It was once a rarity. Now it is the norm. The question is no longer – are you married or single? Marriage is no longer assumed to be the end game. The modern relationship questions have, unfortunately, become – who are you dating now and do you think you’ll move in together? It seems that a large percentage of single people have simply given up on marriage and accepted as truth that they’ll have to settle for a series of long-term dating relationships throughout their adult years.

I cannot in good conscience recommend that people do that. It’s good for neither the individuals involved, their children, if they have any, or society as a whole.

Dating and Sex

The first problem I have with long-term dating relationships is that they usually turn into sexual relationships. In fact, in most circles, it’s pretty much understood that if you’re dating, you’re having sex. In fact, for a lot of people, having a steady sexual partner is the whole point of it – that and always having a date for any occasion.

Look, I know I’m getting older and this truth is now viewed as a relic of generations past. It has, in the last few decades, fallen out of fashion. But, truth is still truth. Sex is for married people.

Despite modern society’s gamophobia and aversion to commitment in general, the best place for personal fulfillment, child rearing, and, yes, sex is within the bond of a loving, stable, healthy, lifelong commitment. And if someone tells you otherwise, question their motives.

Related post: My Current Girlfriend | Commitment in the Age of Gamophobia

Marriage-Lite

Another problem I have with long-term relationships is that they are used as a substitute for marriage, a marriage-lite if you will. While you play long-term couple you get some short-term benefits of marriage, like sex and always having a date to any occasion, without being tied down to a long-term commitment you might second guess in the future.

It’s trying to get the rewards without the risks. But, and I say this as a happily remarried divorcee, with greater risk comes greater reward. I’m glad I took the risk of remarrying.

The rewards are phenomenal. Despite what my first wife did, I know my wife has my back. Despite what her first husband did, my wife knows I have her back. We’re in it for life, pulling in the same direction, and looking forward to as many decades of marriage as we can squeeze into what’s left of our Earthly existence.

You will never have that in a long-term dating, marriage-lite relationship. Those are relationships people get into and out of as they fall into and out of “love”. They are what people settle for, especially women. And as such, they are a poor substitute. Real love thrives in commitment. Insecurity thrives in dating relationships, short or long-term.

Marriage Vaccine

Perhaps the worst thing about long term-dating relationships is that going from one long-term dating relationship to the next inoculates you against making a permanent commitment. It’s like a marriage vaccine. You get small doses of deactivated marriage-like stuff which helps you build up a resistance to the real thing.

You begin to think that relationships naturally start, build, plateau, decline, then, inevitably end. Your life becomes a predictable cycle of long-term tragically ending relationships. My God, that sounds depressing. You deserve better. It’s time to break that cycle.