By Mark Slemons
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Nelson Mandela once said, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” I know few people who embody that quote more than Bear Grylls. This is the fourth and final part of my key takeaways from the 2019 Global Leadership Summit.
I hope you have enjoyed listening to these episodes as much as I have enjoyed recording them! I’ve tried to keep them simple, short, and practical. My intent is always to make valuable use of your time. If it’s crap, you should shut it off and I should shut it down. Fortunately, there was a massive amount of content from the Global Leadership Summit.
If you don’t know who Bear Grylls is, let me give you an idea. A former member of the British Special Forces, Grylls has climbed Everest, crossed the Arctic Ocean in an inflatable boat and starred in his Emmy-nominated TV show Man Vs Wild (which became one of the most-watched programs on the planet with an estimated audience of 1.2 billion).
He also hosts NBC’s hit show Running Wild with Bear Grylls as well as groundbreaking series on National Geographic, Netflix and Amazon. He is a number one best-selling author and has sold over 15 million books. These include his autobiography Mud, Sweat and Tears, and this year a powerful new book on faith called: Soul Fuel.
If you know who Bear is, then you know him for all his successes. They are astounding. Just watch a single episode of Man vs. Wild and you’ll capture a glimpse of his incredible sense of survival. But Bear is more than the sum total of his many successes.
His humility is equally astounding. In my notes, I titled his session Learnings from the Valleys, Battles, and Struggles. I don’t recall if that was his title – but I suspect it was. Often, when we see the end result, we gloss over the difficult road one must travel to their destiny.
I knew Bear was British Special Forces. What I didn’t know was that he didn’t make the six-month cut. So, as you can imagine, he was gutted. Man, you don’t have to be special forces to feel the pain that happens when you fall short. Especially when you have spent massive time and energy to achieve an outcome that is alluding you.
As is often the case, his pain became his progress. So please, PLEASE, listen closely to what he said. Bear said he had far more failures than successes. What’s your response to failure? Because how you answer this question very well could determine your destiny. Failure is a part of your journey.
Because of this, Bear says that there are no shortcuts to your goals that avoid failure. Think about this for a moment. You will never experience fulfillment without hard work, but hard work is no guarantee that you will succeed. Harsh, but true.
He said that your reaction to failure is important because life doesn’t always reward the brilliant or talented – and I would add that it doesn’t always reward your hard work. Just the opposite at times and you know what I mean if you have ever been kicked in the teeth for doing the right thing.
Bear was saying that during Special Forces training you literally encounter points where you have nothing more to give. I know some of you live and work this way. You dig deep each day and leave it all on the floor holding nothing back. He calls this being mighty in spirit.
I don’t know if this will surprise you, but it surprised me. He said that of the four of them that graduated Special Forces training, three had failed previously. I guess failure was a part of the journey!
Bear said that we all face battles and giants. It reminds me of the famous quote from the late 1800s:
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Ian MaclarenOur job, Bear says, is to embrace the difficulty. Because life rewards the dogged. Life is meant to test us, so when you encounter trouble, you are living! The answer to fear is facing it.
So here’s another really important thought: the marks and the scars make us real. This is REAL life. Not cushion, comfort, or simply cruising but crushing. The things that leave a mark confirm we have been living. The only way past fear is through fear and Bear says fear is a constant part of every journey map.
Don’t allow discouragement to take a foothold. You have to move forward when everything in you wants to give up. Those are hard times. You might be having one of those times right now. Lean into it and find the fire to move forward. He calls this finding the extra. It’s a small word, but important. Because it’s the difference between ordinary and extraordinary.
When you look around and you see everyone else giving up, let that be your trigger to give more. I heard this statistic recently and may have even shared it on a previous episode, but physical trainers believe that our minds want to quit somewhere between 40% and 60% of our actual physical capacity.
Back in episodes 078 and 079, Brandon Bruce addressed this when we were talking about his massive bike rides for Alzheimer’s fund raising events. He said one way he increased his mental endurance was by always reminding himself that he could ride twice as far as he had ridden. That kind of endurance is needed for life.
Remember, you can handle twice the adversity you’ve seen – bring it because you can take it. What if David had thought he had met his max battling a lion and a bear? Do you think Goliath would have fallen that day? I don’t. Your struggle produces growth.
Bear says it only takes an ember to ignite that flame. Hang onto those embers so you can fan the flame of endurance! Never. Give. Up. The storms make you strong. And that leads to Bear’s final “F” word.
You will need faith to keep going. He says that the summit is coming. We all have our Mt. Everest to conquer, but it’s up to you to silence the voice of doubt.
Where does your strength to persist come from? Bear finds his strength and power in Christ. He calls life a journey of courage. As a result, he chooses not to walk that journey alone. A critical aspect of his relationship with Jesus is that he is known, loved, and forgiven – even when falling and failing.
I’ll leave you with these final thoughts from Mr. Grylls. Your dreams will require failure and the presence of fear. If they aren’t present, then your dreams aren’t big enough. Never. Give. Up.
You will find true wealth in being grateful and kind. Seek humility and know your place. Don’t be an idiot – so remember you are lucky to be alive! Be kind and helpful.
True wealth is in relationships – so don’t miss out on the true value in life. YOU ARE VALUABLE, SO STAND TALL!
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 141: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part One
Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 142: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Two
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 143: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Three
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 144: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Four appeared first on Mark Slemons.
As you probably already know, this is Part Three of a series on my key takeaways from the 2019 Global Leadership Summit. I said that I would follow up with a summary of the leadership tips that I picked up during the August event and man, there was a lot to try to summarize for you! My intent was to only share the most practical and applicable points – those things you could take and then put to use immediately.
Today’s episode captures my attention (and my heart!) just like it did almost five months ago during the Global Leadership Summit. I’ll do my best to convey these points with the same conviction that I felt when they were made to me. This is probably one of the most difficult because I have so much respect for his wisdom and insight.
Patrick Lencioni is the author of eleven best-selling books. I hope you’ve heard of them and I hope they are on your shelf! The Five Dysfunctions of a Team should be read by every serious leader. And if you are looking for help with disengaged team members, take a look at The Truth About Employee Engagement.
Dedicated to providing organizations with ideas, products and services that improve teamwork, clarity and employee engagement, Pat’s leadership models serve a diverse base from Fortune 500 companies to professional sports organizations to churches. Let’s get to the content and fill your head with some great thoughts that are sure to provoke growth!
Pat’s session starts with a comment that on the surface is rather humorous. But like all great jokes, there is more than a smidgen of truth in it. What he said was that a lot fewer people in the world should become a leader. Then he went on to say that a lot of people in the world have influence…and probably shouldn’t!
That candor is classic Lencioni and I find that frankness refreshing. At the same time, it can be disturbing because Pat isn’t talking to others…he’s talking to me! How often do we completely miss valuable content because we’re sitting there thinking “wow, this is great for (fill in the blank) to hear!” or “(fill in the blank) should really listen to this!”
