I heard they're going to round up all the podcasters and take us to a farm upstate where we can run around and recite Squarespace ad copy to our heart's content.

This episode comes with batteries installed. They’re expanding a little bit but it’s probably because they’re filled with good content.

Trick or treat? Neither. I choose love.

They had to create a new podcast category on iTunes for this podcast called "guy talking who sounds like he has a dog's brain." Always thought of myself as more of a Miscellaneous type of guy but whatever.

All of the background actors in this podcast are making way too much money for an audio-only podcast and they use my bathroom too much. I need to make better decisions.

I was distracted during this episode by a cartoon thought bubble that appeared over my head containing disturbing images of me successfully dropping anvils on the Road Runner. I swear those weren't my thoughts... I don't understand why I saw those things... I'm shaking...

This episode is gluten free, which means I’m free to put gluten in it if I want. But I didn’t. I don't think I did. Actually I don’t remember now.

Yeah this is a self-help podcast alright… you can “help” your “self” to this week’s episode or whatever you weirdos are doing with these.

This episode weighs in at a pound and a half so it will make your phone unbearably heavy if you're one of those people with heavy-ass phone cases. You know who you are. I see you.

If everyone who listens to the podcast gave me $100 it would end all death on earth in perpetuity. Why would I lie about this?