The Messy Middle

When people hear that I had a baby at 47, they usually focus on my age. But honestly, one of the hardest parts wasn't deciding I wanted another baby, it was deciding how.

In this episode, I share the personal journey behind that decision, including why I chose to use an egg donor, the different options I considered, and what it felt like navigating motherhood later in life. This isn't a medical discussion or a how-to guide, it's simply my story and the choices that felt right for me.

If you've ever found yourself on a path that looked different than you expected, I think you'll relate to this one.

In this episode of The Messy Middle, I talk about a conversation I recently had with my doctor that unexpectedly made me reflect on how much women’s lives have changed from previous generations.

From motherhood timelines to aging, identity, and family dynamics, so many women today are living lives that don’t fit the traditional boxes we grew up expecting.

I also open up about becoming both a younger grandma and an older mom, existing somewhere between generations, and how my perspective on women having babies later in life has completely changed over the years.

Maybe life doesn’t always follow the timeline we imagined for ourselves… and maybe that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

🎙 The Messy Middle Podcast
New episodes every Wednesday.

In this episode, I talk about the very surreal experience of being pregnant at the same time as my daughter, something I never imagined would be part of my life story.

We talk about what it’s like being both a younger grandma and an older mom at the same time, how motherhood has looked completely different across generations, and how this unexpected experience actually brought my daughter and me even closer together.

I also open up about the emotional side of not being able to fully be there for her after she had her baby because we were living in different states while I was postpartum myself.

Motherhood doesn’t always follow one timeline anymore… and sometimes life ends up looking completely different than we imagined.

There was a time in my life when I thought having a baby later in life didn’t make sense.

I had a very clear idea of how things were “supposed” to go.

You have kids young…
you raise them…
and then you move on.

But life doesn’t always follow that timeline.

I had my son at 47.

And while it didn’t ruin my life… it completely rewrote it.

In this episode, I talk about what that actually looks like—the parts people don’t really say out loud, the reality behind the assumptions, and how my perspective has completely changed.

If you’ve ever questioned your timeline, or someone else’s, this one might hit.

If you would’ve asked me 20 years ago what my life would look like right now… this wouldn’t have been it.

I had my son at 47, started a completely new career at 50, and somehow found myself starting over in ways I didn’t expect at this stage of life.

I really thought by now things would feel more settled… more certain… like I’d have it together more than this.

But instead, I still feel like I’m figuring things out as I go.

And there are moments where I catch myself thinking—shouldn’t I be past this already?

In this episode, I talk about what it actually feels like to be in this stage of life when it doesn’t look the way you thought it would… including the part no one really talks about, being a grandma who doesn’t fit the version you always imagined.

This is about starting over, feeling out of sync with your age, and realizing that maybe we’re not as “finished” as we thought we’d be by now.

If you’ve ever felt like you should have it all figured out by this point… you’re not alone.

I really thought making mom friends would be easy.

You have kids, they have kids… it should just click, right?

But it hasn’t.

In this episode, I talk about what it’s actually been like trying to build real connections as a mom, especially when you feel like you’re in a completely different place than everyone around you.

I’ve met people. I’ve had conversations. I’ve even tried apps like Peanut.

But turning that into something real? That’s where I’ve struggled.

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t quite fit in… this one’s for you.

This is The Messy Middle

Everyone loves to say “age is just a number.”

And sure… in some ways, that’s true.

But it’s not the whole story.

In this episode, I’m talking about what actually shows up in age gap relationships, the subtle, everyday things no one really says out loud.

Not the obvious stuff we all think about…

but the quiet moments, the differences in how you see the future, and the parts that can make you feel like you’re the only one noticing it.

I married a younger man, and while I wouldn’t change it for anything, there are parts of this experience that surprised me.

This is the messy middle of it.

We talk about how beautiful it is to have a baby later in life…
but we don’t really talk about what comes after.

The thoughts. The timing. The parts that quietly sit in the background.

This episode gets into the side of late motherhood that doesn’t get said out loud, but probably should.

In this episode, I talk about something I was genuinely afraid of for most of my life, getting older.

Growing up, aging felt like something to avoid. Gray hair, weight, wrinkles… it was all talked about like it was the beginning of the end. And I believed that for a long time.

But now that I’m here, it doesn’t feel like that at all.

In this episode, I share what aging has actually felt like for me, what surprised me the most, and why it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be.

I also talk about how taking care of myself, both physically and mentally, has changed the experience, and why I think we need to stop passing down the fear around aging.

If you’ve ever been scared of getting older, this one’s for you.

This is part 2 of something I didn’t really think about before having a baby later in life.

Everyone talks about the decision, whether you should or shouldn’t, but no one really talks about what it actually feels like after.

For me, one of the biggest things was realizing I don’t really fit anywhere anymore.

Not with the younger moms… not with people my age… just kind of in the middle of it all.

And it’s something I didn’t expect, and something I don’t hear talked about very often.

This is just my experience, but if you’re in it too… you’re definitely not the only one.