Hello beloved! Hope you had a warm holiday and are taking the time to pause and reflect.
I have quite a timely podcast episode for the holiday season (family | friends).
Question.
Do you often find yourself caught in webs of projection, confused about where you end and others begin?
Join me as we uncover the fascinating neuroscience behind this perplexing phenomenon and reclaim your agency in how you see and are seen.
I’ll highlight how the unconscious patterns cause our brains to mistake others for someone from our past, leading to reactivity, blame, and disconnection.
Whether you're seeking more clarity in your personal connections or looking to support your clients, this exploration promises to be a game-changer.
Reclaiming Your Mind from the Confusion of the Past
The Map of Connection: How Our Early Experiences Shape Us
Think of your brain as an intricate map, one that begins forming the moment you're born.
This map is built through your earliest relationships, especially with your primary caregivers.
Were they warm, attentive, and predictable?
Or were they distant, inconsistent, or overwhelmed? These early interactions literally shape the architecture of your brain, creating what's known as your attachment style.
Attachment styles are like blueprints for how we connect with others.
They guide how we experience intimacy, handle conflict, and interpret the emotional cues of those around us.
There are four main attachment styles:
* Secure Attachment: A foundation of safety and trust. You feel seen, soothed, and supported.
* Anxious Attachment: A constant worry about abandonment, leaving you hyper-focused on others' approval and availability.
* Avoidant Attachment: A protective distancing, where emotional closeness feels overwhelming or unsafe.
* Disorganized Attachment: A confusing mix of seeking connection and fearing it, often rooted in early trauma or unpredictability.
What's fascinating is that these styles don't just live in the past—they actively shape how we navigate relationships today.
And one of the ways they show up most powerfully is through projection.
Seeing the World Through a Tinted Lens
Imagine holding a flashlight in a dark room. Wherever you point it, you illuminate what's there.
But what if the flashlight's lens had a color or pattern?
That distortion would affect everything you see. This is projection.
Projection happens when we unconsciously cast our inner world—our fears, insecurities, and unmet needs—onto others.
Instead of seeing people as they truly are, we see them through the filter of our own unresolved experiences.
For example:
* If you grew up with an emotionally unavailable caregiver, you might develop an avoidant attachment style. As an adult, you could project your fear of intimacy onto your partner, perceiving them as too needy or demanding—even if they're simply seeking connection.
* Conversely, if you had inconsistent caregiving, you might develop an anxious attachment style, projecting your fear of abandonment onto others. You might interpret a delayed text as rejection or assume someone is upset with you when they're not.
Projection isn't inherently bad. It's a signal. It's your nervous system saying, "There's something here that needs attention."
Self-Resonance: Cleaning the Lens of Your Flashlight
So, how do we move beyond projection? How do we see the world—and others—clearly? The answer lies in self-resonance.
Self-resonance is about cultivating a deep connection with your own inner world. It's like cleaning the lens of your flashlight so you can illuminate reality as it truly is, without distortion.
This process begins with awareness. Start by noticing your reactions:
* Are you overreacting to a small comment?
* Are you assuming someone's intentions without clear evidence?
* Are you replaying scenarios in your mind, searching for hidden meanings?
These moments of emotional intensity are breadcrumbs, leading you back to unresolved wounds or unmet needs.
Self-resonance also involves mindfulness—paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment. When you notice yourself projecting, pause.
Ask yourself:
* "What am I feeling right now?"
* "Is this reaction about the present moment, or is it tied to something from my past?"
Healing Attachment Wounds: Rewriting the Blueprint
Healing begins with understanding. It's not about blaming your caregivers or yourself; it's about recognizing how your early survival strategies shaped you.
These patterns were adaptive—they helped you navigate your environment as a child. But as an adult, they may no longer serve you.
One powerful tool for healing is uncovering what are called unconscious contracts. These are the unspoken agreements you made with yourself in childhood to feel safe, such as:
* "I won't express my needs so I don't burden others."
* "I'll take care of everyone else so I'm not abandoned."
By bringing these contracts to light, you can begin to rewrite them.
It's like renegotiating the terms of an old agreement that no longer aligns with who you are or who you want to become.
The Role of Resonance in Healing
Healing doesn't happen in isolation. It happens in relationship—both with others and with yourself.
When someone truly sees you, holds space for your emotions, and offers empathy without judgment, it rewires your brain.
This is called earned secure attachment. It's like water seeping into dry, cracked soil. Over time, that soil softens, becomes fertile, and new growth emerges.
But here's the beautiful part: you can also offer this resonance to yourself. When difficult emotions arise—sadness, fear, anger—don't push them away. Instead, sit with them.
Say to yourself:
* "I see you. I'm here with you."
* "It's okay to feel this way."
This act of self-compassion is transformative. It teaches your nervous system that it's safe to feel, safe to connect, and safe to heal.
Brain Chemistry of Soul Contract Connection
Let's take a quick look at the science. Our brain's two hemispheres play distinct roles in connection:
* The left hemisphere is logical, task-oriented, and thrives on dopamine—the "reward" neurotransmitter.
* The right hemisphere is emotional, relational, and thrives on norepinephrine, which fuels novelty and discovery.
When we're securely attached, these hemispheres work in harmony. But when attachment is disrupted—through trauma, neglect, or inconsistent care—this balance breaks down.
We might become overly logical and detached, or overly emotional and overwhelmed. Healing involves restoring this balance, integrating both sides of the brain so we can approach relationships with clarity and compassion.
Closing Thoughts: The Beauty of the Journey
As we wrap up, I want to leave you with this: your attachment style, your projections, your patterns—they're not flaws. They're adaptations. They're the ways you learned to survive in a world that wasn't always predictable or kind.
But the fact that you're here, listening, exploring, and learning? That's a testament to your resilience. Healing is a journey—messy, non-linear, and profoundly beautiful.
As you take these steps—whether it's noticing your projections, exploring your attachment style, or offering yourself more compassion—remember: you're not alone. We're all in this together, learning, growing, and healing.
Thank you for being here - I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON.
Until next time, take care of yourself. You're worth it.
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Holographic Reading: Unlocking the Power of Your Soul Contract
The Holographic Reading is a transformative service designed to help individuals understand the power of their soul contract during this time of profound evolution.
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The Process:
The Holographic Reading involves a three-step process:
1. Identifying Energetic Blockages:
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Each soul contract is governed by an archetype, a protective mechanism adopted by your soul from past experiences. In this step, I help you connect with and understand this archetype.
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With clarity on the chakra, archetype, and root emotion, I share the key archetype and a personalized "soul contract release statement" designed to help you release what no longer serves you.
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