We kept this episode hidden for a while, but now we've decided to turn our phone on so Russian gangsters can come and kill us!

Abby Fudor keeps riding granny's metaphorical rollercoaster with us while we daydream awkwardly without an established cinematic language for it. Will Keanu win the drag race? Will Joaquin Phoenix put his pornos in the right boxes for once? There's no way to know for sure, we'll just have to keep having a kid every five years to make sure they're exceptional!

Abby Fudor joins us to impart that being a parent is a rich tapestry of letting your kid sing the diarrhea song and hoping that they'll become a well adjusted contributor to society. Will Keanu help out or will Dianne Wiest be trapped by poor choices forever? 

Pick your genitalia and smash the system with the consciousness of Kaitlin Moore in your head! In 2077 all punks will be cybernetic and Keanu will be breathtakingly mean to you! Wake the fuck up Samurai, we've got a podcast to listen to.

2021 is a dark and dystopian time. But luckily we have David Adamson to help us hack our own brains and loop it through Jones!

You're welcome Planet Earth! In celebration of Pennsylvania's role in correcting the arc of history we're looking into a Keanu movie from around these parts. It's got nothing to do with politics though, or wrestling. In fact it barely has anything to do with its own plot!

Anxiety reduction special! Shhhhhh. Forget your troubles with this soothing episode of slightly patronizing generality. 

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! Through force of will Liz Labacz joins us to be seduced by a true masterpiece of gothic romance! Will we betray our loved ones? Will we become incontinent with lust? Might we even turn into a pile of rats? Why not all of those things and more!

Wouldn't you like to see people who deserve nothing get to find true love? No? Yeah, us neither but we examined this movie anyway!

Pretend to be someone else's husband and then then leave your wife for her! It's alright, everything will conveniently work out and her relentlessly angry dad will come around!

Featuring clips from the song Keanu Reeves by Shortstraw!