Let me save you all some time and trouble and disavow you of the notion of my perfection, right here and now. It will save us a witch hunt and a good old-fashioned burning at the stake.
I have an online fan (who shall remain nameless) who seems to think I can do no wrong.
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“Paige Lockton would never …”
“Paige and I may be the only people who would never …”
And it makes me … uncomfortable.
It's important to set the record straight, right the fuck now; particularly, in light of the MANY recent scandals, where horse pros - formerly venerated for their skills and accomplishments - have been brought down by videos of abhorrent practices released to the public.
I could be next.
If YOU are a horse pro from my era, chances are …
YOU COULD BE NEXT, TOO!
Thankfully, back in the day of dinosaurs, there weren’t cameras everywhere. But if there HAD been … ???
Maybe much needed and long overdue changes in the equestrian world would have come earlier? Of course, we’ll never know. In any case, the court of public opinion has spoken; it’s time to evolve or die.
It’s SUPPOSED to be all about the love of horses. Horse pros must be in it for the loves of horses, too, right?
In the aftermath of a horse-pro-scandal, you’ll hear and read things like;
“How could someone who loves horses DO that sort of thing?!”
Their character is assassinated, their sponsors drop them, and they become another persona non grata.
I get it – you are shocked and outraged and ‘let down’ by your heroes when you see them fall from Grace .. and the pedestals YOU put them on … for doing things you admire and aspire to with horses.
Let that sink in.
What do you worship? Why do you worship it? WHO do you worship?
I know - YOU thought they got the results they did, ethically. You thought their horses were lucky to be ridden by such a superstar … and now you know the truth.
Upon seeing these things in the news, you may have disowned them, distanced yourself from them, judged them, condemned them for their abhorrent actions, and sent them flying off their shaky mile-high pedestals … only to look around for their replacement.
Who is next?
“So-and-so is a better rider!”
“So-and-so only uses classical methods!”
“So-and-so would NEVER … (fill in the blank)”
Really? Maaaaaaybe yes … and maaaaaaaybe no.
Maybe, THEY will be the next ones outed for something!
Who is next, indeed! In our era of horse pros … we should ALL be afraid!
A friend - well ahead of me on the path towards liberty training, clicker training, and positive reinforcement - recently suggested I distance myself from her. It was the day after one of HER heroes and mentors, known for creating harmony and teaching others … was outed for various awful practices and judged publicly by her peers in the court of social media.
Sweet Jesus! If the queen of horse-human harmony herself could be shown to be corrupt and thrown to the curb … we were ALL in a heap of trouble!
She said;
“Think about it, Paige. There are things that I used to do with horses that I wouldn’t do anymore. There were times when I lost my temper, times when I smacked them, times when I flipped a horse over to teach it not to rear, or punished a horse for something that was probably a pain-related behaviour ... Any of those things COULD be caught on tape. What if one of them came out?”
Sigh …
I am NOT going to disown and judge my friend.
And may I suggest we ALL refrain from pointing fingers, judging, and demonizing our heroes, after knocking them from those pedestals we put them on.
Why?
Well, for one … because it wasn’t just one or two of them. Let’s talk about how the things my friend was guilty of with horses became NORMAL for generations of us to do.
And let’s be clear.
It was ALL of them.
I can hear you jumping up and down and howling.
“Not ME!”
“Not So-And-So!”
“Not MY hero!”
Relax and save your righteous indignation while I make my point.
While it may not have been EVERY horse person we grew up learning from and witnessing, my 50+ years of experience in the horse industry shows that it was SO prevalent … it may as well have been. To name names and call them all out … would leave very few horse pros to care for our current horse population!
What you see in videos like these is NOT exceptional; they represent just another day at work, in an industry that has normalized this sort of thing straight across the disciplines.
This is not a dressage problem. This is not a reining problem. This is a problem in lesson barns, in hunter barns, in barrel racing barns … it really is EVERYWHERE.
How does this happen? How can people who love horses DO these sorts of things to them?
Good questions! I am asking them myself, with curiosity and a heart full of love and compassion for my younger self and for my peers. We have been sharing some interesting and tender conversations about the things we witnessed, excused, participated in, and normalized, in practically every barn we went to.
This is what you end up with when …
… when your pony club instructors dealt with a horse that reared and displayed ‘difficult’ behaviours by flipping it over and tying it down under blankets to “Think about it” and ‘break’ them …
… when your ancestors taught you to “Tie ‘em to a patience pole until he learns to give up and quit fighting!” …
… when your mentors say things like; “Show ‘em who is boss!” And “Don’t let him win!”
… when it is common to hear a groom say, “Make sure you LTD (Lunge Till Death) that horse before her round!”
… when it is NORMAL for a mother to ask, “How much ACE (a tranquilizer) should I give my kid’s pony before her class?”
