The Prodigal Journey

Sensitive Content Disclaimer: On this episode we will be talking about sensitive topics related to abuse that may not be suitable for all audiences. We hope and pray that the open conversation on this episode brings education and hope. However, if you are likely to be adversely impacted by these topics, please refrain from listening.

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SUMMARY/INTRO:

We dig into why people stay in abusive relationships — Dawn shares her story of being married to Sean, the years of coercive control, shame, and the church pressure that told her to “do the right thing” even when it cost her health and identity. I (Dawn) talk about how a fast courtship, an unexpected pregnancy, isolation, and messages about submission made me doubt myself, stay in survival mode, and even feel “so incredibly faithless” at times. We unpack how well-meaning pastors focused on behavior modification instead of root issues, how a friend and counselor (shout out to Brandy and Andrea) finally helped give permission, and how worship and reclaiming the gospel became the lifeline that led me to leave. Ben and I also wrestle with how churches can enable abuse by telling victims to go back, why one person believing a victim matters, and how marked repentance — not platitudes — is the line between restoration and danger. I share the painful aftermath — Sean’s suicide, my journey to forgiveness, and the hard, hopeful truth that there is hope for victims and for abusers who turn to Christ. If you want candid, sometimes raw talk about faith, safety, and how the church should actually protect the vulnerable, we walk through it here.

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SHOW NOTES:

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? From the outside, it can seem simple: if someone is being mistreated, why don’t they just leave? But the reality of an abusive relationship is much more complicated.

In this episode of The Prodigal Journey, Ben and Dawn have an honest conversation about Dawn’s experience in an abusive marriage and the many factors that made leaving so difficult. Rather than telling her entire story, they focus specifically on the question people often ask: Why did you stay?

Dawn shares how the relationship began in a church community and how she initially believed she knew her husband well because they had been friends for years. Looking back, she can identify red flags that she dismissed, including jealousy, accusations, boundary violations, and controlling behavior. The short dating and engagement period also meant that important conversations never happened before marriage.

After they married, Dawn found herself isolated, depressed, ashamed, and increasingly focused on simply surviving. She describes losing her joy, stepping away from church and music, and struggling to understand what was happening to her. Meanwhile, her husband viewed his role primarily through the lens of providing financially, while the emotional and relational needs of the family went largely unrecognized.

The conversation explores why abusive relationships can be so difficult to leave. Dawn talks about the cycle of extreme highs and deep lows, the good moments that made it possible to keep hoping for another good moment, and the way shame can cause someone to hide what is happening rather than ask for help.

The episode also takes a hard look at the role of the church. Dawn describes seeking help and receiving advice that focused on changing behavior rather than addressing deeper patterns of manipulation, control, and abuse. Ben and Dawn discuss the difference between dealing with the visible “fruit” of a problem and addressing its root. They also examine how teachings about submission, marriage, and religious responsibility can become harmful when they are applied without recognizing abuse and coercive control.

One of the most difficult parts of Dawn’s story is what happened after she first left. She describes feeling religiously pressured to return and believing that doing the “right thing” meant staying, even when she knew she did not love her husband. She believed she needed to pray more, read her Bible more, and become a better Christian.

Eventually, trusted friends helped Dawn recognize what was actually happening. They encouraged her not to return without a marked pattern of repentance and meaningful change. That support became part of what helped her understand that leaving did not necessarily mean abandoning God or failing in her faith.

Dawn ultimately shares the moment when she finally stood her ground, recognized that the situation had become dangerous, and left. Even afterward, threats and controlling behavior continued, reinforcing how complicated and frightening leaving an abusive relationship can be.

The episode closes with hope for people on both sides of abuse: those who are trapped in abusive relationships and those who may recognize abusive patterns in themselves. Dawn shares how worship, Scripture, community, and trusted relationships helped her rediscover her identity and continue trusting God through the process.

This is a conversation for victims, survivors, friends and family members, pastors, church leaders, and anyone trying to understand why leaving an abusive relationship is rarely as simple as saying, “Just leave.”

LINKS TO DAWN’S FULL STORY:

Miracle Hill Podcast (More full story):

• YouTube
• Spotify

Reconcile Stories Podcast (Episode on mental health and the local church):

• Youtube
• Spotify

TAKEAWAYS:

• Leaving an abusive relationship is often much more complicated than simply deciding to leave.
• People may dismiss red flags because of infatuation, hope, shame, or the belief that they know their partner well.
• Abuse can involve patterns of jealousy, control, manipulation, accusations, verbal abuse, and coercive behavior.
• Good moments in an abusive relationship can make it difficult to recognize or act on the seriousness of the bad moments.
• Shame can cause victims to hide what is happening and become isolated from people who could help.
• Religious beliefs can sometimes become entangled with an abusive relationship, making it harder for someone to recognize that leaving may be necessary.
• Faith does not make someone immune to abuse or automatically give them clarity about what to do.
• Focusing only on the “fruit” of abusive behavior can miss the root issues of manipulation, control, and sin.
• Churches have a responsibility to care for people experiencing abuse rather than simply prioritizing keeping marriages together.
• A victim may not initially have the words or understanding necessary to explain what is happening.
• Marriage counseling or behavior modification alone may not address the deeper patterns behind abuse and coercive control.
• Trusted friends can play a critical role in helping someone recognize abuse and find safety.
• A genuine pattern of repentance and meaningful change matters when evaluating whether an abusive relationship can be restored.
• Separation does not automatically mean divorce, and leaving an unsafe environment can create space for clarity and safety.
• Someone experiencing abuse may need another person to tell them that it is okay to leave.
• Christians should be careful not to use biblical language about marriage and submission to enable abuse.
• God cares about people made in His image, not merely preserving an institution.
• There is hope for people who are experiencing abuse—and also for people who recognize abusive patterns in themselves.
• Healing can involve rediscovering truth, identity, community, and trust in God.

