In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with clinical psychologist Dr Lolly Hernandez to explore the profound and often hidden psychological legacy of boarding school. Drawing on her powerful research involving over 600 adult participants, Lolly shares insights into how boarding school experiences shape compassion, self-criticism, and attachment well into adulthood.

Together, we unpack the concept of Boarding School Syndrome, examine the contrast between ex-boarders and day students, and highlight the role of early environment—supportive or threatening—in shaping our inner worlds. Lolly also shares moving reflections from participants, some uplifting, others harrowing, shedding light on the enduring emotional impact of childhood separation, bullying, and institutional culture.

This is a sensitive, nuanced, and ultimately hopeful conversation—one that challenges assumptions about privilege, invites compassion for those carrying invisible wounds, and considers how therapy can help foster healing.

⏱️ Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Boarding School Experiences

01:31 Meet Lolly Hernandez: Researcher and Psychologist

03:03 Exploring Boarding School Syndrome

04:23 The Psychological Impact of Boarding Schools

06:43 Attachment and Compassion in Boarding School Students

10:35 Comparing Boarders and Day Students

23:25 Environmental Factors and Their Influence

34:56 Personal Reflections and Qualitative Insights

42:07 Clinical Implications and Advice for Therapists

48:35 Conclusion and Future Directions

If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here:

https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/

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Video hashtags:

Boarding school syndrome, compassion in therapy, hidden trauma, attachment theory, self-criticism, compassion focused therapy