What if all that helping… is actually making things harder?

I see this so often. A parent saying, “I just want them to be okay,” and underneath that, a constant smoothing. Preparing, checking, guiding, stepping in. Like those people in curling, frantically brushing the ice so nothing gets in the way.And it comes from love. Of course it does.

When we smooth everything out for our children, we quietly teach them that the world is full of problems… and that they might not be able to handle them.

When we step in too quickly, we take away the very experiences that build confidence. Because confidence doesn’t come from things going well. It comes from, “That was hard… and I got through it.” So growing up actually needs a bit of wobble. A social misstep. A disappointment. A moment of uncertainty. Not too much. But enough. Enough for them to discover that they can feel uncomfortable… and survive it.

So sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is less. Less fixing. Less predicting. Less stepping in too soon. And more trusting. Not that the world is easy but that our child can meet it. And that’s one of the hardest things to do as a parent… and one of the most powerful.

Thank you for pausing with me. Take care.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kimmccabe.substack.com/subscribe