This episode is all about using first-then statements to help target your child’s transition difficulties. If you’ve never heard of first-then statements, you will love this episode because they are so easy to use and they can make a big difference on your child’s transitions.

So what is a first-then statement? A first-then statement is a statement that we deliver to our child to indicate (1) the task that the child needs to complete and (2) what the child can do once they complete that original task. For example, “First do your homework and then you can play video games.” “First wash your hands and then you can have a snack.” “First color and then you can play with the play-doh.”

We use first-then statements when a child needs to complete a task, when a child has a difficult time with transitions (like cleaning up a mess and moving on to the next thing), when a child has to do a task that is not very fun, or if the child has a hard time focusing on the task. Using first-then statements taps in to the child’s motivation: the child is motivated to complete the task because of the fun thing they get to do afterwards.

It’s easy to use first-then statements and it doesn’t take a lot of time. Simply use the phrase: “First _____ and then _______.” First, you want to indicate the task that the child needs to complete, like cleaning her room. Then, you want to indicate what the child can do once the task is complete, like playing with toys. Remember, the thing that the child gets to do once the task is complete is more fun than the original task. The first-then statement used in this example is: “First clean your room and then you can play with toys.”

Remember, it’s really important to remain consistent. If you use a first-then statement, the child needs to complete that original task BEFORE they can do that fun activity. Otherwise, this strategy won’t be very effective.

Using first-then statements is easier than you think, and, with practice, you’ll be a pro! Today, use one first-then statement on your child and see what you think!

If you want more parenting strategies like this one, check The Parenting Clubhouse Membership which is loaded with TONS of parenting resources to help you keep your sanity! Check it out here: https://laura-lynn-lapointe.mykajabi.com/membership  

Today we are chatting about one of the elements that is at the core of parenting and managing your child’s behavior. In this episode, I will be talking about the parenting recommendation of “ignoring” your child’s inappropriate behavior and discussing if we are actually “parenting” our children when we do this.  

When we “ignore” our child’s inappropriate behavior, we are NOT providing attention to that inappropriate behavior. On the outside, it seems harsh that we are ignoring our child, but it’s not!

We ignore our child’s behavior when he engages in junk behavior, those minor misbehaviors that are annoying, bothersome, and minor, like talking like a baby, whining, pouting, and rolling eyes. Junk behavior is minor; it is not dangerous or harmful to other people, to the child, or to property. Aggression, damaging property, and hurting oneself is not junk behavior. We respond differently to those more serious behaviors.

We also ignore, or not provide attention to, our child’s inappropriate behaviors when he is likely doing the behavior to get attention. If we provide attention for those inappropriate behaviors, we are giving the child exactly what he wants, but if we do NOT provide attention for those inappropriate behaviors, we are teaching the child that he does NOT get what he wants when he does those inappropriate things.

When we ignore inappropriate behavior we are teaching the child this isn’t how you will get my attention. Even if the child is doing the inappropriate behavior to get something other than attention, we still don’t want the child to receive any positive (like our attention) from us.

The big question remains: are we actually parenting our children when we ignore their inappropriate behavior? Absolutely yes! In the moment, when we do not provide attention for inappropriate behavior, we are teaching our children that this is not how you will get my attention. We ARE directly teaching our children and directly handling our children’s inappropriate behavior.

And here’s the deal: it isn’t bad to ignore our children’s inappropriate behavior. We are teaching them in the moment that the behavior isn’t going to work for them, they aren’t going to get what they want when they do those inappropriate behaviors, and we do this without using words. It can be really effective to not provide attention to inappropriate behavior, and we don’t just ignore behavior all of the time. We will also provide attention for the appropriate behaviors which teaches our children that doing the appropriate things will get them the attention that they want.

While it may seem “harsh” to ignore our child’s inappropriate behavior, it’s not! We can reframe our language about it, though. We can say that we are not providing preferred attention for the child’s inappropriate behavior. Don’t let anyone convince you that “ignoring” your child’s inappropriate behavior is not parenting… it most definitely is!

Don’t forget about open enrollment for The Parenting Clubhouse Membership which is jam packed with TONS of resources for busy parents like you! Check it out here!

Learn more at http://lauralynnlapointe.com 

Today’s episode is on such a hot topic because we all fear the looks and comments from others when our children misbehave in public. In this episode, I will put this situation into perspective and give you ways to respond when others put their nose in your parenting business.

We’ve all experienced this scenario: you’re in the grocery store with your child who throws a fit because he can’t have that sugar cereal. The tantrum continues as you move throughout the grocery store, and you notice others looking. Some even make comments like:

“You just need to get your kid under control.”

