The Mother Yarns

Welcome to the final episode of The Mother Yarns! We are so happy to have you hear with us. It’s wild to think we have had 12 episodes in the series already. It has been such a fun ride.

We are now have a summer break so B can have her baby! In this episode we talk about baby and their arrival (when will it come?!) Emily also talks about a new arrival in her house. 

We recorded the podcast a fortnight ago. Here’s an update:

Welcome to the world Bruce Sunshine Daffodil (lol). Named by Emily’s kids - he’s very popular with everyone except Emily’s husband.

We end this episode with a great song by mama Katie Thompson. It’s called Straight Talking Woman. You can support Katie by signing up to her Patreon. Listen to Katie on Spotify.

Thank you so so much for supporting this season of The Mother Yarns. We are so beyond grateful. It has been so much fun to record and we hope to chat with you, and hopefully tour, in the new year.

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns instagram page or Facebook page.

We will post a baby update when Lil Keil comes! 

Aroha nui, 
Emily & B 

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Welcome to episode 11 of The Mother Yarns! We are so happy to have us here with you and as always we are eternally grateful for your support of this season.

Because you’re a subscriber you get this episode (and all episodes) before anyone else! And today’s episode is a great one.

We talk to Emily’s bestie Kiki about raising her baby without gender markers. Kiki and her partner Jason use they/them pronouns for their beautiful wee baby. 

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We talked about how that works in theory, in practice and in day-to-day life. We talk about what the reaction has been and we ask the questions we think you want to know.

Let’s talk about some of the terminology we use in the podcast. If we missed any please let us know! There are no silly questions!

These descriptions are from Gender Minorities Aotearoa.

Transgender - An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from what is culturally typically associated with the gender/sex they were assigned at birth. People under the transgender umbrella may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms or may simply use transgender. Some of those terms are defined below.Some people who fit this definition may not consider themselves to be under the transgender unbrella or transgender. Use the descriptive term preferred by the individual.

Cisgender - Prefix or adjective that means not trans. Cisgender people identify more or less with the gender assigned to them at birth. In discussions regarding trans issues, one would differentiate between women who are trans and women who aren’t by saying trans women and cis women. Cis is not an insult, but a neutral descriptor – much like heterosexual is to homosexual.

Sex - The system for assignment and classification of people as male or female based on imprecise perceptions of their physical anatomy – generally the appearance of their external genitalia at birth. Sex is not fixed or immutable, and no single criterion (e.g. genitals, chromosomes, hormones, fertility) definitively describes one’s bodily shape or configuration.

The Gender Binary - Similar to the sex binary, the gender binary is an incorrect system of viewing gender as consisting solely of two categories, termed male and female, in which no other possibilities for gender or anatomy are believed to exist. Gender is not fixed or immutable, and no physical criterion (e.g. genitals, chromosomes, hormones) defines one’s gender. Gender is experiential, and only the person themself can define their gender. The gender binary system is oppressive, and is a cause of marginalisation for people who do not fit within the gender binary.

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We also talk about Patriarchy. The Patriarchy is the social system we live in where (primarily cis white) men hold most of the power and hold most of the roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property.

Queer is a term that has been reclaimed by many in the LGBTQIA+ community. It basically means - “not straight” or “not cis”. Read more about definitions of the word Queer here.

Rebecca and I are all cisgender and we are speaking from that position. We are not experts on being trans. The only experts on being trans are trans people. Gender Minorities Aotearoa have amazing resources online for you to read.

Finally, we end this episode with the song Blue by Mema Wilda. Follow Mema on Facebook and Instagram and Spotify.

Welcome to episode ten of The Mother Yarns! 

This week we speak to Alison James. You might remember her from episode five when we had her on to talk about giving birth in lockdown.

We had so much feedback from that episode and we enjoyed talking to Alison so much that we decided to have her back. This time she’s talking about how she decided to have a baby on her own and how she went about aquiring jizz to make her beautiful bub.

FNZ Single Mothers By Choice Facebook page.

Single Mothers by Choice New Zealand

Our episodes are sent to paid subscribers on Wednesdays and to everyone else on Fridays. On Fridays you can find them on Spotify and other podcasty places. Our episodes are sent in separate emails because that’s how Substack rolls!

