“Who were you before the world told you who you should be?”

In this milestone 100th episode of The Lori Clarke Show, we conclude the 6-part Shame Out Loud series. This finale explores the "Child and Woman" split and the long, slow walk back to ourselves after a lifetime of silence.

Host Lori Clarke is joined by a specialized panel to discuss why "talk therapy" isn't always enough to move a nervous system out of a functional freeze, and what happens when the body finally decides it is time to be heard.

Our Expert Panel Includes:

• Lori Clarke: Writer and digital creator sharing the "Jailbreak" moment of reclaiming identity after childhood sexual assault and family gaslighting.

• Tammy Valicenti: Psychotherapist and EMDR specialist (founder of transformsolution.com) providing a clinical lens on parts work, attunement, and co-regulation.

• Petra Brunnbauer: Mind-body coach and chronic stress expert (creator of The Jōrni Podcast) discussing the vagus nerve and the "shock" of recognizing dissociation in the mirror.

• Annie Trainor: Sharing her personal reflections on the physical release of movement and the journey from performative living to authentic presence.

In this episode, we explore:

• The Somatic Turning Point: Why Lori’s body "cracked open" after a decade of silence, leading to physical illness and eventually, a jailbreak into her own truth.

• The Cardboard Sword Metaphor: A deep dive into the moment we stop fighting the world and start "scooping in" the younger parts of ourselves we once had to reject.

• Intergenerational Shame: How to discern between your own feelings and the "introjects" the voices of harm we inherit to realize what shame is "not yours."

• Functional Freeze & The Vagus Nerve: Petra shares the "micro-moments" of healing that allowed her to breathe deeply for the first time in years.

• The Challenge of Receiving: Why survivors often find it harder to receive love than to give it, and how to stay "afloat" when vulnerability feels like danger.

What if the story you’ve been telling about what hurt you, the compassionate one, the one that makes everyone comfortable, isn't actually true?

In Part 5 of the Shame Out Loud series, host Lori Clarke moves beyond "tidy" storytelling. We often manage our trauma narratives to keep them safe for the room, but in doing so, we lose the part of ourselves that knows the truth.

Lori is joined by co-host Tammy Valicenti and guest Annie Trainor, a clinical social worker with a deep background in the Boston juvenile justice system. Together, they explore the complex "hamster wheel" of harm, accountability, and the courage it takes to stop rationalizing and start listening.

In this episode, we explore:

• The Compassion Trap: Why we often defend the people who hurt us before we defend ourselves.

• Explanation vs. Excuse: Annie shares insights from her work with both victims and perpetrators on why the "hurt people hurt people" narrative requires accountability.

• The Silence of the Forest: What it means to be silenced—not just told to be quiet, but shaped by a world that made your truth inconvenient.

• The "Warrior Queen": Recognizing the moment you stop "pleasing" to stay safe and start trusting your own inner sight.

This isn’t a tidy conversation, but it is a necessary one. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, there is a way through the forest. It starts here.

09:25 — Welcome + framing the conversation

Have you ever realized you’re living by a vow you don’t remember making?

In Episode 98 of Shame Out Loud : Part 4 of our six-part series, Lori Clarke, co-host Tammy Valicenti, and guests Dr. Lara Barbir, and Carina Gosch explore what happens after the moment you start surviving instead of living.

Together, they open the “inner forest” to talk about shame, self-betrayal, and the slow work of coming home without forcing the timeline. 

You’ll also hear about the vows we make in the dark: I won’t feel this. I won’t need anyone. I’ll stay small to stay safe. And what it means to rewrite them into something truer, self-trust, agency, dignity, and a new way of belonging.

If you’ve been carrying a story that was never yours to hold, consider this your reminder: the forest may be where you adapted… but it can also be where you return.

(Gentle note: This episode includes discussion of trauma, sexual assault, shame, emotional neglect, and difficult family dynamics. Please listen with care and support as needed.)

1:16:30 – 1:25:00 — Off-mic wrap + “ancestors / possibilities are endless” closing energy

What if the parts of you that once kept you safe are now the very things keeping you stuck?

In Shame Out Loud (Part 3), host Lori Clarke sits down with co-host Tammy Valicenti (EMDR specialist and founder of TransformSolution) and guest Carina Ghosh for a raw, soulful roundtable inspired by Lori’s creative writing piece Child and Woman (Episode 95).

At the heart of this episode is a shared metaphor: the forest - the internal place where parts of us go to survive. Where fear lives. Where young selves still wait. Where old rules learned in silence continue to run the show.

This conversation names what so many people feel but rarely say out loud: dissociation, survival patterns, parentification, emotional neglect, shame, the “not enough” story, and the long, embodied return to wholeness. Together, Lori, Tammy, and Carina explore how our bodies carry what our voices could not, and how healing isn’t about comparing wounds, but about telling the truth out loud with people who get it.

You’ll hear about scattered parts, boundaries that finally hold, and a tender, radical truth woven throughout the conversation: It is a revolutionary act of self-love to say, "This ends with me."

Question to sit with as you listen: Where are you still performing for safety, and what part of you is waiting to return home to yourself?

This is Part 3 of a 6-part Shame Out Loud series. If this message resonates, you can purchase the writing companion on Lori’s website to explore the themes, reflections, and integration more deeply.

00:00–07:00 — Welcoming Karina & first reflections on Child and Woman

What if the part of you that checks out, goes quiet, or keeps you on high alert… isn’t broken, just protecting you?
This episode is Part Two of a six-part series exploring the reading Child and Woman.