You still hear these things every day in the Horse world. It is still largely a sick place for horses AND humans. It will take a while for the old programs to play themselves out and show us the insanity they were based on, and for us to go through the process of owning our complicity in the industry, feeling the shame flood our bodies as we remember our past … and search for other ways, better ways, to get along with horses.
Blood On My Hands
Back to me, and MY complicity ...
I am where I am, and I have studied what I've studied, because I've needed it myself. I've made it my passion and purpose to share … precisely because of the blood on my hands.
Yes, I have blood on my hands.
I talk a big game about making magic with horses, but in my pursuit of making it to the 1992 Olympics - and again in an attempt specifically to make it to the World Equestrian Games in 2002 - my horses suffered.
Yes, I LOVED them, but make no mistake - I was on a mission and they were along for the ride. And MOST of them, to be fair, thought it was a pretty cool, if sweaty, life.
My little crossbred, O’Reilly, DID love to gallop across the country … but he also tied-up (spasmed) BADLY from over-exertion … twice … in my pursuit of sport and trying to qualify for a team. He plumbed his depths for me, in the heat of our North American summers. He climbed ski hills for me. He jumped HOUSES for me!
I wonder how our lives would be different … if I could go back in time, and instead of following the traditional S.M.A.R.T. goal setting rules (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time bound), I took the ‘T’ for ‘time bound’ out of that equation? Hell, maybe even the MEASURABLE part!
Maybe S.M.A.R.T. goals are D.U.M.B.
What if …
… what if I'd given up on S.M.A.R.T. goals and trying to make it specifically to the 1992 Olympics … and just made it my goal to pursue excellence and unity with horses?
Would that have eventually led me down a path to the Olympics at a later date, as a natural consequence of practicing excellence?
Would I CARE?
If I wasn’t so hell-bent on ‘making it’, would I have pushed my horses as hard as I did?
Not bloody likely, on all parts!
But … you HAD to push yourselves - AND push your horses - to excel in our sport. Three-Day Eventing was conceived as a test of Cavalry Officers and their mounts; the whole point was to test the depths of horse-human bravery, strength and endurance! They put it all on the line in the name of National defense and honour.
In my day, we were coached by military men; men who approached sport with the same life-or-deathness about it as they approached training their cavalry officers and mounts – like everything was STILL on the line! Like it was STILL a test to see if we could carry out a mission, and gallop across the countryside over Whatever-The-Fuck-Got-In-The-Way … come hell, high water, or BOTH.
In a conversation I had with ancient Eventing icon, Denny Emerson, about what we saw and experienced as ‘normal’ in our era of sport, he recounted a common memory from the vet box, where we gathered to assess the condition of both horse and course, before heading out on some near-impossible long-distance test of horse-human bravery.
In Denny’s era, which extended into mine, we were instructed to leave just enough left in the tank to show jump the next day. To punctuate this, our coach would reach into a bucket full of water, pick up a large sponge floating within it, fully saturated, and make a big show out of ringing out every. Last. Drop.
The message was clear.
It seems horrifying now, to put that in print and look back on it in cold blood. The sad thing is it was just normal.
And yes, I’ll say it again, we did love our horses.
Sigh …
Life is complicated. Have you met any humans lately?
I was an ambitious young rider, hell bent on sticking to my S.M.A.R.T. goals form the age of 6, and that meant my horses were along for the ride, too. Not ALL of them embraced my plans!
Schimmel; my young, grey, ridiculously talented Hanovarian; wanted NOTHING to do with the shenanigans and hard work I proposed!
Hell, he didn't even want to step in a puddle or get his feet wet!
I hit that horse regularly, because he told me he didn't want to do something I wanted him to do. He said no all the time!
“No! I don't want to go through that puddle!”
“No! I don't want to jump that scary looking jump in the field!”
“No! I don't want to run at high speeds away from my friends and everything I know, to sweat my bag off and make your dreams come true!”
Sometimes, he said no when we were on the other side of a creek that needed to be crossed to get back home again. One day, on the wet, winding trails behind my neighbors, we got stuck on the far side of a creek he didn't want to cross. I hit that horse until my arm was tired. Then I switched arms.
He would just shut down and take it, like they can, and sometimes do. From a nervous system standpoint, that is a blessing - blocking out what you can’t escape. Poor soul.
How horrifying!
It was wrong, of course. I would do ANYTHING to go back.
I felt horrible. I cried the whole way home. Something inside me died. I hated myself for that and I started to hate riding. I was 15 years old, and went into a depression.
This was NOT what I signed up for.
Finally, confronted by the obvious when I attended my first International 3-Day event in Radnor, Pennsylvania, as a 15-year-old groom for Peter Grey, I decided to quit trying to make him into something he was clearly NOT. We sold him to a job that he was born and bred for; to prance around a perfectly groomed and DRY dressage ring and show himself off.
