The Lonely Leaders Club

✨ Want to know if your team culture is actually kind or just nice? Take the free 2-minute quiz → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/blog/nice-vs-kind-workplace-culture-which-one-do-you-have

How do you lift the standard without killing the vibe? It's the question Lucy hears constantly from leaders right now, and this episode is her honest answer. It's about team culture, high performance, and getting your people to step up without turning into the boss nobody wants to work for.

It starts at the gym. Lucy's a couple of weeks into training with a new PT, Jamie, who's warm and vibey but makes the standard crystal clear the second you walk in. Turns out he's nailed the exact thing so many leaders struggle with: how to be motivating AND keep people performing. Lucy and Kel unpack how to build that into a team, why a "nice" culture can quietly hold performance back, and the practical steps to lift the bar while keeping the people you don't want to lose.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why a great vibe alone won't get the work done
• Why "nice" can hold your team's performance back, and what a kind, high-performing culture looks like instead
• What team culture actually is, and why it exists whether you define it or not
• Why "step up" and "raise the bar" mean nothing until you name the specific behaviours
• Why the behaviour you walk past is the behaviour you accept
• How to role model the standard as the leader, even when it feels uncomfortable
• How to coach the skills your team is missing, instead of assuming they just have them
• The fast-track version for when a deadline's looming and you need everyone on board quickly
• Why real leadership happens between the 9am and the 10:30 meeting, not at a month-long offsite

Mentioned in this episode:

• The nice vs kind culture quiz → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/blog/nice-vs-kind-workplace-culture-which-one-do-you-have

Hosted by two women in leadership who've spent years learning how to lead well. The Lonely Leaders Club is honest conversation and real leadership skills for anyone building a team that performs without losing the vibe.

Connect with us:

Lucy Allen

• Website: https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_graceful_collective/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucy-allen-tgc/

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellystambanis/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-stambanis-pr-corporatecommunications/

Remember Kel’s slightly cheeky “haven’t we met before?” trick? Well, a listener tried it on Lucy while she was facilitating, and it sent her into a total tailspin. We’re talking all-day contemplation, questioning everything kind of tailspin. She spent the whole day trying to place a man she’d never actually met.

But that’s just the warm-up. Today’s conversation is one Lucy gets asked at nearly every session she runs: how do you get people to have the hard conversations? The awkward, nervy, “oh god, how do I even say this” feedback most of us would do almost anything to avoid.

So we get into how to say the hard thing so that it lands, and why doing it is kind, not cruel.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why we dodge hard conversations, and why avoiding them makes everything worse
• “Clear is kind”: why honest feedback is the kindest thing you can offer
• The difference between a nice culture and a kind one
• How to own the conversation instead of hiding behind “other people have noticed”
• Why feedback needs a regular “home” so it stops feeling like an ambush
• The SBI framework (Situation, Behaviour, Impact) for giving tough behavioural feedback
• Why being someone’s cheerleader 99% of the time makes the hard 1% land
• How to make space for someone’s emotions without trying to fix them
• Why clunky and awkward usually means you got it right
• How to have hard conversations at work without dodging or sugar-coating them
• How to give constructive feedback as a leader, and the communication skills that make it land
• Why having difficult conversations is a core management skill, not just a leadership nice-to-have

Lucy also mentions a quiz to help you figure out where your team sits on the “nice vs kind” scale, and whether you’re actually having enough of these conversations. Take the quiz here: https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/blog/nice-vs-kind-workplace-culture-which-one-do-you-have

New here? Go back and listen to the influence episode where Kel first shared her “we’ve met before” technique → https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Q6YfJYOdEpp4uc6VDRbVj?si=1Z5qXncKQwWj_LiaRGdDow

Hosted by two women in leadership who’ve spent years learning how to lead well. The Lonely Leaders Club is honest conversation and real leadership skills for anyone who wants to communicate clearly, lead kindly, and stop avoiding the conversations that matter.

