The Light In My Shadow

“Emotional abuse can be the most powerful thing a person can endure because it’s abuse of your soul and mind.”  - Latasha Braxton 

As I mentioned in my last episode, this is a journey through my nightmare life of BPD, and how I am working to establish and sustain my inner peace through the light in my shadow. I will highlight the areas of my life in which I still silently suffer from grief, guilt, insecurity, and the bullsh*t cycles I need to grow through and stop putting myself in this victim or shame-filled hole. 

Research Reference:

Engel, B. (2023). The Emotionally Abusive Relationship How to a stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing. Second Edition. Publisher Jossey-Bass, A Wiley Brand. (pp. XV, XVI, XVII, 5, 8-12)

Harmer B, Lee S, Rizvi A, Saadabadi A. Suicidal Ideation. 2024 Apr 20. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan–. PMID: 33351435.

Calabrese J, Al Khalili Y. Psychosis. [Updated 2023 May 1]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546579/#. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546579/#:~:text=A%20psychotic%20episode%20or%20disorder,around%2050%20in%2010000%20people.

“Unless we heal the wounds that shame creates, especially wounds from childhood, we carry this crippling shame into our adulthood, primarily into our intimate relationships. Shame is at the core of most types of emotional abuse and shame is the primary damage that emotional abuse brings”

I live a life in which I need to seek chaos, let life fall apart, go back into my hole again, get bored, seek chaos, then repeat the cycle. Pushing people away, ghosting them, driving them crazy so they will leave before I do, or finding a way to sell-sabotage the relationship because I already knew it would end before it ever began because I knew I would get bored and tired of the same cycle of self-inflicted emotional abuse. It became an ongoing game for me to see how destructive I could be up until recently.

Let’s JUMP RIGHT IN AND begin with unpacking what BPD is, we will save Bipolar, Manic Depression, Complex Trauma, and Suicide Ideation for upcoming episodes. 

 If you want to know what your dosha is, then head over to jbyfnola.org to take the dosha quiz and assessment.

 Blog reference: https://jbyfnola.org/blog/ayurvedaanaturalwaytorestorehealthtofightagainstcovid19

Research Reference:

Engel, B. (2023). The Emotionally Abusive Relationship How to a stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing. Second Edition. Publisher Jossey-Bass, A Wiley Brand. (pp. XV, XVI, XVII)

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I realized that in order for me to change my life, to stop these patterns, I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and start taking action to be the kind of person that I would want to be with.  This is my journal, my thoughts, my recovery journey living with Bipolar Disorder, Manic Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Complex Trauma, and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and how I use Ayurveda and Yoga to holistically improve my mental and overall health, in hopes it helps others along the way.

Thank you for being here. It truly means a lot. If you would like to support the mission of bringing holistic resources to individuals in hardship, please share, rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, wherever your favorite podcast is hosted.

https://jbyfnola.org/