Do you hear a trite, chatty, petulant, snobby (admittedly brilliant) uppity pretentious fun bastard on here? Because that's what I hear when I listen to this. And you know what? That's fucking real. Or as close to it is "I" can get. A good deal of my "life" I have spent (pissed away) trying/pretending not to have (be) an ego. What a fucking moronic thing to do. What a catastrophic waste. Don't judge me, I started lurking around these forums at 15 (trauma?) for "the answers" and what I found broke apart my life. I don't know who i would've tried to be or become if i hadn't died into this message but i kind of wish i hadn't. Thus far, I have excelled in so many avenues (sports, music, academics, even gyals at times ) and because "i know im not real" I just haven't given enough of a shit to pursue any of them. WACK. That's a fucking copout. Thats some NPC shit and no longer acceptable here. And "no one" gives a shit what it looks like. I now see what and impossible loop it was for "me" to pretend not to have ego (so someone would take notice? Idk) when the ego IS the pretense. This is the pretense. My getup. My "act". I cant not do it i am it, and would cease to be otherwise. No need to hide its flaws for what they are. There's no way for "me" not to be a literal pretense. Which is the fun of it. I can either be a jubilant, athletic, intelligent, sexy winning, asshole manlet or I can be a helpless sage. Yeah, no fucking brainer. Peace out.