Connect with us:

Lucy Allen

• Website: https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_graceful_collective/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucy-allen-tgc/

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellystambanis/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-stambanis-pr-corporatecommunications/

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

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Lucy just got back from five and a half weeks away. It was equal parts heaven and absolute chaos, including the moment a wildfire came over the mountain behind her in-laws' villa and the whole family had to grab their passports and run. (Not exactly what was on the itinerary.)

So this episode kicks off with one hell of a holiday story. But it's really a holiday intervention, for Kel, and for anyone who never takes their leave.

Kel's sitting on a stack of unused annual leave and is known to bring her laptop to the beach (seek help). If that hits a nerve, welcome, you're among friends. We've all quietly decided that skipping the break makes us noble and heroic. Lucy's here to ruin that for you.

The reframe: rest isn't the enemy of success. It might be the thing that makes you better at everything.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why leaders skip annual leave, and how avoiding burnout starts with taking the break
• How holidays improve your thinking and boost productivity (there's neuroscience behind it)
• Why you have to "collect new dots" before you can connect them
• The bold case that holidays make you money, not cost you
• Why rest sounds boring, but coming back sharper and more creative doesn't
• How a proper break from work lets you step back and see your life clearly
• Why holidays stretch time, and the daily grind quietly compresses it
• How to stop overworking and actually take the leave (book it before the perfect time that never comes)
• How to switch off from work and disconnect without the guilt

Hosted by two women in leadership who've spent years learning how to lead well. The Lonely Leaders Club is honest conversation and real leadership skills for anyone trying to do great work without burning out.

Connect with us:

Lucy Allen

• Website: https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_graceful_collective/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucy-allen-tgc/

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellystambanis/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-stambanis-pr-corporatecommunications/

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak

Ever swallowed a chunk of mince pie a stranger accidentally spat into your mouth just to avoid the awkwardness? (Yes, that’s a real story. And yes, it’s how this episode kicks off.)

That's people pleasing in its most ridiculous form: putting someone else's comfort ahead of your own to the maxx!!

Lucy and Kel get into people pleasing at work: why we do it, what it costs us, and how to stop.

Lucy admits she's still unlearning it.

Kel's the one who'd stay firmly in her seat, asking why everyone else is standing up.

Being liked isn't about keeping everyone happy.

The leaders people actually like are clear and consistent.

They stick to their values even when that means saying no.

In this episode, we cover:

• How to stop people pleasing, and why it's really a form of self-abandonment
• Why we people please in the first place (thanks, evolution and our need to be liked)
• The cost of people pleasing at work, for leaders and their teams
• Why the most liked leaders are the clear ones, not the agreeable ones
• How to give feedback as a leader instead of sitting on it
• The "yes, no, yes" structure for setting boundaries at work without the guilt
• How to say no at work when your instinct is to say yes to everything
• Why people pleasing and boundaries are really about whose feelings you're responsible for
• How to buy yourself time to break the automatic "yes"
• The mindset shift (thank you Schitt's Creek) that puts your overthinking in its place

Hosted by two women in leadership who've spent years learning how to lead well. The Lonely Leaders Club is honest conversation and real leadership skills for anyone learning to set boundaries, say no, and lead like themselves.

Show mentioned in this episode: The Push (the social experiment doco that'll make you question your inner people pleaser).

Connect with us:

Lucy Allen

• Website: https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_graceful_collective/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucy-allen-tgc/

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellystambanis/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-stambanis-pr-corporatecommunications/

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak

What is influence, really?

It's not about authority or telling people what to do. It's the skill of understanding how they want to be led.

In this *requested* (we’re chuffed with that) episode, Lucy and Kel unpack how to influence people at work without relying on authority.

Spoiler: It's got nothing to do with you.

Influence is 99% about the other person and 1% about you, and once you get that, it becomes so much easier.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why influence is really "soft power," or leading without authority
• The number one mistake people make: making it about themselves
• How to remove friction so people can say yes quickly
• Why you should treat people how they want to be treated, not how you would
• How to ask people the way they actually want to receive information
• Listen to understand, not to respond, and the three things to listen for
• Why being interested makes you interesting
• How to build rapport with clients and colleagues, even the tricky ones
• Reframing "difficult" people as simply different, and getting curious instead

Hosted by two women in leadership who've spent years learning how to lead well. The Lonely Leaders Club is honest conversation and real leadership skills for anyone learning to influence, connect and lead from wherever they sit.

