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In this episode, I get honest about the rules we’re all living by — the ones nobody ever said out loud, that we never agreed to, that somehow still run our whole lives.

I take you into my closet (the skirt-and-makeup rule I obeyed for thirty years without knowing it), into a bathroom in Houston where my dad re-caulked my tub before our move (and the completely wrong story my brain wrote about it), and into a practice I’m a little too excited about: writing your own personal commandments. 

If you’ve ever paused and thought wait — where did that rule even come from? — this one’s for you. We're taking back the pen.

In this episode:

•  Why the rules we never questioned (some written when we were five) quietly steer our whole adult lives

•  “Good girl ghosting in rulebook form” — the slow self-betrayal of obeying a code you never wrote

•  The two-part question that cracks a rule open: Who told me that? and Is this Jesus or judgment?

•  The Rule Breaker List — a 3-move practice you can do on the back of a receipt

•  A handful of my own personal commandments (own my magic, run toward the roar, everything is information, act with integrity)

•  The bathtub-caulk story: how my storyteller wrote the wrong script about my dad — and how I got to rewrite it on the spot

•  Your pinkie-toe step and this week’s permission slips

A few lines worth remembering:

•  “A rule that you never said out loud can still run your whole life. So name it and write a better one.”

•  “Same caulk, same muttering, completely different story. Only one of them was true.”

•  “You’re allowed to ask, who told me that?”

•  “I get to be soft and bright and feminine because I’m alive, not because I earned it.”

•  "Your story isn’t prophecy unless you keep living it.”

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

Identifying your core values at midlife is one of the first steps toward creating a life that is YOURS -- not someone else's. Stop chasing goals that don't fit your life!

In this episode, I get honest about something a little embarrassing: for most of my life I could tell you exactly what everyone around me valued — my kids, my husband, my closest friends — and then go completely blank on my own. So today I’m walking you through the exact practice I used to find my real core values. Not the aspirational, vision-board, sounds-good-on-a-job-application ones. The ones that, when you violate them, make you feel like a stranger in your own skin — and when you honor them, make you feel like you.

I share the night I read my finished list from top to bottom, got chills, and cried — not because I’d accomplished something, but because I felt seen by myself for maybe the first time ever. I talk about why two people can write the exact same word and still hold completely different values (your fingerprint lives in the story behind the word, not the word). And I give you the practice, step by step, so you can start today.

In this episode:

•             Why most of us think we know our values — and don’t — and what that gap quietly costs us

•             The difference between a value you inherited and a value that’s actually yours

•             How living by values you never chose has a name: Good Girl Ghosting

•             The novelist’s secret I used on my own values (the blinking cursor that’s never perfectionism — it’s listening)

•             The two-step practice: name three, then write the paragraph that gives you goosebumps

•             How every named value gives you a cleaner answer to the only question that matters in the moment

A few lines worth remembering:

•             “You can’t live what you haven’t named.”

•             “Two people can share a value. Only you carry your version of it.”

•             “Your values aren’t rules. They’re a description of who you already are when fear isn’t making the decisions.”

•             “Do I respect myself here, or do I betray myself here?”

Next steps:

•             Naming your values alone is powerful. Naming them in a room full of women deciding the same brave thing is a whole different kind of alive — that’s the Good Girl Ghosting Reset, and I’m opening it to a small founding group of Founding Sisters. Find me on Instagram @RachelHarrisOnline and DM me the word RESET for the details.

•             Want a gentle place to start? DM me MY STORY, or grab the free guide, 5 Moments You’re Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) — link in the show notes.

#GoodGirlGhosting #JoyfulRebel #midlifewomen #corevalues #midlifeidentity #selfdiscovery #christianwomen

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

There's that moment. You know the one — and your body knows it even better. Someone asks, and before you've decided anything, you feel it: the drop in your stomach, your shoulders tightening a half-inch. Your body tells the truth… and your mouth says "sure, of course, it's fine, no worries." Smooth. Warm. A little too fast.

I called it being easygoing for most of my life. What it actually was: me handing myself away in real time, one half-second at a time, until I'd disappeared from my own life without ever leaving the room.