That’s the point: Pat is asking you to evaluate what you have to offer others. What’s at the center of why you are leading? Don’t you think that’s an appropriate question for attendees of the global leadership summit…you know, a room full of leaders? He says there are only two reasons:
Can you answer that question for yourself right now? Why are you leading? It’s important to answer it honestly because if you don’t, you might be disappointed with your results…and you could disappoint others as well. If you are willing to serve others, to meet their needs, then your perspective shifts from what benefits you to what benefits others.
Think about how many responsibilities you have as a leader that will never be rewarded. If you are motivated by the reward, then your performance is going to diminish. How often have you thought that leadership is a sacrifice? I’m guilty – I’ve probably even said it in so many words. Alan Mulally has said that leadership is a privilege and a joy!
Those are certainly two very contrasting views. I hope you don’t view leadership as a pain. It certainly requires effort, but there should be joy in the exertion! So, how do you know if you’re rewards centered? Well, sometimes it’s apparent in what they will attempt to avoid. Pat offers these five signs.
No one enjoys a difficult conversation or confronting poor performance and any other significant issue. Yet, it’s shocking the level of damage that can be done when it’s avoided. I would rather you boldly address a problem and do it poorly than letting it go unchallenged. It’s unhealthy to the team and organization when you avoid issues.
The truth is that the more often we do it, the better we will become. If you aren’t sure how to approach it, then grab another leader and practice! Understandably, preparing in advance, rehearsing and sticking to your points will not only make this survivable but communicate a level of concern to the one you are speaking with that’s missing in off-the-cuff discussions.
Again, your problems go away if the people do, right?! Rewards-centered leaders avoid having to manage direct reports. Having direct reports means things like monitoring performance, providing guidance and direction. You are likely going to have to get your hands dirty. Patience is required.
Managing means more than just sitting at your desk. A great leader is present. You know what your team is working on. Because you are in tune, you offer coaching – this is critical. Coaching, not doing it for them!
You keep the team aligned and working together. No silos! Maybe most importantly, you stay on top of things. This means no surprises – at least none that generate as a result of team performance. Your team members need and thrive in an accountable environment.
When was the last time someone told you that you run a great meeting? Meetings shouldn’t be a dreaded component of a business day. When conducted efficiently, they are value-adding. Rewards-centered leaders could care less about meetings and they lose interest easily.
Pat says that one of the best ways you can tell if a leader is doing a good job is by attending one of their meetings. When the meeting is inefficient, the leader often is as well. Have you seen the leader who spends the entire meeting looking at their phone, or their email?
I’m not exaggerating here. One of the most important meetings that I attended weekly had a responsible team leader from another part of the organization who literally played games on his phone during the meeting. And, he wasn’t embarrassed when others in the room would call him on it. And that’s exactly what was required to gain his participation.
I’ll leave you with this thought from Pat on bad meetings: bad decisions result from bad meetings. The results can be catastrophic.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard a supposed leader complain about “rah-rah” team-building sessions. A rewards-centered leader views this as a complete waste of time. Once again, disinterested and unable to connect with the purpose or intent of building unity of vision and clarity of purpose, the rewards-centered leader outsources the responsibility.
Some of the best moments in my professional career were the result of team-building sessions. Getting to know another team member’s personality, or how they approach problem-solving was immensely helpful to me. The rewards-centered leader outsources team building to functions like human resources.
Finally, a rewards-centered leader will never overcommunicate. Once and done, right?! Wrong! I’ve shared multiple times that a message must be communicated up to nine times before team members will hear it. Additionally, some of your messages are so important, you must repeat it daily. Think about safety for example.
Great leaders reinforce messages over and over again because the last time you say something might be the first time someone hears it. Pat goes on to say that you are the CRO: the chief reminding officer. This is how you keep others focused on the task. Repeat it. Frequently!
So, are you leading for all of the right reasons? I’ll wrap up this Global Leadership Summit summary episode with this final thought from Mr. Lencioni: politics and dysfunction thrive in an organization run by rewards-centered leaders. Break the trend and become the only real type of effective leader: a servant leader. Because truly, that is the only type of leader who makes everyone better.
Next week, I’ll conclude this series on key learnings from the 2019 Global Leadership Summit with what I learned from Bear Grylls of Man vs. Wild fame. So don’t miss that – you definitely want to hear his unique perspective on learning from hardship and difficulty. You are awesome – and only getting better!
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 143: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Three appeared first on Mark Slemons.
Back in August, I attended the 2019 Global Leadership Summit and I said that I would follow up with a summary of the leadership tips that I picked up during the event. While there was so much great content, I’m only able to pick my key takeaways and share them with you in a handful of shorter episodes over the next several weeks. Each episode contains tips that you can put to use immediately. This is Part Two.
The takeaways from this second episode come from Danielle Strickland. If you don’t know who Danielle is, she is a pastor, author, and justice advocate. Having spent 22 years as an officer in the Salvation Army, she is an Ambassador for Stop The Traffik. Her calling is to empower people to transform the world.
I’ve heard Danielle speak several times and she always brings a powerful principle. This session of the Global Leadership Summit was no different! She led with this: leaders don’t just survive change – they thrive in change.
Think about the difference. Imagine this: you run towards what others fear. If it causes the crowd to panic, you grab control. Can you recall a time when you stepped up or into what others had abandoned? In my opinion, change is often responsible for driving away those who are more comfortable managing than leading.
There are so many analogies that others use to give us a different perspective on life. Danielle says that our life is a lot like a tree, specifically, it’s like a fruit tree. I’ve always liked this particular analogy because it requires examination.
I want to take a quick aside here. If you are a great leader, you understand the value of not just introspection, but also extrospection. They are important because they impact the point that Danielle is making. Do you regularly take time to think about you?
Introspection is understanding my emotions, circumstances, and cumulative knowledge. Extrospection would be knowing how this will impact my reaction (potential or actual) to events. As a result, you can think of the combination of these two factors as the reflection that allows you to evaluate why you do/feel what you do/feel. Furthermore, this enables you to see the proverbial writing on the wall and alter undesired behavior before it occurs.
So, Danielle says that we must confront bad tasting fruit on our tree. She goes on to say that our actions produce the fruit. Fair enough. But where do the actions come from? Our values. Because our values are connected to our behavior, she says that we have to look at our roots to understand our values.
Where are the roots? Most of the time, they are hidden from view and underground. We have a tree in our front yard that is a little more than a year old. When they planted that tree, they put a post for support. But you don’t leave that post in the ground indefinitely, do you?! No! Why? Because if you do, the roots won’t go deep and allow the tree to not only grow, but to stand in adverse conditions.
Danielle describes our roots as deeply held beliefs that feed our tree. Now if you have bad fruit, what do you think that means? Obviously, you better take a look at your roots. What do you believe? Why do you believe that?
Similar to the point Danielle is making, Gandhi once said:
“Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”
Mahatma GandhiShe says that we must expose those deeply held beliefs to light and truth. Can they stand up against what is right, honorable, and productive? Or, instead, are they found to be selfish and damaging to self and others?
