Cute recordings of my 6 year old twins Ashley and Kaley reciting a Bible verse from memory and singing a song

The pain of being without my children

Reasoning out the idea that I'm violating the passage in Timothy 5:8 that says a man who doesn't provide for his immediate family is worse than an unbeliever

Realizing that Father has ordered this situation for me to break me from the strong ability in me of "self-sufficiency"

Realizing that I'm experiencing death to self

My faith has now become weaker than at any point in the past year

I'm careful not to share my situation with anyone behind me in faith so as not to cause them to stumble over what God is doing with me and the suffering I'm going through

Wrestling with my natural disposition and my desire to be gentle

How God has used this difficult time to create a strong desire in me to pay child support even though I will be doing so to an evil person who won't likely use much of it to benefit the children

Pride is so much deeper than I have ever imagined and fighting for humility is much harder than fighting from humility

My children asking for gifts brings such sadness to my heart knowing I have not even a dollar to send them

Realizing that I'm not as mature in my faith as I have thought I am and that I have much to learn and grow in order to survive this dark world coming upon us. I have much maturing to do

This difficult faith and waiting journey is SO much longer than we ever think

What kind of value can I place on the heart work Father is doing on me through all this suffering?

The lowest a man can go is to the place of not being able to provide for his own beloved children

God uses a passage in a John Piper book at the book store for a timely encouragement for me to persevere

Having to help two ladies whose son's are struggling with mental issues

I receive a scathing email from the wife of my once good friend, whose birthday party I refused to attend because members of my old church were attending and our relationship is officially separated

Unwilling to compromise what I believe to be the truth for ANY family or friends

A person can look so very godly on the outside and still be so very deceived upon closer look

A powerful message and encouragement from Charles Stanley

Jesus Christ is not a belief system, but our Lord

Commentary: You will refute every tongue that accuses you and receive vindication from the Lord

An increasing awareness that I'm fighting for the strong faith of others in God, not just mine or my children's

My desire to be a type of modern day "George Muller" to strengthen the faith of believers today

Obeying God like this is terrifying at times

Thoughts on others comparing the providence of God in my life to the providence of God in their life

I've never doubted God, but only whether I've heard from Him correctly or not

You have to stop "discerning" things based on how you feel

More doubts about my faith in the face of increasing pressure and criticism about my decision to distance from my friends

The blessing of being called to the hospital in an emergency to pray for a friend's wife and baby born in distress

The blessing of being used by God to love and serve others.

Crying my eyes out after the Lord speaks to clearly to me Numbers 9:19 in an amazing way, after crying out desperately needing to hear from him

The nightmare I had of being on stage and not able to find a verse that I quote to the church. God gave this to me to motivate me to keep memorizing the Scripture

I'm becoming a problem for many people. Many are talking about me, and yet I have NOTHING and am so insignificant. This is just like Jerusalem

How my mother is using Scripture, pretending to be interested in my opinion, to try to draw me into a conversation so she can show me that I'm wrong

This incredible contentment coming to me regarding Laura has been so amazing

Receiving contentment is the same things as receiving your heart's desire

More insights on waiting on God and growing in my faith

A recording about how quickly I can fall back into doubt even after God showed me that extraordinary 9:19 as as sign

The neat way God used the InTouch Ministries Magazine to encourage me again at a very specific place

God has been using me to help people who are going through worse things than me just not being able to pay child support yet

My mother uses a C.S. Lewis teaching to say that I am wrong and misguided

My mother uses the Bible to try to pressure me into her thinking after reprimanding me for getting mud on her $1,000 rug

Incredible example of God's encouragement to me while I'm listening to a Charles Stanley message and talking about God delivering me with a timely 555

An opportunity to explain to my mother all the reasons why I believe the Rock church is wrong comes up after she judges me harshly for not going to my friends party because church members will be there

Commentary: Discerning the counterfeit, the swimming pool dream and the extreme external pressure from others to accept their counterfeit faith

Commentary: The counterfeit of being "slain in the Spirit"

Having a severe moment of doubt that I have heard from God correctly.

LAUGHING COMMENTARY: The letter from John Berridge to a minister in the 1700's which just has me laughing out loud.