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 — Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

05:24 — Falling in Love & Missing the Red Flags

21:52 — Shame, Pregnancy & Pressure to Get Married

24:51 — Depression, Isolation & Surviving the Marriage

36:39 — The Moment Dawn Realized She Had to Leave

41:37 — Leaving, Returning & Religious Pressure

51:26 — When Faith Becomes a Reason to Stay

01:09:33 — Finding Support, Protection & Real Repentance

01:13:00 — The Final Straw & Leaving for Good

01:18:08 — What Should the Church Do About Abuse?

01:25:20 — When a Church Enables Abuse

01:28:17 — Hope for Those Still Trapped

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Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

theprodigaljourney.com/donate

——————————

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk

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Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @wavebeatsmusic. License certificate on file.

Credits:

Track Title: 'Motivational Power'

Music by WavebeatsMusic

Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk

Track Info:

WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"

Artist: WavebeatsMusic

Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib

PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895

Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036

SUMMARY/INTRO:

We want to put this right up front: the string of car wrecks, stolen cars, busted engines and garage doors we endured this summer wasn’t God’s judgment on us — it was the crushing, pressing-in of a broken world that ultimately drew us deeper into dependence on him. In this episode, we catch you up on why we’ve been radio silent since April, the new email list and newsletter on theprodigaljourney.com, and the messy, expensive, strangely providential season we just lived through. We walk through Job and Isaiah 53 to show how Scripture helps us hold the tension that God doesn’t always answer “why” the way we want, but he joins us in suffering and promises a bigger, eternal answer. Dawn shares honestly about grief, insensitive people, and how pain grabs all your attention, while I confess how easy it is for me to slip into old ways of blaming or trying to manipulate God. We also share the practical fruit of the season — better cars, a smarter garage door, and a fresh perspective that sometimes God presses out the stuff that doesn’t really matter so we can see what does. Stick around for the conversation, the awkward moments (yes, the dogs almost ate the mics), and an invitation to wrestle with hard questions rather than pretend they don’t exist.

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SHOW NOTES:

When everything starts falling apart, it can be easy to wonder: Is God judging me, or is this simply part of living in a broken world?

In this episode of The Prodigal Journey, Ben and Dawn reflect on a difficult season filled with unexpected expenses, car problems, a stolen vehicle, and a broken garage door. What started as a series of frustrating circumstances led them to a deeper question about their faith: How should we understand the bad things that happen to us?

Is suffering always a consequence of something we’ve done? Does having enough faith mean God will protect us from hardship? And what happens to our view of God when life doesn’t go the way we expected?

The conversation turns to the Book of Job, where Job experiences tremendous suffering despite being described as a man of integrity who feared God. His story challenges the assumption that suffering must always be the result of personal sin or God’s judgment.

Ben and Dawn also discuss how their own backgrounds shaped their understanding of God. They explore the tendency to believe that God gives good things when we do good things, or that difficult circumstances must mean we’ve somehow failed spiritually. They contrast that mindset with a deeper dependence on God that isn’t based on whether life is going well.

The episode also addresses an important part of suffering that often gets overlooked: grief doesn’t have a timetable. Job’s story gives us permission to ask questions, wrestle with difficult circumstances, and grieve without assuming that our questions demonstrate a lack of faith.

From there, the conversation moves toward a broader Christian understanding of suffering. Rather than giving a simple answer for why every painful circumstance happens, they discuss how God meets us in suffering and how Scripture points toward Christ as God’s ultimate response to suffering.

Ben and Dawn ultimately consider how hardship can change our perspective, deepen our dependence on God, and even give us greater empathy for other people who are suffering.

Sometimes we focus so much on what has been taken from us that we miss what God may be providing in its place.

The question isn’t simply “Why did this happen?” but also “How am I responding to what has happened, and am I allowing it to deepen my dependence on God?”

TAKEAWAYS:

• Not every bad thing that happens is necessarily God’s judgment or a consequence of personal sin.
• Living in a broken world means that both good and difficult things happen.
• The story of Job challenges the assumption that suffering always means someone has done something wrong.
• Having faith does not mean we will never experience suffering.
• Job’s response to suffering reveals a deep dependence on God that had been developed over time.
• It’s possible to grieve deeply while still trusting God.
• Asking difficult questions about suffering does not necessarily demonstrate a lack of faith.
• Christian communities can sometimes respond to suffering with insensitive answers instead of simply sitting with people in their pain.
• God does not give us a simple explanation for every instance of suffering.
• Scripture points us toward how God responds to suffering rather than always explaining why a particular hardship happened.
• Dependence on God matters in both good times and difficult times.
• Looking back on suffering can sometimes give us greater empathy for other people’s pain.
• God’s provision may look different from what we expected.
• Sometimes we become so focused on what was taken from us that we fail to recognize what God is providing.
• The way we respond to hardship can become an opportunity for spiritual growth and deeper trust in God.

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 — Is Suffering Punishment or Brokenness?

