We are all seeking something.  What it is?  As I started thinking about the aching in my being, the emptiness, or the “abyss” as Merton calls it, I went first to the “feelings” I constantly seek.  Feelings like simply feeling good. Self Esteem, if you will. Validation is another thing. Comfort, Peace, Purpose and safety are a few other things I nearly destroy my life trying to achieve.  I can see the irony as I write those words. What are all these things connect by?  The common thread running through these words is Love. In reality, these are offshoots of being loved. As any person alive can attest, we will break ourselves to feel love, even empty love.

We may not define it as love.  Comfort, Peace, purpose, validation are all aspects and “side effects” of love.

Seeking these things is not inherently wrong. In fact, it’s not even “not” inherently wrong. Merton points to the tendency of people to find wrong in the world. Wrong in “created” things. People seek what they think is a relationship with God by detaching from the world.  As if living in a log cabin will protect you from your addiction to alcohol.  This is spiritually lazy. As I stated in a previous post [click here], to find perfect love with God, we cannot detach from the things He Created. We must, instead, detach from ourselves. We must recognize and do the work to detach from the insatiable inner ego that seeks to take whatever it can get from the world in order to find love.  This taking without giving is self-centerdness. It, in and of itself is dangerous and empty. Add to this self-centerdness that we often seek from things and people what they cannot give, that is perfect love.

When we seek validation from another person, especially a spouse, we put too much pressure on that person.  Especially if that person is not in perfect union with God (which most people are not).  We seek comfort, peace, validation, etc from people of differing levels of emptiness. We are, in essence, robbing Peter to pay Paul. This is why relationships without God at the center are so fragile. Let’s face it, relationships WITH God in the center are difficult enough. When we seek what only God can give from a person (or substance or thing) it’s like driving a Mac truck on old rope bridge; it’s going to break. It’s not what it was designed for. What we get will sometimes sustain us for a while, but our ego wants more and more. As Merton states: “it’s insatiable”. We break those around us, we empty our bank accounts, and we keep wanting.  Oftentimes, we think we are seeking God.  We, in these moments are actually seeking God among other things to take from. Personally, I have had moments where I sought God as a band-aid.  I wanted to take from God.  I wanted the things of love, comfort, peace, validation from God.  I wanted those things from anything I thought would give to me.  God was just another “person” to help me.  It felt good. It felt right, because it was God.  The thing is, God wasn’t me center.  I didn’t attach myself to Him.  I was attached to an ego of self-centerdness. An insatiable little tyrant that ran the show. I would go through phases where I would white knuckle my way through changes.  I would keep taking from God. He gives.  He loves. But if He’s not inside, if He’s not the center, it’s not enough.  It’s never enough until He is the center.  Until I tell me ego to take a hike and I latch myself to God, can I begin to truly understand what love is.  I feel that today, I am at the very beginning of this journey.

So what does this look like?  It’s a work in progress.  God is at the center.  My tyrant ego is still in there.  I can take my eye off God and feed that ego if I ch...

I am slowly and deliberately re reading New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton. It amazes me how so many times in my life, God has shown off his ability to lead me in a direction.  Getting this book to the front of my mind was no different. I had a meeting that as it was ending, Thomas Merton was mentioned as an aside because the person with whom I was meeting is writing a book on Merton. Cool stuff. Merton’s wisdom goes beyond teaching how to pray.  That’s what I saw the first time I read this book 3 years ago.  This time around, God is teaching me how to let go of my self-centered ego and latch on Him through this book. My ego, or “false self” as Merton calls it, is a slave driver. The world has become my oyster and is there to serve my “little tyrant ego”.  It’s empty and insatiable. Good stuff, bad stuff, middle of the road stuff…all empty when it serves anything but God. Detaching from my ego and latching on to God sounds simple enough, but we all know it just isn’t so simple. Merton tells us that we aren’t looking to the world as something to let go of or run away from.  In fact, that is bad.  Created things are good. God gives us these things to remind us of His presence and His love. If we (I) can change my perspective and be in the moment with this concept, I will learn to see God in all things good and bad (meaning things I don’t particularly like; scorching hot days, anxiety, injuries, etc). This book has opened a new chapter in my relationship with God and in essence with my wife and the rest of the world.  I look forward to taking you along this journey with me.

