On today’s episode, we dive deep into the essence of presence, authenticity, and trustable masculinity with Vance McMurry—a man who embodies both warrior strength and deep sensitivity. From his elite military background to his profound work in sacred masculinity, leadership, and relationships, Vance shares his insights on how men can reclaim their presence, heal relational wounds, and create strong, trustable containers for themselves and others.

This conversation explores the core struggles men face today—trusting themselves, trusting other men, and being trusted by women. We discuss how societal conditioning has impacted modern masculinity and offer a practical roadmap to becoming a deeply present, grounded, and authentic man.

If you or someone you know is navigating the balance between strength and sensitivity, power and presence, or seeking deeper connection in brotherhood, leadership, and relationships, listen to this episode today.

⏳ (00:00:54) - The Gift of Presence: Masculinity as Medicine

⏳ (00:02:21) - Warrior & Sage: The Balance of Strength and Sensitivity

⏳ (00:05:37) - The Sacred Union Crisis: Why Men and Women Are Divided

⏳ (00:07:34) - How We Met: Brotherhood, Leadership, and Presence

⏳ (00:09:39) - The Technology of Presence: Unlocking Deep Connection

⏳ (00:12:32) - The Missing Skills in Modern Relationships

⏳ (00:14:27) - The Masculine Gift: Honing Your Presence as a Man

⏳ (00:19:38) - Holding the Room: The Art of Silent Strength

⏳ (00:24:42) - The Five Keys to Trustable Masculinity

⏳ (00:30:08) - Why Men Struggle to Trust Themselves (and Each Other)

⏳ (00:41:57) - The Trigger Trap: Healing Relationship Wounds

⏳ (00:46:02) - Women Don’t Trust Men—Men Don’t Trust Themselves

⏳ (00:52:23) - Reclaiming Masculine Presence in a Distracted World

⏳ (00:57:29) - Loving Without Need: The Path to Unshakable Presence

⏳ (01:03:10) - Final Thoughts: Owning Your Power and Authenticity

Join The King’s Code – The men's initiatory program I co-lead in Austin: thekingscode.org

Follow My Work – mikaalbates.com

Women's Work with Amy & Ellie – desireonfire.com

Vance McMurry: @mcmurv

In this episode, Mikaal Bates and returning guest Jordan Mockingbird delve into the depths of men's work, weaving in the timeless wisdom of J.R.R. Tolkien's mythology. Together, they explore the archetype of the king, the balance of power, and the spiritual significance of Tolkien's Return of the King.

This conversation unfolds profound insights into how modern men can embody authenticity, leadership, and divine masculinity while honoring ancient traditions and sacred practices. Tune in to uncover the intersection of myth, masculine healing, and practical tools for personal growth.

Highlights of the Episode

[00:00:28] - Introduction to Men's Work and Tolkien's Archetypes: Exploring the parallels between J.R.R. Tolkien's Return of the King and the resurgence of divine masculine principles in modern men's work.

[04:00:00] - Aragorn’s Journey and Modern Masculinity: Discussing the transition from ranger to king and its lessons for men stepping into rightful leadership and balance.

[07:29:00] - Facing Egoic Deaths for True Kingship: The path to authenticity and stepping out of concealment as a metaphor for reclaiming divine masculine power.

[13:11:00] - Myth and Integration: The role of Tolkien's fellowship as a model for collaborative leadership and healing within the men's community.

[42:20:00] - The Tantra of Plants and Ancestral Healing: Exploring the spiritual and physiological effects of plant diets, such as tobacco, to balance masculine and feminine energies.

Mikaal Bates

Mikaal is a transformational coach and men’s work facilitator focused on leadership, sacred union, and personal growth. His teachings draw deeply from mythology, archetypes, and embodied practices to inspire authenticity and purpose in men.

• Website/Programs: Explore The King's Code and other offerings on Mikaal’s official website https://www.thekingscode.org
• Social Media: Connect with Mikaal on Instagram or LinkedIn to stay updated on his workshops and retreats. https://www.instagram.com/mikaal_bates/
• Events: Attend Mikaal's retreats and events, such as the Sacred Union Retreats, for in-person transformational experiences. https://www.desireonfirelive.com/ss

Jordan Mockingbird

Jordan is a plant medicine practitioner and storyteller specializing in sacred tobacco diets and ancestral healing. His work bridges shamanic traditions with modern men's work, offering unique tools for inner balance and growth.

