Welcome, I’m Emma Lavelle - Embodied Freedom Guide & co-founder of Joy Studio, you can connect with me on Instagram here, you can find how to work with me privately here, you can join my business community here ❤️🔥
I’m running my own little experiment with the Voice note transcript cleaned up below the links as some of you may prefer to read rather than listen or to return to points quickly, let me know if you like it in the comments!
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Episode Transcript - lightly edited with Claude for the readers ✨
The Life Atelier Podcast — On Self-Trust
Welcome back to the Life Atelier podcast with me, your host, Emma Lavelle. We are talking about self-trust today, and you might be able to hear the sound of my dog Rita in the background — just little scratchy pads of dog paws going along the wooden floor.
And I think that’s kind of perfect, because I just took a walk with her, and it was amazing — the temperature has dropped. It’s 31 degrees for the first time in months. It’s been 37, 38, feeling like 40 here in Toulouse, and it’s been pretty unbearable. Today was the first day where the morning was cool enough that I didn’t need to rush and walk her before it started to get hot. I have the whole day with no calls scheduled — it’s just a day to be, and to be creative.
While I was walking her, I was thinking about a voice note I had from one of my clients asking about self-trust. Before I took the walk with Rita, I put my phone on airplane. It’s still on airplane. I’m recording this, and I’ve got a list of things that I want to do, and my phone doesn’t come off airplane until I’ve done them — because that is one of the tools I have in my toolkit to really stay tuned into my self-trust: creating silence, creating space, to listen, to reflect, to notice, to check in with my body, to ask questions like — is it possible? Is it possible that I’m scared right now? Is it possible that I’m repeating an old pattern? That’s how we tune into our self-trust. Whether you want to call it self-trust or intuition, it doesn’t really matter.
What I want to invite you to think about today is your relationship with your self-trust, and how that is driving your life. I want to invite you today to notice if actually maybe there are really good reasons that it’s harder for you to listen to your self-trust. Maybe it feels really, really scary. And so your nervous system, which is trying to protect you and keep you safe, thinks that actually it’s a very bad idea for you to listen to your intuition — because if you listen to what it is that you want to do, and if you start to make changes, we don’t know what will happen. But the truth is, we don’t know what will happen anyway.
I want to share that with you just so that — when I think about these concepts that our brain isn’t used to — I almost get this visual of having a boiled sweet, you know, like something you definitely can’t bite because it’ll break your teeth. And kind of rolling it around your mouth, just testing out the flavours. What is this? What am I eating? How do I consume it? Can I bite it? No, that feels dangerous. Do I like it? Mmm, sugar, right? Just really letting yourself do that test and investigation of what flavour this concept is — how does it feel to hold this in my body? In the same way as physically, tangibly tasting something before you feel you have to take it on.
So this idea for you is — today may not be so organised. My way of doing these voice notes is I just bullet-point down everything in my head that’s come up on my dog walk, and then I start to cross them off as I work through — just to give you an insight into the process.
What is self-trust?
What I was thinking about today is: how do I see self-trust? What is self-trust? The visual I have for it — for those of you who have seen some fantasy series, or read the books — there are two I have in mind particularly: The Witcher and The Wheel of Time. You can also think about Harry Potter if you want, but I just want you to think about magic.
Any stories you’ve read or heard of or seen, where a character discovers that they have magic. They discover that magic exists, magic is there. And what usually happens is they have uncontrolled experiences with the magic. I like the way they talk about it in The Witcher, because they call magic chaos. It’s this power that certain people have — but we all have it, really. It’s this power that, if it’s not controlled, can create chaos.
If you think about ourselves and our nervous system — when our intuition has been really pushed into a stress state, where it’s no longer just gentle, regulated intuition but it’s now hypervigilance — that’s where we take very reactive decisions. Things can feel like they’re exploding. We can blow things up. We can really feel scared of ourselves.
So again — think about that sweet I invited you to test the texture and flavour of. The idea that maybe you’re scared of yourself, and what you can do. How does that resonate? How does that feel? Just connect with your body. Just notice — do you have any responses? Maybe you feel like, no, that’s not true. Okay, and that’s cool, good to know. But maybe there’s a bit of you that feels like: oh yeah, I’m scared. I’m scared that if I have money, I’ll do bad things with it. I’m scared that if I have children, I’ll hurt them. I’m scared that if I’m in relationships, I will do something to hurt that person. I’m scared that if I share my work, I can’t deliver, I’ll let people down. Just notice that.
