The Men's Collective

Do you feel like you have to prove yourself before you can belong? Brian Bustillo joins the Men’s Collective Pod to explore men’s groups, male friendship, and the pressure to earn your worth through achievement and productivity.

Brian is a father, educator, firefighter/paramedic, and founder of MAN/kāv, a Miami-based men’s community focused on connection, personal growth, and mental well-being. Together, we explore why men need community—and what makes showing up feel so vulnerable.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How ridicule and judgment can leave men guarded around other men
• Why winning, performing, and producing can become measures of self-worth
• How workouts and shared activities create opportunities for trust and honest conversation
• What it means to listen without interrupting, giving unwanted advice, or fixing everything
• Why some men keep attending long before they feel ready to open up
• The relief of putting down the roles of dad, worker, and problem solver
• How fathers can model accountability by making mistakes and apologizing

If you’re wondering how to make friends as an adult man, find a men’s group, or build a stronger sense of belonging, this conversation explores what meaningful connection can look like. We talk about male loneliness, men’s mental health, vulnerability, and building brotherhood where you can be yourself.

Connect with Brian and MAN/kāv:
https://www.mankav.org/

What helps you feel safe enough to be yourself around other men? Share your experience in the comments, and subscribe to the Men’s Collective Pod for more honest conversations about men’s lives, relationships, and community.

Subscribe to The Men’s Collective for more conversations about fatherhood, relationships, masculinity, and personal growth.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:                 
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

The mental load of fatherhood can feel heavy—even when you’re doing everything you can for your family. John T. Prather joins The Men’s Collective to explore provider pressure, men’s mental health, and how dads can build strength without hiding their emotions.  

Host Travis Goodman and John discuss the hidden weight many men carry: paying the bills, protecting their families, being present fathers, and wondering whether they’re doing enough. They explore healthy masculinity, male friendship, emotional vulnerability, and why finding people you trust can make opening up feel possible.  

John shares how fitness and side-by-side conversations can create opportunities for connection and why tackling a “500-pound” emotional issue starts with smaller, manageable steps.  

In this episode, we cover:
• The mental load men and fathers often carry in silence
• Financial stress and the pressure to provide
• Understanding your partner’s burden without keeping score
• Healthy masculinity, emotional strength, and vulnerability
• Becoming a more present dad when you lacked a good example
• Building male friendships and finding trusted support
• How shared challenges can help men open up
• Small habits that support personal growth
• The generational impact of how we show up as fathers  

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed as a dad, struggled to ask for help, or wanted stronger connections with the men in your life, this conversation offers a place to start.  

What’s one pressure you wish more people understood about being a man or a father? Share what you’re comfortable sharing in the comments.  

Subscribe to The Men’s Collective for more conversations about fatherhood, relationships, masculinity, and personal growth.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:                
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com

Connect with John:
Website: https://johntprather.com
Instagram: @JohnTPrather

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

Radical acceptance gets misunderstood a lot. In this short episode we start with what it isn't: it isn't approving of what happened, giving up, or staying passive. Then we define what it is and explain why fully accepting reality as it is reduces suffering. You'll also get a simple practice for moving from resistance to wise action, a look at the difference between willingness and willfulness, and a practice to try this week.

Chapters:
00:00 What Radical Acceptance Is Not
00:41 Defining Radical Acceptance and Why It Reduces Suffering
01:41 A Simple Practice for Moving From Resistance to Wise Action
02:12 Willingness vs. Willfulness
02:38 Weekly Practice and Closing Invitation

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:               
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com 

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

Do you ever react so fast that your mouth is halfway through the sentence before your brain gets invited to the meeting?

That is where the DBT STOP skill can help.

STOP is a distress tolerance skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, designed to help you slow down when you feel anxious, angry, defensive, overwhelmed, or highly activated.

In this video, I break down the four parts of the STOP skill:

S: Stop
T: Take a step back
O: Observe
P: Proceed mindfully

The goal is not to get rid of your emotions. The goal is to create enough space between what you feel and what you do next so you can choose a more effective response.

I also walk through a real-life relationship example where you feel criticized, notice your body getting activated, and use the STOP skill before reacting.

A helpful question to ask in the moment:
“What action is most effective, and what action best fits my values right now?”