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In this no-holds-barred chat, Alison is super honest about the big highs and unexpected lows she faced. She talks about how she feels now that her little one is a year older and what life was like during pregnancy and beyond.

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns instagram page or Facebook page. Follow Alison James on Instagram.

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Welcome to episode nine of The Mother Yarns! In this episode we’re talking about influencing. As you probably know, Emily hates influencing and Rebecca is an influencer. God it’s weird to talk about ourselves in the third person. Anyway, together, in this ep, we try to work out whether ethical influencing is a thing. 

We also share what we have learned over the years about being “online people” - We have both been writing online for the past six years. A lot has changed. Is influencing still the Wild West? Are influencers trying to hide the fact that they’re influencers?

What is the actual definition of influencer? Is it anyone with an audience? What about if you’re not selling anything? Where are the boundaries? Are influencers ever really ‘real’? Are we all hypocrites around influencers and influencing?

We try to have a super open conversation about it all while hopefully not sounding like wankers. 

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Our episodes are sent to paid subscribers on Wednesdays and to everyone else on Fridays. On Fridays you can find them on Spotify and other podcasty places. Our episodes are sent in separate emails because that’s how Substack rolls!

We end this episode with the song Everyday Heroes by Claudia Gunn. Claudia is a mother of two, producing and performing music for children and families through her label Little Wild Music. She’s won the APRA NZ’s children song of the year award twice and is currently producing two new albums about wild animals and sea creatures, for release late-2021 and mid-2022.

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns Instagram page or Facebook page. Comment below or send us your conception story.

Welcome to episode seven of The Mother Yarns. You’ll love this one. Ever thought about who the voice of Covid 19 is?

Moana Ete (Ngāi Tahu, Ngāti Wheke, Rāpaki and Savai’I Samoa) is a powerhouse performer - a gifted storyteller, singer, lyricist and musician, and an incredible director and actor.

 She's also the voice of Covid 19. You'll have heard her telling you "this is a Covid 19 announcement" in very soothing tones and now you can hear directly from her. 

This māmā of one is now fronting an all-wāhine  band Mo Etc.  She was previously known for her band A Girl Named Mo and for writing and recording with Fly My Pretties.

Content warning: Sexism and sexual harassment in the New Zealand music industry.

We talked about being creative while mothering, what it's like to tour with a baby,  setting up your life for your career and dreams, and sexism and sexual harassment in the New Zealand music industry. We reference the movement Beneath The Glass Ceiling - check it out on Instagram.  

Oceanbed the amazing new Mo Etc album is out now. Mo is the mastermind behind the album and creator in its entirety as she made it at home. 

Listen to Oceanbed on Spotify, on Youtube, or Soundcloud. Follow Mo Etc on Instagram.

Thank you Mo for chatting with us. Fingers crossed October’s gig goes ahead. If so - we’ll be there!

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns Instagram page or Facebook page.

Welcome to episode six of The Mother Yarns. We’re looking back at our conception stories and sharing the most beautiful and horrific stories from our listeners. You will not believe the places people have had sex…

And how many people don’t know what pre-cum is.

B tells a story Jared’s family will be horrified to hear. She’s never said it before. Content warning: Butt cysts. 

We also talk about how the Morning After Pill or Emergency Contraception Pill (ECP) having a weight limit: If you weigh under 70kg, the ECP is 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. If you weigh 70kg or more, or have a BMI of 26 or more, the ECP can be less effective and there will be a bigger risk that it won't work. More info from our mates at Family Planning.

Our episodes are sent to paid subscribers on Wednesdays and to everyone else on Fridays. 

We end this episode with a song by a dad in honour of Father’s Day! This week’s sweet track is Never Give Up On Your Love by Louis TM. You can get this on Spotify here or pre order a 7' vinyl here to get it on the B Side.

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns Instagram page or Facebook page. Comment below or send us your conception story.

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Welcome to episode five of The Mother Yarns! 

We take on all of the myths you hear as a mum. We talk about what we did and didn’t know before having a baby. 

We also ask: What works? What doesn’t? We talk about old wives’ tales, the golden era of amber beads, osteopaths for sleep and colic, and cabbage leaves - with many other tangents.