You can change what you think and believe. This, in turn, will then change your thoughts and actions. And if your actions and values change, then so does your destiny. Walla! Better testing fruit! We all know that this is not easy, simple, or fast. It’s hard work to change what you think/believe…and absolutely necessary.
Danielle says that your productivity depends on what you believe about yourself. Therefore, the key to improving your productivity is evaluating where you need to change. If you are resistant to change, then you are going to have difficulty improving your productivity.
She explains why it’s so hard for us to entertain change. Change is like a no-man’s land. You’ve left what you’ve known, but you also haven’t arrived where you are going. I really resonated with this idea. You can’t stay where you’re at, so you embark on a journey of indeterminate length to a new destination!
Here’s the process that Danielle utilizes to describe this transition. She says every change starts with a movement from stability to instability. This period is full of unsettled and disturbing feelings that result in fear. Next, we move from fear back to instability and then to stability again.
She says that disruption is not a threat. It’s simply an invitation to new normals. And if there’s only one thing you remember from today’s episode, I want you to remember this: there is no change to the future if you don’t disrupt the present. Because of this, my encouragement to you today is that you embrace disruption!
Next week, I’ll be sharing what I learned from Patrick Lencioni. So don’t miss that – you definitely want to hear this one. Until then, go embrace some disruption!
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 142: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Two appeared first on Mark Slemons.
Back in August, I attended the 2019 Global Leadership Summit and I said that I would follow up with a summary of the leadership tips that I picked up during the event. While I’d love to share it all with you, I’m going to pick my key takeaways and share them in a handful of shorter episodes over the next several weeks. These will be tips that I believe you can put to use immediately. This is Part One.
The takeaways for this first episode come from Craig Groeschel. Craig is a pastor, podcaster, speaker, and New York Times bestselling author. He’s also the global champion for the Global Leadership Summit. This episode is dedicated to the value bombs he dropped during his opening session. So let’s get started!
Everyone wins when the leader gets better. So simple, and so true. Leaders make things happen and every leader must focus on making a way for those around them to improve. A rising tide lifts all ships. You will never regret investing in yourself or others. And PLEASE, stop waiting for someone else to invest in your growth. Take that responsibility for yourself.
Next, was a concept that will be hard to describe without you seeing what I’m talking about. Imagine a graph with QUALITY on the Y-axis (the vertical axis) and COST on the X-axis (the horizontal axis). Now, imagine starting in the left-hand corner of that graph and drawing 60% of a frown. So you start up and to the right, but it starts to slope back down to the right. This graphic represents diminishing returns. What it means is that initially, and early-on, your investment (think in terms of dollars or time) will produce movement up the QUALITY axis.
Eventually though, you reach a point where continuing to invest will not only no longer improve the quality, but it actually reduces the quality! Think of it in terms of writing a blog post. Let’s say it takes you an hour to produce something half-way decent. After another hour, the quality of the content is good enough to publish on your website. If you spent another hour on it, you might be able to improve the quality by an additional 5%, but spending more time is only going to provide fractional increases in quality.
Craig’s point is that our job as leaders is to understand where the inflection point is on the curve. In other words, where does the graph start to curve the wrong way (diminishing returns)? Often, we get to a point where further revision damages the quality rather than improving it. He uses a clever acronym that he calls GETMO as a reminder not to keep pushing towards diminishing returns. What does GETMO stand for you might ask?
You’ve heard it before: perfection is often the enemy of progress. Maximize your investment and generate as much return as possible without going down the curve of diminishing returns.
I love this next thought: Craig asks us to consider how we can bend the curve up so that we obtain higher quality for the same cost. Think about the blog example again. After you’ve been practicing for a while with your writing, it’s likely that you can produce blog content that is of a higher quality for the same time investment. You have essentially bent the curve up. It’s powerful – you’re getting a higher return for an equal or lower investment.
So how do you bend it? Craig offers two answers. First, think inside the box. If you are like me, that probably messes with your head a bit because we emphasize thinking outside of it. He offers this insight to help us wrap our minds around the point.
Thinking outside the box introduces inefficiency because there are unlimited options. Constraints drive creativity. As Plato would say, necessity is the mother of invention.
You find this frequently in Kaizen Events. Because work expands to fill the time-frame you allocate, you intentionally keep it short. A Kaizen Event might only be three days long, but it’s intense – full attention is required. This is the type of constraint Craig is talking about.
If you will constrain your budget, constrain your time, constrain your options, then the likelihood that you can bend the curve up increases accordingly. Craig says that the constraint leads to the breakthrough! I think that’s pretty exciting – and sensible – given that you don’t have an unlimited supply of resources (human, financial, time, etc.).
What can you do with what you’ve got? We all need a little MacGyver at times. Well, I’ve got this shoestring, this potato, and this piece of gravel – yep, got everything I need to make build a working proton torpedo!
Here’s the second answer Craig offers to the question of how we bend the curve: burn the ships. It’s the famous phrase uttered by the Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez once they landed on the shores of the Yucatan in Mexico. There was no plan b. Everyone is committed to selling out. No excuses, no turning back.
In order to reach this level of commitment, the team has to understand the WHAT. As Brene Brown says, clear is kind. There’s no room for ambiguity here. As a leader, we don’t just cast vision. We provide clarity of purpose.
As you know, mental ascent to the WHAT doesn’t work without a burning desire for the WHY. Who cares? What does this matter? To us? To the team? Does it change the lives of our customers? How about our stakeholders. Why are we bothering with this?
If you are completely committed to the WHAT and consumed by the WHY, then Craig says you figure out the HOW.
It’s bold and risky when you sell out to a path of action. But you don’t have a choice. Now isn’t the time for timidity. You will get to choose. Will you concentrate on your doubts, your insecurities, and all of those negative voices ringing in your head? Instead, choose to step into confidence!
Everyone wins when the leader gets better! It’s up to you to work with the resources available to figure out how to bend the curve!
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 141: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part One appeared first on Mark Slemons.
I know this happens to you at times. You hear something, and then you hear it multiple times and all of a sudden, you recognize that you need to sit up and pay attention! That happened to me recently. It started with a simple reminder: consistency is foundational to our effectiveness. But it didn’t end there – I heard it multiple times in a matter of a couple of days. I knew it was time that we revisited the topic of consistency together. And it wasn’t just consistency. It was connected to the difficulty of things worthwhile.
Here’s my fear and I know it’s a bit irrational. My fear is that once I dedicate an episode or two to a specific topic, I fear that you might tire of hearing it again. Truly, I’ve got a special place in my heart for consistency. I know how important this trait is in great leaders.
I dedicated a couple of episodes to it: LTL 052: Why Consistency Is King and LTL 087: The 180-Degree Leader And The Power Of Consistency were released in 2018. Both more than a year ago.
