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Most leaders believe empathy means putting yourself in someone else's shoes.
Understanding their perspective. Feeling what they feel. Showing that you care.
But what if the way you've been practicing empathy is actually making difficult conversations worse?
After 22 years as a trial lawyer, thousands of mediated disputes, and a decade teaching peacemaking inside maximum-security prisons, Doug Noll discovered something most leaders overlook:
When someone feels threatened, even the most logical explanation can make things worse.
And the problem often begins before the conversation really starts.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with Doug Noll, professional mediator, conflict resolution expert, and author of De-Escalate and Empathy Leadership, to explore why traditional approaches to empathy fall short, and what it actually takes to make someone feel heard.
But this conversation becomes especially revealing when Gino shares a real leadership situation.
An employee felt disrespected by a decision Gino had made. Gino listened, apologized, and explained his intentions.
He thought he was responding with empathy.
Doug shows him why that response may have been part of the problem.
What follows challenges the way many leaders approach conflict, difficult conversations, and even their best intentions.
Together, Gino and Doug explore:
Why most leaders misunderstand what empathy actually requires
The three questions every employee needs answered to feel safe and valued
Why logic and good intentions can make an emotional conflict worse
The skill Doug says can calm an angry person in as little as 90 seconds
What Gino's real leadership experience reveals about making people feel heard
What teaching peacemaking inside maximum-security prisons taught Doug about human behavior
Why the first moments of a difficult conversation matter more than most leaders realize
If these skills can help de-escalate violence inside maximum-security prisons, imagine what they could change in your workplace.
This episode isn't about becoming a softer leader or avoiding difficult conversations.
It's about learning what needs to happen before a productive conversation can even begin.
Because empathy isn't about proving that you understand someone.
It's about helping them feel truly understood.
Connect with Doug NollWebsite: https://dougnoll.com
LinkedIn: Douglas Noll
YouTube: Douglas Noll Peacemaker
Resources Mentioned
De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less - Doug Noll Learn practical techniques to calm intense emotions, defuse conflict, and turn difficult interactions into productive conversations.
Empathy Leadership: The Powerful Skill That Drives Winning Results - Doug Noll Discover how to apply empathy as a practical leadership skill to build trust, navigate conflict, and improve team performance.
The CARES Framework ToolkitExplore the five traits of kind leadership and download the toolkit: thekindleaderpodcast.com/cares-framework/
Website & Newsletter: https://www.thekindleaderpodcast.com/
YouTube: Kind Leader Podcast
Apple Podcasts: The Kind Leader Podcast
Spotify: The Kind Leader Podcast
Email: [email protected]
Chapters
00:00 Why Most Leaders Get Empathy Wrong01:31 From Trial Lawyer to Professional Peacemaker 06:04 The Three Questions Every Leader Must Answer 09:06 The Empathy Skill Most Leaders Were Never Taught 12:26 Gino Realizes What He's Been Missing About Empathy 15:59 What If You Name Someone's Emotions Incorrectly? 19:14 A Real Leadership Mistake: When Good Intentions Backfire 22:38 Why Leaders Should Stop Trying to Fix Every Problem 27:58 The Conflict That Changed Doug's Approach Forever 31:28 What Maximum-Security Prisons Taught Him About Peace34:44 When Empathy Doesn't Work as Expected 36:39 Why Silence Can Be a Leader's Secret Weapon 40:49 The One Thing You Should Never Say to Someone Who's Upset
One day, he was a college student with dreams of changing his family's future.
The next, he was running for his life.
Dr. Delphin Kyubwa survived a massacre at his university in the Democratic Republic of Congo, fled his country, and spent years living in refugee camps, uncertain of what tomorrow would bring.
Today, he's a technology executive at the California Department of Technology, a college professor, a university chairman, and an author.
But the most important thing he learned along the way had nothing to do with his professional success.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with Dr. Delphin Kyubwa, author of A Long Walk to Purpose and Making Sense of AI, to explore how surviving unimaginable adversity shaped his understanding of resilience, purpose, and what it truly means to lead.
From learning English in a refugee camp to rebuilding his life in America, Delphin shares the moments, people, and unexpected acts of kindness that changed the direction of his life.
And why, after everything he's accomplished, he believes the greatest measure of leadership has very little to do with personal achievement.
Together, Gino and Delphin explore:
This conversation goes far beyond resilience or overcoming adversity.
It's about the people who help us find our way when the path ahead seems impossible, and what we choose to do once we're in a position to help someone else.
Because none of us gets where we are entirely on our own.
And perhaps the greatest measure of leadership isn't how far you've come.
It's how many people you've helped move forward along the way.
Connect with Dr. Delphin Kyubwa:The Secret of Happiness by Billy Graham - A book that helped Delphin maintain hope and faith during his years as a refugee.
