The Middle Kath

Acupuncture is one of the most important healing modalities in my journey, and one that helped my body return to balance after life-threatening mood dysregulation.

My psychiatrist could kind of help with symptom management of mood problems, but there is no “cure” for bipolar disorder. Like hyperthyroidism, it’s a lifelong condition. I was supposed to be medicated for both conditions for the rest of my life. But I’m no longer medicated for either. Acupuncture is the primary reason why. I would discover, after a brutal mood dip due to withdrawals from the antidepressant, that I could not only live without it and the mood stabilizer. I could thrive without them.

Pain and dysregulation are not failure, they’re feedback. My mood was my responsibility, and dysregulation was my fault, I thought. I learned that isn’t true. Dysregulation is not a sign that I’m a failure, it’s a sign that something in my life isn’t working. All that time that I was struggling to stay balanced, I believe my body was trying to get to balance despite the meds, in large part.

I highly recommend acupuncture for self care maintenance, too. We don’t have to wait for a total breakdown to prioritize getting balanced.

I am no stranger to addictive, obsessive, compulsive behavior. When I get one addiction under control, another one - or more - pops up to take its place. From achievement, people pleasing, and praise to sugar, cigarettes and alcohol, my experience of addiction is seeking external solutions to the inner problem of low self worth.

I learned from a holistic MD about the concept of the mind as a pool table. The pool balls are the stressors rolling around, which we try to get into pockets to relieve our minds and find balance. Exercise can be a great healthy pocket. Alcohol is a highly effective pocket in that it works great, short term, to clear all the balls off the pool table. In the “Just Say No” era of the early 1990s, no adult ever said people do drugs because they actually work - short term. The momentary relief and what feels like an escape from suffering is why we have addictions. Because the present moment is our actual life, and suffering in it can be unbearable.

I will now take you through a tour of my addictions. Not all made my life unmanageable, in fact I was quite functional - until I wasn’t.

Being a person of extremes can mean a lot of things: dysfunctional behavior, mood dysregulation, overdoing, overworking, addictions, obsessions, all-or-nothing thinking - too much of anything, really. I have experienced frightening mood swings, been too hot, too hungry, too angry, too road ragey, too nice, too submissive, too responsive, too obsessive, too perfectionist, too people pleasing - and I ate too fast and talked too fast from the beginning. I am a person of extremes.

My dream for this podcast is to be a healing expander. By sharing the proof of how I’m healing, maybe you’ll find a path to healing too. Even though our stories are likely very different, maybe we will share similarities in how we heal.