Practice one rep this week.

Use STOP before you speak, text, or make a decision when you notice yourself getting activated.

I’m Travis Goodman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, mind-body coach, founder of The Men’s Collective, and host of The Men’s Collective Podcast.

This video is also available through The Men’s Collective Podcast as part of a practical skills series focused on DBT, nervous system regulation, relationships, emotional health, and everyday tools you can actually use.

Educational content only. This is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:               
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

What happens when your emotions say one thing and logic says another?  

In this video, I break down Wise Mind, one of the core mindfulness skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT. Wise Mind helps you move beyond reacting purely from emotion or relying only on logic so you can make more grounded decisions.  

To make it simple, I use a Star Trek analogy.  

Think of Spock as Reasonable Mind. He focuses on facts, logic, analysis, and what makes sense.  

Think of Captain Kirk as Emotion Mind. He is more likely to lead from instinct, passion, urgency, and what feels important in the moment.  

Wise Mind brings both together.  

Rather than asking emotion or logic to win, Wise Mind asks:  What am I feeling? What are the facts? What action fits my values? 

In this video, you'll learn what Wise Mind is, the difference between Emotion Mind and Reasonable Mind, why both have value, and how to access Wise Mind when you feel anxious, angry, overwhelmed, defensive, or triggered.  T

his skill can be especially useful during conflict, relationship stress, parenting, difficult decisions, and moments when you notice yourself reacting quickly.  

I'm Travis Goodman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, founder of The Men's Collective, and host of The Men's Collective Podcast.  

This episode is part of my practical skills series, where I break down tools from DBT, nervous system regulation, parts work, and therapy into simple practices you can use in everyday life.  

This content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:               
YouTube: Travis Goodman Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com Follow Quentin: Instagram: @quentin.g.decamp

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, Travis Goodman sits down with Quentin Decamp to explore what it really means for a man to become secure.

This conversation goes deep into attachment, masculinity, codependency, the nice guy pattern, womanizing, self-betrayal, emotional validation, and how men can begin to move from approval-seeking into values-led living.

Quentin shares parts of his own story, including how he moved from being the “good boy,” the nice guy, and the womanizer into deeper self-awareness, secure attachment, and a more grounded masculine identity. We talk about how men often confuse performance with confidence, avoidance with freedom, and emotional suppression with strength.

We also explore how early family dynamics, enmeshment, neglect, and unresolved emotional wounds can shape the way men relate to women, intimacy, fatherhood, and themselves. Quentin describes how men can begin to identify the false self, break old patterns, and stop trying to earn love through performance, pleasing, chasing, or proving.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why men perform masculinity instead of feeling secure
• The attachment wound behind the nice guy pattern
• How codependency shows up in men
• Why womanizing can be a form of avoidance
• The difference between worth and value
• Why men chase validation in relationships
• How self-betrayal keeps men stuck
• What secure masculinity can look like
• How men can become more emotionally grounded without oversharing or collapsing
• Why men need other men, mentors, and community
• How values help men stop living from approval

This episode is for men who want to stop repeating old relationship patterns, build healthier intimacy, become more secure, and live with more integrity in their relationships, family, and inner life.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:              
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com

Follow Quentin: Instagram: @quentin.g.decamp

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

Why can so many successful men stay calm, focused, and capable at work, but become reactive, shut down, or emotionally disconnected at home?

In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, Travis Goodman sits down with Jessica Gold to explore why high-performing men often feel confident professionally but lost relationally.

Jessica shares how men can become highly skilled at solving problems, performing under pressure, and staying productive, while still struggling with emotional availability, nervous system regulation, intimacy, and communication in marriage or long-term relationships.

This conversation looks at why problem-solving often does not work when your partner wants to feel heard, why emotional closeness can trigger stress or defensiveness, and how performance-based identity can keep men stuck in doing mode instead of presence.

We also explore Jessica’s “relationship chemistry” framework, including inner chemistry, relational chemistry, nervous system awareness, window of tolerance, emotional attunement, and the importance of learning relationships as a real skill.