The CARES Framework ToolkitExplore the five traits of kind leadership and download the toolkit: thekindleaderpodcast.com/cares-framework/
Chapters
00:00 From Surviving a Massacre to Leading with Purpose 01:43 Meet Dr. Delphin Kyubwa: From Refugee to Technology Leader 04:11 How Faith and Hope Helped Him Keep Going 07:42 What Does It Really Mean to Be a Kind Leader? 11:23 Why Empathy Doesn't Mean Avoiding Accountability 13:19 The Day Everything Changed: Surviving a Massacre 16:31 Life in a Refugee Camp and the Power of Hope 18:48 How Small Actions Helped Him Rebuild His Life 23:08 The People Who Helped Shape His Journey 28:38 You Can't Control Change, But You Can Choose Your Response 32:15 What Surviving Adversity Can Teach Us About AI 35:49 Why Human Judgment Must Remain at the Center of AI 43:40 The Leadership Lesson Behind His Extraordinary Journey
Brian and Paul Riemer were born into a family business.
But that didn't mean they had earned the right to lead it.
Their father, Steven, spent decades building Riemer Insurance Group from the ground up. When the next generation stepped in, inheriting the business was only the beginning.
The harder part was earning the trust of the people who had helped build it.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with brothers Brian and Paul Riemer to explore what it really takes to lead a company you didn't start, without losing the values, relationships, and legacy that made it successful in the first place.
Brian came into the family business after a career in investment banking and private equity. Paul took a different path, working his way through the agency from the ground up. Today, they help lead a company founded by their father in 1978, with five offices and more than 80 professionals.
And their father didn't simply hand them control.
They had to earn his trust, and their team's.
Through execution. Follow-through. Results. And the willingness to prove that the next generation could carry the legacy forward while building something of its own.
Together, Gino, Brian, and Paul explore:
This conversation goes far beyond succession planning.
It's about the difference between being given a position and becoming the kind of leader people choose to trust.
Because you can inherit a company.
You can inherit a name.
You can even inherit a legacy.
But leadership still has to be earned.
Connect with Brian and Paul Riemer:The CARES Framework ToolkitExplore the five traits of kind leadership and download the toolkit: thekindleaderpodcast.com/cares-framework/
Chapters
00:00 They Inherited the Business—But Had to Earn the Trust 01:28 Two Brothers, Two Very Different Paths to Leadership 03:16 What Kind Leadership Looks Like in a Family Business 07:17 How Trust Is Actually Earned 09:36 Taking Over the Business Their Father Built 11:19 The Hardest Part for Their Father: Letting Go 13:35 Building the Next Generation Without Losing the Legacy 16:55 How to Balance Accountability With Compassion 22:23 What Leadership Looks Like on a Customer's Worst Day 26:00 How You Make Values Part of the Culture 29:23 Is Accountability Harder When You're Family? 33:15 Empowerment vs. Entitlement in a Family Business 38:48 Gino Reflects on His Own Leadership Blind Spots 44:38 What They Refuse to Let the Next Generation Change
Every hard conversation you'll ever have as a leader starts long before you open your mouth.
It starts in the moments when nothing is wrong.
In this third deep dive into the CARES Framework, Gino Degregori explores Relationships—the R in CARES—and why trust has to be built before the moment you need to rely on it.
Because people don't give their best to a role.
They give their best to a leader they trust.
Gino compares trust to a savings account: you deposit into it slowly through consistent, genuine connection, but difficult conversations can require you to withdraw from it quickly.
And too many leaders discover their account is empty at the exact moment they need it most.
In this episode, Gino explores:
This conversation goes far beyond getting to know your team better.
It's about building the kind of trust that can hold when leadership gets difficult.
Because you don't build trust in the moment you need it.
You build it in all the moments you didn't.
Resources Mentioned:
Connect with The Kind Leader Podcast:
Chapters 00:00 Why Hard Conversations Begin Before You Have Them 00:29 Trust Is a Savings Account 01:05 Why Relationships Sit at the Center of CARES 02:12 People Give Their Best to Leaders They Trust 03:11 How Gino Built the Trust to Finally Step Back 07:33 The 3 Leadership Patterns That Quietly Erode Trust 10:23 3 Simple Ways to Build Genuine Connection 13:55 Relationships Are Seasons 16:25 Who on Your Team Knows You're in Their Corner?
A plane rarely gets into trouble because of one enormous mistake.
It starts with the small ones.
A checklist skipped. A warning ignored. A deviation that worked out fine last time, so you allow it again.
Aviation calls it "normalization of deviation."
And businesses do it every day.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with Gabe Muller, EOS Implementer, entrepreneur, community builder, and fellow pilot, to explore what the cockpit can teach leaders about running a company.
