Engaged couple Rachel and Kristoph are on the cusp of taking the next step in their relationship: getting married. This conversation is a moment to reflect on the role they play in each other’s lives and how “surrendering themselves” allows them to be wholeheartedly present in their relationship. You may not know what happened in Alaska, but you will feel how deeply they love one another after hearing this episode. 

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains adult language that may not be appropriate for some listeners.

FROM THE EPISODE:

Kristoph: How have your feelings for me changed?

Rachel: I think at one point I'd felt like I could help you. And that made me feel good. And that changed when I realized it wasn't me helping you. It was us helping each other. In ways that you weren't even aware of you've changed me too and made me a better person too, and made my days brighter. That realization was huge for me. The feeling that I've never had before: just complete surrender. You’re my person, actually the person that I want to have a family with…the person that I want to grow old with. 

Kristoph: When did you surrender? 

Rachel: I would say Alaska. Yeah. And that was the moment where I stepped into a new…a whole new world for me, that I've never accepted with anybody else…of complete surrender to, to trust you. How do I make you better? 

Kristoph: How do you make me better? I don't know. I feel more connected to myself from being with you. You don't let me hide. That was my whole thing. Whenever conflict or anything would come up, I would hide and not deal with it. You literally don't allow that, you just don't. And at first I hated it. It's not easy. And so you've made me more able to connect with you and connect with other people. Now I understand how people connect. Being perfect is not the way they connect with somebody; it’s being real. And conflict. Sometimes the rawness that might not be perfect underneath is what actually connects people. Yeah, I didn't really know that.

If you could go back to when we started our relationship, what advice would you give yourself?

Rachel: Fuck…a lot. As much as we've been through…I wouldn't give myself any advice…we had to go through everything that we've been through and I had to have the learning experiences and you had to have the learning experiences to get to where we are. I think that any little thing, if I had any piece of advice that might've changed it and I think I’d say: you have to be here. So buckle up. That's the only advice. 

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