The Psychology of Relationships

What if the healthiest relationship isn’t the one that follows the traditional blueprint—but the one that actually fits the people in it? Julie & Yue are joined by relationship coach and educator Ellecia Paine to explore how inherited expectations can shape the way we think relationships are “supposed” to look. Together, they unpack how to question those assumptions, communicate what you genuinely want, and intentionally create a partnership that allows both people to feel fulfilled rather than simply successful on paper.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How inherited expectations shape our relationships
• Why wanting something different doesn’t mean you’re asking too much
• How to identify the relationship “shoulds” you’ve internalized
• Why there’s no single blueprint for a healthy partnership
• How to intentionally create a relationship where both people can thrive

To learn more about Ellecia Paine, follow her @elleciapaine and visit www.elleciapaine.com

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Being single can easily feel like something we’re supposed to endure until we find someone—but what if it’s actually an opportunity to build a life you genuinely love? Julie & Yue are joined by John Kim, licensed therapist and author of Single On Purpose, to explore what happens when we stop treating partnership as the finish line. From rebuilding your relationship with yourself to “masturdating,” John offers a different way to think about singlehood, self-growth, and ultimately partnership.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely
• How to build a fulfilling life outside of partnership
• Why we sometimes stop growing once we enter relationships
• What “masturdating” can teach you about yourself
• How a stronger relationship with yourself changes your relationships with others

To learn more about John Kim, follow him @theangrytherapist and visit www.theangrytherapist.com.

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
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A fulfilling sex life isn’t just about chemistry or technique—it’s about feeling comfortable enough to communicate, explore, and be vulnerable with each other. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, to explore how couples can use sex as an opportunity for deeper connection. From becoming more “cliterate” to expanding our understanding of pleasure beyond intercourse, Ian offers a practical look at creating more satisfying and connected intimacy.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why communication is essential to a satisfying sex life
• What it means to become more “cliterate”
• Why pleasure goes far beyond intercourse
• How couples can explore intimacy without pressure
• How sexual connection can strengthen emotional intimacy

To learn more about Ian Kerner, visit www.iankerner.com

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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When does wanting love become needing it? For some people, relationships can become a source of obsession, validation, and emotional dependence—making it difficult to feel secure without another person. Julie & Yue are joined by Sherry Gaba, LCSW, psychotherapist and relationship addiction expert, to unpack the psychology behind love addiction and the patterns that can keep people chasing connection at the expense of themselves.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to recognize the difference between love and love addiction
• Why some people become dependent on romantic validation
• How low self-worth can fuel unhealthy relationship patterns
• Why being alone can feel so uncomfortable
• How to rebuild self-trust and a sense of wholeness

To learn more about Sherry Gaba, follow her @codependencycurious and visit www.sherrygaba.com

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR


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What if the parts of yourself you’ve spent years trying to fix are actually connected to your greatest strengths? Julie & Yue are joined by psychotherapist and Deeper Dating author Ken Page to explore how our perceived flaws can point toward the qualities that make us most authentic, passionate, and alive. Rather than trying to become more lovable, we explore what happens when we recognize our core gifts, embrace the parts of ourselves we’ve learned to hide, and choose relationships where those qualities can truly be appreciated.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How your perceived flaws can reveal your greatest gifts
• Why trying to become more lovable can backfire
• How to recognize the qualities that make you uniquely you
• Why authenticity can lead to stronger relationships
• How to find connections where your gifts are genuinely valued

To learn more about Ken Page, follow him @deeper.dating and visit www.deeperdating.com

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR


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We’re often taught that being in a relationship is the goal—but what if partnership isn’t something we need in order to have a fulfilling life? Julie & Yue are joined by Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt, co-authors of Relationship.: Are You Sure You Want One?, to challenge the idea that being partnered is inherently better than being single. After consciously uncoupling from their own long-term relationship, they share what they learned about choosing partnership, creating a meaningful life independently, and redefining what a successful relationship can look like.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why we’re so conditioned to believe we need a relationship
• How to tell the difference between wanting a partner and needing one
• Why a fulfilling life doesn’t have to revolve around romantic partnership
• What makes a relationship genuinely enhance your life
• How to choose relationships from desire and intention rather than fear or expectation

To learn more about Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt, visit www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR


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Attachment styles have become one of the most popular ways to understand relationships—but they’re often reduced to a few labels on social media. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Lauren Korshak to take a closer look at what attachment theory actually tells us about love, closeness, and security. Rather than treating attachment as a fixed identity, we explore how our patterns develop, why insecurity can show up even in secure relationships, and how awareness can help us create more compassionate and connected partnerships.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What attachment theory actually tells us about relationships
• How anxious and avoidant patterns develop
• Why even securely attached people can feel insecure
• How attachment patterns can change over time
• How to use attachment as a tool rather than a label

To learn more about Lauren Korshak, visit https://www.lovewellsf.com/

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR


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Money can create some of the biggest tensions in a relationship—but the conflict usually isn’t just about money. It’s about what money represents: security, freedom, control, priorities, and the future you want to build together. Julie & Yue are joined by Joe Gavazza of Gavazza Wealth Management to explore what financial compatibility really looks like and how couples can talk about spending, saving, debt, and long-term goals before they become sources of conflict.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What financial compatibility actually means beyond income
• How your money mindset can shape your relationship
• How to talk about spending, saving, and debt
• Why financial transparency can strengthen trust
• How couples can create greater alignment around their future

To learn more about Joe Gavazza, visit www.gavazza.com.

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR


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Sometimes the things we do to protect ourselves from getting hurt are the very things that create distance in our relationships. Julie & Yue are joined by psychologist and relationship researcher Dr. Raquel Peel to explore why we sometimes sabotage healthy relationships, from pulling away when things get serious to criticizing, becoming defensive, or shutting down when we feel vulnerable. Together, they unpack the Four Horsemen and how greater self-awareness can help us respond differently before protective patterns become relationship-ending habits.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why we sometimes sabotage relationships that are actually healthy
• How fear and self-protection can create relationship problems
• What the Four Horsemen reveal about relationship conflict
• How to recognize your own self-sabotaging patterns
• Ways to respond with more vulnerability and intention

To learn more about Dr. Raquel Peel, visit https://www.raquelpeel.com

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR


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Most people enter relationships without ever being taught the skills needed to sustain one. Communication, conflict, intimacy, and emotional responsibility are often learned through trial and error instead of intention. Dr. Alexandra Solomon—licensed therapist, professor at Northwestern University, and author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back—joins Julie & Yue to explore the lessons behind her popular course Marriage 101. Rather than focusing on finding “the one,” her work centers on becoming “the one” through self-awareness, emotional growth, and relational skill-building.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why self-awareness is essential for healthy relationships
• How family history shapes the way we love
• Why conflict is something to work through, not avoid
• The role emotional and sexual intimacy play in long-term love
• What differentiation means and why it matters in relationships

To learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon, follow her @dralexandrasolomon and visit dralexandrasolomon.com

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR


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