“Looks like someone is spoiled.”

“Must be nap time.”

“Parents just don’t know how to discipline these days.”

Putting it into Perspective

Let’s put this situation into perspective. Hearing these words and seeing their body language isn’t fun. You know you’re a good parent and you’re handling the situation the right way. Rest in this fact. You’re good. You’re covered.

Who are they to cast judgement? They don’t know your situation. Plus, you may know something about your child’s behavior that they don’t. Remember, you have the upper hand here.

Way to Respond

You can do one of two things to respond to the comments:

#1 Ignore

Just as you ignore (don’t provide attention to) your child’s inappropriate behavior, don’t provide attention to their inappropriate behavior. If they don’t deserve your energy, don’t give it to them.

#2 Speak Up

You can confidently and politely say, “We are learning here.” “I’m teaching manners.” “I’ve got this.” But be prepared that they will say something back.

Remember that you’re not alone. All of us parents go through this exact situation AT LEAST once in our parenting life. If you need some more support from like-minded parents, join the 14-day FREE trial of The Parenting Clubhouse Membership! Within the membership you are able to share your joys and struggles and brainstorm with me and other parents on how to handle situations like this one!

For those of you who have a toddler running around in diapers, this episode is for you. Today I will be sharing three of my potty training secrets to help you get started with potty training.

Potty training can be intimidating but it doesn’t have to be. Follow these three secrets and you’ll be off to a good start!

Secret #1: Wear Underwear

During potty training, have your child wear underwear instead of diapers or pull-ups. Your child will practice the skills of pulling up and down pants and underwear which is important for your child’s potty independence. Wearing underwear is important if your child has a potty accident. Your child will feel the negative and yucky sensation of being wet which may help him or her to become potty trained.

Secret #2: Increase Fluid Intake

All this means is for your child to drink lots of water or whatever drink of choice throughout potty training. Why? If our child is sitting on the potty a lot, especially during the first few days of potty training, then the child need to have fluids in his or her body to expel in order to get practice with actually going pee pee on the potty. How should you get your child to drink extra fluids? Offer your child a drink every few minutes and have the water bottle follow your child around throughout the day.

Secret #3: Use Rewards

This secret makes sense and a lot of parents already do it, but it’s an important one. When your child goes pee pee on the potty, throw a mini potty party with praise and a small reward or treat. Providing rewards can actually increase the likelihood that your child will go pee pee again on the potty in the future. Some easy rewards to use are small trinkets, stickers, one piece of candy, 2 minutes on the iPad, or a small snack.

Follow these three secrets and you will be on your way to potty training your child.

Potty training can be difficult and intimidating at times, but don’t give up! If you need a little extra help and guidance, check out my potty training course Potty Training Made Easy. In the course, I walk you through the step-by-step potty training process that I use and I provide you all of the resources that you’ll need to potty train your child.

If you want other tips and advice, check out The Parenting Clubhouse Membership. It’s filled with tons of content to help bring sanity back into your parenting journey.

I am excited to talk about ways to manage those cookie monsters you have in your house. All kidding aside, this episode so for you if you have a child who is a constant snacker.

The reason why we are talking about snacks? It’s healthy for children to have boundaries in the kitchen surrounding food. A bedtime routine is any event leading up to bedtime that prepares your child for bed. I will provide five strategies to establish those boundaries.

How you run snack time and meal-time looks different for all families. What we can all agree on is that it’s best for children to not have unlimited access and choices in the kitchen, otherwise they may eat junk food all day.

Good food habits and snack time boundaries are important for every child. Here are five tops to begin establishing those boundaries:

1. Provide choices of snacks: during snack time, provide two choices to your child. Providing choices will help your child actually choose a snack and will keep you in control of what your child is eating.
2. Schedule when snack time occurs: designate when snack time will be so your child has an expectation. You can be as specific (e.g., at 9:30 AM) or as lenient (e.g., sometime in between lunch and dinner) as you want.
3. Set a timer: use a timer to indicate when snack time will be. This help your child quit asking you when the next snack time is.
4. Set limitations: for those children who tend to not eat dinner and then eat snacks 20 minutes later, break that habit by having them eat so many bites of their food before being done with dinner or allowing no snacks after dinner.
5. Setup a specific snack spot: allow your child to have a specific area in the kitchen where his snacks are held. When it’s snack time, he can go pick out his snack on his own.

One important thing to keep in mind is children who have not have food available throughout their childhood. For such children,  avoid putting too many limits on food. We want to teach them that food is available now and that it will be available tomorrow, not that they can’t have food.