Enter O’Reilly
I found a horse that was just as game to run and jump things, just as over-sensitive and adrenalized, and even MORE of a people pleaser than I was! Everyone called us ‘rockstars’ as we rocketed to the top of the world's toughest equestrian sport; a too-tall teenager on a little half-breed that could.
It really was remarkable, all things considered, although I wasn't aware of it at the time. I couldn't have been, or I wouldn't have dared try!
And in trying there was indeed great beauty, unfathomable opportunity, and immeasurable learning. It was fun for me, and most of it seemed to be fun for my horse, too.
Yes, there WAS ‘magic’. I didn't make that up.
But what was our relationship based on?
And why were horses generally so compliant for me?
For starters, it didn’t hurt that I was over 6 feet tall! And I think that generally, horses appreciated that they knew what to expect from me - they could read me. I was large and in charge and what I wanted was obvious. I rewarded them, and celebrated their efforts, and applied my favorite motto; Never Holler, “Whoa!” in a Tight Spot, wherever and whenever I could. Any traumatized horse appreciates these things, so I got along well with horses like Speed Axcel.
But, in retrospect, I totally under-estimated the effect of walking into their stalls with 100% confidence of the outcome. There would be compliance. There need be no battle! I knew I could use a special hold, or tool, to get immobility and compliance; a gift learned from immobilizing countless emergency patients as the daughter and helper of an equine veterinarian. And THEY knew it, too.
I didn’t pull that one out of my hat unless I HAD to, but horses respond well to that kind of absolute confidence. You would, too.
BUT … you can see how it could come at a cost … and is not something everyone can pull off … or SHOULD … as the relationship resembles master/servant, or abuser/victim, or power-over structures.
So, even when it goes well … let’s not call it something it’s not ... it is what it is.
Or … it WAS what it WAS …
Horsecraft is evolving
Now, let’s play a little game of ‘what if’ …
What if … I had removed the ‘T’ from my S.M.A.R.T. goals all those years ago, and taken the timeline out of my horse human relationship goals?
Well, for one, I wouldn't have been a sponsored and supported athlete, that's for damn sure!
“I just want to achieve horse-human harmony. Will you sponsor me?”
Not bloody likely! Maybe that sort of thing will fly in the future … (I hope so!) … but it sure didn’t look like an option for me at the time.
So, within the construct of what I grew up in, I asked too much. My horse tied-up over-exerting himself, while trying his heart out for me. I lost my temper with horses I trained. I am no better than my peers - the ones you have recently toppled from the pedestals you erected and placed them on. I have blood on MY hands, too.
And so, I wash them with words that I share with the world on behalf of the horses who carried my dreams on their backs and taught me so much.
Thank you, for teaching me
I am living my post-catastrophe life as an ode to the horses that taught me. My mission is to study what elevates Horsecraft from the mundane, obedient, and mechanical ... to the magical! There are others out there doing better, and I want to learn from them. How about you?
So, now that I'm no longer sitting way up there all by myself on my pedestal, and you are out of the shadow of disillusionment, let's step into the future of Horsecraft, together.
The Horse World is a broken place; a microcosm for life, driven by madness and ego dreams, as much as for the love of horses.
Most of the equine industry is driven by Adult Amateur horse lovers, for sport, passion, or hobby, and children from non-horsey families; people whose dreams are to make magic with horses.
May I be so bold to say we are failing them.
I don't think that everyone who is participating in these things is as happy as their profile picture with their horse suggests.
I'd guess that many armor-up their hearts and wear masks to go to the barn. And I imagine many of them see the robotic way their schooley behaves, and ask themselves if they're happy with their jobs.
Yes, those horses have to earn a living … but I think there just may be better ways to relate to horses for kids and adults who want to have them in their lives, than the average sport model or lesson program allows.
I'm in the middle of an experiment to find out what that might look like.
There are others ahead of us in this evolution of Horsecraft. Want to meet them? Let me know who you would like to hear interviewed!
Next up: we look at how S.M.A.R.T. goals are D.U.M.B., in my private Wizards of Horsecraft Mastermind and Q&A session Aug 12th, and publicly pick it up again later, Aug 20th in a LIVE interview, for a discussion on what to replace S.M.A.R.T. goals with, with Darci Ecker-Popiel. STAY TUNED and check The Magic of Horsecraft Facebook page for details.
Hang on to your hats horse pros! This is a tricky, vulnerable, AMAZING time to be in the horse industry. It promises to be a wild ride! But who doesn’t love a little buck and holler every now and then, to spice things up?
If you want to keep your finger on the pulse of the horse world, I suggest you check out the podcast, Changing Rein.
In the meantime, let’s refrain from judging anyone on their journey, and just try our best to change what we can.
Remember what Maya Angelou said;
Take a chance,
Paige
xoxox
ANYTHING is possible (together!)
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