Now, in The Witcher and in The Wheel of Time — my other favourite way to visualise what self-trust looks like — no one expects these witches to just understand how to use their magic. So when I talk about magic now, I want you to just interchange it with self-trust. Self-trust magic, magic self-trust. Because your self-trust — when you understand it, the power of it, when you learn how to use it, how to nourish it — it is a scary, powerful thing. Because you’re not controllable. When you can listen to your intuition, and you are tuned in enough to your intuition and your self-trust to act on it — to not be pushed, to not be forced, to not just go along with what the system says, what everybody else says, to do the expected thing (whatever that is, because for all of us it’s different).
I just think it’s very interesting — if you grew up with parents who are artists, then maybe for you, being a doctor or an accountant was like super rebellious and not okay. Now you’re a disappointment. And then for the kids of the dentist — like Hermione Granger in Harry Potter — what, magic? What, no, just go be a dentist like us, it’s safe, it’s reliable, why would you do anything else?
I share that just so you can see how this isn’t fixed. The idea of what is safe and normal and expected is so down to culture and society, and then the microcultures of your family and your circle, and then your industry as you get older. And so — you wielding that magic to say, this isn’t right for me, and I’m going to go this way — yes, people see that as quite dangerous. It’s scary. It’s scary for them. It’s scary for us. And it’s magic. It’s so powerful, because for each of us who decides to cultivate our self-trust, to repair it, to nourish it, we become like trees in the forest, in the ecosystem.
Trees, fungus, and the signature essence
I don’t know if you know this, but trees talk to each other, and there’s this amazing network they have under the earth. The tree roots can send messages — so if one tree isn’t getting the nutrients it needs, another tree, not even from the same species, can send it those nutrients underground. They all get stronger by one of them getting stronger.
This is why we start with the signature essence when I work with my clients — so that you can know what kind of tree you are. Or maybe you’re a fungus, because the fungus are in this too — the fungus work with the tree. If that feels good, go for it.
For me, my journey of rediscovering my self-trust and healing it involved me accepting that my signature essence — what I am amazing at — is regulating myself and healing. I am so good at healing. And what that means is, because I know that I heal, I can develop these tools. I can injure myself testing things, and I can come out of every difficult situation with something to share, and even more strong and more powerful than before.
One of the things I’ve learned about is part of that means how I regulate myself. And what that then means for my clients is: they can regulate to me. I can be the anchor, so that they can stabilise themselves, so that they can look around, so that they can see themselves and they can heal. I cannot be your centre of gravity — that’s not possible. But what I can do is I can be the stick, the tree, for you to catch your breath on. And understanding how I do that is something that came later.
Mirror neurons
I’m sharing this with you because the journey of connecting with your self-trust involves a lot of stumbling around in the dark, it feels like. First you’re doing things intuitively. Then you find out why, and you’re like, oh okay, that’s how I can do that thing, that’s why that makes sense. Then you see other people doing things and you’re able to do it. And this is a concept I’ve shared with you that I only learned about recently — mirror neurons. I’ve only just started myself to really actively utilise this.
Mirror neurons are basically how our subconscious learns from watching others. It’s incredible. So what I want you to do is think about almost all the different things happening in you at the same time. There’s your conscious processing, which is the tip of the iceberg — it’s like 1%. There’s the conscious: I want this thing and I’m going to learn how to do it. So we say, I want to have a life of freedom, and I want to have this much money, and live in this kind of place. So I’m going to buy a marketing course, and I’m going to get a business strategist, and I’m going to learn how to do it. It’s all very logical, very practical. Cool, that’s the 1% on the surface.
Then underneath it there’s the subconscious — all of the thoughts interwoven with your nervous system. I almost visualise it now as two flows of light, and they’re just flowing at the same time. We can’t separate them. So as your conscious brain is striding forward, and hitting dead ends, and self-sabotaging, and you just don’t know why — so you’re like, okay, obviously I just need to work harder or push harder or do whatever — underneath that, there’s your subconscious thoughts, which are: this is not safe. I’m going to f**k this up. In fact, even before that, it’s not about “this is not safe” — this is not safe is felt in your nervous system. The thoughts are: I’m going to f**k this up, I’m not ready, I’ll let people down, I can’t deliver. Choose your brain’s weapon of choice to stop you.