But you heard me say recently that a message has to be repeated as many as nine times for it to take hold and make a difference. And I heard this point about consistency no less than four times 48 hours along with another critical point: John Maxwell recently said on his podcast that everything worthwhile is uphill. There are no shortcuts or easy paths to things we currently, or eventually will come to, cherish.
So, because this topic is super important, I’m going to spend a few minutes unloading a massive amount of value in a short period of time.
Don’t worry – all of this is in the show notes and you’ll be able to check it out on markslemons.com. Don’t try to write it down. Today, I want you to think about the words I’m saying. And then I want you to think about what it means to put them into practice in your life. I want you to visualize implementing what you are hearing/learning. Some of this is not new, but all of it will change your life if implemented.
First, what do you think of when I say consistency? You can be consistently bad at something and it will likely wreck your results. To clarify, doing the same thing over and over doesn’t produce great results when it’s the wrong thing over and over. Aristotle said, “…virtues are formed in man by his doing the right actions.” Our success is based on establishing a regular routine of practicing our habits…specifically, the good habits.
Eric Holtzclaw wrote an article for Inc. back in 2012 where he formed five rules around consistency. His first rule? Measure the results. Is what you’re doing consistently moving the needle?
Don’t judge it too early or too late. He recommends waiting for at least six months to evaluate the effectiveness of your habit. Sometimes it’s a matter of making simple changes versus a complex overhaul.
Maybe what you are doing only requires a slight modification. Consistency rewards patience, so don’t be too hasty with your changes. Small changes can often bring big rewards.
Next, Eric advises that you be accountable. Often, it’s difficult to measure effective accountability. So an example here might be helpful. Brendon Burchard says that part of being accountable is having clarity. You establish clarity. The most successful leaders seek clarity for everything they do.
If you tell your team that you are going to run effective meetings, then be accountable to that goal. One way you can do this is to make sure that you bring clarity to every meeting you attend. Whether you initiated it or not! You make sure that everyone understands the purpose, the intention, the aim, the goal, and/or the desired outcome. If it doesn’t exist, then the meeting adjourns until you can define clarity.
Consistency in this regard will make it clearly obvious when clarity is absent. Everyone will see it. If you want accountability, then make everyone who sees it accountable to say it when they see it. Not just with you, but with each other.
Brendon says that this level of clarity is required not only in meetings but in every act of a leader’s day. The most successful leaders are those who have clarity for each moment. Are you demonstrating consistency in developing clarity? For everything you do? Every day?
Surprisingly, this was new to me. As a result, I realize I’m not nearly as intentional as I need to be with regard to my daily activity. Think about it. Do you have clarity about why you are doing what you are doing each moment? This is challenging for me.
That means you better know why you are listening to this podcast today. In your mind, have you already determined to extract value from the 10 or 15 minutes we spend together today? If not, this might just be noise and filler. Muda (the Japanese word for waste). Not because there isn’t value, but because you aren’t extracting it.
Obviously, this is true for every area of life. Brendon would tell you that clarity of purpose for everything you do is a key ingredient in producing the outcomes you desire. Remember, we are creating value from our consistency.
In an interview with Brendon, Brian Tracy shares a quote from Goethe, the famous German philosopher. Before I share that quote though, I want you to know that I have a link in the show notes for you if you want to watch that interview. You can also get Brendon’s new book called High-Performance Habits for just the cost of shipping and handling for a limited time. It also includes an audio version of the book which is pretty cool.
Anyway, during the interview, Brian brings up the German philosopher’s infamous quote that “everything is hard before it’s easy.” If you want to make a positive change in your life, you can bet that if it’s worth doing, it will be difficult.
Just ask someone who had to work to lose 50 lbs. Or someone who stopped eating sugar, bread, or gluten. Have you spoken to someone who learned a new trade recently? How naturally did that come to them? The truth is, as Mr. Maxwell said at the beginning of this podcast, everything worthwhile is uphill. There is no coasting to achieve something meaningful.
I want to leave you with two final points today. First, Brendon notes that to make change last, you must raise necessity. He says that all of the most successful leaders regardless of industry, have the ability to understand the need to ramp up their energy.
They are able to assess why “I must succeed at this right now, in this very moment.” It goes without saying that they rise to the occasion. Each one understanding why it’s necessary that I win here.
A leader has an uncanny ability to raise the stakes for themselves. They make their performance matter! When it comes to motivation, a leader provides their own. So, can you see how important it is to do this with ongoing consistency?
Simply put, this ties nicely back to the idea of clarity. Because they have taken the time to understand the outcome they are targeting, they also know exactly what’s at stake. As the saying goes, failure is not an option.
For each person, the “why I must succeed at this” will be different. Your motivations will be different than mine. Neither is invalid or less meaningful.
Both are critical for you and me to feel that it’s not only good but necessary to win in this very moment. Friedrich Nietzsche famously said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” And that’s a good thing…because anything worthwhile is uphill.
If you are going to spend the effort getting uphill, you better make sure your training partner is consistency.
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 052: Why Consistency Is King
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 087: The 180-Degree Leader And The Power Of Consistency
Brian Tracy’s Interview with Brendon Burchard
Eric Holtzclaw’s Inc. post Power of Consistency: 5 Rules
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 140: Consistency Revisisted And The Difficulty Of Things Worthwhile appeared first on Mark Slemons.
Isn’t it awesome when you run into validation for a perspective unexpectedly, especially when it’s from an authority that you respect? As you know, I’m a proponent of not allowing others to control my future due to unforgiveness. Episodes 136 and 137 were dedicated to the issue of resentment and the problems it causes us as leaders when we don’t resolve it. It can sometimes lead to a controversy regarding forgiveness.
So I came across a post from someone who I admire greatly in the LinkedIn community. I always read his comments because he strikes me as well-balanced, genuine, with a high degree of integrity. His name is Mark A. Smith and he’s a speaker, writer, editor, and Sr VP of Sales at Frontpoint. He was commenting on a question that had been posted to Liz Ryan who is the Founder and CEO of Human Workplace, also an author.
So here’s the question posted to Liz:
Q. My ex-boss from two jobs ago sent me a connection invitation on LinkedIn, with a long note gushing about what a great coworker I was. Spare me. He was horrible to me. I quit without having another job. I guess he is job hunting. That’s the only reason he would reach out to me.
What should I do? I’m not going to connect to him. He did not apologize for or even acknowledge the brutal way he treated me.
Before I give you Liz’s response, I want you to put yourself in this person’s shoes. A horrible manager that drove you to quit your job seems to be “making nice” and wants to connect – no apology for the past. What would you do?
It’s easy to be overly simplistic because it didn’t happen to us. Maybe think about something painful that did happen to you. What if it was that person? Could you operate in forgiveness with them?
Frankly, Liz’s response surprised me. Here’s her answer:
A. Ghost him. You are not responsible for checking your LinkedIn inbox on anybody else’s timetable, or at all. Many if not most evil bosses have amnesia when they run into you years later. They remember what a great coworker you were, but forget what a snarling beast they were.