02:05 — Updates, Family & A Difficult Summer

06:21 — When Bad Things Happen: Judgment or Consequence?

12:50 — What Job Teaches Us About Suffering

16:30 — Grieving Without a Timeline

17:16 — Should We Accept Good and Bad From God?

20:51 — Dependence on God in Good Times and Hard Times

26:04 — Why Asking Questions Can Strengthen Faith

28:32 — When Christian Advice Hurts More Than It Helps

32:15 — We May Never Know Why We Suffer

34:36 — God Meets Us in Our Suffering

38:30 — When Suffering Changes Our Perspective

42:09 — Seeing God’s Provision Instead of Judgment

48:41 — Closing

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Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

https://theprodigaljourney.com/donate

——————————

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk

——————————

Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @‌wavebeatsmusic. License certificate on file.

Credits:

Track Title: 'Motivational Power'

Music by WavebeatsMusic

Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk

Track Info:

WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"

Artist: WavebeatsMusic

Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib

PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895

Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036

Sensitive Content Disclaimer: On this episode we will be talking about sensitive topics such as abuse, alcohol, and some other topics that may not be suitable for all audiences. We hope and pray that the open conversation on this episode brings education and hope. However, if you are likely to be adversely impacted by these topics, please refrain from listening.

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SUMMARY/INTRO:

God is there, waiting—arms open—and you have to get to the other side. We sit down with Shayla Renee, who vulnerably walks us through how a five‑year, manipulative relationship nearly stole her life, how losing her mother and hiding behind church attendance instead of a real relationship with Christ set the stage, and how God’s patient love finally pulled her out. Shayla tells us plainly about how abusers don’t show up as monsters at first, how red flags and the yo‑yo cycle of love‑bombing and discard look, and why triggers are not reasons to stop but invitations to let God heal. We talk about conviction versus condemnation—run toward God when you feel convicted, don’t run away in shame—and how practical support (friends, church, advocates) and faith helped her reclaim herself. Shayla’s now a best‑selling author and victim advocate—her book He Almost Stole My Life and shaylaInspires.com are full of resources—and we hope her story gives you the courage to keep moving forward, even when it gets messy, because the light at the end of the tunnel is real.

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SHOW NOTES:

What happens when a relationship that once seemed to offer everything begins to take everything from you?

In this episode of The Prodigal Journey, Ben and Dawn sit down with author, speaker, Christian life coach, and certified victim advocate Shayla Renee to talk about her book He Almost Stole My Life and the abusive relationship that inspired it.

Shayla shares how her childhood, early exposure to addiction, low self-esteem, and a church-centered understanding of Christianity shaped the way she entered adulthood. Although she regularly attended church, she eventually realized that checking the right boxes was not the same as having a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ.

At 23, Shayla entered a relationship that initially appeared promising. What began with attraction and the promise of a better life eventually became a five-year relationship marked by physical, mental, verbal, and financial abuse. She explains how manipulation, isolation, self-blame, and the cycle of good days and bad days can make it difficult to recognize that a relationship needs to end—even when the warning signs are there.

Shayla also talks honestly about the role her faith played in the relationship. After losing her mother to stage-four breast cancer, she struggled with anger toward God and pulled away from Him. Eventually, she began studying Scripture and recognized that she couldn’t hold onto both her relationship with Christ and a relationship that was pulling her away from Him.

The conversation also explores what helped Shayla heal: supportive people who held her accountable, becoming deeply involved in her church, learning what a real relationship with Jesus looked like, and understanding the difference between conviction and condemnation.

Shayla shares how God’s patience became one of the clearest things she learned through her story. Even when she ignored His warnings and continued down a destructive path, she believes God continued waiting for her with open arms.

Finally, Shayla offers encouragement to people who are still in toxic or abusive relationships. Healing may involve painful triggers, difficult decisions, lost relationships, and uncomfortable seasons—but she encourages people not to stop in the middle of the process. There is a way through the darkness, and there is hope on the other side.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Attending church and checking religious boxes is not the same as having a relationship with Jesus.
• Abusive relationships don’t always begin with obvious warning signs or look like what we expect abuse to look like.
• Low self-esteem can make unhealthy relationships appear more attractive and make manipulation harder to recognize.
• Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, mental, and financial abuse.
• The cycle of extremely good and extremely bad moments can make it difficult to recognize that a relationship is unhealthy.
• Sometimes the decision to leave an abusive relationship happens on a “good day,” when you recognize that the relationship itself is not sustainable.
• A healthy support network can play an important role in helping someone leave a toxic relationship.
• God can use different people for different seasons of healing and growth.
• There is an important difference between conviction and condemnation: conviction draws us toward God, while condemnation makes us want to run away from Him.
• Shayla describes God’s patience as one of the clearest things she learned through her journey.
• Our weakness is not a reason to run from God; it can become an opportunity to recognize our need for Him.
• Healing does not mean triggers disappear immediately. Triggers can reveal places where deeper healing is still needed.
• Sometimes getting to the other side of a painful experience gives us the ability to help someone else through theirs.

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ABOUT THE GUEST:

Shayla Renee is an author, speaker, Christian life coach, and certified victim advocate. She is also a wife and mother who describes herself as a child of God and an overcomer.

Her book, He Almost Stole My Life, tells the story of an abusive relationship that became a major part of her journey toward healing, faith, and freedom. Shayla wrote the book initially as a journaling exercise to help herself avoid returning to the relationship.