If you want more awesome tips and strategies, check out The Parenting Clubhouse Membership (www.lauralynnlapointe.com/membership), and don’t forget to enter the giveaway for a 1 year subscription to The Parenting Clubhouse Membership for FREE. You can enter the giveaway by:

• Subscribing to the podcast
• Leaving a podcast review
• Joining the 14 day FREE trial
• Invite friends to join the membership

The winner will be announced on Monday, April 22nd!

Let’s connect! Join The Parenting Clubhouse Facebook Group and introduce yourself!

http://www.facebook.com/groups/theparentingclubhouse

Episode 6 covers the importance of teaching sharing and taking turns in our children and the ways to teach these play skills with our children from an early age.

Sharing and taking turns are not skills that our children are born with knowing how to do. As parents, we need to be intentional with teaching and practicing these skills with our children.

It’s as simple as getting on the floor with your kiddo and providing the opportunity for your child to practice sharing and taking turns. Give your child the opportunity to share by asking your child if you can have a turn with the toy, and then prompt your child to say “Sure, you can have a turn” and guiding your child to give that toy to you. Similarly with asking for a turn, prompt your child to say to you “Can I have a turn with that?” and then give your child a turn with that toy. And remember, it’s so important to praise your child for nice asking for a turn and nice sharing to help encourage them to continue to practice those skills.

Practice makes progress so, as parents, we need to be diligent with practicing these skills everyday with our children. Set a timer for 5 minutes and spend time practicing sharing and taking turns with your child each day. If you have two children, you can practice sharing and taking turns with both of them at the same time!

If you want more tips and strategies like this, check out my new membership: The Parenting Clubhouse Membership! To help get parents excited about the membership and to give you the opportunity to snag the membership for FREE, I’m doing a giveaway for one lucky parent to win the membership for FREE for an ENTIRE YEAR (that’s a $350 value!)! Each of the following will earn you one entry into the drawing:

• Subscribe to The Parenting Clubhouse Podcast (available on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify)
• Leave a review on one or all episodes (each review will count as an entry into the giveaway)
• Join the 14 day FREE trial of The Parenting Clubhouse Membership
• Invite friends to join! You will earn and entry for each friend that joins the membership. Just post in The Parenting Clubhouse Facebook Group the name of your friend who joined with the hashtag #TPCgiveaway

The winner of the giveaway will be announced on Monday, April 22nd!!

You can find all the info about the membership at www.lauralynnlapointe.com/membership. I can’t wait for you to join!

Let’s connect! Join The Parenting Clubhouse Facebook Group and introduce yourself!

http://www.facebook.com/groups/theparentingclubhouse

Episode 5 is all about how to not feel guilty when you don’t give in to your child’s inappropriate and unwanted behavior.

Sometimes you just feel bad for not giving your child what she wants, even if she’s trying to get what she wants in an inappropriate way. I know you’ve felt that guilt and I have, too.

You could be at a furniture store when your child spots a furry chair that she wants to sit in. You let her sit in it and, after a few minutes go by, it’s time to go and get on with your shopping. Your child has a different agenda. Once you tell her it’s time to go, here come the tears and the cries. This moment can be hard, and you may feel a lot of different emotions: embarrassed for the disruption, sad because your child is upset and you made her that way, or bad because you wish you could give your child everything she wants.

To overcome those feelings of guilt, think about and do these things:

• Knowledge is power. When you truly understand what you’re doing in your parenting, that you’re teaching your child in the moment that she can’t get what she wants when she’s acting in an inappropriate way, the guilt is less likely to be there.
• Just like I talked about in Episode 4 about Behavior Bursts, you know that it’s important to not give in, especially when your child’s tantrum is getting worse.
• Provide direction teaching and instruction in the moment. Instruct your child to ask for one more minute in the chair and then set a timer for that 1 minute. When the timer goes off, it’s time to leave. Or, get on the floor and instruct your child to ask for a turn instead of taking a toy from a friend.

Know that you are doing the right thing for your child. It’s better for her to learn the appropriate skills and the appropriate ways to get what she wants, like by asking for a turn instead of taking a toy or asking for one more minute in the chair than crying.

A parent who understands these things, who understands that we are doing right by our child, is the kind of parent who both you and I want to be.

My hope is that this episode has encouraged you for those moments when you do feel bad that your child can’t have everything that she wants.

If this episode was helpful for you, don’t forget to share it with your friends, subscribe, and leave a review!

Let’s connect! Join The Parenting Clubhouse Facebook Group and introduce yourself!