So Mark typically calls a spade a spade and doesn’t hide his feelings. Here’s what he said in a comment to Liz’s post:
This is atrocious advice. The strong act. The weak are acted upon. Forgiveness is the supreme act. Forgiving freely shows tremendous mental and emotional fortitude and takes away any power that negativity once had over you. Forgiveness is merciful to the offender and redeeming to the offended. He may not have known how brutal he was. If you are a powerful person, you won’t be afraid to tell him. Doing so maybe his chance to change, and that kind of change can have far-reaching implications in the lives of anyone he impacts. If he’s still a jerk, well, you tried. Your hands will be clean.
Years ago in the mortgage industry I had a truly terrible regional boss (my direct boss was terrific). He was condescending, added stress to my life, and never helped me once. A few years later, after the crash, he reached out to me. He told me he had some forced clarity and could see what a schmuck he was to me, and others – he wanted to apologize. He was sincere and it was plain to see he really was trying to change. I forgave him and now think fondly of him. If I would’ve ghosted him, I would’ve missed that redeeming experience. Forgive. Early and often.
This isn’t popular. Especially with people who feel victimized. As one comment stated:
I’m appalled at the number of people suggesting forgiveness and acceptance of an abuser. I’m deeply struggling to understand what having this high percentage of people in the workplace next to me means for those of us who have been/get abused in the workplace. Quite frankly, it’s terrifying! Forgiveness in her heart someday, sure, for her own spiritual growth, but that does not require interaction with him ever, not if she doesn’t want it to.
And I want to point out a few things. First, I don’t advocate acceptance of abuse or treating it as if it’s inconsequential. People must be held accountable for their behavior in the workplace. But forgiveness isn’t tied to the correct outcome.
Second, if you have been, or are, abused in the workplace, then you know that it’s your responsibility to say something and work to stop it. Leaders act. They certainly don’t risk that silence might mean it happens to someone else.
Third, I want to point out that the sex of the victim was not revealed in the post. This comment assumed a man abused a woman, but that’s not in the original post or response. Why is this important? Because unacceptable behavior doesn’t only target one sex. Unacceptable is unacceptable whether it happens to a man or a woman. Forgiveness isn’t dependent on sex either.
The woman noted that she’s terrified of the “high percentage of people in the workplace next to me” who are willing to forgive even those who have abused them. I’m more terrified by those who are unwilling to forgive. I would not wish a future of bitterness and hostility on anyone.
And what does this mean to those around you who God-forbid if they ever make a mistake because now they may become one of the unforgiven? Don’t allow this sad way of living to impose its control on you.
You don’t have to be friends with that person, you don’t have to hang out and pretend bad things never happened. You don’t even have to connect with them on LinkedIn. But for your sake, you have to be able to move forward by forgiving.
It reminded me of another media posting I saw this week that I want to share with you. It was an experience where the poster was sharing a challenge she had getting her money refunded from a well known MLM company. She was getting brutalized in the comment section – mostly by those defending this particular MLM – for describing her experience which wasn’t like theirs.
Then she did one of the most admirable things I’ve ever seen – she told people how it happened. Then, she offered some forgiveness to herself.
This woman (I’ll call her Tracy) had been approached by a girlfriend (Amanda) to hang out together, just some girl time, right? Well, it would appear that it was a little more calculated than that on the part of Amanda. When Tracy arrived at Amanda’s home, Amanda said she and her husband, Tim, had started a new business. Amanda wanted to know if Tracy would be willing to allow Tim to “practice” his really rough presentation on her.
Most of you have probably sat through a presentation like that, some of you may have been the ones who gave a presentation like that. Hopefully, none of you were deceitful in your approach. There are few things more painful in a friendship than being deceived by someone you thought was a friend.
Tracy was didn’t see that coming. Now, she’s on the spot and agrees. Not because she has any interest, but because she feels awkward saying ‘No.’ Which, by the way, is always the best answer when you aren’t sure. But you can relate – I mean she’s already at Amanda’s house. So, Tim proceeds with the presentation and Tracy realizes this isn’t just practice, there’s an ask: they want her to sign up.
Now she feels super weird and wonders how this affects her relationship with Amanda if she says ‘No.’ She doesn’t want to crush their dreams and so, thinking that she’s being polite, she signs up at a cost of a little more than $300…with the intention of immediately canceling and getting her money back. So literally, the comments are attacking her for being honest about how it all came down and her chosen approach to make her way out of the mess.
So, I said she did something super admirable. After telling everyone how it happened, she admitted what she wished she would have done differently. First, she wished she had told Amanda ‘No’ when asked about the presentation. She was acknowledging that in the moment, she could not find the strength or courage to say ‘No.’
If only she let Tim and Amanda know that she didn’t have any desire to participate after the presentation. She recognized and admitted that she handled the whole situation incorrectly. It was refreshing to see her owning everything that she could have done differently.
I feel like this is imperative. It’s the try, fail, learn, improve, reenter process perfectly executed. We try something, make a mistake, learn from it, change how we do it in the future, and reenter the fray! We offer forgiveness to others and ourselves and keep moving forward. Isn’t that what our lives should look like as leaders?
Amy Robles’ website thinkenriched.com
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 136: Why Leaders Can’t Afford The High Cost Of Resentment
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 137: Move Past Resentment To Take Control Of Your Future
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 139: A Controversy Regarding Forgiveness appeared first on Mark Slemons.
Have you ever blown it? I knew it…you are! I tell people all the time that those who listen to my podcast are perfect – they don’t need me because they don’t struggle with human things! Ha! If only that were true. It’s hard to talk about being humble because media often represents humility as weakness.
Regardless of your political leanings or affections, have you ever seen a less humble man than President Trump? Actually, I have. To clarify, the world is littered with arrogant and unapologetic men and women.
Humility is strength. It’s the ability to admit when you’re wrong and to identify or admit your flaws or shortcomings. But taken to an unhealthy extreme, it can lead to shame. And we must avoid shame.
I’ve never been a fan of the saying “Shame on you.” And that’s because shame identifies with worthlessness or being unworthy. It’s due to how shame makes you feel. Shame makes you want to hide your face or run away. It’s feeling like the exposure will guarantee that no one will ever want anything to do with you again. Ever. So, is that how you want (or how you want others!) to feel?
People often contend with shame by attacking themselves or attacking others. And can you blame them? Have you seen how injured animals behave? I’m not saying people are animals but I am saying that feeling cornered and hurt, lashing out shouldn’t be unexpected. Similarly, you’ve heard the saying that hurt people hurt people. Shame built part of that foundation.
Who’s hurting in your world? Do you see them? Do you notice them? Are you connecting with them or do you avoid them? Each living, breathing human has inherent worth. Not just you and me, but all those we disagree with as well. Not just the ones that look like us or think like us, but even the ones who rub us the wrong way!
I guess what I’m asking you today is whether you can practice humility, laugh at your mistakes or yourself, deal with the embarrassing missteps we all make and prevent the slide into shame? As leaders, we get to set the example. It’s our job to show people how to lead with strength even when we’ve made mistakes.
