Reflecting on World Suicide Prevention Day, this entry breaks down the reality behind putting my story on camera for the first time. It took two and a half hours to record a two-minute video, but the response proved why vulnerability matters. Reading the original script, I unpack the single survival strategy that kept me here: shrinking time down to just surviving the next five minutes, the next hour, or the next day. More importantly, it marks the quiet shift from simply trying to survive an hour to actually wanting to live it.

Recorded late at night during Suicide Prevention Month, this raw entry confronts a viral question: If Death told you it was time to go, how would you respond?

Following the highs of an incredible meetup, this unfiltered entry tackles the quiet reckoning that followed. I’m confronting the reality of falling hard for a friend whose world is entirely consumed by being a brand-new mother—and recognizing that my aspirations for something more are fundamentally one-sided. From wrestling with the fear that marriage and fatherhood might pass me by, to learning not to interpret reduced contact as personal rejection, this episode explores the hard boundary work of managing expectations, breaking old trauma-bonding cycles, and sitting with life when the timeline feels out of reach.

Coming off an incredible weekend meetup with an online friend, this off-the-cuff entry dives into the contrast between effortless connection and internal overthinking. From non-stop laughter and car conversations to battling post-meet anxiety and the instinct to critique every word I said, I'm unpacking why our brains try to grade an ungraded test. More than anything, this weekend served as a solid proof of concept: showing me that what I'm looking for in a future partner actually exists, and that I'm not 'done in the game' after all

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This entry explores the fallout of trauma bonding. How having a constant stream of affection suddenly pulled away creates an emotional addiction. This episode breaks down the uncomfortable work of breaking that waiting cycle and learning to be okay without external validation.

In this episode, I reflect on the ongoing work from therapy around externalizing the internal dialogue—separating the compassionate, protective voice from the persistent, critical inner monologue.

Today’s episode breaks the usual format—it’s actually scripted, inspired by a time capsule post on TikTok that asked: What letter would you write to your future self?

Recorded as a raw, audio letter to be left untouched until 2031, this entry captures a complete snapshot of life right now.

Bending yourself into a pretzel to fit someone else’s mold is an easy trap to fall into. Fresh out of therapy, I’m breaking down the 'job description' template my therapist and I built to filter future connections. Looking back at past romantic interests through this lens, it suddenly clicked why those connections vanished like a puff of smoke. From non-negotiable deal-breakers to a vital lesson from Taylor Swift’s personal timeline, this entry is a raw look at why no one is actually 'late to the game'.

This week’s therapy session forced me to look at how I manage—or rather, restrict—my emotions. I’ve realized that I habitually cap both ends of the emotional scale, preventing myself from feeling too happy or too low in an effort to keep the peace and avoid being a burden to others. But holding it back turns those emotions into a champagne bottle waiting to pop.

​My therapist introduced the concept of taking the bricks down bit by bit through dedicated reflection, rather than letting the pressure build until it takes a baseball bat to the wall. While I didn't manage to complete my homework of allocating daily time to just sit and feel this past week, there are no slaps on the wrist here. This episode is my commitment to a new morning routine: sitting with my tea, letting my mind wander, and giving myself permission to simply feel. It’s a slow step toward being okay with my thoughts, okay with my feelings, and ultimately, comfortable with who I am.

This episode is about the work required to build a stronger internal foundation, normalizing the progress of others without letting it diminish my own value, and focusing on self-improvement before trying to catch up to a timeline that isn't mine yet.