Gabe explains how the small deviations leaders tolerate today can quietly become the standards their organizations live by tomorrow.
And by the time the consequences become obvious, the damage may already be underway.
Gino also shares a vulnerable moment from the cockpit when, during a difficult landing, he heard himself say three times, "I should go around."
He didn't.
What happened next became a powerful reminder of what can happen when confidence, preparation, and judgment stop working together.
Together, Gino and Gabe explore:
• What aviation can teach leaders about running a business • How small deviations quietly become dangerous standards • Why relying on gut instinct can eventually become a liability • Why leadership growth must keep pace with company growth • How high performers can quietly destroy a culture • Why trust is the foundation for healthy conflict and accountability
This conversation goes far beyond aviation or operating systems.
It's about the standards you allow when nobody thinks the consequences are serious yet.
Because the most dangerous leadership mistakes rarely begin as big ones.
They begin as small deviations you decided were okay.
Connect with Gabe Muller
The CARES Framework ToolkitExplore the five traits of kind leadership and download the toolkit: thekindleaderpodcast.com/cares-framework/
Chapters 00:00 What Aviation Can Teach Us About Leadership 00:32 Meet Gabe Muller: Pilot & EOS Implementer 01:28 Why Clarity Is an Act of Kindness 06:07 The Difficult Feedback That Changed Gabe's Career 09:54 What Being a Pilot Teaches You About Leadership 12:08 Leadership + Management = Accountability 14:17 The Small Deviations That Can Become Dangerous 17:27 Why Your Gut Isn't Enough to Run a Business 20:06 Your Leadership Has to Grow With Your Company 24:35 Can You Get Results Without Trust? 28:08 Why Your Mind Should Always Be Ahead of the Plane 32:24 Building a Community of 9,000+ Pilots 35:47 Gino Opens Up About Imposter Syndrome 40:48 Why Less Is More for Leaders
Sometimes, they're the ones who expect the most from you.
In this second deep dive into the CARES Framework, Gino Degregori explores Accountability, the A in CARES, and why holding people to a high standard isn't the opposite of caring for them. It may be one of the clearest ways to show that you do.
Gino also shares one of his own biggest leadership blind spots: believing good people would simply figure things out on their own.
In trying to give people space, he sometimes avoided the very conversations that could have helped them grow.
Because kindness without accountability creates chaos.
Accountability without kindness creates fear.
Kind leadership creates excellence.
In this episode, Gino explores:
• Why kindness and accountability must exist together • How avoiding hard conversations can become a leadership failure • Why accountability without the right setup turns into blame • The difference between doing accountability with someone and doing it to them • The Setup Test, With-or-To Test, and Repair Question • Why telling someone the truth can be one of the kindest things a leader does
This conversation goes far beyond performance metrics or difficult feedback.
It's about having enough care for someone to tell them the truth, and enough commitment to stay with them after you do.
Because holding the standard doesn't require fear.
It requires clarity, courage, and care.
Resources Mentioned
Connect with The Kind Leader Podcast:
Chapters 00:00 Why Kind Leaders Still Need Accountability 02:05 When Kindness Without Accountability Creates Chaos 04:05 Why Accountability Has Been One of Gino's Biggest Challenges 06:46 How to Hold People Accountable Without Creating Fear 09:26 Accountability Is the Truth Delivered With Care 10:28 The 3 Tools for Kind Accountability 13:07 Accountability Doesn't End With the Hard Conversation 14:24 Putting the Accountability Tools Into Practice 15:17 Who Are You Protecting From the Truth? 15:58 What's Next in the CARES Framework
You have about three seconds to earn someone's attention.
Hollywood understands this.
Most leaders don't.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with Brandon Wasserburger, founder and CEO of Fire Tribe, who spent years producing and editing shows for Netflix and HGTV before building a marketing agency and team-first culture of his own.
After working alongside some of the best producers in the entertainment industry, Brandon discovered that the principles Hollywood uses to capture an audience can teach leaders something surprisingly powerful:
Before people listen to you, they need to feel that you see them.
And just like an audience can tune out in seconds, so can your team.
Together, Gino and Brandon explore:
This conversation goes far beyond storytelling.
It's about understanding that attention isn't something a title gives you.
It's something your leadership has to earn.
Because Hollywood has spent decades learning how to make people lean in.
Maybe it's time leaders did the same.
Connect with Brandon Wasserburger
The CARES Framework ToolkitExplore the five traits of kind leadership and download the toolkit: thekindleaderpodcast.com/cares-framework/
Chapters 00:00 Why Great Leaders Start by Building Real Connection 00:35 From Television to Leadership: Brandon's Journey 02:58 What Kind Leadership Really Means 06:06 The Leader Who Changed Brandon's Career 08:01 Why Authenticity Builds Stronger Teams 12:04 The Secret to Handling Difficult Clients 14:11 Why the Hardest Projects Create the Best Leaders 22:55 What Hollywood Can Teach Every Leader 37:21 Using Storytelling to Make Safety Matter 43:43 Rapid Fire Questions
AI can give you an answer in seconds.