Because humility isn’t only required when experiencing mistakes, I want to share with you a few examples of humility in action when experiencing success. Success isn’t always what it appears to be. Consequently, neither the journey or the amount of effort is accurately represented.
I heard Dave Ramsey say one time how misguided people are when assessing his success. During an EntreLeadership podcast episode, he described the mountain top of success as literally just standing on the top of all my failures. Dave said that he refused to let his failures bury him.
In spite of failure, you have to keep digging deeper to find, and hold onto, that determination that you will come out on top! But this is true for all successful people. We just don’t see it as clearly.
So, sometimes humility shows up when we acknowledge that our success isn’t at all how it appears to others. And it’s noteworthy to point out the possibility that this is not success at all! Have you heard the analogy of climbing the ladder of success only to find it was leaning against the wrong wall? Is it possible that because of success, you lost things that were far more valuable than the prize you were pursuing?
Humility isn’t shy about identifying the hard work and preparation that paved the way for success. Rather than being embarrassed about it, humility honors the sacrifice required to reach this pinnacle and all those who preceded us. And this leads to one of the most admirable traits of a great leader: she recognizes that the contribution of each individual produced the result of achieving this milestone.
I’ll bet you hadn’t thought of humility like that before! When we are frank about our effort, we kill the notion that just any old level of commitment can produce this result. We also kill the notion that putting in the effort guarantees the outcome. Sometimes humility is forced to acknowledge that we can’t say exactly why it worked this time!
John Maxwell, Michael Hyatt and Dave Ramsey all talk about the Momentum Theorem as it relates to leadership. And the principle is this: when you have momentum, you look smarter than you really are. Everything appears to be easy.
It’s like a flywheel that was already in motion. It appears to be spinning effortlessly and consequently is going to take significant resistance to slow it down. We know that objects in motion tend to stay in motion – in other words, it’s easier to keep it going than it is to stop and start again.
This is the one thing I want you to remember from today’s episode: while humility acknowledges all that went into moving the flywheel, it’s critically important to keep the wheel turning. In other words, don’t allow your team to lose momentum! It’s much, much easier to sustain even small amounts of momentum than stopping and having to get it going again.
It applies personally and professionally. The flip-side of the Momentum Theorem, when applied to leadership, is this: when you don’t have momentum, you look dumber than you are!
There will be times when it looks like you have no idea what you are doing. When you start with practical steps to initiate some momentum, just like the flywheel, you are going to encounter a lot of resistance. Don’t let that stop you!
You will have to scrape and claw for every inch of progress. Think of it this way: the flywheel has come to rest and you have to initiate movement again. This takes massive effort. Once it’s spinning and the team is benefitting as a result, it’s much easier to sustain and some of the resistance (not all) will diminish.
So be humble in your failure and success while focusing on maintaining momentum so you can move yourself and your team on to the next big achievement!
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 136: Why Leaders Can’t Afford The High Cost Of Resentment
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 137: Move Past Resentment To Take Control Of Your Future
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 138: The Value Of Humility And Momentum appeared first on Mark Slemons.
I’m excited about today’s episode. Last week, in Episode 136, I talked about why leaders can’t afford the high cost of resentment. Well, today I’m going to show you how to move past resentment to take control of your future.
Initially, you might be wondering why this matters. It’s a reasonable question. Furthermore, it would appear that many people have used resentment as a form of motivation. Instead of getting past resentment, it seems that storing it up fueled their success.
Surprisingly, this doesn’t work out the way you might think. Imagine that one person who you have always sought approval from – the one who you looked up to, admired, or revered the most. The one who you dreamed of getting a “great job” or an “I’m proud of you” or an “I love you” and truly meant it when they said it.
Instead, that one told you that you would never amount to anything. That one crushed your spirit verbally, emotionally, and physically. That one not only made you feel worthless but also made sure to point out every single action you took that validated their assessment of you: worthless.
Listen to me: no amount of achievement, whatever that looks like to you, will remove the sting of those words. As a result, no amount of money, accolades, trophies, recognition, or publicity can make up for what you wanted to hear from that person. It’s because you are designed to be relational. The other stuff is secondary – I didn’t say it doesn’t matter; I’m saying that people matter and how they behave toward us matters.
Because no matter how much fuel you have to stoke the fire of performance and achievement, you are actually allowing someone else to control your future. And that fuel is inexhaustible. In other words, you will never reach a level of performance that you can look back and say, “There – now I know I’m valuable to you. Or “There, now I know you will love me.”
Why? Because you can’t control what someone else does, says, or thinks as a result of your actions. If that person that you can’t please dies tomorrow, are you done living because now you have no one to prove wrong? Of course not. What I’m advocating is that there’s a better way. But you will have to move past resentment to take back control of your future. So trust me, you have a future worth living!
So to break it down, I’m going to summarize parts of a brilliant post written 10 years ago by James J. Messina. The title of the post is Handling Resentment. If this doesn’t help you to move past resentment, then I want you to let me know.
First, what is it? How can we define resentment? We need to know what it looks like if we are going to move past resentment. Consider the following:
Mr. Messina refers to it as a cancer that robs you of contentment in your life and could potentially be the source of your depression. You have to deal with it because it can destroy you.
So, how does it start? There are so many ways because as humans, we are really good at hurting each other! Think about these:
Okay, so we now know what it looks like and how it starts. How does it affect me?
Does this sound like the kind of person you can’t wait to be around? If you had to choose who you would spend time with, would you choose this person? Is this the one you would select to learn from or to model behavior you want to emulate? Of course not!
James points out that all of this culminates in irrational thinking. Is it any surprise then that we start thinking everyone is out to get me? That no one wants me to succeed? Maybe we take it one step further: others are actively working against me so that I will fail.
It’s all about who you know. I’m without merit or value, an utter and complete failure. Actually, I’m guaranteed to be a failure in anything I do. Wow, I hope you find yourself in some of these thoughts. They are contagious and breed without stopping…until you stop them.
Get a grip on yourself. I said in the previous episode that leaders own their results. And we certainly don’t allow others to control our future. Don’t allow yourself to abdicate responsibility for your life. Everyone else is not to blame for my life. You are an overcomer, so act like one!
It doesn’t do any good to talk about what resentment looks like without talking about how to move past resentment and regain control. If you aren’t helpless, then what can you do?
Look for it! Where is resentment hiding? What is your commitment level to moving past resentment? It’s more comfortable to stay where you’re at and continue to ruminate on your negative emotions. Forgiveness is hard. I don’t think you can or should forget, but I do think you choose to forgive.
Am I stuck because of the resentment I feel? Here’s another great challenge. Can I list the people or events that I resent? Am I willing to work to forgive that person or myself for allowing it? How would it feel to let go of that? I promise you that there is peace on the other side of forgiveness.
The crazy part is that we have shackled ourselves to our pain. The great news is that you can also free yourself! You don’t have to look to others for approval or recognition. Get it from yourself! Set a goal and achieve it. Look at the innumerable resources available to improve your self-esteem.
