The Ramblings of an Insomniac

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What’s been preventing me from counting sheep? SCAMMERS! Con artists. Those that get off on taking advantage of vulnerable people. Those that use control and power to manipulate. 
Some con others for attention. Others simply to see what they can get away with? For the rush of all the balls in the air. 
I can’t wrap my head around people that go to such great lengths to deceive. I bring this up because of a documentary about Amanda Riley called, Scamanda. I just watched it on Hulu. Amanda is due to be released from prison this month after conning people in to thinking she was dying of cancer. The extraordinary lengths this woman went to, to lie? Wow! 
In this episode I discus liars. Con artists. Shitty “humans” that take advantage of others. I’ve known a few, personally. 
I also discuss our dear ole government and the lying politicians within. 

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In this episode I discuss learning from our mistakes, Darwinism and never saying, never. 

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What’s been keeping me up? Disrespectful humans. People that can’t seem to act civilized or like a normal, functioning member of society? Those that cannot seem to coexist? 
I talk about communication. The lack of communication people have. Instead of communicating, I discussing, talking things out, people escalate things. 
We all have choices. Free will. Morals. Standards. Each of us have our ways of dealing with others. It’s fascinating how many people think violence is the answer? 
I also discuss the English language and how terrible I am at it. I was born and raised in America, yet have poor grammar and can’t spell to save my life. I can barely form sentences most days. To anyone that speaks English as a second language, shout out to you! 
I talk the show Dexter. What happens if we take matters in to our own hands? And I discuss our judicial system in the United States. . 

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In this episode I discuss my insomnia. My head is gooey and feels like a marshmallow. I  feel so lost. Sad. Regretful. I can’t stop thinking of my mom. 
I talk about bullies and my deep intolerance for them. I discuss the justice system, insomnia and my peeping tom habits. 
I also talk about people caring more about the content on their social media page than the content of their character. People would rather have good content than help someone in need. Or themselves. 
Anyway, my lack of sleep and anxiety over my mom, has resulted in recording more episodes. 

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The, “what ifs,” are taking over. I am currently wide awake, anxiety ridden. Can’t sleep. Thinking of my mom. Wondering if I could have done things differently? What if I didn’t encourage her to move? What If I spoke out more? 
 I should have said more to my mom and taken better advantage of time with her? I keep replaying the phone calls of my telling me how scared she was to die. Having to hear my mom’s anxiety and panic. Yet be kept away. It’s NOT OK! 
I cannot forgive what certain groups of people put my mom, myself and millions of others through…..

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What’s been preventing me from counting sheep? Personal space and boundaries.  In this episode I discuss people feeling it’s OK to invade your personal space? To disrespect both physical and personal boundaries. 
I feel boundaries are very important. We need to let others know what is/is not acceptable? What you will tolerate as a partner, parent or friend. Allowing people to walk all over you, is not OK. 
I feel physical boundaries are important, as well. If we live in a city and have neighbors, a fence is nice to have. Establishing what s our. Where the property ends/begins?  We don’t want someone trespassing, camping out in our yard or helping themselves to our stuff. So, we have fences, walls, doors and security. Why is it so wrong to implement this very thing, when it comes to our borders? 
America having a wall establishes a boundary. Which is a good thing, in my opinion? 
I discuss this and fake people. People that may not be who they say they are? Influencers or your neighbor, may not be who they claim?  I bring this up because of the crime lab van and three cop cars across the street…. 

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What’s been keeping me up? Crazy people. Mentally unstable humans. Pessimistic, unhappy, ungrateful humans. Those that go out of their way to try to bring others to their miserable level. 
But I refuse to follow. I say, rejoice in the rain like Drew Barrymore. Sing and dance like no one’s watching. Because it’s OK to be HAPPY. To be PROUD. To celebrate life and be thankful. 
Hate will exist no matter how hard we try to erase it. Racism, intolerance, violence, religion, will always exist. It’s how we CHOOSE to live with those things. How WE handle those things?  
I choose to educate myself, be tolerant, give grace, love and compassion. Yet also stand proud, tall and strong in my OWN beliefs. 
I discuss mental health and lack of it. I talk about the difference, in MY OPINION, between supporting and encouraging someone. 

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In this episode I discuss being awake. I can’t sleep. My body is ready but my brain  has taken over. Videos from social media are playing in my head. Videos of people acting like animals. Humans behaving like savages. I can’t handle the violence. It’s keeping me awake. 
So, I am on, yet another sabbatical from social media. I can’t get sucked in to the black hole that is negativity. 
I need to center myself. Breath. Rid my mind things I cannot control. Focus on solutions and how I can help. 

What’s keeping me up? Crazy people! 

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In this episode I discuss faking it till you just can’t any more. Putting on a happy face, even when times are tough. I feel we need to walk talk, with confidence and take pride in ourselves. Because if we don’t, who will? If we don’t take ourselves seriously, no one else will. 
I discuss why animals help our confidence. You can’t lie to a horse. 
What’s been keeping me up? CONFIDENCE! 

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In this episode I discuss regrets. I feel regrets and guilt cause big health issues. There’s nothing you can do to change the past. All you can do is learn and move forward. If you continue to make the same mistakes, they are no longer mistakes. It’s intentional. You are failing to grow and are seeking drama. Mistakes happen once or twice. Beyond that, maybe it’s your choices? 
I love this quote, “if, ifs were fifths, we’d all be drunk.” 
I also discuss music and memory. 

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