Content warning: In this pod we go on a weird tangent where we talk about our experiences birthing our placentas (gravity helps apparently), cord clamping, short cords, ventouse suction, and episiotomy. 

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Our episodes are sent to paid subscribers on Wednesdays and to everyone else on Fridays. On Fridays you can find them on Spotify and other podcasty places. Our episodes are sent in separate emails because that’s how Substack rolls! 

We end this episode with one of my favourite songs right now Carry On by Mel Parsons. Listen to it on Spotify and watch the gorgeous video on Mel’s instagram.

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns instagram page or Facebook page. 

Hello! Welcome to episode five of The Mother Yarns. In this episode we speak to Alison James. She gave birth last year in lockdown level four.

We asked her to share the story of her son’s birth. Please be aware - some parts of it are quite upsetting, but it’s also an uplifting and I think inspiring story of love and community. 

Last year, I (Emily) spoke to heaps of mums who birthed during lockdown. You can read their experiences here.

If you have questions about birth in lockdown please talk to your LMC. 

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns instagram page or Facebook page. 

In this episode we speak to Jane*. Jane’s daughter M. came to her about a year ago, when she was seven, and said "[I] didn’t want to be a boy all the time”. Prior to that she had said she didn’t feel like she had a gender. 

This is Jane’s story of how they handled this as a family who didn’t know much about what it is to be transgender or much about gender at all. To me it’s a story of a family loving each other and supporting each other - like any other family. It’s about learning and doing the best you can to let your kids be who they are.

Here she shares how they talked about gender, moving between pronouns, and the way her daughter being able to be who she is has changed their lives.

Let’s talk about some of the terminology we use in the podcast. These descriptions are from Gender Minorities Aotearoa a really great resource for finding about about this stuff.

Transgender - An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from what is culturally typically associated with the gender/sex they were assigned at birth. 

Cisgender - Prefix or adjective that means not trans. Cisgender people identify more or less with the gender assigned to them at birth. 

Sex - The system for assignment and classification of people as male or female based on imprecise perceptions of their physical anatomy – generally the appearance of their external genitalia at birth. Sex is not fixed or immutable, and no single criterion (e.g. genitals, chromosomes, hormones, fertility) definitively describes one’s bodily shape or configuration. 

The Gender Binary - Similar to the sex binary, the gender binary is an incorrect system of viewing gender as consisting solely of two categories, termed male and female, in which no other possibilities for gender or anatomy are believed to exist. Gender is not fixed or immutable, and no physical criterion (e.g. genitals, chromosomes, hormones) defines one’s gender. Gender is experiential, and only the person themself can define their gender. The gender binary system is oppressive, and is a cause of marginalisation for people who do not fit within the gender binary. 

Rebecca, Jane and I are all cisgender and we are speaking from that position. We are not experts on being trans. The only experts on being trans are trans people. Gender Minorities Aotearoa have amazing resources online for you to read.

*For privacy reasons Jane and her daughter have pseudonyms. It’s a devastating reality that parents and children are often targeted with abuse, harassment and death threats when they talk publicly about being transgender or having a transgender child. We thank Jane for her immense bravery in speaking to us.

Thank you to Kiki and Jason from Giantess for their song The News. Listen to Giantess on Spotify. Kiki is a mama living in Wellington and we are so excited to share her music with you.

As always, thank you for listening. Follow us at The Mother Yarns instagram page or Facebook page. 

Hello! Episode three is here! In this episode we are talking about parenting confessions. We share the confessions given to us by mums and dads that are both funny and tragic.

And we share some advice that few people would want to say out loud…We confess because we worry we’ll be judged, and usually parents are judged. It’s a vicious cycle.

We ask: Why are people so afraid of a mother’s rage? And what happens when mums are silenced?

We become a fortnightly podcast from now on, but if you’re a paid subscriber on Substack you’ll get extras between episodes. With you signing up for a paid subscription here - you’ll be keeping the podcast going.

We finish this episode off with one of our favourite songs to get you through the week: Big Boss Mama by Tami Neilson.

As always, thank you for listening and reply to this email if you want to anonymous share your parenting confession with us for a future episode. Or DM us on The Mother Yarns instagram page or Facebook page.