No one can stop you from making a better you! Choose one thing. Decide that you are going to improve one aspect of your life and do it. Nothing is stopping you. Affirm yourself – yes, tell yourself how great you are. I’m not talking about arrogance, I’m talking about countering all the negative crap you’ve been pumping into your head and heart.
Change it! Visualize and imagine what it feels like to be successful at this one thing you have chosen. Picture how it feels to be happy with yourself! What does it feel like to be a winner? Not because you got the promotion, not because you lost the weight, not because you made the team, you win because you are working on being the best you that you can be. Anyone can do that!
Is it easy? No, if it was easy you wouldn’t even be in this position to start with. Don’t kid yourself. You spent years, maybe decades, building the belief system you have in place right now. You aren’t going to dismantle that overnight. And you probably aren’t going to be able to do it alone.
You need people that you can rely on to be honest with you. Maybe it’s a group of close friends, maybe it’s a spouse, maybe it’s a counselor, psychologist, coach, or therapist. What you don’t need are enablers. You know who I’m talking about. You don’t need to be running to bitter, angry, hostile people for advice on how to deal with your resentment.
So if you don’t have a pen, then you will need to check out the show notes because I’m going to give you the five steps that Mr. Messina recommends to move past resentment.
Step 1: Identify who the people are that I resent and what they did to make me resentful. Write it down, no shortcuts. As I write each one down, ask
Step 2: Develop a new way of looking at my past, present and future life. To do this, I need to write down the answer to the following questions:
Step 3: Now that I’ve considered a change in attitude and belief system, I need to:
Step 4: Once I’ve let go of all of my resentment, visualize my life, present and future, without the negative impact of resentment. Write this vision down and affirm its reality daily.
Step 5: If I am still bogged down by the negative effects of resentment, then I need to go back to Step 1 and begin again.
Wow, that sounds like a lot of work Mark. I know. That’s because it is a lot of work. And as a result of this work, you will move past resentment and take back control of your future. So, yeah, it’s not easy. What price are you willing to pay for relief?
My sincere thanks to Mr. James Messina for posting his article. Check it out (the link is in the show notes) when you have a moment. Let’s commit to move past resentment – life is too short and you are too awesome to allow others to control your future.
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 136: Why Leaders Can’t Afford The High Cost Of Resentment
James J. Messina post on Livestrong.com titled Handling Resentment
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 137: Move Past Resentment To Take Control Of Your Future appeared first on Mark Slemons.
It’s usually not my intention to allow the introduction to direct the content for a podcast, but I felt like that needed to happen today. I want to share a couple of stories with you that are examples of why leaders can’t afford the high cost of resentment.
And while this might be a little longer than usual, I think it’s important because I want to give you an example of what I’m talking about. After a meeting this week, I wanted to grab a few mins at the gym before heading home. So, I jumped in the truck and headed toward the gym. At the intersection where the gym is located, there had been a serious accident. Several vehicles were on tow trucks and one of them facing the wrong direction toward oncoming traffic. So obviously it was significant.
Even as I’m telling you this, my heart goes out to the people who were involved. I don’t know if you’ve ever had an accident, but it’s a terrible feeling – especially if you caused it! There were people traumatized sitting on the sidewalk being attended to by emergency personnel. Shell-shocked is a good way to describe the scene with many tears. I don’t expect this was done on purpose and whether texting, running a light, or distracted by someone in the car, or a favorite song on the radio, it’s likely that someone regrets a moment of inattention to the most important thing we can do while driving: drive!
So I couldn’t reach the gym because they were redirecting traffic. I turned right, went up a couple of blocks, and made a u-turn. In the midst of all of this, I had not realized that there was also road construction happening right before that intersection as well.
So I make my u-turn and they have barriers set up to direct traffic into a single lane (it’s a three-lane road) while they are working on spot paving repairs for two of the lanes. There’s a break in the barriers so it looks like I can turn right out of this left-hand lane into the parking lot for the center where my gym is located.
So I pass some of the road construction equipment and cross through the break in the barrier ONLY TO REALIZE THAT THE ENTRANCE HAS FOUR CONES ACROSS IT PREVENTING ACCESS! Man, I’m in a mess now. I can’t get back out to the left lane I was in. There’s construction in front of me and behind me.
Additionally, there are two or three cars behind me trying to do the same thing I’m doing! At this point, I know that I made a big mistake. So I do the only thing I can. I get out of the truck and move two cones so I can enter the parking lot. I didn’t put the cones back because I knew the other couple of cars were coming in behind me.
By the way, did I mention how foolish I felt at this instant? Major OOPS! As I’m getting back into the truck, I see one of the road construction guys and I can see he’s pretty upset. I can’t hear him, but I see him on the bucket loader throwing his hands up in the air like “what the heck are you doing idiot?” So I yelled “Sorry!” and then pulled in and parked.
Now I could have left it there. But instead, I made the incredibly long walk back across the parking lot to the area where they were working. The cones were back in place (I suspect one of the crew took care of that). I saw the guy on the bucket loader and approached. I was able to explain that I didn’t realize the entrance was closed and offered my apology again. He was fine, but it was awkward for me.
As a leader, you always own your mistakes. If you don’t, then you leave situations like that creating misrepresentations. What do you mean? I mean this: if I don’t own it, then the guy on the front-end loader thinks all drivers are idiots who don’t care about the safety of themselves or the people working the project.
If I don’t own it, then I think all construction workers are easy to aggravate and have zero tolerance for mistakes made by drivers who are in an unfamiliar situation. Neither of these misrepresentations is accurate. In this instance, I was a bonehead.
Since I have significant safety training, in hindsight, I recognize the mistake. I should have gone to the intersection, turned right, and turned right again into the parking lot. Clearly, it would have been a better choice than my apparent short-cut that became a long-cut.
This is a rather trivial example and a great analogy of what happens in our teams regularly. There are reasons for the circumstances we find ourselves in – and believe it or not, you don’t know the entire context. You have a limited perspective. My knowledge grew as I was exposed to more and more information. The initial accident was quite possibly the result of the construction.
I didn’t even know about the construction when I made my choice to u-turn and come back to the gym. Obviously, I didn’t know about the access to the parking lot being obstructed.
I make a mistake as a result of my ignorance, my lack of information. Imagine if, instead of owning it and the difficulty or danger that I created for others, I ignore it. Or worse, I pretend that it’s really how this should be done. My arrogance, ignorance, or stubbornness cause damage to the team’s ability to operate optimally.
As a leader, that’s not acceptable. When we allow excuses or blame to take the place of acknowledging what could be improved, what I should have done differently, trouble is coming. And there is a very real cost for not addressing these issues. When you allow resentment to persist, when you start to become a victim or nurse the wrongs that have been done to you, you change. And not for the better.
