All of us have vulnerabilities.  While some vulnerabilities are common, each of us have unique vulnerabilities which make it harder for us to resist certain things or people.

As I teach parents about things like pornography addiction, I get parents that are focused on filters and at what age to allow kids access to the Internet or a cell phone.  While these are important considerations, I rarely get a question about how to identify and reduce our kid’s vulnerability to things like pornography or damaging relationships.

Even though I’m not asked about vulnerabilities, I’d believe we best help our kids when we help shield their vulnerable areas while simultaneously helping heal their vulnerability so it is now an area of strength.  This is both defense and offense based on our individual child’s needs.

This is the first in a series of podcasts exploring vulnerabilities that our kids and us as adults have that are being exploited.

I use vulnerability with the idea that it is a part of us that  is open to assault and difficult to defend.  The assaults I’m talking to aren’t physical but emotional.

What makes certain areas of our life more vulnerable?

* Some of it we are born with – certain people are more genetically vulnerable.  An example is how genetics affects how the body processes alcohol.

* Some vulnerability is from trauma.  Where we’ve been hurt, if not completely healed becomes a weak spot that can be exploited.  A common wound that ends up getting a lot of people in trouble is a father wound.

* Vulnerability from our appetites – If you’ve never smoked you won’t craving for nicotine

* Vulnerability from unmet needs.

Why I focus on vulnerabilities is that we live in a world where we are constantly being manipulated, some more obviously than others.

* Candy in the checkout line – our vulnerability from self-restrain fatigue

* Autoplay on youtube and netflix exploit our curiosity and self-control

The goal isn’t to simply talk about vulnerability but to instead focus on healing vulnerabilities and building defenses.

This episode focuses on loneliness

* 1 in 5 Americans suffers from persistent loneliness (Fortune)

*  Psychologist at BYU and the University of Utah found that Social isolation (actual and perceived) may be more deadly than obesity – increasing a person’s chance of premature death by 14% – near double the risk of early death from obesity

* Another study found that lacking social connections is a comparable risk factor for early death as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (Campaign to End Loneliness)

First – Loneliness is a feeling… a signal that alerts us of a need.  Learn more about feelings from Marc Schelske.  It doesn’t necessarily signal that we need to be around people. Brenne’ Brown talks about “That lonely feeling” that can easily happen when we are in a large group.  The best response could be a bit of time on our own to recharge. It also could mean that we are seeking deep rather than superficial connection.

If the signal doesn’t get a response – loneliness tends to transition into depression – a place where action is very difficult.

Second – Loneliness is much about perception.  People become more discontent and feel isolated when they perceive that others are more connected or stable.  It’s easy to thin “I’m the only one…”

Finally, loneliness vulnerability to identify because we tend to dismiss it easily looking for another solution.

* How could I feel lonely when I’m with people all ...