In which we drink Fairy Liquid with Charlie Brooks; consider Dappy's latest tattoo; reveal 27 things we already knew about The Clash; Juliet Harris talks about Maria Miller; we review 'The Battle For Britain's Breakfast'; and add two conflagrant tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we discover rats the size of cats; speak like Henry Higgins; look back at Letterman; take a trip to Italy with Coogan & Brydon; and add two empyrean tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we study Kim Jong-un's hair; launch the RV app for iPhones; tell James Arthur off; ask Rhona about Gwyneth & Chris; send Chris Grayling to prison; review 'Rev'; and add two iridescent tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we dissect political correctness; Hannah watches First Dates on Channel Four; Noel Edmonds tries to buy the BBC; we review W1A; and two clinquant tracks are bestowed upon the Pretend iPod.

In which we watch Pistorius; listen to Neil Young & his Pono; Rhona Martin talks about bands we didn't expect to like; Juliet Harris worries about Louis Walsh and X Factor; we review The Michael McIntyre Chat Show; & add two effervescent tracks to the Pretend Pono.

In which we... don't watch BBC3; go on a date with Hannah Lawrence; pay Beyonce a million quid; wobble on a Boris Bike; catch up with Hazel O'Connor; & add two igneous tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we go from Loch Lomond to Utah and on to San Francisco; Juliet Harris talks about women on TV; Ripper Street gets re-commissioned - by Amazon; Ever Decreasing Circles is deconstructed and reviewed; and two thermogenic tracks are added to the Pretend iPod.

In which we tuck into Cakegate, Britgate, & Potatogate; stream the Top 40; break hearts on Facebook; review Pound Shop Wars; & add two smoking tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we worry about Davina; give politicians the welly; keep the cigs out of the car; wonder who is buying Queen's Greatest Hits; review 'The Life Of Rock'; and add two tippity-toppity tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we wince at The Big Benefits Row; ponder the future of rent-a-gobs; muse upon 24 hour rolling news; review Inside Number 9; talk to James Stevenson, guitarist to the stars; and add two sunshine filled tracks to the Pretend iPod.