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If you’ve ever decided to no longer give in to your child’s unwanted behavior, like no longer giving your child a candy bar at the grocery store when he whines, pouts, and throws a fit, you’ve most likely experienced what a behavior burst is.  

A behavior burst occurs when you withhold and no longer provide reinforcement (whatever is increasing or continuing your child’s unwanted behavior, like that candy bar) for your child’s unwanted behavior. And let’s face it, your child is used to getting that candy bar when he whines, pouts, and throws a fit. What results is an increase in inappropriate behavior as an attempt of your child trying to get what he wants.

When you do this, when you withhold that thing your child wants when he is being inappropriate, you are likely to see increases in those unwanted behaviors. Yikes! But I’ve got good news for you… if you continue to stand firm and not give in to those inappropriate behaviors, those inappropriate behaviors will decrease and will likely go away.

It’s important to be prepared when you decide to no longer give in to your child’s inappropriate behavior and to understand that behavior will likely get worse. When behavior does get worse, you can rest assured that you are doing the right thing; you expected behavior to get worse, yet you know that if you continue to not give in, those inappropriate behaviors will decrease.

What’s REALLY important is to stand firm, especially when behaviors get worse. If you decide that you can’t handle it anymore and you give your child that candy bar when he is throwing a full on tantrum, the next time you’re in the grocery store and your child wants a candy bar, he will immediately go straight to the tantrum because he knows that it works.

Remember to stand firm, be consistent, and resist those increases in inappropriate behaviors when you decide to no longer give in to your child’s unwanted behaviors.

If you need some encouragement, want to share your experiences with behavior bursts, or have a story to tell, head on over to the The Parenting Clubhouse Facebook Group to connect: http://www.facebook.com/groups/theparentingclubhouse

I can’t wait to hear about how the understanding of a behavior burst has changed the way you parent!

I am PUMPED to bring you the information you need about how a bedtime routine can be a GAME-CHANGER to your child’s sleep!

A bedtime routine is any event leading up to bedtime that prepares your child for bed. If a bedtime routine is followed inconsistently or doesn’t exist at all, it can influence your child’s sleep in a negative way.

When I receive referrals for children who have sleep problems, the first thing I always ask parents is whether or not the child follows a bedtime routine and what the bedtime routine is.

You see, a bedtime routine is more than just a good practice to follow. According to Mindell and colleagues (2015), a consistent bedtime routine promotes better sleep outcomes like fewer nighttime awakening, less time falling asleep, and fewer reported behavior problems.

Bedtime routines are important. If your child doesn’t have a bedtime routine or if you’re uncertain if your child’s bedtime routine helps prepare the child for bed, here are some tips:

• Follow the same routine each night.

• Start the routine with the most active activity and end with the least active activity.

• Minimize the amount of light throughout the bedtime routine, including electronic light.

• Use a visual routine schedule.

• End the bedtime routine with a calming activity, like cuddling or reading a book.

Need some love? Hop on over to the The Parenting Clubhouse Facebook Group and share your child’s bedtime routine. We can’t wait to support you! http://www.facebook.com/groups/theparentingclubhouse

As promised, here’s the reference to the research study I mentioned in the episode:

Mindell, J. A., Li, A. M., Sadeh, A., Kwon, R., Goh, D. Y. (2015). Bedtime routines for young children: A dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep, 38, 717-722. Doi:10.5665.sleep.4662

Do you want to take your parenting from mediocre to extraordinary?!

I’m here to help you set some goals for your parenting journey and to empower you to make positive changes in your parenting.

But why? Why are parenting goals important?

If you want to change your child’s behavior, the reality is that you will need to change your behavior, and that’s no bad thing. If you are making positive changes with your parenting, the power is now in your hands, and that’s an incredible thing!

But here’s the deal. I gotta get real with you. If you want to be change something about your parenting routine, you need to be in the right place, to have the right motivation, and to have the right frame of mind in order to do that. We all know that it’s not easy to be the best parent when we are tired, hungry, dehydrated, or down.

So what needs to change in your life to put you in the right place to be ready to take your parenting journey by the horns?

To make those positive changes within your parenting you need to set some goals. Here’s how to do it:

• Pick your goal. Make sure that it is something you are doing (like praising more) and not just stopping (like quitting all the yelling). Make sure you can measure it (how many times is it happening in a day) and start with a small goal.
• Write it out. Know what your goal is and put reminders throughout your house.
• Monitor yourself. Did you accomplish your goal for the day?
• Have an accountability partner.

Don’t forget to join The Parenting Clubhouse Facebook Group so we can share our parenting goals and encourage each other throughout the day! http://www.facebook.com/groups/theparentingclubhouse

Now get at those goals!