She is also a bestselling author in multiple Christian and relationship-related categories and uses her story to encourage others who are navigating toxic relationships, abuse, trauma, and faith.

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - Show Intro & Guest Intro

02:00 — Shayla’s Story: Faith, Addiction & Early Life

07:50 — Growing Up “Churched” Without Knowing Christ

13:55 — The Five-Year Relationship That Changed Everything

16:20 — Physical, Mental, Verbal & Financial Abuse

20:00 — How Abusers Can Gain Trust & Exploit Vulnerability

27:00 — Recognizing Red Flags & Choosing a Different Life

34:50 — Finding the Right People During Healing

42:00 — What Shayla Learned About God’s Patience

46:50 — God’s Power in Our Weakness

51:45 — Conviction vs. Condemnation

54:00 — Getting to the Other Side of Healing

59:00 — Finding Hope & Helping Others

——————————

Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

theprodigaljourney.com/donate

——————————

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk

——————————

Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @‌wavebeatsmusic. License certificate on file.

Credits:

Track Title: 'Motivational Power'

Music by WavebeatsMusic

Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk

Track Info:

WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"

Artist: WavebeatsMusic

Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib

PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895

Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036

SUMMARY/INTRO:

We state the main point at the outset: we must shift our time and energy from the area of concern to the area of responsibility and trust God instead of giving in to constant worry. The area of concern covers things we cannot control, such as the news, politics, and world events, while the area of responsibility covers what we can influence, like family, work, and our own responses. I speak from experience when I say we reduced news intake, increased prayer, and sought accountability to make this shift. We drew on Scripture—Ecclesiastes, Matthew 6, and Lamentations—to remind ourselves that God knows our needs and that his mercy is new each morning. We invite listeners to take inventory of their thoughts, hand worries to God in prayer, and focus on the next right thing they can do. We hope this guidance helps you trust God more and live faithfully in the responsibilities he has given you.

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SHOW NOTES:

We present and explain the distinction between the area of concern and the area of responsibility as we have experienced them in our daily life and ministry. We define area of concern as matters that affect us indirectly and lie beyond our control, such as weather, politics, or large world events. We define area of responsibility as the sphere where we have direct influence, including family, work, and personal spiritual formation. I confess how worry often pulls me into the larger circle and bleeds into responsibilities that I ought to steward. We share candid examples: my consumption of news that altered my mood, and our responses to relational irritations that tempted us to control outcomes rather than trust God. We marshal practical clarity and scriptural anchor points to frame this contrast. We reference Ecclesiastes to acknowledge the unpredictability of life, Galatians to call us to attend our own work, and Matthew 6 to command trust rather than anxious striving. The result is a sober invitation to reallocate energy from what we cannot govern to what we can tend, while resting the outcomes with God. We conclude with an appeal to simple spiritual practices—prayer, accountability, and daily hope rooted in God’s mercies—that we have found effective in reorienting our hearts.

TAKEAWAYS:

• We learned to distinguish between the area of concern and the area of responsibility, and to focus our energy on the things we can influence.
• I admit I often worry about things I cannot control, and that worry wastes time and peace.
• We practice taking captive anxious thoughts and turning them into prayer, trusting God with outcomes we cannot change.
• I see that focusing on our responsibilities at home, work, and church produces peace and honest progress in life.
• We note that Scripture urges us not to worry about tomorrow and to seek God's kingdom first in daily life.
• I confess that sometimes I shift my duty into the area of concern to avoid hard work and sanctification.
• We applied lessons from Galatians and Matthew to focus on our conduct and trust God's provision rather than chasing control.
• I remember Lamentations saying God's mercies are new each morning, which helps us hope amid grief and uncertainty.

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CHAPTERS:

• 00:44 - Episode Introduction — The Prodigal Journey: Celebrating Christ's Power
• 05:26 - Understanding the 'Area of Concern' and 'Area of Responsibility'
• 07:40 - Exploring Areas of Concern: Personal Examples and Impact
• 14:13 - Focusing on What You Can Control
• 24:37 - Practical Application: Shifting from Worry to Responsibility
• 30:41 - Bringing It Together — Lamentations 3: Hope and God's Faithfulness

——————————

Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

theprodigaljourney.com/donate

——————————

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk

——————————

Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @‌wavebeatsmusic. License certificate on file.

Credits:

Track Title: 'Motivational Power'

Music by WavebeatsMusic

Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk

Track Info:

WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"

Artist: WavebeatsMusic

Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib

PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895

Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036

Sensitive Content Disclaimer: On this episode we will be talking about sensitive topics such as pornography and sexual brokenness that may not be suitable for all audiences. We hope and pray that the open conversation on this episode brings education and hope. However, if you are likely to be adversely impacted by these topics, please refrain from listening.

The PSR is not original to me and is taken from the book, “The Psychology of Porn: Essays on Porn, objectification, and Healing”, by Andrew Bauman.

SUMMARY/INTRO:

I talk about how pornography begets a pornified style of relating that fundamentally corrodes authentic intimacy and distorts the manner in which individuals engage with one another. I delineate six specific manifestations of this pathology—control, objectification, speed, hunger, isolation, and fantasy—and explicate how each element depletes relational vitality. I then articulate their redemptive counterparts—freedom, honor, gradualness, desire, communion, and authenticity—and contend that these virtues are recoverable through repentance, communal vulnerability, and steadfast reliance upon Christ. I offer personal testimony of how isolation and hunger once eroded my identity and how pursuing community and God’s truth facilitated restoration. We urge listeners to evaluate whether they are living according to a pornified or redeemed style of relating and to take deliberate steps toward honesty, accountability, and authentic connection so that the freedom Christ provides may be realized in tangible and sustained ways.

