The Nutcracker Syndrome podcast

Hi, all, and welcome back to the NCS Podcast.

It's been a little while since I've released a new episode. The past few months have been something of a whirlwind, beginning with a severe kidney infection in my transplanted kidney at the start of 2026. Interestingly, the infection occurred the day after my third ketamine treatment. While the ketamine itself was not responsible for the infection, the experience prompted me to pause treatment and give my body the space it needed to settle and heal before moving forward. 

During this time, I have also accumulated several new diagnoses, each bringing its own set of questions, challenges, and emotions. As a result, much of the last few months has been spent navigating not only the physical realities of chronic illness but also the emotional rollercoaster that has accompanied them.

In this episode, I share updates on my health journey, discuss these new diagnoses, and reflect on what it has been like to continue processing the kidney autotransplant. More than a year later, I am still learning what it means to live in this new body, to understand its limits, appreciate its resilience, grieve what has changed, and make sense of what comes next.

As always, thank you for being here and for allowing me to share this journey with you.

After recording my last episode on session two, something shifted in a way I didn’t expect. In this episode, I share what happened during the integration that followed, the moment my “scared self” surfaced, the tension that rose between Kyle and me, and what it felt like to finally be held in the middle of grief I’ve carried for years.

I talk openly about fear, loss, and the layers of pain connected to my brother, my father, and my mother, and how this release felt different from anything I’ve experienced before. Instead of days of emotional rebalancing, I found myself grounded almost instantly, as if something I’d been holding onto for far too long finally let go.

This episode reflects on what it means to feel safe in your body with another person, to lean into grief without being consumed by it, and to notice the quiet, powerful shift that happens when you begin to truly process and release what you’ve been carrying.

Listener discretion advised: This episode includes discussion of grief, family loss, and emotional processing.

In this second installment of my ketamine-assisted therapy series, I walk listeners through what my second session felt like from the moments leading up to the infusion to the psychological and emotional “downloads” that emerged once the ketamine took effect.

I begin by reflecting on how this session differed from my first, including subtle but meaningful changes in the pre-session environment and the clinical check-in process. I share the follow-up questions my care team asked based on what I experienced in the days between sessions.

This session also marked a dosage increase, moving from 45mg to 55mg, which opened the door to a noticeably different internal landscape. I describe what surfaced once the ketamine was administered: the themes, sensations, and insights that emerged, and how they connected to my ongoing work with medical trauma, grief, and nervous-system regulation.

As always, this episode is offered through both a personal and professional lens, bridging lived experience with clinical and performance-psychology perspectives for practitioners, patients, and anyone curious about how ketamine-assisted therapy can support healing in the context of injury, illness, and loss.

This episode is intended for educational and storytelling purposes only and does not replace professional medical or mental health care. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider before making any treatment decisions.

In this episode, I share my experience from the first session of my ketamine-assisted therapy journey. I walk listeners through what the session looked like from a nervous-system and emotional perspective—what surprised me, what felt challenging, and what I noticed in the hours and days that followed. This conversation is rooted in honest reflection and gentle processing, offering insight into what a first session can feel like for those navigating medical trauma, chronic illness, or the emotional weight of long-term care.

This episode is intended for educational and storytelling purposes only and does not replace professional medical or mental health care. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider before making any treatment decisions.

In this episode, I introduce a new mini-series within The Nutcracker Syndrome Podcast focused on ketamine-assisted therapy and its role in navigating medical trauma, chronic illness, and the emotional weight of long-term health journeys. I share why I chose to explore this modality, what led me to begin my own therapeutic process, my goals with this therapy, and what listeners can expect throughout this series. This conversation is rooted in curiosity, compassion, and transparency, offering both personal reflection and educational context for those who may be considering or simply wanting to better understand ketamine-assisted therapy as part of a broader mental health and healing landscape.

Medical & Mental Health Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical, psychological, or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views and experiences shared reflect personal perspectives and do not replace consultation with a licensed physician, mental health professional, or other qualified healthcare provider. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider regarding any medical condition, mental health concern, or treatment decisions. Never disregard professional medical or mental health advice or delay seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, please contact your local emergency services immediately.

I’m excited to continue sharing stories as part of our Caretaker Series, a space dedicated to expanding our understanding of the vital role social support systems play throughout the NCS journey.

In this episode, you’ll hear from Shay and Clancey as they share their lived experiences navigating the complex and often evolving dynamics of caregiving and support. Their conversation offers valuable insights into building and sustaining an effective support system, including the importance of well-organized medical documentation, establishing clear and consistent communication channels, and engaging in difficult but necessary discussions surrounding power of attorney and shared decision-making.

In this episode, we kick off our Caretaker Series, which a true passion project created to better support those who take care of us. You’ll hear Heather and Danny’s story as they share how they worked to understand what was medically happening, how they navigated their NCS journey, and what helped them along the way.

They also offer meaningful insights into what supported them both as a couple and as individuals, ensuring that Heather received the care she needed while Danny, as a caretaker, was supported as well.

In this episode, I offer a brief introduction to what you can expect this season, along with heartfelt gratitude to those who have been here since the very beginning, and to those who found their way here after receiving a difficult, life-altering diagnosis. I truly wish you all the very best as you navigate this journey.

I’m deeply grateful to be able to curate and share this information with you, and I’m excited for all that this season of the podcast will bring to our community. As always, if there are topics or episodes you’d like to hear, please don’t hesitate to reach out; I’d love to hear from you.

Medical Disclaimer

The content shared on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views, experiences, and opinions expressed are based on personal experience and research and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical care.

I am not a medical doctor, and nothing shared on this podcast should be interpreted as medical guidance. Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking care because of something you heard on this podcast.

Listening to this podcast does not establish a patient–provider relationship. Any decisions regarding your health should be made in collaboration with your medical team.

If you are experiencing a medical emergency, please contact emergency services immediately.

Happy one-year kidney autotransplant anniversary to me! It’s been a whirlwind of a year, and I wanted to take some time to share an honest update: the good, the hard, the healing, and the ongoing. In this episode, I reflect on what recovery has really looked like, what I’ve learned about my body, resilience, vulnerability, and community, and how this experience has reshaped my perspective on health, work, and life. Whether you’ve followed this journey from the beginning or are just tuning in, thank you for being here and for walking alongside me this past year.

Hi, NCS friends! In this episode, I’m sharing my experience with developing an epigastric hernia after my kidney autotransplant. My hope is that this helps normalize the journey for those of you who may need additional surgeries after treating your NCS.

I go into more detail about:

• When I first noticed the hernia

• How I made the decision to move forward with surgery

• The conversations I wish I had with my surgical team beforehand to help reduce the traumatic impact

If you or your loved one has experienced a hernia post-op, feel free to share in the comments. I genuinely believe the current data doesn’t fully reflect how common these can be after abdominal surgeries, especially open-abdominal procedures. Much love to you all!