This is where journaling, and noting down the words that you hear, can be really helpful. So you have those thoughts, those words, your nervous system is reinforcing them — yes, it’s right, that’s right, that’s right, we can’t do this, oh my God, this is dangerous, this is awful, what are we doing? And you’re not moving forward. You feel frozen.
Then we’ve got this other layer, which is what’s being actively learned now — and this is what’s exciting. What are your mirror neurons actively learning now? What are you feeding your mirror neurons?
This for me is so exciting. How did I put this into practice? I first learned about this with Anna, when she did my swimming lesson with me, and she was explaining — watch, don’t do. Before you actually try swimming, watch what I’m showing you, let your mirror neurons see. And I didn’t get it, because the result wasn’t immediate. The feedback wasn’t immediate. I was like, okay, I’m watching, but it’s not happening. And you feel that rush, that urgency — which, by the way, is a really good sign that this is not our intuition, when we’re experiencing rush and urgency.
But a few weeks later, I found my arms, as I was walking Rita, as I was doing things day to day, repeating what she had shown me — the stroke. I realised some part of me, my body, had learned something that I had not actively told it to learn. My body had learned to do something I didn’t intentionally teach it to do. I found that fascinating, but I didn’t really put it into practice yet.
The rock climb in the French Alps
Then, when I was in the French Alps with my boyfriend, we did a section of rock climbing that I wasn’t expecting, and that I was scared of. Before we got to the rock to go up, we walked along a very, very, very steep drop. It’s the first time I’ve been in this context. I didn’t have a helmet, so all I was thinking about was how fragile my skull is.
I used the tools I share with you. I went at my own pace. I regulated. I said out loud: I’m safe, I’m safe, I go at my own pace, I’m safe. These are the same tools I use when I’m walking Rita, my dog, and we see another dog that’s not on the lead and I feel scared and I need her to not feel scared — so I regulate myself. It’s the same tool I use if I feel fear before a conversation I’m terrified of, in romantic relationships — hey, do you think we’re going in the same direction? I’m safe, I’m safe, I go at my own pace.
I got past that bit. I found that speaking out loud helped me a lot more in that context — so you can play with that, see how it feels.
Then, as we got to the top and I was climbing, I actively watched his feet. I didn’t listen to his words — he wasn’t really saying very much anyway, because he understood that you learn by doing. Even if he doesn’t know about mirror neurons and how they work, he was being what I needed. He was doing for me what I do for my clients. He was showing, not telling. He was being, not instructing — which I understood on a whole new level from this experience.
So I just let myself watch his feet, and then I could feel my own feet doing the same. It was very strange, because I’m a very “words” person, and I’m very used to thinking everything out in my head and telling myself. And so this kind of self-trust was self-trust going directly from one nervous system and body into my nervous system and body. No words, just going.
Fitting the box, or not
So for you, there are going to be plenty of moments where you realise that you do have self-trust in certain areas. What you may now be ready to do is think about how you want to cultivate and nourish that self-trust, and why.
I would say the majority of my clients fall into the rebel profile in the Four Tendencies. Many have ADHD, many have autism. I find that really interesting, because I’ve never articulated that I specialise in any of those things, and I don’t at all. My certification, my qualifications, are — I’m a trauma-informed life coach, and I am a time coach — which involved trainings on different components, but I’ve never done a specialised training in ADHD or autism or the Four Tendencies. But I believe I attract these incredible humans because of that capacity to regulate myself, and to create space for them to see themselves. I do that for everyone, but I think it’s particularly powerful because when you fit into one of these profiles — or you don’t, let’s be honest, right — maybe all three overlap, maybe a little bit resonates but not all the time and sometimes. But when you don’t fit into a box, society does not like that.
Things are changing, it’s true. But the world you’ve grown up in very likely has eroded your self-trust, if not destroyed it on the surface. But what I always see is rewilding as a way to let our mirror neurons see our own regeneration and healing. We are nature. And rewilding is the most beautiful way we can show and learn from nature that what looks like it’s destroyed, or looks very damaged, is actually just waiting to be given some space so that it can heal. And the speed of healing is so rapid, and so unpredictable, and so unexpected. It’s incredibly beautiful.
