The Modern Mom Society

• Why she considered a hysterectomy at age 18
• Getting pregnant at 19 and her decision to have her son
• How tough it was being a wife and mother while in college
• Having the support of friends and family
• How motherhood changed her
• Her podcast, Going There with Jen Vertanen and talking about the messiness of life
• What she wanted to do differently with her kids versus what she experienced as a child
• If motherhood was what she expected it to be
• Treating herself the way she would want to treat her kids: self mothering
• Getting out of your head and putting yourself in someone else's shoes

For show notes and additional words of wisdom from Jen, visit www.themodernmomsociety.com/episode22

In Jennifer McGrath's interview we discuss:

• Life before kids, and the tough transition to going back to work after maternity leave
• The stress of the routine, the long hours, and the long commute as a working mom
• Her decision to take a break from her corporate job to spend more time with her kids
• Starting her blog, charminglybold.com
• The demanding workload at her corporate job, and trying to balance getting the work done and maintaining her family and home
• Leaving her mark at the company she had worked for: an employee resource group called Parents Working Together; how she got it started and what it grew into
• Finding your mom tribe in the workplace
• Working mom guilt and work/life integration
• How she was able to reconcile letting go of her salary, both financially and emotionally
• If she's enjoying being a stay at home mom
• Always leading with kindness and why you shouldn't judge other moms for the decisions they make for their families

For show notes and additional words of wisdom from Jennifer on motherhood, visit www.themodernmomsociety.com/episode21

• The common themes around communication she sees when she does couples therapy
• How to communicate your needs and feelings to your partner
• Tips for how to handle the same conversations/conflicts in a different way
• Getting your spouse to respond instead of ract
• How each person in the relationship is taking a part in the dynamic that is creating the conflict
• Using I statements as a way to not put your partner on the defensive
• Imago Therapy and how to feel heard in your relationship
• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (by John Gottman) and how using criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt when interacting with your spouse is a predictor of divorce
• Suggestions for how to stay connected to your spouse while dealing with the stress of small children and other household obligations
• Identifying when you've been emotionally triggered and what to do about it

Visit www.themodernmomsociety.com/episode20 to access the show notes and additional words of wisdom on motherhood from Tari.

Dr. Tari Mack is a clinical psychologist and relationship expert. She works with individuals and couples in her private practice and is passionate about helping people find purpose and fulfillment. She loves helping couples deepen their connection with each other and figure out how to move past recurring conflicts. She is a mom to 2 daughters, ages 5 and 2.5. Tari has a blog, The Path of Joy, and she is also writing a book for dating singles about how to find your soulmate and remove your roadblocks to finding love. Stay tuned for that!

• Growing up in a predominantly white small town in Indiana
• The different neighborhoods she's lived in around Chicago and her experience with the different levels of diversity
• Her family's reaction to her dating and marrying black man
• The experience of being an interracial family in different communities
• Discussing race with her children
• Teaching her children how to be a man of color
• How her friends with adopted children of color teach children about race
• The importance of conversations with your children about race and what it means and why you shouldn't avoid talking with them about it even if it makes you uncomfortable
• Navigating discussions with racist family, friends, or neighbors
• If she's found any language that has worked to open someone's mind and viewpoint
• Race in Chicago Public Schools

• Her blended family of 7 kids aged 5-27
• Jen's health journey and how it affected being a mom
• What led her to write "The Sick Mom's Guide to Having Fun Again" (affiliate link)
• Her mission with and message to the millions of women with chronic illnesses
• A day in the life of Jen & her family
• How she overcomes the mental hurdle of feeling sick to focus on the positive
• Tips from her Sick Mom's guide that any mom can use relative to mom guilt, de-stressing, and fun
• What she and other moms with chronic health issues want you to know about their experience
• Her number one tip for moms relative to their health

Show links:

• Jen's book: "The Sick Mom's Guide to Having Fun Again" (affiliate link)
• Brili app - for getting your kids to follow routines and get their chores done!

Access additional words of wisdom from Jen at www.themodernmomsociety.com/episode18

• How she got started as the Lice Lady
• What is lice
• Ways our kids typically get it
• How you would know if your child has it
• Telling the difference between lice and dandruff
• If there are particular parts of the head that lice usually hang out
• How Rebecca typically treats clients - procedure as well as products used
• Essential oil recommendations for keeping lice at bay
• What to do when the letter comes home from the school that there is a case of lice
• If soaking your child's hair in mayo or olive oil is an effective treatment
• How long it takes to remove all of the nits and bugs
• Steps necessary for treating your home
• What about pets?
• Do lice prefer clean hair or dirty hair
• What working with Rebecca looks like

• The work Sarah does with parents
• How brain development intertwines with parenting
• Nature versus nurture - which has more impact on your child's developing brain
• Putting the knowledge of the science of brain develop into practice - it's a blessing and a curse!
• The prefrontal cortex, how it affects your child's behavior, and when it actually gets fully developed (the answer might surprise you!)
• Alternatives to rewards and punishment
• The best way to handle your child's emotional meltdowns
• How we as the parent grow our own emotional competence
• Focusing on progress not perfection as we learn to control our emotions and how we help our child do the same
• Discipline and setting boundaries and how this does not mean being permissive
• How to handle your child when they overstep a boundary
• Focusing on teaching life lessons rather than punishing them into compliance
• Helping your child alleviate "emotional constipation"
• Teaching your kids to accept a no gracefully
• Using humor to diffuse a power struggle with your child
• That you won't always know how to handle your child's misbehavior

• The Whole-Brain Child book by Dan Siegel (affiliate link)
• Playful Parenting book by Larry Cohen (affiliate link)
• Huffington Post article Sarah wrote: 7 New Ways to Navigate Defiance From Your Child
• Sarah's book: What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children (affiliate link)
• Hand in Hand Parenting

Join in the conversation at the Modern Mom Society Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/themodernmomsociety

Dropping in to briefly discuss what I've been up to lately and the upcoming shift from a weekly podcast to an every other week podcast episode. Needing to find some balance and breathing room in my schedule!

Thanks for your support and for listening! Another great episode coming your way next week.

• What conscious parenting is
• An overview of the four key questions every parent can ask to move from conflict to connection in their lives and how these questions can guide you to being more awake, aware, and conscious in your parenting
• The first question: "Where am I?"
• How to use your breath and presence to help answer the first question
• Being "above the line" and "below the line" and what it means relative to identifying where you are in an any given moment
• The second question: "Can I accept myself in this moment?"
• What to do if you don't accept yourself
• The third question: "Am I willing to shift?"
• If yes, the fourth question: "How will I shift?"
• What to do next if the answer to the fourth question is yes
• Walk through an example from start to finish going through all of the four questions
• Why you might want to consider doing this work (it's hard!) when it's much easier to punish or take away toys or privileges

In Dani Steinberg's interview we discuss:

• Her journey to motherhood, which included 8 rounds of IVF
• The birth of her daughter, McKyla, who was 10.5 pounds and got stuck in the birth canal
• Her 9th round of IVF which resulted in her pregnancy with triplets
• Dani ending up in the hospital at 23 weeks 1 day into her pregnancy
• The premature birth of the triplets, and subsequent 6 month stay in the NICU until the last of the triplets was sent home
• What it was like for Dani and her husband Jim watching the triplets in the hospital and enduring multiple surgeries (15 between the 3 of them in the first year!)
• Her job and how she made things work while the triplets were in the hospital
• How she likes being a stay at home mom
• A little about a day in the life
• Tips for surviving 4 under the age of 4