Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio.
This is Luna Lovegood and the Chamber of Secrets, Luna Lovegood and the Chamber of Secrets - Part 2, published by lsusr.
"I wonder what pulls the boats," Luna said.
"Whatever pulls the horseless carriages must also pull the boats," a first year said.
"But.but.. You can SEE horses pulling the carriages and you CAN'T SEE anything pulling the boats." Luna said.
Luna's Failed Friendships Counter ticked up to four.
"They're called thestrals," said a gentle voice behind her, "Why don' yeh sit with me. I’m Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts. I take care of the magical creatures in the Forbidden Forest."
Luna sat in a boat with the gameskeeper.
"You must know all about invisible creatures, Mister," Luna said.
"Call me Hagrid," Hagrid said, "I knew a few. There's threstrals, obviously. Imps can't be seen or heard or remembered. But there's lots of spells that'll move the imps about so you can cage 'em up."
"It sounds like there's no creature in the world you're scared of," Luna said.
"What? I'm just as scared of dangerous creatures as the next fella," Hagrid said.
"Like dragons?" Luna said.
"Dragons aren't dangerous!" said Hagrid.
"Trolls?" Luna said.
"They might pull your arms off but it's nothing personal," Hagrid said.
"Dementors?" Luna said.
"You don' geddit. Dementors aren't dangerous the way a nargle is dangerous," Hagrid said.
"What's a nargle?" Luna asked.
"I shouldn't have said that," Hagrid muttered, "I should NOT have said that."
Headmistress McGonagall gave her first opening speech.
".I am also proud to announce to you that the Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Archaeologists have swept it for traps and curses. Guided tours have been added to your History of Magic curriculums this year."
Luna tuned out the Ministry propaganda. There were new teachers. Lady Yue would be teaching Potions, Professor Susan Lapsusa would be teaching Transfiguration and—oh my god
Gilderoy Lockhart would be teaching Battle Magic.
Gilderoy Lockhart was renowned as the greatest combat wizard of the era—a modern-day David Monroe. Every week the Daily Prophet printed a story where he described an encounter with ghouls, hags, trolls, vampires and werewolves. Rumor was this week he would tell about his encounter with a yeti in Antarctica. He had more confirmed kills of dark wizards than the best Ministry Auror. He had won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award five times.
Gilderoy' golden hair flowed with painstakingly-crafted effortlessness. He thrust his shoulders back as if he had just saved the world. And that nose
"Lovegood!", Prof. Lapsusa shouted.
Luna skipped to the front of the Great Hall. Students sniggered. This is the price you pay for being the daughter of someone who speaks truth to power Luna thought.
The sorting hat covered Luna's head all the way down to her shoulders. It was cozily quiet inside.
Hmm, said a small voice in her ear. Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There’s talent, oh my goodness, yes – and a nice thirst to prove yourself, now that’s interesting . So where shall I put you?
Do you say that to every girl? Luna thought, Do you call all of us complicated and courageous and talented and
"RAVENCLAW!" shouted that hat.
Food appeared on the golden plates. Luna wondered where it came from.
"Where does this food come from?" she asked a mousy-haired boy next to her.
"It's created from nothing," he said.
"That's magically impossible," Luna said, "Food is one of the five Principal Exceptions to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration."
"Then where do you think it comes from?" he said testily.
Luna's Failed Friendships Counter ticked up to five.
"First-years follow me," the Ravenclaw prefect said.
The logical place for the kitchens is under the Great Hall. Luna waited to see what general direction the prefects went and then stalked h...