Where to start
So I was going to share my own story with self-trust today, but actually I think I’ll keep that for another day — I think there’s enough in here for you to be with.
I would love for you to really just focus on that concept: society seeing self-trust as danger and chaos, and what we actually know of self-trust being magic, power, beauty, joy. And I’d invite you to give your self-trust space to rewild, in two ways — see which one resonates.
The first could be as simple as a decision to see yourself as someone who is healing their self-trust. That’s where I started. I didn’t go from no self-trust to self-trust. And this is the problem with a lot of coaching — a lot of coaching will say, just visualise your future self, and then decide to be your future self. But it misses the nervous system and the embodiment piece. It’s just working with that 1% at the top, instead of everything you’re feeling and experiencing, what your mirror neurons are actively learning right now. We want to bring everything in, to consider the whole ecosystem of who you are.
So instead: how does it feel to be someone who is learning how to heal, regenerate, rewild their self-trust? And how do they take decisions?
And so this is the second piece: to run experiments. To really treat yourself as a rewilding project — observing, and then taking tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny little steps. I love the book Wilding by Isabella Tree, but now there are so many stories you can search for — rewilding projects on YouTube, on Instagram — and you can see how they do this. These little iterations.
So, create space. It might be just right now — you say, okay, I’m going to turn my phone off. I’m just going to sit. I’m going to stretch. (Oh, you hear that crack — that was a hip crack.) I’m going to sit, I’m going to stretch, I’m going to turn my phone off. I’m going to lie on my back on the floor. I’m going to breathe out. I’m going to notice — oh, holding my tummy in, let’s just lose that habit again, no thanks. I’m someone who is starting a rewilding-my-self-trust project. Or self-prust, if you want. And my first little experiment is going to be X.
I would suggest creating space by taking time away — maybe from the voices you know you go to for external validation. It might be to clear podcasts from your phone. It might be to just put all those courses you’ve signed up for to one side — they’re not going anywhere. To take a walk each day without your phone and just listen. And to be okay with the initial anxiety and discomfort that may appear — it may not, but it may — and to allow yourself to observe.
Something I was doing at first: I decided, okay, I’ll just notice what happens if I respond to this feeling of anxiety whilst I’m going on a walk without my phone, and I just keep breathing while it’s there, and I’m just going to be super curious — I wonder how long it stays while I’m outside. The first time it was like, ooh, 20 minutes. Then it was, oh, seven minutes. Then, oh, I’ve lost it before I’ve even left the house — that’s fun.
And then to decide on an action step connected to your goal. Now, your goal — I would suggest, if you don’t have one already that’s clear and you can’t articulate one — just pick one thing. Pick one thing that’s costing energy, or that’s scaring you. So if you don’t have a great relationship with money, pick one thing connected to money. If you’ve been thinking about creating a romantic relationship, or improving one you have, pick one thing about that. What might it feel like to just journal on: how would my ideal relationship be — with my existing partner, my future partner, my maybe-partner, with money, with time, with my business? Just let yourself write that. Put some notes in your phone, write by hand, say it out loud — and then that’s enough.
So it might be you just decide to do that for two minutes, or to write three things, and then regulate. Regulating can just be going to another space. It can be breathing. I find movement works really well — so it might be shaking out, doing some deep breathing, stretching. And then you can evaluate. How did that work? How was my intuition? Was it steady and calm? Were there waves? Did I have a thought and then immediately a nervous system response? Did I even have words? Some of you might not have words — you might have images, colours, sounds. Let yourself be really curious.
And then I would love for you to come over to Instagram and send me a DM with what you discover.
So, beautiful people, I hope this is helpful for you. And if you would like to come to the workshop I’m doing this month on the Signature Essence, I will put a link for that in the show notes. You can also find out about how to work with me — there’s single sessions, there’s longer containers where we do deep work. But really, just start with connecting with yourself, and just visualising: how might life be with 10% more self-trust? What would be different?
And I will see you next week.
AI co-creation disclaimer: this document was formatted with the assistance of AI from Emma Lavelle’s original spoken recording. Wording is Emma’s own; only spacing, punctuation, and paragraph breaks have been adjusted for readability.
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