• Website/Programs: Learn about Jordan’s offerings, including the Inner Union Tobacco Diet, on his official platform. www.treediets.com
• Social Media: Follow Jordan on Instagram or YouTube for insights into plant medicine and spiritual practices. https://www.instagram.com/mknbrd/
• Ceremonies & Diets: Join one of Jordan’s ceremonies or retreats to experience the transformative power of sacred plants firsthand.

Pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry that siphons off our life-force energy for commercial gain. Like almost every man in the modern era, I have had my own struggles with porn and masturbation so in today’s episode we sit down with Tyson Adams to explore the full depth and sinister implications of pornography on masculinity and male development.

Tyson, being 9 years sober from a porn addiction that lasted over two decades, has gained some incredible wisdom that he now shares with men who desire to break this self destructive habit. From the biological impact and physical addiction to the mental, spiritual, and relational damage it causes, Tyson is an expert in understanding what this cheap substitute for intimacy is costing us as men in the modern world.

In the age of Virtual Reality and Artificial Intelligence, it is more important now than ever before to shine a light on these vices and adopt a responsible perspective on our sacred sexual essence. Trust me when I say, this episode has information that almost every man in your life will need at some point in his life. 

Check the links below to connect with Tyson Adams and the work he's doing in the world

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tysonadams__/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/adams.tyson

References in this Episode

The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Montak Chia

Kama Sutra by Vātsyāyana

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:00:00) - Introductions

(0:01:46) - Common Experiences and Normalizing Discussions

(0:06:49) - The Scale & Impact of Porn Consumption

(0:11:39) - Commercialization of Life Force Energy

(0:14:44) - The Addictive Nature of Pornography

(0:20:19) - The Dangers of VR & AI in the Porn Industry

(0:30:06) - Integrating Healthy Sexuality in Men’s Work

(0:35:49) - Raising our Children in a World with Porn

(0:38:15) - The Journey of Sacred Sexuality & Multi-Orgasmic Capabilities

(0:46:42) - The Power of Semen Retention

(0:53:10) - Navigating the Shadow Side of the Sacred Sexuality Space

-------- EPISODE KEYWORDS ---------

Masculinity, Men’s Work, Sex, Porn, Pornography, Sex, Sex Addiction, Porn Addiction, Life Force Energy, Semen, Sexual Trauma, Recovery, Semen Retention, Sexual Dysfunction, Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, Infertility, Objectification, Playboy, Nudity, Social Media, Sexuality, Sacred Union, Energy, Kundalini, Tantra, Virtual Reality, Artificial Intelligence, Parenting, Childhood Trauma

#18 - “The Essence of Masculine Truth,” with Oak Mountain

This episode is a continuation of a conversation I had on The Smiling Human Podcast with the one and only, Oak Mountain. Oak is a master of language with a background in Philosophy, Psychology, Eastern Traditions and Personal Development who has dedicated his life to a path of seeking wisdom and serving others.

As one can expect, we spend a lot of time discussing the development of healthy Masculinity in this episode. Specifically, Oak brings awareness to how development and growth emerges not by looking into the past or future, but only by orientating one’s awareness to the present moment with courage and willingness. 

Along with the importance of present moment awareness, Oak and I speak to the power of telling the truth and the difference between objective truths, or facts, and individual truths, beliefs. Beliefs can become anchored in as part of a person’s identity and sometimes, especially for developing Men, it is necessary for these parts of ourselves to face death. If a Man can learn to face death with courage, whether it comes in the form of failure, rejection, or violence, then that Man can acquire something greater than himself and grow beyond what he was once capable of.

This is a conversation you definitely do not want to miss. Oak Mountain is a master communicator and his words resonate with the wisdom of long studied and well earned ancient knowledge. 

Check the links below to connect with Oak Mountain and the work he's doing in the world

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesmilinghuman/

Website:  ⁠https://thesmilinghuman.com/

Oak’s Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/

Oak’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BRLZDDKF

References in this Episode

The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff

What in The Word?: Uncovering The Art of Speech and The Power of Language by Oak Mountain

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:00:53) - Introductions

(0:05:30) - Developing Masculinity Through Present Moment Awareness

(0:07:38) - The Qualities of Masculinity: Providing, Protecting, and Sacrificing

(0:15:01) - The Hero’s Journey, Claiming the Mantle of Responsibility

(0:33:38) - The Role of Motherhood and the Hero’s Journey

(0:42:26) - Facing the Fear of Death and Rejection

(0:53:12) - The Power of Speaking the Truth

(1:00:53) - Orient Toward the Present Moment with Courage and Willingness

(1:06:13) - Outro

-------- EPISODE KEYWORDS ---------

Masculinity, Men’s Work, Truth, Perspective, Death, Fear, Truthtelling, Hero’s Journey, Responsibility, Rites of Passage, Manhood, Feminine, Present Awareness, Rejection, Logos, Power, Courage, Sacred, Ritual, Perspective, Facts, Ideas, Identity, Open Heart, Philosophy, Sociology, Anthropology, Psychology, What in the Word, Oak Mountain, Personal Development, Maturity, Joseph Campbell, 

In 2024 what does it mean to be in alignment with nature? In a culture that has become so accustomed to hustle, technology, and constant change at an ever-increasing pace, what role does the ancient, subtle wisdom of plants have left to play?