 

 

Why is it that all the good things I want to achieve in life are really difficult and make me very uncomfortable as I work my way through them?  earlier this year I finished a 50K in the Zion Desert. Nine hours and Forty-Five minutes of physical torture…well glorious torture.  I spent 6 months training so as to not be completely miserable.  I started my training by embrace a zone of discomfort and continually pushing that envelope. After a while, my comfort zone and the line just outside of it was a pretty impressive distance. We don’t grow without discomfort.  This is true in all aspects of life.

This is not a podcast about fitness, rather it’s about living a fulfilling life.  One of the fulfillments I am seeking is a healthy and long-lasting marriage. After a year of marriage, I realized that seeking to be comfortable in my marriage will leave me anything but comfortable. The bottom line is that comfort won’t get me what I want.  Sure, moments of comfort or rest are nice and necessary, but the overall goal is not comfort.  It can never be comfort.  This is not a bad thing though.  I enjoy learning new skills and overcoming challenges.  I don’t need to be constantly “pushing the envelope”, but if I am too comfortable, I’m not serving my self, my wife, my job, or my God very well; and that is a much bigger purpose than comfort.

Life is difficult, that is one the greatest truth of life. As I am re reading the classic “The Road Less Traveled” I am hit with this obvious fact of life.  Of course, life is difficult. Oh wait, is it really “obvious”? Is this a truth I accept or is it just a platitude or cliché?

This book is such a powerful guide for finding happiness in life. It’s not a typical self-help book that attempts to make life easier.  Dr. Peck suggests that most people will deny this truth and fight the challenges of life.  I tend to agree with him.  I think, more often than not, instead of there being two camps of people, one embracing the difficulties of life and the other denying it, we bounce back and forth from camp to camp. When we are tired, unfocused, lazy or just not up for the fight in life, we try to bury our troubles.  People do this in many different ways.  Drinking, partying, sex, drugs, escaping, and a million other things designed to numb the pain of life. When we are “on it”, at least for me, we are disciplined.  The key to success in life, as you will read in a ton of success biographies is discipline. Peck describes discipline as:

* The delaying of gratification

* acceptance of responsibility

* dedication to the truth

* balancing (the giving up of a part of oneself for a better part of oneself)

This sense of discipline is the “road less traveled” as coined by Peck. It makes a lot of sense. Most people simply put there heads in the sand and deny the difficulties of life, questioning why they are mired in mediocrity. Others wonder why life is stressful and volatile. I’m trying to stay in the “discipline” camp as much as possible. This is not easier, either, but it’s a better road for sure.

 

 

Roman’s 5:20

…where sin increased, grace increased all the more

Some thoughts on the ebb and flow of my relationship with God and how it affects my other realationships.

The Universe loves mediocrity.  Yes.  Most people are mediocre.  Myself included in many ways.  99% of those people choose to be mediocre because its comfortable. Just some thoughts on overcoming this and getting out of our own way.

 

1:john 1:9

If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness

Why do I doubt?  I hide in shame that I am not perfect. Time and time again I feel the race is lost and wish to throw up my hands in defeat.  It is tiring and tough. But I must read deeper into the text.  Understand that God wants to forgive us.  The next chapter in 1 John reminds us that we have an advocate in Jesus.  Confessing our sins is not just a “therapeutic” thing, it’s “transformative”! We are transformed from a sinner buried under our sinful burden into a beacon of hope.  I have been saved and my place in Heaven is guaranteed.  Others around me may not be saved. They are watching me, when I don’t allow the light to shine through me.  “Look at him, he’s so miserable”, they say.  When I confess my sins in my private devotions, I allow the light to shine once again.  “See that joyful person, he’s a lot like me, but there’s something different he has that I want”, they say.

Sometimes I’m on fire for God and I’m helping others, sometimes I’m in a rut and someone else on fire lights the way for me.  That’s just how it works. There are some practical things we can all do to “shine” the light of Christ for others to see.  I listed out a few, but the list gets much larger when different people with different interests, skills, and environments start thinking about their own ways to shine.

