Composer Saint Hildegard of Bingen   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Novelist Murasaki Shikibu   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Poetess Sappho   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Recently a friend of mine was searching for the feminine version of “Knight”. Something that communicated the noble honor, integration of royalty, with the strength, cunningness and calculation of a warrior. Knighthood came about in the Middle Ages during a time when there was no feminine equivalent for a knight because women were not considered equal to men. I suggested that she look into the Japanese culture, there were female samurai called Onna-Bugeisha. They were intelligent, educated, elite, powerful leaders trained in weaponry the same way men were. They fought alongside the male samurai, strong and independent. Empress Jingu, Tomoe Gozen, Nakano Takeko are some of the more famous Onna-Bugeisha. There is history that happened and then the history that has been passed down. For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. I want to share about these amazing women history in the days ahead. They didn’t make our history books in school but they certainly changed the world for the better. Get ready to be inspired!   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. One of the most difficult habits to overcome from my family dynamic growing up was the avoid and explode cycle. Without much in the way of support, our parents would often hold in whatever they could for as long as they could. They were busy learning English, trying to make ends meet and raising three small children in a new country. By the time something surfaced, everyone was often at wits end and a shouting match was the only way to diffuse the pent up frustration. I had to work really hard in my first serious relationship to break that terrible habit. I would say things during these temper tantrums that I would later regret. An argument was a way to release tension, not a way to work towards a solution. There is bound to be one habit or tendency that you learned from childhood that still informs how you respond today. This can be a bad thing if you repeat the worst tendencies, but it can be a good thing if you are motivated to change. Your change will be chosen by you and profound.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. How to get started when they are a departure from the norm. This can be especially true with family. Start where you are, in the present. My family cares and loves each other in their own way. One of my most challenging relationships is with my sister. We’re oil and water in her words. She has her baggage too of "when we were kids, you did this to me." This is an argument that no one can win. If you want to go back far enough, you can always find something to hold against each other. Most recently, she was staying at my place and I asked her to take out the trash before she left. She replied back with a list of 10 things she wanted me to do before I left her place. I wanted to react and carry the baggage forward remembering all the times she didn’t help out the way I expected. Instead, I practiced being in the here and now. if my best friend were to ask me, what would I do, how would I feel? I would love to do it, and I would be happy that she asked so I could leave her place as she likes. I thanked my sister genuinely for the reminder. And she replied wanting to know if there was anything else. There was no argument that day.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. Today we’re going to be talking about how to determine a fact from a fiction. The overview of the non-violent communication method is: I see, I think, I feel. The first step is to make an observation. Let’s say your friend is late and you find it disrespectful, as a result you feel hurt. We often hide a dig in the observation. "I see that you are selfishly late like always." Ask Is it true? If it’s an absolute truth, you can ask anybody in the world and it would still be true. Is it always selfish to be late? Perhaps not. And If they have ever been on time even once in their life, like always is still a statement of fiction. Selfishly like always is not a fact, it’s a dig. "I noticed that you came 30 minutes later than we agreed and I didn’t hear from you." That’s a fact. Do you want them to hear the rest? "I think that it’s disrespectful of my time to let me wait. I feel hurt and angry.” You honor the relationship by communicating with integrity, do your best to begin with a statement of fact, not a fiction.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. Today we’re going to be talking about how to address unacceptable behavior. Many years ago I was in a newish relationship near the holidays and I casually mentioned that I would love to visit Thailand. His response, "If you go, don’t bother coming back." I immediately recognized that there was a story behind the story. The crime of a travel lover saying ”Ooh Thailand” does not match the outsized punishment of a threat. I spoke up. "Hey, it’s ok for you to say 'I want to spend the holidays with you' or ‘I’m curious if you are making plans to go away' but you can never threaten me. It’s completely unacceptable.” He expressed that he’d always hated the holidays, they had been dreadful growing up and he was finally looking forward to having someone to spend it with.” I shared "That is a much better way to share how you feel. Thank you.  I’m a curious person and will always be saying things like I would love to visit blank.  That’s not the same thing as making plans. And I will continue to express what I like.” He never used threatening language again.    Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. Today’s tool is about addressing a common trigger….criticism. Turn your criticism into a request. Criticisms are about a negative past. Requests are about a positive future. I was on a trip with an ex-boyfriend and we decided that we would prepare most of our meals to cater to his dietary restrictions and save some money. I'd wake up early and start making breakfast and packing our lunches before getting myself ready. Then after a full day of activities, we’d get back to the hotel where I’d unpack our containers for reuse and start prepping dinner. He would lay on the bed and watch tv. After a couple of days, I felt pretty resentful. I wanted to relax too. I thought he was being selfish but I knew he would get defensive if I criticized him. That evening while we got ready for bed, I asked what time he wanted to get up at. He said 8. I replied, “Every morning I spend half an hour prepping breakfast and lunch before I get ready. Can you add an extra 15 minutes to help me with the meal prep?” No blaming, shaming, name calling or criticizing the past, just a request for the future. He helped with meal prep everyday after that.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. How to handle Defensive Behavior. Do you have a loved one that will hurt your feelings or cross a boundary? And as soon as you start expressing yourself, their walls go up. They accuse you of always criticizing them. And they start to attack you with reasons why you’re actually in the wrong. In other words, they get defensive. People who are defensive have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions and resist feeling “wrong” because they view it from a negative lens that they have failed. It’s a knee jerk reaction that shields the person from guilt and self-doubt. Kids often develop this behavior as a way to cope with difficult situations and then it becomes a bad habit as an adult.   If it has merit, go ahead and apologize for whatever reason they give in their counter-attack. Lead with humility. “I’m sorry, that was not my intention. I take responsibility for making you feel that way.” Follow up with, “Even though I sympathize with how you feel, you are responsible for how you respond. You seem to only bring these things up when I want to have a conversation. I expect you to initiate your own conversations when you are hurt. It doesn’t feel very good to have you take over when I want to talk."   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!