In this episode of Built With Purpose: Between the Builds, Chris Fay reflects on a powerful leadership lesson from his recent conversation with performance psychologist and longtime mentor, Milt Lowder.

As leaders, parents, spouses, and professionals, it's easy to become overwhelmed by the constant pressure of expectations. We tell ourselves, I have to, I need to, I must. But what if those expectations are self-imposed? What if we replaced them with a more intentional mindset: I choose to?

Recording from his basement while caring for a sick child and balancing the demands of work and family, Chris shares a personal reminder that perfection isn't the goal—presence is. Drawing from Milt's coaching, he explores how reframing obligations as choices can reduce stress, improve focus, and help leaders make a greater impact where it matters most.

Chris also dives into the concepts of focusing on "The One Thing," learning to say no, and getting beneath the waterline of the iceberg to tackle the deeper challenges that drive meaningful growth.

This episode is a practical reminder that leadership isn't about carrying every burden. It's about choosing where to focus your energy, letting go of unnecessary pressure, and creating space to lead with clarity and purpose.

Topics Covered

• Removing the burden of expectations
• Reframing "I have to" into "I choose to"
• Leadership pressure and self-imposed stress
• The power of focus and prioritization
• Why saying no is a leadership skill
• Getting beneath the waterline to solve deeper challenges
• Balancing work, family, and personal responsibilities

Key Takeaways

• Many of the pressures we feel are expectations we've placed on ourselves
• Reframing obligations as choices creates freedom and perspective
• Focused leaders create greater impact than busy leaders
• Saying no allows you to say yes to what matters most
• The burden of leadership becomes lighter when you prioritize intentionally

Memorable Moments

• Chris reflects on a coaching session that changed how he thinks about responsibility
• The simple power of replacing "I need to" with "I choose to"
• A real-time lesson in balancing fatherhood, work, and leadership
• Why a sticky note on a desk became a daily leadership reminder
• The iceberg analogy and the importance of getting beneath the surface

Connect with Chris Fay
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cjfay/