And here’s the irony. I mentioned this back in Episode 127: Overcoming Your Pain To Step Into Your Greatness. If you missed it, make a note and go back to listen to it. The irony is this: by hanging on to resentment, you are giving another person control over your life. That is the antithesis, the very opposite, of leadership. Leaders own their results.
So don’t take my word for it. Take a look at what Dr. Leon Seltzer said is the cost of resentment in an article he wrote for Psychology Today:
Many of those should cause you to shudder. The cost is too high to drag around your resentment. You can’t afford it. It will cause your emotional bankruptcy. So stop.
Okay, maybe you say “You are convincing me that there is a better way.” But how do I let go of these things that caused real hurt, pain, and disadvantage? First, let me say that the pain you felt is real. You have been wronged. You were the recipient, in many cases, of physical, emotional, and psychological pain that you did not deserve.
I’m not advocating that you should pretend like it didn’t happen. What I am advocating is that you shift away from resentment and toward forgiveness. Remember, this is about revoking control that you give to others when you hang onto anger, resentment, and bitterness. Learn from it, don’t allow it to repeat (to the extent that it is within your control).
This is a big topic and difficult to treat in a matter of a few minutes. So rather than hurry up and offer a few quick ideas to handle resentment, I’m going to be more thorough. I will dedicate the episode next week to move past resentment and take back control of your future. Until then, remember these words from the former President of Poland, Lech Walesa:
It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness, and a mood of helplessness prevail.
Lech WalesaIt’s worthy of our time and attention. If you displace resentment, you open yourself to greater potential. Don’t miss next week!
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 127: Overcoming Your Pain To Step Into Your Greatness
Leon Seltzer article on Psychology Today titled Don’t Let Your Anger Mature Into Bitterness
I want to hear from you! I appreciate your honest feedback so reach out and:
Listen to the show using your favorite platform: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | Android | RSS
Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!
The post LTL 136: Why Leaders Can’t Afford The High Cost Of Resentment appeared first on Mark Slemons.
In the previous episode, I was able to share some of the experiences that shape who I am. This isn’t Part Two of that discussion. Yet I recognize that I didn’t offer any explanation for how those unique aspects about me impact my approach to leadership. So, today is my opportunity to do that as I talk about four solid principles supporting team growth.
You likely already know some of this, especially long-time listeners of the podcast. As a result, you will have to resist the temptation to zone out. Stay engaged, because there is some significance here that I haven’t had an opportunity to share with you before.
People will sometimes ask me why I do the podcast. You know that I’m passionate about leadership. I want you to be a great leader and I want to improve my leadership skills. So how do I do that?
Consequently, it’s not an accident. As with anything you value, you will certainly discover the need for intention and purpose. Like most of you, I had moments where I was profoundly impacted by a high-quality leader. You know the kind of leader I’m talking about. In short, they have all the great characteristics you and I look for in someone we want to follow.
As a result, our time with them not only makes a positive impact – it changes us. We realize that quality leadership isn’t magic, rather it’s purpose. And that’s why I’m here: to dispel myths and give you practical tips for leading well.
Because if you leave it to chance, then chances are it ain’t gonna happen! The worst thing that I can imagine, is you end up with a new leadership role and no mentor to guide you in that role. To clarify, a company doesn’t purposefully place you in a position to fail. People are busy. And that is precisely why you must not leave mentoring to chance.
If you are a leader, then you must find new and struggling leaders to come alongside. If you are a newly appointed leader, then you must search out those who have gone before you. Those who can give you the kind of guidance, advice, and encouragement, to keep you from repeating their mistakes.
All of us have an obligation to raise up the next generation of leaders. Because that team member has an opportunity to change the company, the customer, and the experience in a unique and impactful way. So how do you do this? It’s not five easy steps, but there are some useful tips that I want to share.
First, John Maxwell says he starts each day by asking “How can I make my team better?” You don’t have to lead the team to ask this question. To clarify, you become a leader by acting like one. That means leading even when it’s not your title, responsibility, or position.
When I heard this, I remember thinking “Great, but I don’t have a team.” And in this moment, I recognized that we are a team. You and me. We form a team. How so? Well, we are engaged in the same work and activity of developing leadership ability! And this is the very definition of a team.
When I ask this question, “How can I make my team better?”, I promise you that I have you in mind as I answer it. Every day, whether looking at content or studying principles, I’m asking if this will propel us to progress.
And that leads to the next question that John asks: “Am I being an example to my team?” Ginger has frequently asked me why I continue to push hard to meet the publication deadline for this podcast. It’s a practical question and one that I struggle to answer clearly when I don’t have this question in mind.
But the reason why I press to continue to meet the publication schedule is that you are important to me. Not only do I not want to let you down, I want to deliver because I know it’s important to you just as it would be important to me. I want to be that example of consistency and do what I say I will do until I say that I’m doing something different.
The third question that Mr. Maxwell asks is a massive undertaking for any serious leader. Am I creating an environment where my team can learn? This one matters deeply to me. I expect you can relate. Maybe you also have worked for or currently work for, a company that doesn’t have a large training budget.
When you start thinking that their limitation prevents you from effectively training or being trained, then you have lost half the battle. First, training is not the responsibility of your employer. Second, every good training program identifies that personal investment is the best way to guarantee return on investment. In other words, how badly do you want it?
Third, you have a virtually limitless set of resources available to you at low or no cost even if you choose not to invest heavily in your leadership training. There are more books, audiobooks, and internet resources than you could possibly consume in a lifetime. Pick one and devour it with your team.
As the leader, you set the tone for the learning environment. Don’t accept excuses for why skillset can’t be improved. Maybe those excuses worked a hundred years ago, but not in today’s easily accessed information age.
The last question that I’m going to leave you with today is also one that John Maxwell asks himself. “How can I build the depth of my team?” If you are like me, you might frame this question in a sporting context. Think first string, second string, third string, etc…
As I have contemplated this, I recognize it’s so much more than “next man up.” The depth that should concern each of us is not how many players we have who could assume a starting role. That’s our immediate tendency. And I’m guilty! It’s a bit of succession planning which is very necessary.
Here though, I’m talking about going deep and extracting the capability each team member has to bring to the game. You are extremely capable. Think of this: there are some physical exercise studies that say our brains kick in starting to limit us when we have reached approximately 40% of our limitation.
We know that we use only a small percentage of our mental capability. You, your team members, me, we have virtually limitless untapped potential that is waiting to be discovered. So how do we get at it?
I think you have to shake things up. Go do the stuff that makes you uncomfortable. Take on a challenge that doesn’t look realistic. I’m not advocating that you do something dangerous or foolish. I’m saying you have to intentionally place yourself in the stretch.
Take on the project or the assignment that no one wants. Find the customer or the client that is impossible to satisfy. Leave the safety of what’s known for the sake of living a challenge. The road will rise to meet you. A leader who takes on a challenge isn’t asking her team to do anything she won’t do herself. And that is extremely compelling for any team.
The Leader to Leader Podcast Episode 134: Distinctives and What Makes Us Different
The John Maxwell Leadership Podcast Focused Thinking Part Two
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