But speed can create something dangerous for leaders:
The illusion of clarity.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with Adrian Wolfberg, organizational change consultant, author, and former naval officer and intelligence analyst who has spent his career studying how people make decisions when the information is incomplete, the stakes are high, and certainty is impossible.
Adrian warns that as AI gets faster and more capable, leaders face a new trap: mistaking an immediate answer for a deep understanding of the problem.
He calls it "borrowed clarity", the feeling of certainty before you've actually done the work to earn it.
Because AI can process information, recognize patterns, and generate recommendations faster than any human.
But it can't replace the judgment, context, and human understanding that make those recommendations meaningful.
Together, Gino and Adrian explore:
• Why AI can create the illusion of clarity • The difference between "borrowed clarity" and earned clarity • Why framing the right problem matters more than generating a fast answer • The "time trap" leaders face as AI accelerates decision-making • Why sometimes the smartest thing a leader can do is slow down • How human judgment becomes more valuable as AI gets more powerful • Why trust must exist before human-AI collaboration can work • How the CARES Framework applies to leadership in the age of AI
This conversation goes far beyond learning how to use AI.
It's about knowing what you should never outsource to it.
Because the future won't belong to the leaders who get answers the fastest.
It will belong to the ones who know when to slow down long enough to understand the problem first.
Connect with Adrian Wolfberg
Who Leads When AI Thinks?: How Leaders Frame Decisions and Exercise Judgment by Adrian Wolfberg — Explore how leaders can determine the right balance between AI and human judgment when navigating increasingly complex problems. Get the Book
The CARES Framework Toolkit: Explore the five traits of kind leadership and download the toolkit: thekindleaderpodcast.com/cares-framework/
Chapters: 00:00 The future of leadership and AI 00:22 Introducing Adrian Wolfberg and his expertise 01:22 Adrian's background in high-stakes decision environments 04:55 What does being a kind leader mean? 06:03 The CARES principles of kindness in leadership 07:18 The danger of borrowed clarity in AI 08:40 Accountability in the age of AI 10:48 Building trust through relationships 13:48 The importance of empathy in leadership 16:33 The shared consciousness between humans and AI 26:02 The importance of framing problems in AI collaboration 30:22 Can AI ever truly frame a problem? 32:10 The time trap and managing speed in AI environments 34:54 Slowing down to build trust and understanding 36:43 The role of vulnerability and authenticity in leadership 40:38 Rapid fire: What AI will never do as well as humans 41:54 The one truth for leaders in the AI age 43:48 Closing thoughts and resources
Someone on your team is struggling right now.
You may not know who. They may never tell you.
And how you lead before that conversation happens may determine whether they ever feel safe enough to.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with Ralph Kellogg, Chief Human Resources Officer at Lutheran Family Services of Nebraska, founder of Connection Point Consulting, TEDx speaker, professor, and author, to explore what leaders can do when someone on their team is carrying more than they can see.
Drawing from decades in human resources and deeply personal experiences that shaped his own leadership, Ralph challenges leaders to look beyond performance, deadlines, and job titles and recognize the human being behind the work.
Because when someone finally trusts you enough to say, "I'm struggling," your job isn't necessarily to fix the problem.
It's to know how to respond.
Together, Gino and Ralph explore:
This conversation goes far beyond mental health in the workplace.
It's about becoming the kind of leader people trust when life gets hard.
Because you may never know what someone on your team is carrying.
But you can make sure they don't have to carry it alone.
Connect with Ralph KelloggMost leaders don't think they're controlling.
They think they're protecting the outcome.
But the more decisions they hold, the more answers they provide, and the more closely they manage every detail, the less room their people have to grow.
In this episode of The Kind Leader Podcast, Gino Degregori sits down with Marc Inzelstein, co-founder and Chief Leadership Officer of Indiggo, author of Essential Leadership: Practicing L.O.V.E. in Turbulent Times, and an executive advisor who has spent more than 25 years helping senior leaders and teams navigate complexity, growth, and transformation.
Throughout his career, Marc has discovered that the habits which help leaders succeed early, moving fast, solving every problem, and staying in control, can quietly become the very things that hold their teams back.
Because leadership isn't about controlling people.
It's about creating the conditions where they can flourish.
Together, Gino and Marc explore:
This conversation goes far beyond leadership styles.
It's about recognizing when your need to help has become a need to control.
Because every decision you refuse to release is an opportunity your team never gets to own.
And the more you control…
…the less they can grow.
Resources MentionedFrom the publisher's feed