Chess, eh? It was a weirdly big deal in the second half of the eighties. Karpov and Kasparov faced off, before going on to spar with computers, giving them the necessary skills to one day plot our destruction, and Tim Rice teamed up with the hairier bits of ABBA for the musical Chess, a rip-roaring tale of international intrigue and bloody chess.

It's at the tail-end of this fascination with the game that we find ourselves in the midst of an unlikely love story between a young genius and the intellectual titan that is Frazz Davis. Elsewhere in the office it's goodbye to Kenny's late night rumpo with pavement artiste extraordinaire, Jenny Eliot, and Spike gets into trouble because a wall said something rude about his girlfriend. After a tumultuous week like this, we'll surely all be left PICKING UP THE PIECES.

It's all change at the Junior Gazette. It's goodbye to Charlie Creed-Miles, it's see you later to Lucy Benjamin. Meanwhile, at the arrivals we have Rosie Marcel and the very surprising Gabrielle Anwar to keep us busy.
However, the more things change, the more they stay the same and - once again - the Junior Gazette gives over nearly its entire print real-estate to a single item. A single item that, once again, nearly gets them closed down. Meanwhile, Colin is attacking a mysterious box, Sophie and Laura are attacking some glorious hair and some fashion choices are attacking our beautiful, beautiful eyes in BREAKFAST AT CZAR'S

Lynda has gone and a clearly unriggable election puts Colin in charge of the Junior Gazette which he promptly transforms into the new look go-faster Gaz for go-faster people. He offers prizes, advertising features & interviews with Nostradamus and the new, lax approach to journalistic integrity and working hours wins over most of the newsroom. However, the hardcore, principal cast all agree that, despite suffering from PTSD, they should go on an exciting mission to get Lynda back rather than allow her to process the horrific events of less than a week earlier and slap her out of wondering: Can I be different? Could I be better? SHOULDN'T I BE TALLER?

Tuesday is cancelled. Especially so for David Jefford, the Golden Jerk who tries to bring down the Junior Gazette in retaliation for them not offering him a job on the writing team. Colin tries hard not to mention the war in his attempts to woo Ethel Stuttgart and Spike tries to change the subject. All in a day or two's work for the Junior Gazette on MONDAY-TUESDAY.

Pigeons steal £30 from visiting band The Dreadnoughts. Okay, that's not what happens but all of those plot elements are present as well as some crazy beatboxing, a detective story that barely features the person the story focuses on, some panties on a flagpole and guest appearances by Jim Davis and Tom Green.
Will Spike and Lynda get it on at the Pavillion? Is Bobby Tweed a "tea leaf", as them Cockney fellows might say? Will Frazz start getting some decent lines again soon, please? Join the usual Chris and Alirio and their special guest Paul Maki as they discuss the answers to at least some of these questions and try to work out which is the best thing out of MONEY, LOVE AND BIRDSEED.

It's finally exam time and Sarah is unravelling fast. Lynda continues on her quest to become an unfeeling automaton with a supernaturally fast wit and Colin is making a fortune off of desperate students with the aid of the Colin Mathews Exam Kit. And then there's Tony Nolan, the Phone Ranger - a man with probably the worst radio gimmick ever devised.

Meanwhile, in the world of our hosts, Alirio is off to America (a holiday that's already been taken by the time this podcast was released) and Chris is continuing to justify the fact that he finds certain cast members attractive.

Can you wear a school uniform for every second of every day? Are Kerr and Winters the same person? Does Miss Trench actually exist, or is she solely Sarah's Dream Teacher? Find out, as we use...

BOTH SIDES OF THE PAPER

The mystery of Michael Eliot's fatal flight is solved and, it could be argued, that he came to a sticky end.

The Junior Gazette team puts together a sting operation targeting the kind of creepy, greasy shopkeepers* who illegally sell solvent-based products to under-18s and we learn that Colin is responsible for a number of cases of severe child endangerment, the little scamp.

Kenny gets dynamic, Spike gets the sack, Frazz gets zits, Sarah gets street cred and Peter Smarket gets completely screwed in...

HOW TO MAKE A KILLING, PART TWO

* (thanks to Brandon Jones)

Let's get serious, Jermaine Jackson once said, and so shall it be done.

The crew wonders what, literally, the point is to a mysterious chalk outline outside a tall block of flats that's refreshed monthly by an unknown schoolgirl. Kenny tries to turn on his smoothness and get the undercover scoop.

Meanwhile, back at the newsroom, Billy reveals the sheer number of off-colour jokes he's collated as a coping mechanism for his disability, a mid-card news team member gets some lines for a change, Jeff wears an excellent pink T-shirt and Colin sits quietly in the background as they ponder...


HOW TO MAKE A KILLING, PART ONE

Let's... Do... THIS!!??!?

It's time for at least a slightly special episode of Press Gang wherein a mysterious computer almost forces its way into the Junior Gazette office and gets involved in some Jumpin' Jack Flash shenanigans (albeit with television reviews rather than international espionage).

In other news, we learn that Spike keeps his dirty underwear in a bag, that he may tacitly support slavery and kidnap victims for Jigsaw in his spare time. What a guy.

Meanwhile in the real world, Alirio has run more distance than is strictly sensible in one sitting and Chris can deliver the Fairy Liquid jingle with, admittedly, a couple of words wrong but - astonishingly - at perfect pitch.

So, get out your modems and embark with us on this exciting cyber adventure. Boot up, log on and INTERFACE.

Episode 5 sees Press Gang slowing the pace with a character-focussed bottle show and The Last Word sees Chris and Alirio being impressed by this approach and some of Spike and Lynda's most dramatic clashes thus far.

Find out about Lynda's historical Friday, learn how paint can enliven the dullest meal, see the most horrendous jacket ever devised, learn how to secretly say "tits" on a kids' show, find out the exact outfit you shouldn't wear to a wake and also notice that Kenny is in the episode as well when we spend...

A NIGHT IN.