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SHOW NOTES:

In Part 2 of this two-part series on the pornified style of relating, we explore the final three ways pornography can negatively shape how we relate to other people: hunger, isolation, and fantasy.

Drawing from Andrew Bauman’s framework, Ben explains how hunger can turn another person into something we feel we need in order to be okay, leading to codependency, enmeshment, and a loss of personal identity. He contrasts this unhealthy hunger with a redeemed desire—the ability to deeply want someone without making them responsible for your identity, worth, or emotional stability.

Ben then examines how pornography can reinforce isolation, secrecy, and hiding, particularly around sexuality and sexual struggles. He shares from his own experience of learning to become vulnerable with trustworthy people and explains why healthy community and safe relationships are important parts of breaking the cycle of isolation.

Finally, Ben looks at fantasy as a way of escaping the difficulties and realities of life. He contrasts temporary relief through fantasy with the lasting restoration found through Christ and explores what it means to move from fantasy to authenticity through honesty, vulnerability, repentance, and receiving healthy criticism.

Together with Part 1, this episode presents a framework for understanding how pornography can affect relationships—and how the gospel can lead us toward healthier, more honest, and more Christ-centered ways of relating.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Pornography can shape more than sexual behavior; it can influence how we relate to other people.
• Hunger can make us feel that we need another person in order to be okay, creating codependency and loss of identity.
• Healthy desire means wanting someone deeply without making that person responsible for your identity or wellbeing.
• Your spouse or partner cannot be responsible for fixing you or completing your identity.
• Pornography can reinforce isolation, secrecy, and hiding around sexuality and sexual struggles.
• Vulnerability requires safe, trustworthy people who will respond with wisdom and grace rather than judgment.
• Fantasy can provide temporary relief from pain, stress, anxiety, or other realities, but it cannot provide lasting restoration.
• Healthy relationships are built on truth and authenticity rather than fantasy and image management.
• Repentance includes becoming willing to receive healthy criticism and allowing it to produce growth.
• The goal is not merely to stop unhealthy behavior but to become a healthier person who relates to others in ways that reflect Christ’s freedom.

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - Hunger vs. Desire

07:22 - Isolation vs. Community

12:07 - Fantasy vs. Authenticity

14:16 - Living in Repentance & Redeemed Relationships

——————————

Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

theprodigaljourney.com/donate

——————————

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk

——————————

Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @wavebeatsmusic. License certificate on file.

Credits:

Track Title: 'Motivational Power'

Music by WavebeatsMusic

Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk

Track Info:

WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"

Artist: WavebeatsMusic

Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib

PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895

Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036

Sensitive Content Disclaimer: On this episode we will be talking about sensitive topics such as pornography and sexual brokenness that may not be suitable for all audiences. We hope and pray that the open conversation on this episode brings education and hope. However, if you are likely to be adversely impacted by these topics, please refrain from listening.

The PSR is not original to me and is taken from the book, "The Psychology of Porn: Essays on Porn, Objectification, and Healing", by Andrew Bauman.

——————————

SUMMARY/INTRO:

This episode clarifies the false notion that the remedy for sexual brokenness resides in the misguided encouragement of a wife to absorb her husband’s dysfunction. We assert that the path toward healing must invariably involve a continual turning toward Christ, who can transform our hearts and minds.

In this episode, we explore the impact of a "pornified style of relating"—a term denoting the unhealthy dynamics fostered by pornography consumption. We will delineate three primary manifestations of this detrimental style: control, objectification, and speed, each contributing to a superficial and unhealthy approach to relationships. It is imperative to recognize that true redemption lies in the transition from these unhealthy patterns to a more honorable and gradual engagement, which fosters genuine connection and intimacy.

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SHOW NOTES:

How does pornography affect the way we relate to other people?

In this episode of The Prodigal Journey, Ben Neff explores what he calls the “pornified style of relating”—a way of relating to others that can develop through pornography use and can affect intimacy, relationships, expectations, and the way we see other people.

Drawing from the work of therapist and author Andrew Bauman, Ben looks at three ways a pornified style of relating can show up: control, objectification, and speed. He then explores what it can look like for those unhealthy patterns to be redeemed into healthier ways of relating.

Control can create an expectation that relationships should happen according to our desires and that other people should respond in ways that make us comfortable. Ben contrasts this with freedom: learning to love another person without demanding a particular response or expecting something in return.

Objectification can cause us to see people as images, bodies, or sources of gratification rather than as whole human beings created in the image of God. Ben contrasts objectification with honor—learning to value another person’s mind, emotions, opinions, experiences, and God-given dignity.

Finally, Ben discusses speed. Pornography can train people to expect rapid intensity and gratification, while healthy relationships require time, vulnerability, trust, and gradual growth. Ben shares personal examples from his relationship with his wife and explains why allowing intimacy to develop gradually can help people build a deeper and more sustainable relationship.

The episode also challenges Christian teachings that place the responsibility for a man’s sexual struggles onto his wife. Ben argues that another person’s behavior cannot cure someone else’s sexual brokenness. Lasting change requires the work of Christ in the heart, repentance, and a willingness to grow in healthy ways of relating.

