This week, Squonk’s gotta Squonk, your grief is invited to our holiday party, Melanie believes that lighters are a recalled children’s toy, toy manufacturers need a visit from HR, Melanie inquires about a potential career in pole vaulting/magic, radioactive materials are perfectly safe, Brianne will do anything for the story but not driving a Power Wheels on meth, and Furbies are a threat.

Content warnings: discussion of nonfatal injuries to children throughout, mildly detailed discussion of serious genital trauma to children who survive 20:15-27:50, vague mention of SBS, injuries from razors, brief but gross mention of boogers.