Book mentioned in this episode: The Names by Florence Knapp (the one Kel couldn't put down, and couldn't stop crying over).

Connect with us:

Lucy Allen

• Website: https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_graceful_collective/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucy-allen-tgc/

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellystambanis/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-stambanis-pr-corporatecommunications/

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak

Ever accidentally texted your boss calling them a bitch? No? Just Lucy then. But whether or not you've had a managing up horror story, you've definitely had a moment where you didn't know how to communicate with senior leadership, and it cost you.

Managing up is one of those leadership skills no one actually teaches you. You're expected to know how to give feedback to your boss, how to escalate problems without looking like you're dumping them, and how to build trust with your manager, all while making it look effortless.

But here's the thing: your boss doesn't want you to be a hero who handles everything alone.

They want to know what's going on, what you need, and how they can help. The leaders who get this right don't just survive, they become the person everyone wants on their team.

In this episode, we cover:

• What managing up actually means and why most leaders get it wrong
• How to communicate with senior leadership without wasting their time
• The difference between problem solving and problem dumping on your boss
• How to give feedback to your boss when the relationship feels intimidating
• Why building trust at work starts with transparency, not perfection
• How to structure one on one meetings so difficult conversations have a home
• The "hit me with the headlines" approach to communicating with your boss

Lucy's leadership program for managers → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/managementcollective

Lucy Allen and Kel Stambanis share real stories from their time working together, including what they each did well (and not so well) when it came to how to talk to senior leadership. If you've ever held back from escalating something because you didn't want to look weak, this one's for you.

Connect with us:

Lucy Allen

• Website
• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak

Ever sat across from a team member who's clearly going through something devastating and had no idea what to say? What if the most powerful thing you can do as a leader isn't solving the problem, but simply staying in the room?

Grief doesn't clock out when someone walks into the office. Whether it's losing a parent, a relationship breakdown, or fertility challenges, your team members are carrying things you can't always see. And most leaders have never been taught how to handle it. Not in leadership training, not in any management course, not in any boardroom.

The truth is, most people avoid these difficult conversations at work because they're afraid of making it worse. But avoiding them is what actually makes it worse. The leaders who build the deepest trust are the ones willing to sit in the discomfort, not fix it.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why bereavement in the workplace is something every leader will face and why so few are prepared
• The "leaky tap theory" and why grief never fully switches off
• What to say (and what not to say) when a team member is grieving
• How to support your team through hard times with practical, meaningful action
• Why showing emotion at work doesn't make you less professional
• How empathetic leadership and emotional intelligence in the workplace create stronger, more connected teams
• The one thing that turns a difficult moment into a relationship-building trust point

Lucy's leadership program for managers → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/managementcollective

Lucy Allen and Kel Stambanis share their deeply personal experiences of navigating grief as leaders, both as the one supporting and the one being supported. This is the conversation about leadership communication that most people never have, but every leader needs to hear.

Connect with us:

Lucy Allen

• Website
• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak

Ever feel like you're constantly busy but never making progress on the things that actually matter? What if having things left on your to-do list was a sign you're doing it right?

As a leader, the pressure to be "on" never stops. You're jumping between strategy, team needs, stakeholder demands, and the mental load of everything outside work. Whether it's family, ageing parents, or just trying to be a functioning human, it can feel like you're always behind and never doing anything well enough.

But what if the problem isn't you? What if it's the way you've been thinking about balance altogether? Most leaders are approaching the juggle the wrong way, and it's costing them the things that matter most.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why "work-life balance" might be the wrong goal and what balancing leadership and life actually looks like
• The rocks, pebbles, and sand analogy and how it changes your approach to prioritisation
• How to prioritise when everything feels urgent, using Stephen Covey's "schedule your priorities" principle
• Time management for leaders who are juggling work and family life
• The leadership mindset shift that turns an unfinished task list into a win
• Why productivity guilt and working parent guilt are signs you care, not signs you're failing
• How everything is seasonal and why letting go of the to-do list is a form of leadership growth

Lucy's leadership program for managers → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/managementcollective

Whether you're a working parent looking for tips that actually make sense or a leader who wants to improve as a leader without burning out, this one's for you.