This is Part 1 of a two-part discussion. The next episode explores the remaining three aspects of the pornified style of relating and what it looks like for those patterns to be redeemed.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Pornography can affect more than sexual behavior; it can shape the way a person relates to other people.
• A pornified style of relating can operate consciously or unconsciously and can affect relationships in unhealthy ways.
• Control can develop when someone becomes accustomed to relationships or sexual experiences being centered around their own desires.
• The redeemed alternative to control is freedom—the ability to love and connect with another person without demanding a particular response.
• Objectification reduces a person to an image, body, or source of gratification instead of recognizing them as a whole person created in God’s image.
• The redeemed alternative to objectification is honor—valuing another person’s mind, emotions, opinions, preferences, and dignity.
• Sexual brokenness cannot be solved by transferring the responsibility for one person’s struggle onto their spouse.
• A spouse’s behavior cannot change another person’s heart or eliminate their struggle with lust.
• Christians should evaluate teachings about sexuality and marriage through a biblical lens rather than accepting popular advice uncritically.
• Lasting transformation involves turning to Christ and allowing Him to work in the heart rather than relying solely on behavior modification.
• Pornography can create expectations of speed and intensity that are unhealthy for real relationships.
• Healthy relationships develop gradually through trust, vulnerability, conversation, shared experiences, and time.
• Physical and emotional intimacy should not be allowed to outrun the deeper foundations of trust and commitment.
• Learning to relate to people as whole human beings is part of what redeemed sexuality can look like.

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 — What Is a Pornified Style of Relating?

05:16 — Control vs. Freedom

08:29 — Objectification vs. Honor

14:25 — Redeeming Objectification Through Honor

16:51 — Speed vs. Gradual Relationships

20:12 — What Comes Next

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If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

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Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @wavebeatsmusic. License certificate on file.

Credits:

Track Title: 'Motivational Power'

Music by WavebeatsMusic

Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk

Track Info:

WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"

Artist: WavebeatsMusic

Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib

PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895

Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036

SUMMARY/INTRO:

The core inquiry of this discourse revolves around the pivotal question: "What lesser things do you need to give up in order to receive something greater from God?" This episode delves into the necessity of creating space within our lives, thereby allowing divine intervention to manifest. We explore the narrative within Daniel chapter 10, reflecting on the significance of relinquishing certain non-sinful pursuits to facilitate a deeper spiritual engagement. The dialogue further challenges us to consider our motivations—are we seeking affirmation from others or resting in the unconditional affirmation bestowed upon us by God as His cherished children? Ultimately, we are prompted to reassess our priorities and identify what we may need to forgo in the pursuit of spiritual enrichment.

——————————

SHOW NOTES:

What lesser things might you need to give up in order to receive something greater from God?

In this episode of The Prodigal Journey, Ben reflects on Daniel 10 and a challenge from a recent message at his church: sometimes creating space for God to work means being willing to let go of things that aren’t necessarily sinful or wrong, but may be lesser priorities in a particular season.

Daniel’s decision to go without certain foods for three weeks raises an important question for us: Is there something in our lives that we need to set aside for a season so that we can make more room for God? That might mean changing our schedules, saying no to certain opportunities, or even surrendering an attitude or posture of the heart.

Ben also explores another powerful theme from Daniel 10: God’s affirmation. Daniel is reminded that he is precious to God, told not to be afraid, and encouraged to be strong. That leads to a deeper question: Are we doing things to receive affirmation from other people, or are we living from the affirmation God has already given us as His children?

Rather than allowing other people’s responses to determine our value, what would change if God’s affirmation became the foundation from which we serve, grow, and live?

This short devotional offers a practical challenge to examine what we’re pursuing, where we’re finding our value, and what may need to change so that we can create more space for God to work in our lives.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Making space for God may require giving up something that isn’t necessarily sinful, but is lesser or less important in a particular season.
• Creating space for God can involve our schedules, commitments, priorities, attitudes, or the posture of our hearts.
• Saying no can be necessary when our desire to serve causes us to overcommit.
• God’s work in our lives isn’t necessarily about receiving something material; it can involve receiving something deeper and more spiritual from Him.
• Daniel was reminded that he was precious to God, encouraging us to consider where we are finding our own value.
• Seeking affirmation from other people can cause us to base our worth on how others respond to us.
• God’s affirmation of us as His children can become the foundation from which we serve rather than something we seek as a reward for serving.
• Affirmation should be the beginning of our work, not the end.
• Spiritual growth involves examining both our behavior and our thinking to see whether they reflect our identity in God.
• One important question to consider is what needs to change so that we can find our value in God’s affirmation rather than the approval of others.

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 — What Do You Need to Give Up for Something Greater?

01:22 — Creating Space for God to Work

05:19 — Finding Your Value in God’s Affirmation

06:40 — Questions for Reflection

——————————

Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

theprodigaljourney.com/donate

——————————

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk

——————————

Intro/Outro music used with permission under a standard music license, purchased from @WavebeatsMusic. License certificate on file.

CREDITS:

Track Title: 'Motivational Power'

Music by WavebeatsMusic

Promo Video: https://youtu.be/5hTaTrJowJk

TRACK INFO:

WBM T73: 'Motivational Power"

Artist: WavebeatsMusic

Composer: Henrique Tavares Dib

PRO: APRA/AMCOS, IPI:00611600895

Publisher: Songtrust ST Music ANZ PTY LTD, IPI: 825751036

Summary/Intro:

This podcast episode profoundly explores the concept of freedom, distinguishing between physical incarceration and the invisible prisons that many individuals experience in their lives. We engage in a candid conversation about the transformative power of faith and music, highlighting how songs can resonate deeply with those trapped in various forms of bondage.