In this episode, Lori and psychotherapist Tammy Valicenti explore the forest: that inner place we retreat to when life has been too much. Together they name what protection can look like (silence, numbness, hyper-vigilance, control), how shame hijacks our inner dialogue, and why the simplest intervention can be the most powerful: “Hello, I hear you.” You’ll leave with a gentler map back to yourself, one that doesn’t require force, only curiosity.

Have you ever felt a moment split your life into a before and an after, even if you couldn’t explain why?

This episode begins not with a conversation, but with a story.

Child and Woman is a piece of creative writing told through myth and image: a mirror, a locked bathroom door, running water, and a forest that quietly receives what cannot yet be spoken.

Written years before Shame Out Loud existed, this piece lived privately, waiting for the right mix of safety and language. When it finally emerged, it became the foundation for this entire series.

What you’ll hear is not a retelling of events, but an inner landscape. A girl who cannot stay in the light. A witness who forms in real time. A choice to disappear into darkness as a way to survive.

Though spoken in one voice, this story belongs to many. It speaks to silence, protection, disconnection, and the long, often invisible walk back to oneself. The harm itself is not described. What’s named instead is what happens after—inside the body, the breath, the sense of self.

This episode opens a six-part series exploring how shame takes shape, how it’s carried, and how voice slowly returns. The episodes that follow feature roundtable conversations with guests whose lives have been shaped by different forms of harm, instability, and emotional survival

. The details differ. The ache does not.

If you listen, take your time. Notice what your body does. Pause if you need to.

This is where Shame Out Loud begins.

And when you’re ready, Part Two is waiting, where Tammy Valicenti and Lori Clarke begin walking the forest together, out loud.

Chapters:

26:35 Where to find the writing companions and episodes, closing thanks

Have you ever felt a moment split your life into a before and an after, even if you couldn’t explain why?

This episode begins not with a conversation, but with a story.

Child and Woman is a piece of creative writing told through myth and image: a mirror, a locked bathroom door, running water, and a forest that quietly receives what cannot yet be spoken.

Written years before Shame Out Loud existed, this piece lived privately, waiting for the right mix of safety and language. When it finally emerged, it became the foundation for this entire series.

What you’ll hear is not a retelling of events, but an inner landscape. A girl who cannot stay in the light. A witness who forms in real time. A choice to disappear into darkness as a way to survive.

Though spoken in one voice, this story belongs to many. It speaks to silence, protection, disconnection, and the long, often invisible walk back to oneself. The harm itself is not described. What’s named instead is what happens after—inside the body, the breath, the sense of self.

This episode opens a six-part series exploring how shame takes shape, how it’s carried, and how voice slowly returns. The episodes that follow feature roundtable conversations with guests whose lives have been shaped by different forms of harm, instability, and emotional survival.

The details differ. The ache does not.

If you listen, take your time. Notice what your body does. Pause if you need to.

This is where Shame Out Loud begins.

And when you’re ready, Part Two is waiting, where Tammy Valicenti and Lori Clarke begin walking the forest together, out loud.

26:35 Where to find the writing companions and episodes, closing thanks

What does it really mean to begin again?

In this Shame Out Loud reflection, Lori explores the courage it takes to start from a new place — not because we failed before, but because we’ve grown beyond what once kept us safe.

This episode is for those who:

• have outgrown old patterns and beliefs

• learned to survive before they learned to feel safe

• are quietly longing for peace, wholeness, and self-trust

Beginning again isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about choosing a different relationship with it.

This episode gently leads into the Child and Woman series — a space for deeper conversations about healing, boundaries, curiosity, and returning to love through lived experience and reflection.

It’s never too late to begin again.

In this second introduction to the Child and Woman series inside Shame Out Loud, Lori Clarke offers deeper context for the story she’s been slowly, carefully telling.

This episode explores the difference between what’s visible on the outside and what’s carried on the inside — and how family systems, unspoken rules, secrecy, and inherited beliefs can shape a life long before we have language for them.

Lori reflects on growing up inside a “family container” marked by victim mentality, scarcity, and silence — and how those patterns created a covering of shame that made it difficult to see herself clearly, even years later. She speaks honestly about the ache that didn’t come from what happened, but from what didn’t happen: protection, validation, advocacy, and safety.

This is a conversation about truth-telling, reclaiming your inner narrative, and the courage it takes to turn inward — especially when doing so threatens the systems that taught you who you were allowed to be.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, invalidated, or disconnected from yourself — especially when your external life didn’t reflect your internal experience — this episode offers language, context, and validation.

Content note: This episode includes reflections on emotional abuse, secrecy, family systems, and lived experiences that may be activating for some listeners. Please listen at the pace your body allows.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Shame Out Loud

02:00 The Journey of Self-Reflection

08:15 The Impact of External Perceptions

10:49 Family Containers and Beliefs

20:18 Reclaiming the Inner Narrative

26:21 Breaking Free from Victim Mentality

38:12 The Power of Self-Love and Validation

This series began with a question I didn’t know how to answer for a long time:
What happens after something painful occurs—especially when the care, protection, or validation we needed never came?

Child and Woman is a six-part series inside the Shame Out Loud space, drawn from lived experience and creative writing, followed by intimate conversations about shame, emotional safety, nervous system regulation, and returning to love from within.

This work is not about reliving what happened or fixing what’s broken. It’s about understanding what we adapted to survive—and how curiosity, safety, and self-compassion can be relearned over time.

The series will be released in its entirety at the end of January.
You’re welcome to listen at the pace your body allows.

The series lives at loriclarkemedia.com.