In this episode I want you to hear the part that finally set me free: you don't disappear in one dramatic scene — you disappear in the moments nobody names (the yes you didn't mean, the opinion you swallowed, the burnt corner of the casserole you took). And you can't choose a different response if you've never been handed one. So the win and the practice isn't being braver in the moment — it's deciding ahead of time what you'll reach for. I'll give you one clean sentence that needs no apology after it, and a permission slip to say the thing once and let it stand. Not loudly. Just a whisper truer than feels comfortable.

What I made you: the Rebel Response Mini Kit ($7) — seven real-life moments, the exact words for each, a word bank for when you go blank, and a courage practice you can start today. Link wherever you're listening → www.RachelHarrisOnline.com/Kit

Doors are open: the Good Girl Ghosting Reset founding round is live. Founding Sisters get the lowest price it'll ever be and a real voice in what we build. Link in the shownotes, or DM me the word RESET on socials and I'll send you everything.

You don't have to become a different person to stop disappearing. You just have to have something to reach for. And now you do.

The Joyful Rebel • Good Girl Ghosting™ | Rachel Harris

 #GoodGirlGhosting #JoyfulRebel #over40women #peoplepleasing #midlifewomen #boundaries 

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

In this episode, I get honest about the way I used to talk to myself in front of the bathroom mirror — and what I finally noticed the day I slowed down enough to actually hear it. We’re talking about the Integrity Gap: that quiet space between what I say I value and how I actually treat myself. It’s where most of us disappear, not in one dramatic moment, but in a thousand tiny, socially rewarded ones. I’ll show you why your nervous system is tracking every word, and the small, embarrassingly doable practice I use to rebuild self-trust one kept promise at a time.

In this episode:

•             Why self-betrayal is rarely dramatic — and what it actually sounds like (“I knew… and I swallowed it”)

•             The Integrity Gap: the distance between your stated beliefs and your lived patterns

•             The mirror moment that changed how I start every morning

•             Why curiosity interrupts shame — and how to swap “what’s wrong with you” for “what happened there?”

•             SPE: how to catch whether you’re Shrinking, Performing, or Embodying in real time

•             The Integrity Repair™ — rebuilding self-trust one tiny kept promise at a time

•             The Blessed Language mirror practice (one true sentence where your eyes already go)

A few lines worth remembering:

•             “Your brain is listening. Your body is listening. Your nervous system is listening.”

•             “I decided to remove contempt from the room. That alone was revolutionary.”

•             “Curiosity interrupts shame. The noticing itself is the first rebellion.”

•             “Big self-trust is built through small integrity.”

•             “You are allowed to grow without contempt.”

Next steps:

•             New to all this? DM me MY STORY and I’ll send you my free guide, 5 Moments You’re Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It).

•             Want the exact words for the moment you freeze or hand yourself over? The $7 Rebel Response™ Mini Kit is the smallest first step — DM me KIT and I’ll send you the link.

•             Loved the episode? DM me LISTEN and I’ll make sure you don’t miss next week’s on visibility.

#GoodGirlGhosting #JoyfulRebel #midlifewomen #selftrustcoach #selfbetrayalhealing

The Joyful Rebel • Good Girl Ghosting™ | Rachel Harris

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

You've taken the assessments. You know your type. But what if the personality you've built your whole life around isn't really you — it's the version you learned to survive as?

In this episode, Rachel gets honest about the day she found out she'd been ghosting herself: confusing a survival strategy for her identity for four decades, and calling it personality the whole time. She shares why most of us take personality tests the wrong way — your first answer might not be your truth, it might be your training — what happened when she fed five different assessments into AI and asked where they all pointed to the same woman, and why the joy she spent years apologizing for turned out to be the very thing she was made to offer. Because childlike isn't childish, and being too much, too bright, too playful was never the problem.

This is the heart of Good Girl Ghosting: the socially approved disappearing act — the gold-star-earning, box-checking, don't-make-waves version of yourself that everyone rewards, right up until you realize she isn't you. And it lands somewhere lighter than you'd expect, because reclaiming yourself isn't always deep excavation. Sometimes it just looks like finally dressing like the woman you actually are.