With “plant medicine” taking the personal development world by storm it’s easy to get caught up in the hype of hallucinogenic induced spiritual deep dives into the psyche. As we discuss in this episode with Jordan Mockingbird, a practitioner of the sacred healing arts and steward of shamanic medicine, there are many journeys to connect with the deep wisdom of the universe without using psychedelics or other entheogens. 

By being in ceremony with the plants, trees, and nature that surrounds us, it is possible to face our shadows and embody new aligned ways of being in a grounded, sustainable way. I personally journeyed with Jordan on a 7 day vision quest and I can tell you from personal experience, the technology of the trees is not to be taken lightly. 

From sacred tobacco rituals to ceremonial songs, Jordan is an experienced practitioner who lives and breathes this medicine. If you’re searching to reconnect to the wisdom deep within your soul or you’re struggling to adapt to a culture that has divorced itself from the subtlety of life, feelings, and spirituality, then you’re definitely not going to want to miss this episode!

Check the links below to connect with Jordan Mockingbird and the work he's doing in the world

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mknbrd/

Website: https://www.treediets.com/

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:00:53) - Introductions

(0:05:30) - Jordan’s Journey, “How this work came to me”

(0:13:58) - Carrying the Altar of Plant Medicine

(0:18:11) - Sacred Tobacco

(0:25:40) - The Subtle Wisdom of the Trees

(0:30:00) - Opening the Channel, the Medicine of Song & Celebration

(0:38:28) - Healing the Masculine’s Divorce from Feeling

(0:43:48) - Remembering the Laws of Respect and Love

(0:50:31) - Why You Should try a Tree Diet

(1:00:05) - Sacrifice, Letting What is Dead Within us Die to Truly Live

(1:15:18) - Learning to Sit with Yourself

(1:21:50) - Fully Expressing our Joy and Liberation

(1:28:00) - Feeling Safe While Letting Go

-------- EPISODE KEYWORDS ---------

Masculinity, Men’s Work, Shaman, Shamanic, Native American, Amazon, Tree Diet, Plant Medicine, Plant Teachers, Nature, Alignment, Sacred Tobacco, Ceremony, Fast, Fasting, Culture, Healing, Sacred Ritual, Consciousness, Mockingbird, Austin, Texas, Personal Development, Coaching, Spirituality, Vision Quest, Journey, Rites of Passage, White Birch, Tea, Wisdom

#16 - The Lost Technology of the Clan

We have lost the ways of community and kinship. The cultural emphasis on the sovereignty of the individual, although beautiful, has divorced us from one of the most powerful technologies our species has relied on for generations upon generations. 

The power of two or more gathering in the name of a higher purpose. 

We hear it all the time; “your network is your net-worth,” “iron sharpens iron,” “it takes a village.” All colloquials that emphasize the importance of healthy interdependence over isolation and selfish fixation.  

In this episode I speak on the importance of finding and contributing to an aligned community. In a culture that romanticizes the Lone Wolf mentality, we are charged with the responsibility to wake up from the delusion that growth is a path walked in isolation and remember this most ancient technology. In service of the collective, in service to our evolution, and in service to healing. 

References in this Episode

King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert L. Moore and Douglas Gillette

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:00:53) - Remembering the Lost Technology of the Clan

(0:04:00) - The Struggles of the Lone Wolf

(0:05:20) - How Men Depolarize their Relationship and Lose their Women

(0:06:30) - In Community When I Win, You Win

(0:09:00) - Learning How to Share, When to Share, What to Share

(0:10:50) - Fixation on the Selfish Self Creates Misery

(0:13:20) - The Greatest Suffering for the Masculine, Lack of Purpose

#15 - Initiation

In this episode I talk on the history and importance of initiation rituals and rites of passage. For thousands of years, the transition from boy to man has been accompanied by special rituals and ceremonies. In the modern world however these rites of passage have fallen out of mainstream culture, and yet we wonder why so many men are walking around today with “boy-psychology”. 