Our guest, Mike Weaver, leads us through his personal journey, revealing the pivotal role that music has played in his life and the lives of others, particularly during times of suffering and despair. We also delve into the songwriting process, emphasizing how vulnerability and authenticity can give rise to music that speaks to the heart of human experience. Ultimately, we celebrate the hope that emerges from sharing our stories and the enduring belief that, despite our struggles, divine grace is ever-present.

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Show Notes:

What does it mean to be truly free when your circumstances haven’t changed?

In this episode of The Prodigal Journey, Ben sits down with Mike Weaver, lead singer of Big Daddy Weave, for a conversation that goes far beyond music. Mike shares the story behind one of Big Daddy Weave’s most meaningful songs, “Redeemed,” and how God used a song that came out of Mike’s own struggle with self-worth and self-hatred to bring hope and freedom to people around the world.

Ben also shares how “Redeemed” impacted him while he was incarcerated in 2012. Although he was physically behind bars, the message of the song helped him recognize a deeper freedom in Christ. Mike explains why the band ultimately gives all the glory to Jesus for the ways God has used their music in people’s lives.

The conversation also explores the story behind “Alive,” which Big Daddy Weave received from Zach Williams after his own journey back toward God. Mike recounts how “Redeemed” unexpectedly became part of Zach’s story and how the two artists eventually shared the stage during the pandemic.

One of the most powerful moments comes when Mike tells the story of a concert in Liberty, South Carolina. His brother Jay Weaver had prayed over every seat in the venue, including one specific seat where God had apparently directed his attention. The man who would eventually sit in that seat had walked away from ministry and his relationship with God after experiencing a devastating tragedy. What happened after the concert became a profound picture of faith, suffering, honesty, and God’s presence in the middle of pain.

Mike also opens up about losing his brother Jay and his mother, and how those experiences have changed the way he understands suffering. Rather than seeing suffering as the opposite of victory, Mike has learned to see it as an opportunity to worship God in a way we won’t have forever.

Ultimately, this conversation is about redemption, freedom, grief, suffering, faith, and the goodness of God—even when life doesn’t turn out the way we hoped.

Takeaways:

• God can use a song, story, or simple message in ways we could never anticipate.
• “Redeemed” came out of Mike Weaver’s own struggle with self-worth and learning to see himself through God’s eyes.
• Being physically free does not necessarily mean a person is spiritually or emotionally free.
• Mike emphasizes that the transformation people experience through Big Daddy Weave’s music ultimately belongs to Jesus, not the band.
• Zach Williams’ encounter with “Redeemed” became part of his own journey back toward God and eventually led to the song “Alive.”
• Jay Weaver’s story demonstrates that faithfulness and God’s goodness cannot always be measured by whether healing happens the way we expect.
• Grief and suffering can coexist with genuine hope and joy.
• God’s presence does not disappear when circumstances become difficult.
• Faith is grounded in God’s promises rather than simply in how close God feels in a particular moment.
• Suffering gives believers a unique opportunity to worship God by trusting Him in the middle of pain.
• Mike’s experience has taught him that God’s goodness, mercy, kindness, and faithfulness remain true even when life falls apart.
• Redemption means that God can restore and redeem what has been broken, even when He doesn’t change the circumstances in the way we hoped.

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Chapters:

00:00 — Mike Weaver & the Story Behind “Redeemed”

05:20 — Finding Freedom in “Redeemed”

16:25 — Zach Williams, “Redeemed” & the Story Behind “Alive”

21:22 — The Liberty, SC Concert & a Divine Appointment

25:57 — Jay Weaver, Marion & Faith in the Middle of Suffering

33:04 — Losing Jay & Finding Hope in Grief

36:05 — What Suffering Taught Mike About God

42:13 — Worshiping God in the Middle of Pain

43:20 — “God Is in This Story”

——————————

Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

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Transition music used with permission:

Extreme Energy by MusicToday80: https://soundcloud.com/musicto....​

Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

https://creativecommons.org/li....​

Music provided by Free Vibes: https://goo.gl/NkGhTg

Intro/Outro Music used with permission:

BlueTree Audio: https://youtube.com/@BlueTreeAudio

Summary/Intro:

This podcast episode delves into the profound and often concealed issue of hidden abuse. We engage in a poignant conversation with Megan, who shares her personal experiences and reflections on the complexities of navigating both the perpetration and victimization of such abuse within familial and relational contexts. The significance of discussing hidden abuse, particularly within faith communities, is underscored, as it remains an underrepresented topic that is crucial for awareness and healing. We explore the insidious nature of emotional and psychological manipulation and the importance of recognizing red flags that may indicate such abuse. Ultimately, this episode serves as an urgent call to action for individuals and communities to foster open dialogue and support for those affected, illuminating the path toward healing and understanding.

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Show Notes:

Ben and his sister Megan, and Dawn, delve into the intricate topic of hidden abuse, drawing from their personal experiences to shed light on this often-overlooked issue. The conversation begins with Ben’s candid acknowledgment of his dual role as both perpetrator and victim’s family member, providing a unique perspective that enriches the discourse.