Lucy Allen and Kel Stambanis are back with another honest conversation about what it really looks like to lead, parent, and try to be a functioning human at the same time. No hacks, no hustle talk, just two leaders who've been in it and are still figuring it out.

Connect with us: Lucy Allen

• Website
• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak

When was the last time you actually let yourself stop? Not because you ran out of hours in the day, but because you chose to?

In this episode of The Lonely Leaders Club, Lucy and Kel get real about something most leaders won't admit out loud: feeling guilty for not working. That constant tension of knowing you need a break but not being able to take one without someone else giving you the green light first.

The more senior you get, the harder it becomes to say no at work, take a sick day, or even cancel a plan without spiralling into guilt. Lucy shares her own experience of pushing through illness to avoid letting people down, and the pair unpack why so many leaders stay busy instead of leading. This episode is your permission slip to stop overworking and start actually resting.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why "work harder" is a great entry level strategy that stops serving you the more senior you become
• The guilt trap: why leaders struggle to take a break even when they know they need one
• How people pleasing at work keeps you stuck in a cycle of saying yes to everything
• Outsourcing permission: why we wait for someone else to tell us it's okay to rest
• Lucy's 5 Rs framework: Reveal, Reframe, Reprioritise, Reset, and Realise the impact
• How to stop feeling guilty for taking time off by challenging the stories you tell yourself
• Why feelings aren't facts, and how to rewrite the narrative that's keeping you exhausted
• Leadership mindset shifts: rest isn't weakness, it's strategy
• How to lead without burning out by modelling healthy behaviour for your team
• Why work-life balance starts with giving yourself permission before anyone else does

Lucy's leadership program for managers → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/managementcollective

Hosted by two women in leadership who've both wished for a minor car accident just to get a day off (yes, really), The Lonely Leaders Club is a leadership podcast that blends honest conversation with practical coaching tips. Real talk about leadership burnout and how to stop overworking as a leader without feeling like you're letting everyone down.

Connect with us: Lucy Allen

• Website
• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak

Have you ever felt like your team can't solve problems without you? Like every question, every decision, every "got a minute?" lands squarely on your desk?

In this episode of The Lonely Leaders Club, Lucy and Kel get into one of the most common traps in leadership: being everyone's problem solver at work. That moment you realise the thing that made you feel like a great leader (having all the answers) might actually be holding your team back.

Because the more senior you get, the more people come to you. And if you're always the one solving, you're not leading, you're just doing everyone else's thinking for them. This episode is about how to coach your team instead of giving answers, and how to build a self-sufficient team that doesn't fall apart without you.

In this episode, we cover:

• How to stop being your team's problem solver and why it happens in the first place
• Coaching vs managing: the difference between telling people what to do and helping them think for themselves
• The GROW model coaching framework: a simple structure you can use in your very next conversation
• A live role play using the GROW model to coach through a difficult feedback conversation
• How to ask better questions as a leader, and why "what do you think?" is more powerful than you realise
• Coaching questions for managers at every level, including how to coach junior team members
• The "three before me" rule: a practical tool for building team accountability
• How to get employees to think for themselves without leaving them stranded
• Leadership mindset shifts: why solving less actually makes you a stronger leader
• Why the best people management skills aren't about having answers, they're about asking the right questions

Lucy's leadership program for managers → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/managementcollective

Hosted by two women in leadership who've been on both sides of the desk, The Lonely Leaders Club is a leadership podcast that blends honest conversation with practical coaching tips. Real leadership skills for anyone figuring out how to stop micromanaging and start coaching, without losing connection with their team.

Connect with us: Lucy Allen

• Website
• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Kel Stambanis

• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Mentioned in this episode:

Book Me To Speak

Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday.

Book Me To Speak