These ancient traditions were more than just spiritual practices and traditions, they marked important transition moments in life and prepared men to let the past, immature parts of themselves die and be reborn with a new level of understanding. 

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:00:00) - The Lineage of Initiation

(0:03:16) - The Transformation from Boy to Man

(0:07:16) - Universal Moments of Transition

(0:09:22) - Letting Parts of you Die so you can Truly Live

(0:12:27) - The Biological Initiation of Women

(0:14:46) - Men with Boy Psychology

(0:16:18) - Training to Find Comfort in the Discomfort

(0:18:26) - Modern Forms of Initiation

(0:20:47) - How Men Grow Together

-------- EPISODE KEYWORDS ---------

Masculinity, Men’s Work, Femininity, Polarity, Coaching, Psychology, Vulnerability, Boy, Boyhood, Inner Child, Boy Psychology, Man Psychology, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, Archetypes, Fatherhood, Initiation, Rites of Passage, Shaman, Shamanism, Transition, Mid-Life Crisis, Growth, Transformation

Episode 14 of the ReMasculation Podcast

In today’s episode I sit down with Zach Watson, a self proclaimed recovering Manchild. Zach has become a big positive influence on social media by bringing awareness to invisible labor, decision fatigue, and the negative impacts of mental overload on our relationships. 

We’ve talked before on this show about how the uninitiated man will unconsciously put their woman into the role of their mother or therapist. As we discuss in this episode, acknowledging how much we rely on invisible labor to maintain our lives and households, and making intentional shifts to stop outsourcing decision making to our partners is a crucial step in avoiding this intimacy-killer. 

Zach speaks vulnerably about the impact of being in default mode and burdening his wife with the mental load of his decision making. Like a real King would, Zach took this awareness and turned it into a strategy to better serve his partnership through the implementation of fair play, routine “boring meetings,” agreed upon minimum standards of care, and some simple shifts in communication.

If, like a lot of men, you’ve struggled adapting to cohabitation during COVID quarantine or you find yourself getting into the same simple arguments on a regular basis, then this episode is for you.

Check the links below for a closer look into Zach Watson’s work or search “Zach Watson Recovering Manchild”

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realzachthinkshare/?hl=en

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCGP1ihHIjbtVeP2KPOPCmw: 

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:01:56) - What is Invisible Labor

(0:05:25) - The Impact of Default Mode and Decision Fatigue

(0:09:26) - Infantilizing Men, Statements vs Questions

(0:15:20) - Defining Masculine and Feminine

(0:18:50) - ”Helping Out” vs Co-Creating

(0:26:25) - The Importance of “Boring Meetings”

(0:31:30) - Minimum Standards of Care

(0:35:25) - What She Says vs What I Hear 

(0:39:00) - What are you Willing to Die For?

(0:42:02) - The Real Value of Invisible Labor

(0:47:40) - Showing your Work & Evolving Past Manchild

(0:53:05) - Influencers with Integrity

(0:56:50) - Final Advice, The Power of the SImple Multiple Choice Question

(1:01:05) - Men’s Take on Withholding Sex

-------- EPISODE KEYWORDS ---------

Masculinity, Men’s Work, Femininity, Polarity, Coaching, Psychology, Vulnerability, Communication, Manchild, Recovering Manchild, Vulnerable, Workshop, Invisible Labor, Divorce, Decision Fatigue, Mental Load, Resentment, King, Queen, Intimacy, Authenticity, Battle of the Sexes, Ballad of the Sexes, Withholding, Relationship, Parenting, Partnership, Good Men, Attraction, Standards, Fair Play, Boring Meetings, Multiple Choice, Household, Cohabitating, Child Care, Fatherhood

Episode 13 of the ReMasculation Podcast

You do not want to skip over this one. In this episode we sit down with an amazing Coach, Founder, and Workshop Facilitator Veronica Kaulinis. In a very on-brand conversation, Veronica gets Vulnerable AF regarding her journey with waking up to the work of loving and receiving love from Men. 

Veronica and I have known each other since our early days in “the work” back in Brooklyn, NY. It has been an honor to witness her deepen into the woman she is today and see her pass her wisdom along to other women on the path of learning to receive love. Interweaving the Masculine and Feminine paths, Veronica and I talk about the key shifts required to transmute the Battle of the Sexes into the alluring, desirable, and collaborative Ballad of the Sexes. 

Along this journey we explore the importance of clarity, the art of softening to receive, taking radical responsibility, de-armoring with discernment, learning to say no with loving approval, breaking through resentment, and many more crucial frameworks to unlocking the King or Queen within. This episode was so much fun to record, it will almost certainly not be the last.

