Hey, homeschoolers!
I had a different topic scheduled for this week, but then one of those unexpected crises hit my family. I was driving home from the Great Homeschool Convention in Greenville, South Carolina, when my husband called. The right side of his body had suddenly gone numb. He was exhibiting at a librarian's conference at the time. We didn't know it then, but my fit, healthy husband had had a stroke.
We were shocked to say the least, and it's safe to say we are still coming to terms with a new reality: medical testing, daily meds, and questions about the future. We are enormously grateful to God, however, that the stroke was small and did not result in disability.
This episode is not about strokes or even stress, which we have also had an abundance of. It's about teaching our kids to help those who are hurting.
How to Teach Kids to Comfort Others
When my husband's stroke was diagnosed, I immediately texted my two kids in college. I got no response until the next day when one of them texted an unrelated question. I was shocked again. I told them so.
One of them said he hadn't known what to say. The other had been very busy and wasn't feeling well. I was disappointed in how they responded, but I was also mad at myself. I hadn't taught my kids how to help those who are hurting. As a result, they responded the way so many adults do. I immediately talked with my younger kids about how to respond. I realized that I wanted to encourage you to have these same conversations with your kids.
How to Help Others Reference
I contributed to the book The Art of Helping by Lauren Littauer Briggs. It's an excellent resource with helpful responses for a variety of hurting people. I encourage you to get a copy to keep as a reference.
In the book, you'll find a variety of unhelpful responses too. The contributors like me remember these unhelpful responses very clearly because of the emotions surrounding our loss or trial. If we or our kids fail to provide loving support of family and friends when they're hurting, they're unlikely to forget. These situations are vital opportunities for us to share the love of Christ. That's why I believe we must teach our kids how to help.
The Most Common Reason We Don't Help
My son's honest reason for not responding to the news that his dad had had a stroke is the most common reason we don't help hurting people: We don't know what to say. We're afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. We're afraid of making people cry, of making the pain worse. And certainly we can say or do the wrong things, but not providing loving support is the worst thing we can do.
I told my younger kids that if anything like this happens in the future, a response is required--preferably a phone call and not a text, and certainly not a heart on a social media post with no comment. Depending on the closeness of the relationship, a visit, call, card, or message is appropriate. We had a friend of my husband's say he didn't want to bother him with a call. I reassured him that it would be welcomed. If you aren't sure what level of support is okay, ask.
What You Should Say When You Don't Know What to Say
What should you say if you don't know what to say? Start with, "I'm so sorry for your loss; I'm sorry this happened; I'm sorry for what you're going through." Adding, "I love you" and "I'm praying for you" are never wrong to say, even if you're supporting someone who is not a Christian. If you're seeing someone in person, a hug, rubbing a shoulder, and sympathetic tears are powerful ways of caring for someone in crisis.
Busyness: Another Common Reason We Don't Help
Let's talk about my other son's reason for not res...