If you've been calling your real self "too much" for too long, this one's for you.

In this episode:

Why your personality might be a survival story wearing your face
The one question that separates what's true from what's automatic
How to take a personality test so you get your answer, not your conditioning
What five assessments plus AI revealed about the real you
Childlike vs. childish — and the joy you were never meant to apologize for
The socially approved disappearing act, and the way back to yourself

A few lines worth remembering: 
"What you thought was your personality was actually your survival story wearing your face." 
"I wasn't managing my personality — I was suppressing my calling." · "Childlike isn't childish."

Next steps:
The founding group for the Good Girl Ghosting Reset is open!! Comment RESET and I'll tell you about it.

For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, comment the word KIT for the Rebel Response Mini Kit or find it on Amazon here: https://a.co/d/0cMYC5fX

#midlifewomen #GoodGirlGhosting #Enneagram #midlifeawakening #selfdiscovery #selfgrowth #christianwomen

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

What if the thing standing between you and the life you want isn’t fear — it’s the belief that you have to be good before you get to be seen?

Most of us don’t avoid visibility because we’re lazy. We avoid it because somewhere along the way, being seen without excellence started to feel unsafe. So we wait. Until we know more, lose the weight, heal enough, have the degree. Until we can do it right.

But here’s the truth that changes everything: you don’t get confident and then become visible. You build confidence by surviving visibility.

In this episode, Rachel shares the story of a pottery class that quietly dismantled forty years of performance-based living — and what happened when she stopped waiting to be good and started showing up in the learning instead. We talk about pinkie-toe steps, nervous system panic, and what it actually looks like to practice imperfection in real life.

Because joy isn’t reserved for people who are already good at something.
And neither is being seen.

In this episode:

• Why waiting to be ready is just Good Girl Ghosting with better excuses
• The pottery class that changed how Rachel thinks about visibility
• How pinkie-toe steps compound into confidence
• The difference between performing courage and practicing it

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

What does it actually mean to become UNHIDDEN?

Not loud.
 Not performative.
 Not “look at me” visibility.

In this episode, Rachel opens a new podcast arc around what it means to stop disappearing in private first—in your mirror, your self-talk, your tiny promises, your choices, and the places where you’ve learned to override what you know.

She unpacks how self-trust erodes through small moments of self-abandonment, why your brain and body are paying attention to the promises you keep or break with yourself, and how rebuilding trust starts with one tiny honest promise.

You’ll also learn the S.P.E. Framework—Shrink, Perform, Embody—and how to begin noticing which version of you is leading in real time.

This episode is for the woman who is done editing herself down to be acceptable and ready to rebuild self-trust one pinkie-toe step at a time.

In this episode:

• Why UNHIDDEN does not mean oversharing or performing
• How self-trust erodes through tiny broken promises
• Why the mirror can become a place of private rebellion
• The S.P.E. Framework: Shrink, Perform, Embody
• How to use one small honest promise to rebuild self-trust
• Why noticing itself is the first rebellion

Reflection Questions:

1. Where do you most often disappear—in your voice, opinions, body, mirror, needs, desires, or joy?
2. What is one small honest promise you can make and keep in the next 24 hours?

Connect with Rachel:

Visit RachelHarrisOnline.com and follow Rachel on social for more on Rebel Practice™, UNHIDDEN, and The Joyful Rebel Podcast.

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

What if your version of surrender has actually been self-silencing?

In this episode, Rachel explores one of the most socially rewarded forms of self-abandonment: staying quiet in the name of peace, goodness, faith, or “being easy.”

Through deeply personal stories—including the sacred “War Room” she and her husband created for honest conversations—Rachel unpacks the difference between holy surrender and fear dressed up as faith.

She introduces practical tools like Voicing the Story and the tRUSt Framework to help women recognize when they are shrinking, performing, or embodying in relationships—and how to stop betraying what they know just to keep the peace.

This episode is for the woman who has confused silence with maturity, suppression with holiness, or self-erasure with love.