In this episode, we cover:

Why men can perform well at work but shut down at home

Why problem-solving can make your partner feel unseen

How nervous system activation impacts marriage and relationships

Why men often feel pressure to always know the answer

The role of shame, fear, and performance-based identity

How to move from fixing to presence

Why emotional awareness is a skill men can learn

How men’s groups can help reduce shame and build connection

How systems thinking and relationship chemistry can help couples change

This episode is for men who look successful on the outside but feel disconnected from themselves, their partner, or the people closest to them.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:             
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com 

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

What if the goal of parenting is not to control your kids, but to become the parent they call when life gets messy?

In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, I sit down with Wendy and Terry Snyder from Fresh Start Family to talk about connection-based discipline, strong fatherhood, nervous system awareness, and how dads can lead their homes with both firmness and warmth.

We talk about why so many fathers default to fixing, controlling, threatening, yelling, or shutting down when their kids have big emotions. Wendy and Terry share how “connection before correction” helps parents build trust, reduce power struggles, and raise strong, emotionally resilient kids without relying on fear-based parenting.

This conversation is especially for dads who want to stop repeating old parenting patterns, repair faster after conflict, and build a relationship where their kids feel safe, respected, and deeply loved.

In this episode, we cover:

Why dads often try to fix big emotions too quickly

What children actually need during stressful moments

Why discipline means teaching, not punishment

How to set firm boundaries without fear, shame, or control

Why repair matters more than getting parenting perfect

How to stop using threats and bribes as parenting tools

The difference between true strength and force

How nervous system awareness changes the way dads respond

Why strong kids need connection, not domination

How to become the parent your child calls when life gets hard

Learn more about Fresh Start Family: freshstartfamilyonline.com  

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:            
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com

www.freshstartfamilyonline.com

www.freshstartfamilyonline.com/book

www.freshstartfamilyonline.com/secrets

www.freshstartfamilyonline.com/show

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

Most men are not actually confused about what matters to them. They are afraid.

In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, Travis Goodman, LMFT explores how fear quietly shapes men’s lives, relationships, nervous systems, identity, and decisions. Using themes from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, this episode breaks down why so many men stay emotionally guarded, disconnected, overworked, numb, and stuck in survival mode.

This is not a book review. It’s a conversation about fear, purpose, masculinity, emotional health, nervous system regulation, and the internal battle many men face between comfort and growth.

Topics covered:
• Why men confuse safety with peace
• Fear and the male nervous system
• Why fear gets louder before growth
• Hypervigilance, performance, and emotional avoidance
• The connection between fear and masculine identity
• Why unfamiliarity feels dangerous
• Faith, uncertainty, and personal growth
• Men’s mental health and emotional resilience
• Polyvagal Theory and fear responses
• How men can become more grounded under pressure

If you’ve been feeling stuck, disconnected, emotionally exhausted, or afraid to take the next step in life, relationships, or purpose, this episode is for you.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:           
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au

In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, Travis Goodman sits down with Pat Barber to talk about fatherhood as a mirror, coaching as self-awareness, and what it means to become the kind of man your kids actually need. Pat shares how decades of coaching movement, developing coaches, and raising four boys have forced him to look honestly at himself, grow through discomfort, and rethink what real leadership looks like.  

This conversation explores how fatherhood can bring out both your best and your worst, why good coaching and good parenting require flexibility, and why so many men struggle with not having it all figured out. Travis and Pat also talk about raising good adults instead of just obedient kids, creating emotional safety in the parent-child relationship, and the importance of helping men know they are unconditionally loved.  

In this episode:
Pat Barber on fatherhood as a mirror
How coaching others exposed
Pat’s own blind spots
Why good coaches and good dads adapt to the individual
The difference between raising good kids and raising good adults
Why men struggle with shame, failure, and not knowing
The role of unconditional love in male growth and emotional health  

If you are a father, coach, husband, or man trying to grow with more intention, this episode will challenge and encourage you.

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube

🌐 Learn more at menscollective.co or travisgoodmanlmft.com

JOIN THE COLLECTIVE:   JOIN THE MEN'S COLLECTIVE: CLICK HERE

JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!   CLICK HERE: MAILING LIST

INSTAGRAM:  MENSCOLLECTIVE.CO

WATCH ON YOUTUBE:  WATCH HERE

Connect and Support Travis:           
YouTube: Travis Goodman
Instagram: @travis.goodman.lmft
Web: TravisGoodmanLMFT.com

Music by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au