I also discussed how Meditation, Naps (yes naps), and Journaling have been game changers for me in this busy season of life.

 

James 1:2-5New International Version (NIV)

Trials and Temptations

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

 

This isn’t the first nor is it the last time I am going to talk about being in or out of my comfort zone. In fact, recording this took me way out of my comfort zone, ironically. It’s been almost a year since my last episode, and it felt like it. But here I am.

The devil loves us to be comfortable. Souls aren’t saved, people aren’t loved, and wonderous creation are not made in the comfort zone. The Bible talks about laziness, sluggards, and all those fancy schmanzy biblical terms many times.  I’m not a biblical scholar, but you don’t want to be one of those things. A few months ago, a ran a 30K in the hills around my house in Southern California. It was hot and miserable.  I finished dead last.  I actually tied for dead last, but that was because the lady who was definitely older than I, waited for me so we could finish together. Finishing last wasn’t the miserable part. Finishing last, because I allowed it was the problem. I got too comfortable in my training. I was running the miles I had always ran. I was just running them comfortably. I know, that’s kind of waste of time. Excercise isn’t supposed to be comfortable.  It can be fun, but not comfortable. I’m currently training for a 50K in a few months. I’m constantly reminding myself of the comfort zone trap. Life is the same way.

How do we step out of the comfort zone?  Too [probably] oversimplify it, we have 2 ways to we often step out of the comfort zone. The first, and vastly the majority of the time is because we are compelled  from a bad decision or bad actions. We do something stupid, naïve, or simply wrong. We step out of the will of God and have to work our way back from negative 10 to zero. It’s ok, it’s normal, and we all do it. The difference maker is how often we trade the energy from type 1 to type 2. Type 2 stepping out is a proactive approach.  We aren’t reacting, or stepping out because we have to, we are doing it for a deliberate purpose. This is perhaps one the most difficult things to do in life. Afterall, our brains are wired to find a happy mediocrity. telling myself that running 10 miles doesn’t matter unless it “hurts” is easy until I’m 2 miles in and sweating up a storm. How we do this is different for each of us? This proactive approach to living looks like praying every morning “rain or shine”, writing that book you’ve always wanted to write, taking time to consider “ideas”, deep thinking, understanding, researching arguments, reading, loving, becoming vulnerable, deepening relationships, and much more. You will see, however, how difficult this actually becomes when you try to do it. I’ve had hours of uninterrupted wasted time at home. I’ll be watching TV, or reading a book, just floating along for hours. If I decide to brainstorm and idea, pray, or do anything deeper that surface level stuff, I all of a sudden become the most sought after person this side of the Atlantic. My kids get along just fine when I’m staring at my lawn; pick up a pen and paper and they become mortal enemies. If you don’t believe me, start a new exercise regimen. I guarantee you’ll get a cold or the flu in the next week or so.  If not the flu, an emergency conference call will interrupt you...

This week I had the pleasure of speaking with Steve Roy of Fit Dad Nation.  Steve shares his story of struggle, pain, and his comeback. Through the struggles, he was able to discover his purpose and start enjoying life. He works hard everyday working with dads to help them find what he found.  He offers a unique fitness program geared toward busy dads.  His program isn’t about giant muscles or 6 pack abs, it’s about quality of life and happiness. Who better to understand the daily fitness struggles of dads than a dad himself?

Listen to our discussion for a ton of free counseling and advice, then go over to his page and Facebook and connect.

 

Find Steve Roy at www.fitdadnation.com or CLICK HERE.

Connect with Steve Roy on Facebook by CLICKING HERE.

Ken Jaquith shares his story of struggle, personal discovery, and passion with The Real Dad Show.

Ken had everything he thought he wanted.  He had a great job, the house, wife and the kids.  By all appearances, he should have been happy.  Ken shares how finding “success without fulfillment” led to him losing himself and his family.  After a rough divorce and limited time with his children, he was angry, bitter, and felt like a victim.

Listen as he shares how he has overcome this “victim” mentality and is dedicating his life to helping others find their own distinct fulfillment. He has a unique perspective of living through the pain and the passion to help others. You can find him at www.kenjaquith.com or on Facebook at [Click Here].