A member of the ManTalks Alliance asked me this question: what's a big question you'd ask a woman on a first or second date? Well, here it is. Listen through to the end for the big picture.


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The One Question I'd Ask On A Date

The ManTalks podcast features conversations between one of the leading men’s work facilitators and philosopher, Connor Beaton, and world class guests with expertise in mindset, life purpose, psychology, relational communication, sexual intimacy, business and spirituality. For more information about ManTalks go to: http://www.mantalks.com

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Mental Health

Talking points: psychology, shame, mindset

Trying so hard not to reference the bell ringing lady in Game of Thrones right now. Seriously though, a lot of us let shame run our lives. There are legitimate reasons why, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Listen in for how it starts, why it's so hard to clear, and ten (yes, ten!) thing you can do to break free.

(00:00:00) - Intro and how to better define shame
(00:03:30) - Why shame is so hard to get rid of: it’s natural, and its has a somatic component
(00:08:16) - It also can reinforce trauma. Here’s how they get connected
(00:13:52) - Shame as a source of safety
(00:18:36) - Understanding the physical side of shame
(00:23:21) - What does NOT help
(00:25:51) - When to seek professional help
(00:26:59) - Ten ways to move through shame. First one? Use curiosity to challenge it
(00:30:32) - Mindfulness skills, reframing, and separating personhood from behaviour
(00:35:00) - Putting the same in context, treating as a belief vs identity, and putting blame where it belongs
(00:40:01) - Finding an alternative story, and practicing expressing boundaries and assertiveness

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Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
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A Man's Guide To Ending Shame

Talking points: masculinity, culture, mindset

We've had a lot of new listeners recently, and this interview deserves a ton of attention. Jason's words and work are powerful examples of how important men's work can be. This is a re-release of one of my favorite interviews, one of the most impactful stories, and worth every minute. Dig in for thoughts on comprehensive masculinity, the dangers of "grindset", and so much more.

(00:00:00) - Intro and Jason’s defining moment
(00:07:45) - The video that got Jason global attention
(00:13:22) - Defining “emotional incarceration” and its devastating effect on men
(00:18:58) - Why do some men have such an aversion to rest and replenishment?
(00:24:52) - How Jason got into martial arts, and how he uses it to support young men
(00:33:54) - On the importance and teaching of defeat

Jason Wilson is the founder and CEO of the Yunion (pronounced union), a non-profit youth development organization in Detroit Michigan. Since 2003, the Yunion has effectively reached more than 15,000 youth and young adults through innovative prevention programming, trauma-informed care, parental engagement, and counseling. In 2008, Mr. Wilson’s heart for fatherless and misguided black boys inspired him to create and direct the Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy (CATTA).

As an expert in Emotional Stability Training®, Wilson’s leadership has garnered the CATTA numerous acknowledgments and awards for his work teaching males how to introspectively confront and conquer their negative emotions with composure. In 2016, one of the CATTA’s videos went viral with over 80 million views worldwide. As a result, Mr. Wilson was invited to be a guest on the Dr. Oz Show and to present the CATTA at President Obama’s ‘My Brother’s Keeper’ Showcase at the White House. Later that year, NBC’s hit TV show ‘This Is Us’ was so inspired by Wilson’s work, that they featured the CATTA’s initiation ceremony in one of their most viewed and award winning episodes. In 2018, Mr. Wilson signed with actor/producer Laurence Fishburne’s film company Cinema Gypsy to produce a documentary film on Jason’s work with the CATTA. It is scheduled to be released in 2021.

Mr. Wilson has over 25 years of martial arts experience, in addition to over 16 years of training and developing young black males. Mr. Wilson is a man of the Most High, a faithful husband of over 22 years and a proud father of two beautiful children.

Connect with Jason

-Website: https://mrjasonwilson.com/
-Book, "Battle Cry": https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400226996
-The Yunion: https://theyunion.org/
-The Cave of Adullam Transformational Academy: https://mrjasonwilson.com/catta/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrjasonowilson/
-Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrjasonowilson
-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mrjasonowilson
-Book, "Cry Like A Man": https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07G1YJ7DZ/

***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Jason Wilson - Breaking Free From Emotional Incarceration (Re-release)

Talking points: attachment, relationships

Got a LOT of requests for this one! Relationships between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment folks are actually quite common. They can also be extremely tough. Listen in for what they're like, why the patterns are hard to break, and how to move towards a secure, grounded partnership.

(00:00:00) - Intro, what characterizes the anxious-avoidant dance, and why there’s no “villain”
(00:04:08) - Why that dance is so strong
(00:08:28) - Examples of the anxious-avoidant dynamic
(00:12:58) - Can anxious-avoidant relationships actually work, how to know if it won’t, and how to END the dance
(00:16:56) - The “protest and punishment” behaviors, and how to self-identify if you’re the anxious partner
(00:21:23) - How to self-identify if you’re the avoidant one
(00:27:05) - So what do you to? Tips for the anxious
(00:33:05) - Tips for the avoidant
(00:38:19) - What to do together

***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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How To Fix An Anxious-Avoidant Relationship - A Man's Guide

Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family

I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen!

(00:00:00) - Intro, and what is the “secret formula” for a successful love life, and what causes good sex in a bad relationship?
(00:07:42) - How do you move out of attracting insecure relationships? 
(00:12:57) - What can a secure person or couple do to combat potential boredom with a relationship? How can security be sexy?
(00:18:43) - The importance of spontaneity for relational satisfaction
(00:21:54) - How do you support a partner through fears and insecurities around relationships deepening?
(00:27:35) - Navigating criticism, because you can’t criticize your way to a better relationship
(00:37:44) - Why Trevor chose to have kids
(00:42:43) - Why self-compassion is important, and what it really looks like in action
(00:54:33) - Trevor’s thoughts on how to figure out who you really are
(00:59:49) - On sharing your relationship and family events online, and why Trevor and his wife kiss in the rain
(01:05:38) - What Trevor does to maintain spark in his marriage

Trevor Hanson is a licensed marital and family therapist specializing in EFT, or emotionally focused therapy. Combining the depth of a therapist with the pratical guidance of a coach, Trevor works to bring empathy, acceptance, fun and gentle accountability to therapy. You can find more of him on his podcast "The Art of Healing."

Connect with Trevor
-Website: https://theartofhealingbytrevor.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theartofhealingbytrevor/

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Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Trevor Hanson - The Art Of Attracting (And Keeping) A Great Relationship

Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity

If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one.
Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group
(00:07:58) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure
(00:09:42) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability
(00:12:31) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness
(00:13:54) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement
(00:17:04) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moderation
(00:19:48) - Willingness to say (and hear) hard stuff, transparency, and confronting the uncomfortable
(00:22:02) - An example meeting structure that works
(00:26:42) - The Hot Seat and how to use it, and a closing ritual
(00:30:14) - Be flexible to red alerts, and final thoughts on structure

***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The One Question I'd Ask On A Date

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