Megan shares how manipulation, guilt, gaslighting, inappropriate relationships, financial control, and repeated boundary violations affected her marriage. She also talks about the red flags she initially overlooked, the ways her Christian upbringing influenced how she understood marriage and divorce, and how difficult it was to realize that what she was experiencing wasn’t simply a normal marriage struggle.

The conversation also explores the role churches can play in either helping or unintentionally enabling abuse. Ben, Megan, and Dawn discuss harmful messages that place responsibility on wives to change their husbands, purity-culture beliefs about men’s lust, the importance of empathy, and the responsibility of church leaders to respond when people are being harmed.

Megan also shares what helped her begin healing—including therapy, supportive community, and people who were willing to listen without trying to immediately fix everything.

Most importantly, she offers hope to people who may still be wondering whether what they’re experiencing is normal: don’t be afraid to ask, talk about what is happening, and seek help.

Takeaways:

• Hidden abuse can be difficult to recognize because it often involves manipulation, guilt, gaslighting, and patterns that can appear normal from the outside.
• Emotional and psychological abuse can gradually erode a person’s ability to trust their own perceptions and feelings.
• Financial abuse can include irresponsible spending, hidden financial behavior, debt, and using shared resources in ways that harm the other person.
• Missing red flags does not mean someone is responsible for the abuse they experienced.
• Christian teaching about marriage and divorce can sometimes make it more difficult for people to recognize that they are in an abusive relationship.
• A wife is not responsible for changing, controlling, or “loving her husband back to Jesus.”
• Purity-culture messages that place responsibility for men’s lust on women can make abusive or unhealthy relationships even harder to recognize.
• People experiencing abuse often need someone willing to listen and validate their experience rather than immediately trying to solve the problem.
• Churches have a responsibility to care for people experiencing abuse, even when leaders don’t initially know exactly how to respond.
• Healing from abuse takes time, and healthy relationships can reveal areas of trauma that still need attention.
• Trust can be deeply affected by abuse, but healing and healthy relationships are possible.
• People who are experiencing hidden abuse should not be afraid to ask whether what they’re experiencing is normal and seek help.

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Chapters:

00:00 - Shinning A Light on Hidden Abuse

02:02 - Megan’s Story & Early Red Flags

08:12 - Manipulation, Gaslighting & Emotional Abuse

14:35 - Self-Blame, Gut Feelings & Feeling Trapped

21:17 - Financial Abuse & Recognizing the Bigger Pattern

27:00 - When Church Advice Places The Burden On The Wife

32:24 - Purity Culture, Men’s Lust & Responsibility

36:12 - Community, Empathy & The Healing Process

42:44 - The Church’s Responsibility To People Experiencing Abuse

47:19 - Healing, Relationships After Divorce & Finding Hope

—————————-

Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

theprodigaljourney.com/donate

—————————-

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk

Intro/Outro music used with permission from BlueTreeAudio - https://youtube.com/@BlueTreeAudio

Summary/Intro:

The conversation we embark upon today addresses the deeply entrenched belief that all men are predisposed to lust. This notion, often perpetuated within church settings, is not only misleading but also detrimental to both men and women, fostering an environment of hopelessness and shame. I aim to challenge this toxic narrative by illuminating the adverse effects it has on our spiritual journeys and interpersonal relationships.

Through a candid exploration of this topic, we will dissect the implications of this statement, exposing the heart issues that underlie lust and offering healthier, biblically grounded perspectives. Ultimately, I hope to inspire a transformative dialogue that empowers us to redefine our understanding of desire, promoting a more constructive approach to our relationships with one another and with God.

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Show Notes:

The discussion centers on the pervasive yet damaging belief that all men lust, a notion often perpetuated within church communities. The host expresses concern that this assertion not only undermines the dignity of women but also diminishes the potential for men to embrace a healthier, more respectful understanding of their sexuality. By confronting this toxic narrative, the podcast seeks to illuminate the broader implications of such teachings, which foster feelings of hopelessness among women and enable men to avoid accountability for their actions. Through a critical analysis of this concept, the host aims to empower listeners by offering a more biblically sound perspective that emphasizes personal responsibility and spiritual growth.

Takeaways:

• The podcast addresses the harmful teaching that 'all men lust,' highlighting its toxic effects on both men and women.
• Listeners are encouraged to challenge the notion that lust is solely a male issue, emphasizing that women are also affected.
• The conversation aims to provide hope by discussing healthier, biblical perspectives on relationships and lust.
• The speakers advocate for recognizing beauty in a way that honors God, distinguishing between noticing and lusting.
• The episode calls for men to take responsibility for their actions and to pursue spiritual growth and emotional health.
• Listeners are invited to engage in a dialogue about personal experiences with harmful teachings surrounding lust and masculinity.

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Chapters:

00:00 — Why “All Men Lust” Is a Harmful Teaching

06:28 — Five Problems With “All Men Lust”

15:08 — Unhealthy Solutions: “Bounce Your Eyes” & Blaming Women

18:44 — A Biblical Vision for Healthy Manhood

22:20 — Gospel Freedom, Heart Change & Spiritual Growth

24:30 — Lust vs. Noticing: Questions for Reflection

——————————

Thank you for supporting conversations about Faith. Struggle. Becoming.

If this conversation encouraged you, you can support the podcast here:

theprodigaljourney.com/donate

——————————

Affiliate Links:

I host my podcast with Captivate, the world's only growth-oriented podcast host™ - you can too, and get your first 7-days on me! Use my affiliate link below to get your free trial and it helps the podcast.

https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=nte5ndk