What if the most mature thing you could do this week… is not respond?

In this episode, Pam and Erin slow it right down and talk about something deceptively simple—but wildly life-changing: the pause. Not the “I’m biting my tongue so I don’t lose it” kind of pause… but the kind that becomes a ritual—a way of living that creates depth, dignity, and way fewer “I can’t believe I said that” moments.

This conversation was inspired by a beautiful novel Pam couldn’t put down: The Correspondent by Virginia Evans—a story told through handwritten letters that reminded us what it feels like to communicate with intention… not impulse.

• Why speed isn’t the same as depth (and why “quick replies” often cost us)

• The neuroscience of reactive communication: amygdala hijack, cortisol spikes, and why your “wise self” basically goes offline

• How most “communication” is actually emotional discharge
  (“We don’t respond… we release.” 🔥)

• A hilarious (and painfully relatable) real-life story from Pam about returning a curling iron… and how silence did the work

• Why delayed responses can be maturity—not avoidance
  (and how Pam’s divorce process has unexpectedly taught her that)

Pam breaks it down into an easy framework you’ll recognize immediately:

1. Triggered Self – flooded, reactive, defensive, fast-fingered on the keyboard

2. Protective Self – strategic, righteous, looking for validation (“I’m right, right?!”)

3. Sovereign Self – grounded, clear, dignity intact, speaking from “what matters most”

And yes… we talk about how the Protective Self loves to recruit a friend into the drama triangle. (We’ve all done it.)

If you take nothing else from this episode, take this:

1. Regulate — don’t respond while activated (move your body, breathe, walk, journal, do the somatic thing)

2. Name it — what is it really? hurt? fear? humiliation? rejection? (naming reduces intensity)

3. Identity check — who do I want to be in this story? what would my future self do?

4. Precision response — fewer words, cleaner tone, no emotional leakage
   “Sovereignty is concise.”

Because honestly… wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t have to repair everything all the time?

• “We don’t respond, we release.”

• “The pause restores wisdom.”

• “Don’t assume a peaceful person is unskilled at war.”

• “Draft it. Don’t send it. Sleep on it. Then speak from who you’re becoming—not who you were in pain.”

If you want a soothing, soul-nourishing read (or listen), Pam highly recommends The Correspondent by Virginia Evans—and shares why she’s inspired to start writing letters again (the real kind… with paper).

If your nervous system is craving a reset—and your heart is craving clarity—this is your invitation.

Join Pam + Erin (and yes… the cowboy) for a transformative weekend on a private ranch and private lake in 100 Mile, BC. Expect:

• yoga + meditation

• breathwork

• a grounded personal development program you can actually apply

• horses + horseback riding

• campfire magic + lots of laughter

• the kind of space where you can finally hear yourself again

It’s deep enough to change you… and light enough that you’ll have a blast.

👉 Link to reserve your spot is in the show notes. Spots are limited.

• “I wish I could unsend that text.”

• “I don’t trust what I’m about to say right now.”

• “I want to be calm… but I also want to be honest.”

• “I’m tired of repairing. I want to lead myself better.”

Until next time—take the pause. It’s not giving up. It’s growing up.

pamrader.com/gritandgrace