To find out more about  Veronica’s work, check out the links below

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/veronicakaulinis/

Vulnerable AF: https://www.instagram.com/vulnerableaf/

Website: https://www.veronicakaulinis.com/

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:02:51) - Waking up to the Work of Loving Men

(0:07:15) - Reflections from a Woman trying to be the Strongest Man in her Life

(0:13:34) - Making the Choice to Believe in Good Men

(0:16:50) - Inspiring the Masculine Through Vulnerability

(0:20:03) - De-armoring with Discernment

(0:32:30) - The Ballad of the Sexes

(0:36:50) - Attracting your Reciprocal

(0:42:30) - Eradicating Barriers to Intimacy with Authenticity 

(0:44:44) - Standards - Saying “No” with Loving Approval

(0:51:10) - Breaking Through Resentments & “The Golden Pussy”

(0:57:04) - Kings & Queens are Made in Relationship

(1:02:31) - The Danger of Withholding as a Punishment

(1:06:45) - What do Men Need to Hear?

(1:09:42) - What do Women Need to Hear?

(1:11:09) - Inspiring the Hero & Letting them Lead

(1:18:21) - Your Need to be Right vs Your Need to be Met

(1:20:15) - The Oracle of the Feminine

-------- EPISODE KEYWORDS ---------

Masculinity, Men’s Work, Femininity, Polarity, Retreat, Coaching, Presence, Psychology, Vulnerability, Vulnerable, Workshop, Austin, Texas, Softening, De-armoring, Alchemy, Radical Acceptance, Resentment, King, Queen, Intimacy, Authenticity, Battle of the Sexes, Ballad of the Sexes, Withholding, Relationship, Vulnerable AF, Good Men, Attraction, Receiving, Loving Men, Standards, Play, Goddess, Feminism

Episode 12 of the ReMasculation Podcast

In this episode we sit down with my friend Dan Hochman, a Men’s Work facilitator and musical artist based out of Boulder, Colorado. Dan and I discuss the consequences of living a distracted life, keeping a man's true potential locked in a never ending sedation cycle of cheap dopamine spikes while delaying his development physically, mentally, sexually, and spiritually. 

Fluent in the art of shadow work integration, Dan also discusses the major threats to the developing man in today’s society. The intentional overconsumption of the “three villains," pornography, weed, and video games, leads to immature men who choose to live out their fantasies in a simulated hero's journey while staying ignorant to their true life's calling.

In this episode we explore the importance of intentionally facing difficulty and the dangers of routinely avoiding discomfort. I know this one is going to hit home for a lot of men out there struggling with pornography and other addictions. Our intention is not to judge or shame the industry, but to call up our fellow brothers to a higher standard of excellence. To hone their swords and develop their hearts into fully conscious, awake, aware, and dangerous men. 

To connect with Dan Hochman on Instagram, click the link below

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dan.hochman/

Also be sure to check out his new album, Shadow Blues

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/7HtTx1wffqNseAbZ3vYXvO?si=a3Ir2tEfQ_KjQcL31TUujA

-------- CHAPTERS ---------

(0:01:55) - Shadow Integration Work

(0:05:13) - The Heart & The Sword

(0:13:58) - Regaining the Ability to Give and Receive Feedback

(0:19:17) - Distractions - the Spiritual War of Our Generation

(0:26:10) - Your Greatest Discomfort as Your Life’s Purpose

(0:29:00) - Connection, the Other Side of the Coin

(0:35:18) - The Shadows of Men’s Work

(0:40:48) - The Three Villains; Porn, Weed, and Video Games

(0:46:30) - The Integration of the Mature Masculine & Feminine 

(0:50:41) - Pornography - the Anti-Sex Skill

(0:54:05) - The Power of Conscious Sex

(1:02:10) - Doing the Work & Being the Hero

(1:10:45) - Final Advice, How Are You Serving Your Body?

-------- EPISODE KEYWORDS ---------

Masculinity, Men’s Work, Femininity, Polarity, Retreat, Coaching, Presence, Psychology, Illumination, Purpose, Awakening, Relationships, Spirituality, Emotions, Discipline, Archetypes, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, Inner Work, Life Coaching, Modern Masculinity, Feminism, Shadow Work, Fear, Courage, Strength, Competition, Sword, Heart, Correction, Team, Community, Brotherhood, Distractions, Pornography, Porn Addiction, Semen Retention, Video Games, Weed, Marijuana, Cannabis, Discomfort, Connection