Revelations on waiting for God and realizing it's truly about the journey, not the destination

Walking with God is the highest goal of the Christian life

To others my life looks like I have been smitten by God because they are looking at my circumstances, my outward life

Listing the changes I see in my heart like the fact that I no longer fear men or desire their praise

Message to my children about the true evidence of knowing God and walking with Him

The longer the waiting period the more your faith is being tested and the stronger it will be and the sweeter will be the deliverance

The word of the Lord has been testing me until it comes to past just like with Joseph in Psalm 105:19

When God gives you a promise..HE WILL bring it to pass!

Waiting upon the Lord is one of the most important principles God has been teaching me

Obedience brings immediate suffering not immediate blessing

Living in purity and denial of self will cause much suffering

Lessons on temptation, sin, forgiveness from God and forgiveness of self

Teaching my children how to study the Bible with a focus on learning how God has dealt with those who have gone before us

Another very bizarre dream about Laura where I see her but I cannot find her

Revelations on contentment and how much simpler my life has become as I've grown in contentment

Worship is for God, not for us...most large churches have good music

Lust of the eyes lessons from a beautiful woman at Starbucks

See 1055 again after praying about the divorce court story

Glorious fruit in spite of the fact that my circumstances are still so bad. Indeed I have become poor while others are becoming rich

Not willing to compromise and attend a party with my former close friends because so many from my old church will be there.

Asking the Lord to please give me guidance after mom tells me I only have 90 days until they are kicking me out.

Crying through my doubts and reasoning out my faith that God has been speaking to me by numbers and that I'm not deceived

Realizing even Gideon had to ask for a sign three times in order to know that it was the Lord speaking to him.

Feeling so alone in my experience...there is no one who can validate this experience I'm having except God.

Example after example from Scripture that shows God asking me to walk into contradictory circumstances which make no sense at all

Asking the question, "If I keep going like this, just how strong will my faith be one day?"

Commentary: "Are you living by faith?"

Father shows me another significant 777 and 1055 (Psalm 105:5), without me realizing the court papers are going to arrive the next day.

The papers came in, but for the first time, there is not sickness or queezy feelings in my stomach. There is a much higher faith here now.

Commentary about seeing life circumstances and God's promises through the eyes of faith, not the eyes of human understanding

Realizing how much the perseverance through the suffering has shaped and changed my character

The greatest evidence that God is with me, is not in my circumstances, but in seeing how much I have changed

February 14th, 2014, the day I opened the letter from divorce court to see a total reversal of the Glorious judgment God made in my favor.

My thoughts on how my faith is being tested through this experience

The test of Elijah has come to me…something He gave life to at once, has now died

Amazed that God has allowed me to stand under such a blow like this

Two men with the church want to meet with me to talk about why I left and I see the very subtle deception they are in

Revelation about forgiveness: When it's hard for a person to forgive, they haven't yet heard or understood the True Gospel

A bold prayer to Father to show me He is with me financially

A change in the way I teach

Reflections on my talk to a large group of elderly Baptist women from ages 60-80

The negative thoughts that filled my heart after the ladies gave me $50 after my sermon and how Satan used it to create doubt that I could ever afford to serve the Lord

Reading a certain book by Joshua Harris caused me to become a bit anxious about moving forward with the woman I was waiting for

Such a gigantic test of my faith when Father tells me to remember the wonders He has done and yet the biggest one (court victory) has been reversed by Satan

Father is testing and building my faith at a whole new level with this trial

Commentary on the highest faith in the Bible and how God was working into my the faith of Job

Commentary on God doing another part of my marriage story in two years to the day and how to know God's will about moving forward

God is giving me the ability to take these offenses as water on a duck's back

Praying and asking for Father to move on someone's heart to give to my work so I can regularly pay my child support

God is filling me with so much hope by the Scriptures He is showing me and they are all causing me to expect a spectacular restoration

Blessed is the man whose confidence is in Him! I am crying out for God to bring so much glory through my life

Commentary about my hoping someone would donate $50k to bail me out and how I'm so thankful the Lord never let that happen now

The real cost of faith and living the blessed life

Isolated and Alone, but NOT lonely

Thoughts on childlike faith and humility as I prepared to teach a gathering of elderly ladies as a local Baptist Church

A very emotional recording about how much I love Him and how much I know people are missing out on this!

My circumstances have been so flat for so long that I can't get into my mind that God could turn this all around?

The Deep anguish I feel reflecting on how long it has been that the Lord has made me deny myself by not allowing me to provide for my own children