who are ready to share their truth.

🔹 Powerful insights from experts in boys’ mental and emotional health.

🔹 And raw, real wisdom from dads who are walking this road every day

🔹 Solo episodes where I reflect on what I’ve witnessed, wrestled with, and learned

At the heart of this season — and at the heart of Sonhood Coaching — is a mission:

To understand the inner emotional world of boys, to recognize the very real challenges they face, and to name the damaging myths and societal expectations that continue to shape how we see, treat, and raise our sons.

This is not about fixing boys.

It’s about truly seeing them — and learning how to show up differently, with compassion, courage, and connection.

Together, we’re building a world where boys feel safe to be their authentic selves.

Because when we get it right for our boys, we begin to heal something much bigger.

Discover more @sonhoodcoaching.com