In this episode:

• Why “keeping the peace” can become self-abandonment
• The difference between surrender and silence
• How fear often disguises itself as faith
• The War Room concept: creating sacred space for courageous conversations
• The “Voice the Story” practice for relational clarity
• The tRUSt Framework for grounded, truth-filled communication
• How to recognize whether you are shrinking, performing, or embodying
• Why honesty in safe relationships builds legacy

Reflection Questions:

1. Where have you been calling silence wisdom when it may actually be fear?
2. What story have you been swallowing?
3. What is one pinkie-toe step of courage you can take to voice truth with care?

Permission Slip:

You are allowed to surrender pride without surrendering truth.
 You are allowed to speak honestly.
 You are allowed to stop calling self-betrayal “peacekeeping.”

Connect with Rachel:

Visit RachelHarrisOnline.com for coaching, Rebel Practice™, and more from The Joyful Rebel Podcast.

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

Who are you learning from… even unintentionally?

In this episode of The Joyful Rebel Podcast, Rachel explores the surprising power of role models—not as people we copy, but as mirrors that can reveal forgotten parts of ourselves.

From childhood heroes to literary characters, spiritual mentors, public figures, and even everyday people we admire, the people who deeply resonate with us often hold clues about our own buried desires, strengths, values, and becoming.

This episode dives into how choosing your “mirrors” wisely can help you:

• Identify the traits that genuinely matter to you
• Recognize hidden strengths you may have dismissed in yourself
• Borrow courage when your own feels shaky
• Clarify who you want to become
• Stop idolizing other people’s paths and start uncovering your own

Rachel also shares how her own role-model work became a meaningful part of her personal self-discovery journey—and how admiration can become a roadmap, not for imitation, but for reclamation.

Because sometimes the people who inspire us most?
 They aren’t showing us who to be.

They’re reminding us who we’ve been all along.

In This Episode:

• Why role models matter more than most people realize
• The difference between imitation and inspiration
• “Patron Saints” and personal resonance
• What admiration can teach you about your gifts
• Borrowed bravery + identity excavation
• How to intentionally choose voices that expand rather than shrink you

Reflection Questions:

• Who do I deeply admire—and why?
• What qualities in them feel magnetic?
• What if those qualities are clues about me, too?
• Who am I becoming by what I consume, follow, and believe?

Permission Slip:

You’re allowed to admire without idolizing.
 You’re allowed to learn from others without abandoning yourself.
 You’re allowed to borrow bravery while you remember your own.

Closing:

Stay curious.
 Choose your mirrors wisely.
 And don’t shrink.

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Send us Fan Mail

What if courage isn’t loud, dramatic, or obvious…
 but quiet, simple, and deeply internal?

In this episode, I’m sharing a real-life moment that changed the way I understand courage—not because it was big, but because it was honest.

For years, I was the “hype girl.” The one who said yes, showed up, and kept the energy going—even when I was completely depleted.

But this time? Something shifted.

Instead of saying yes out of habit, I paused, listened inward, and chose something different.

Two simple words.
 A completely different outcome.

This episode is about the kind of courage that doesn’t look impressive from the outside—but changes everything on the inside.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

•  Why most real courage starts internally—not externally 
•  The hidden cost of people-pleasing and over-explaining 
•  How to stop abandoning yourself to maintain connection 
•  The difference between fear-based silence and spirit-led courage 
•  What it means to choose alignment over approval 
•  How to say no without guilt, defensiveness, or over-explaining 

A Simple Tool You Can Use Today:

 -> The Alignment Drop

Next time you feel torn, pause and ask:

 If I say yes to this… do I stay with myself or abandon myself?

This one question can shift everything.

Ready to Stop Holding Yourself Back?

If something in you is ready for more—but fear, doubt, or old patterns keep pulling you back—this is for you.

I created a resource to help you recognize where you might be playing small and take your next step with courage and clarity.

👉 Download it here: https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/stopplayingsmall

Because you were never meant to shrink to stay safe.

 Let’s Stay Connected:

If this episode resonated, I’d love to hear from you.

Where are you being invited to choose yourself right now?

And if you haven’t already, follow the show so you don’t miss next week’s episode—we’re diving into how courage becomes a practice, not just a moment.

Final Reminder:

Courage doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes it sounds like a quiet, honest no.

And that still counts.

Resources:

- Free REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel