Just before recording this, the Christian world had been watching the fall out generated by American Pastor John Macarthur's comments on Pastor Beth Moore.There were some choice statements made about women in ministry. Friend, pastor and exec coach, Annie Layton and LeaderHeart's David Tensen thought they'd make some choice statements about women in ministry themselves, starting with their investigation into the world of the pastor's wife. Join Annie and David for their pilot webcast/podcast as they examine the occupational reality pastors wives experience; that of feeling Invisible.

THE WRESTLEI found you beyond the ‘why’. Far from the ‘why not’. Worlds from the ‘why me’. You held a space for me beyond answersto questions my pain hadas if you knew information was never going tohealor resolveor fixmy suffering. Instead, you agreed to wrestlethrough many nights.Never letting go.Always with mejust like you promised. Refusing to surrenderI eventually realisedthat wrestling with Godwas not a crime.That I was, in fact, being held. Being healed. Being transformed by findingyou beyond answers.Being blessed by holding on to youin my doubt and frustrationand never letting go. And you never let go. And you overcame me in the end. And we both won.  ‘The Wrestle’David TensenAug ‘19Get more and support us at www.patreon.com/leaderheart and  www.davidtensen.com/donateBACKGROUND:Recently, some prominent Christian songwriters and authors have bravely shared insights into their spiritual journeys. Most recent to share and gain attention, has been Marty Sampson (Hillsong fame). In the last two days I’ve read some ‘interesting’ responses to his instagram post, many have been, in my opinion, shaming and fear based. In his original post, Marty wrote he was 'loosing his faith’, which was somehow interpreted by some as him 'leaving his faith’. (Q: If I lose my car keys, have I given up on driving?)  I think many missed the point and beauty in his confession.  I’m not reading his confession (among other less popular confessions) as a tragedy at all.  In fact, I applaud men like this who are finding the courage to put words the questions and perceptions which SO MANY men encounter in their 30’s and 40’s when it comes to the faith-system and belief-system that has carried them this far - but isn’t working for them anymore.  And who better to put these experiences, emotions and thoughts into words than writers, right? I have a lot more to add to this conversation, having wrestled with many of these concepts myself and alongside other brave men in my work with LeaderHeart.  It’s something deeply I’m passionate about. So, I wrote a poetry piece and recorded some unabridged thoughts around the topic of wrestling with God and why I believe it should be seen as a courageous act of faith and intimacy - not a dangerous distancing, as some read it to be. After all, wrestling is hardly a text-message argument; it’s an intimate, heart-to-heart embrace with a safe other, and something deeply missing from modern Western masculinity and spirituality, I believe.

KIND OF WAYI know that you know.So I should probably confess it.Not because it's a bad thing.But because it's normal and necessary to admityou've disappointed meand continue to.Although I don't mind as muchnow.Still, there were many timesI prayed.Followed the rules.Gave my two mites.Did all the things I was told would workand others certifiedwith charismatic convictionto do moregive morefaith moresacrifice morelots more.But still, nothing.No breakthroughlike I believedlike I prayed for.I underestimated you.I wanted to believeyou were containableconstrainableand reliablein the 'my way' kind of way.The magicianhitmanslot machinedeal makerearth shakergenie-in-a-bottlekind of way.Then I recalledthat on a dark but necessary dayyou took yourselfand my kind of wayand the cosmosto a cross.Then you went missing for three days.And my world fell apart.All my hope exhaled a forsaken surrender, and my heart brokeand my dreams broke.My kind of waykind of diedagain.And there you were alive and the samebut not really.A resurrected form of youthat even took familiar friendsby surprise.And that's what you keep doing.To this dayyou keep failing and disappointing mein the best kind of ways.Every time I think I've got youwhere I think I need youyou disappoint and disappearand turn up incognitoon a familiar pathat a regular mealin an average gardenwith a spark in your eyethat demands my attention.You invite me againto put my hand in your sideembrace you and kiss youand get to know you againin a new kind of way.'Kind of Way'April '19David TensenGet more and support us at www.patreon.com/leaderheart and  www.davidtensen.com/donate

Possibly one of the most theologically challenging pieces I've released, so far. This poem and reflection approaches the concept of fire from a different perspective than is common is popular (preached) Western Christianity today. The reflection includes some references and explains the piece a little more. (Heb 12:29) . Shalom and thanks for listening! DavidTHAT FIREThat all consuming fire you speak of,does it hurt?Is it as bad as some say,or better?Does it really burn awayall that doesn’t belong?All that’s unlike you?All that’s not of your kind?All that’s not of love?If I say yes to this fire,could it take forever?Could we go slow?Could I change my mind?Could it really help?And when we’re done,am I still going to be me?Am I going to feel complete?Am I going to know we are one?Am I going to be as alive as you say?More importantly,will you stay with me?Will you hold my heart?Will you lift your faces?Will you cover me?If this is your idea of fire,refine me.If this is the way you judge,restore me.If this is the lake you speak of,baptise me.If this is your invitation to oneness,arrest me.‘That Fire’David TensenJune ‘19pic: missmia.art#poem #poetry #fire #divinelove #judgement #God #trinity #theosis #redemptions #eschatology #hope #love #restoration #afterlife #notdantesinferno

DEAR STRENGTHWhy have you not returned to me,my Strength?I need you back for good, my Strength.But you only visit on occasion. Why?What are you doing, my Strength?I had plans for us, my Strength.But you stood me up, again? Why?We used to do so much together,my Strength.We made so much work, my Strength. We were esteemed by so many. Remember?I've been with Weakness for ages now, it seems.Sure, she's gentle and presentbut that’s what’s so frustrating.Recently, Wisdom told me thatit’s Weakness's turn.That you won't return till Weakness can stay.Is that true, My Strength?Wisdom says I should accept Weakness and all her qualities.That Weakness is needed for wholenessand I can’t keep ignoring her beauty.My Strength, I need a favour.In your stead can you send someone else?Could you let Courage know that I need her for one thing?Wisdom tells me I need Courage to make Weakness ‘MY' Weakness.Because those who embrace their Weaknessare indeed the most courageous.Please. My Strength. Hurry.And get Patience ready tooI feel that she’ll be needed next.‘Dear Strength’by David TensenMay ‘19Get more and support us at www.patreon.com/leaderheart and  www.davidtensen.com/donateartwork: @missmia.art

In this episode I read a poem on parenting and share from my heart and life around the difficult morning this piece was written in.You didn’t have a perfect dad / because such a man does not exist. / Because such a child does not exist./ / And every dad was once the child / of an imperfect man, who was also / once a child.  / / No, there is no excuse for abuse.  / But there is room for growth. / And it never all happens in one man. / It’s generational. / Incremental. / Situational. / Environmental. / Accidental / and intentional. / / Dads, if you are holding on to shame / and regret, 'what-ifs', and 'oh shits'. / Let it go. / Forgive yourself. Be gracious to you. / Your sins have most likely punished you enough. / No need beat yourself up more. / / And children. Adult children reading this. / Let’s be adults and let it go. / Acknowledge the effort. Seek the gold. / Accept the failings of your imperfect parent, / and forgive him. / For in doing so, you can accept your failings,  / and find freedom to fail again / into a better future. / / 'Perfect Dad'  / by David Tensen / Feb '19. Get more and support us at www.patreon.com/leaderheart and  www.davidtensen.com/donate

I'd love to know how this poem and reflection (in audio) moves and inspires you. Please leave a comment and rating.INVISIBLE INJURYI didn’t judge youwhen you fell sickwith the virusafter the long flight home.I didn’t shame youwhen you couldn’t walkwithout crutchesafter the severe car accident.I didn’t avoid youwhen you couldn’t breathewithout oxygen maskafter the minor stroke.I didn’t pressure youwhen you couldn’t talkwithout a slurafter the jaw reconstruction.So, please don’t judge mewhen I leave the partywithout warning.It’s the anxiety.Please don’t shame mewhen you need to talkbut I just can’t.It’s the burnout.Please don’t avoid mewhen I can’t walkwithout cloudy countenance.It’s the depression.Please don’t pressure mewhen I can’t tell you whyI feel fragile like I do.It’s the PTSD.*It takes a compassionate heartand patient witnessto honour another’s invisible injury.For like outer injuries of the bodyno one chooses thembut many steward them.God, help us all to loveand judge not.“Invisible Injury”By David TensenOct 2018#poetry #mentalhealth #invisibleinjury #compassionIllustration: Mia TensenGet more and support us at www.patreon.com/leaderheart and  www.davidtensen.com/donate

In this audio, David recites his poem and personally reflects on its meaning and background.Read, written and produced by David Tensen.  I have so much to sayso many words a lifetime of my owna millennia of others yet as I utterand draw conclusionsI draw a boxand put You in it and with religious zealI've defended that boxforgetting I placedeternity in there  with past poets and prophetsI struggle to define You not wanting to confine You but still compelled  compelled to express the beauty and wonderYou are and never cease to be compelled to give witnessby weaving wordsfrom twenty six lettersstrokes and spaces  perhaps like lover's staresilence says more and frees You to speak and define the edges  the edges of the boxYou are beyond the edges of the cosmos as it expands in You the edges of my inner worldwith its rocky refusal  to accept the shameful partsGrace has defined as acceptable. oh YHVHhow patient You are with your own children as we learnto be loved beyond comprehension,imagination or interpretation of You. ’The Paradox of Definition’May ’19David TensenGet more and support us at www.patreon.com/leaderheart and  www.davidtensen.com/donate

In this episode, David explores the mystery of God's patients and mercy - including it's possible expiry. I wanted to do my own thing.And You let me.After all, You gave me this will.This floundering will that gives me a sense of mea sense of controla sense of choice.And You wait.You wait like a father who giveshis girl a new bikeand she goes missingfor hours.You wait like a father who giveshis son his inheritanceknowing he’ll make a mess of things.And You Wait.You wait on the street till dawn,sure that she’ll come homebefore the darkness sets in.You wait at the gate and runwhen you see his sunken soulstagger into the city.And You welcome.You welcome the strong-of-will.The rebellious heart.The limit-tester.The boundary-pusher.The bankrupt and broken.You welcome any willthat comes home,even for a short time.You welcome me.Your door is always open.As are your arms.The feast forever prepared.Tears of joy ready to cross the thresholdof Your cheeks.Father, Son and Spirit.Creator of wills.Your imitable will to love and forgive compels creation to do the same.And I will.And You will wait.‘And You wait’David TensenApril ‘191 Tim 2:4 2 Pet 3:9Get more and support us at www.patreon.com/leaderheart and  www.davidtensen.com/donate