The GILY Pod

The One on Selfish

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Episode 3 — The One On Selfish

In Episode 3 of God I Love You, Meredith and Devany reframe the old “selfish woman” trope by exploring what it means to live self-full. They reflect on how women’s needs have long been mislabeled as “preferences,” and how meeting those needs with dignity changes the quality of our love, creativity, and presence.

Through the metaphors of plants and water, they explore thriving as creating the right conditions rather than chasing external checklists. Along the way, they wrestle with how cultural patterns shape our relationship with needs, how fear can act like a contraceptive to our becoming, and how hunger offers a compass back to true choice and aliveness.

This conversation is tender, grounding, and at times disruptive — a permission slip to stop performing love and begin listening inward with kindness.

 

Gentle Note - We use strong language at times—listen with care if little ears are around.

Takeaways
  • People-pleasing often comes from fear and cultural conditioning, not love.
  • Women’s needs have been mislabeled as “preferences” for far too long.
  • Thriving isn’t about chasing external checklists — it’s about creating the right conditions for growth.
  • Living self-full changes the quality of your love, creativity, and presence.
  • Hunger can be a compass back to choice and aliveness.

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    Sound Bites
    • “A woman who becomes self-full — who honors her needs, who listens inward — she does not disappear, she disrupts.”

    • “Other people’s fear is a contraceptive. It blocks the birth of your own becoming.”

    • “Women’s needs have been called preferences for far too long.”

    • “When we feed ourselves, we are able to feed others.”

    • “If I take my own needs seriously, I’m declaring that I matter.”
      • Terms as We Understand Them Today

      Sovereign

      When we talk about being sovereign, we think about the small, everyday moments where we’ve learned to honor ourselves. Saying no when our bodies whisper “not now.” Saying yes to something that feels deeply right, even if it surprises people. For us, sovereignty isn’t about dominance or standing apart — it’s when body, heart, and spirit move in the same direction. Our understanding of sovereignty has been deeply shaped by decolonial teachers who remind us that honoring our needs and voices resists the systems that taught us to override them.

      Self-Full

      We use the word self-full as a reframe of “selfish.” To live self-full is to honor and meet our own needs, tending to ourselves with dignity and care. When we choose to be self-full, we don’t disappear — we disrupt.

      Teachers & Resources Mentioned

      Our reflections on sovereignty and needs are shaped by the wisdom of teachers who’ve gone before us:

      • Marisa Guadalupe (Sacred Cycle Mentorship) —A year-long journey in self-compassion, weaving Indigenous wisdom, somatic practice, and community support to embody balance and deepen self-trust.  📧 [email protected]
        • Instagram: @luminosa_marisa

      • Christine Gutierrez, I Am Diosa — reclaiming sovereignty as sacred power.

      • Dra. Rocío Rosales Meza — naming and honoring needs as a decolonial act.

      • Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands — embodied practices for healing trauma.

      • Kelsey Blackwell, Decolonizing the Body — where we explore what it means for white bodies to join a narrative greater than our own, recognizing the harm, violence, and oppression we’ve inherited, divesting from dominance, and stepping into collective healing through embodied repair.

      • Richard Rohr, Breathing Underwater

      • Thomas Keating — Teachings on Centering Prayer and the “programs for happiness”

      • Cynthia Bourgeault, Centering Prayer & Inner Awakening
      • The Wild & Sacred Feminine Deck

        • 🔖 Note: What we share here are our reflections and learnings in process. We encourage you to engage directly with the work of teachers like Marisa Guadalupe, Kelsey Blackwell, Dra. Rocío Rosales Meza, Resmaa Menakem, and Christine Gutierrez for their full wisdom and guidance.

        Practices We Talk About
        • Centering Prayer — Sitting in silence and returning to Presence.
        • Ask “What do I need right now?” — A quick body check-in (cold → sweater, hungry → snack) as a way of staying present and resourced.
        • Host Yourself — Tend to your own body and spirit as part of the care you offer others, not as something separate or secondary.
        • Discern Desire vs. Numbing (from Kelsey Blackwell’s Decolonizing the Body) — Asking, “Am I choosing this, or is it choosing me?” around alcohol, food, media, or habits—reclaiming true desire instead of numbing.

          • 🌱 A Gentle Reminder

          What we share here comes from our own stories, experiences, and spiritual practices. It isn’t medical, mental health, or legal advice — please use your own discernment and seek professional support if you need it. Some episodes may touch on tender topics; take care of yourself as you listen. Take what resonates, and leave the rest.

          Invitations:

          Come Home to Your Center with Illumine Within — If you’re longing for support in stillness, quiet, and returning to deep self, Devany’s Centering Circles offer a guided space to practice. Each gathering includes somatic grounding, Centering Prayer, and reflective listening. Explore upcoming circles and resources at illuminewithin.com.

          Relax into energetic support with Hibernate Healing — Step into a sanctuary where your body, spirit, and heart are met with care. Meredith offers energy healing, shamanic practices, and spiritual guidance to help you release, restore, and reconnect with your deepest self. Sessions available in-person (Austin, TX) or online. Visit sparklecirclehealing.com until the rebrand is complete.

           

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