Topical Jokes about: setting yourself on fire on Facebook Live, cutting off an employee's hand, snorting cocaine in England, and stealing Girl Scout cookies.

 

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Show Transcript:

Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are the jokes for today for May 14th. In Kentucky, a woman was arrested after she stole fifteen thousand dollars worth of Girl Scout cookies -- which is about thirty boxes. In Pakistan, a 13 year old boy had his hand cut off by his boss when he demanded his overdue paycheck. To make sure he'd learned his lesson, the woman slapped the boy across the face -- with his own amputated hand.   In Tennessee, a man set himself on fire, and then ran into a bar. The bartender reached under the counter, and poured the man a kamikaze and a fireball. In England, people are complaining that the new 5 pound notes are cutting their noses when they snort cocaine. Because there's nothing worse than waking up from a cocaine overdose to find out that you're in jail, you've lost your job -- AND you have a papercut in your nose. These were the jokes for today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.