I rarely discuss human sexuality anymore these days, mostly because many people I meet, for all of their pontification of sexual liberation, are pretty grossed out about it. In America there are essentially two versions of every argument; both of them argue that the world will end if we are not boring. The same can be said of human sexuality. Right wing Americans view sex as an affrontery to religious doctrine. This is why you will find conservatives across every social media network discussing how sex and all of its incarnations have ruined the modern world. In the conservative mind, it is not obesity or poor diet or the rise in chronic illness that is the cause of the rise of infertility and erectile dysfunction in men. They argue that sex itself or pornography causes these things, which will ultimately lead to the extinction of the human species as a whole. They have no evidence for this, but they argue it nonetheless. Simply increasing the amount of physical activity in public schools and the workplace, along with removing fast food from schools and places of business would easily solve these problems. “Left” wing America (there is no real left wing in America; it is just a coalition of centrists and apathetic people who like Noam Chomsky) is a bit more nuanced. Their argument is that sex is bad because it leads to “immoral” actions like marriage and having children, which, in their minds, will cause people to create excess waste that will destroy the planet. The moderates also have very little evidence for their claims. While it is true that human caused climate change is real, most climate activists fail to realize that corporations create the most waste, not little Timmy and Tanya, nor the married couple that lives down the street that these people obsess over for some reason. If you simply limited these corporations’ ability to create excess waste, then climate change would become a thing of the past. Neither side has a positive view of the sex, proving that America, for all of its differences, is nothing more than a theocracy. Theocracy, the rule of people by a class of priests, also seeks to control human sexuality as both the conservative and moderate wings of the American political system seeks to do. This is no coincidence. The control of sexuality is necessary if one wishes to control massive groups of people. In order to control the masses, one must keep them in a constant state of stress, fear and crippling anxiety. Sexual expression between consenting adults relieves stress and anxiety, thus making life more tolerable and less horrifying to people. This is why the theocrats (moderates and conservatives are the priests of American theocracy; people like Mitt Romney and Joe Manchin are perfect examples) so desperately want to take your pornography away from you. It is also why they oppose your right to express who you choose and to be with, marry and procreate with who you choose. Anyone who tells you that procreation or marriage or homosexuality or transgenderism are somehow wrong or bad are all part of this theocratic mindset, even if they may not realize or intend it. There is nothing wrong with sexual expression as long as there is consent from the individuals involved and as long as the individuals involved are of age. But America is a boring and gossipy nation, so Americans are always trying to create problems with human sexuality where there are none. I do not think this will ever change in America because it has always been a sexually stunted nation from the get go. So, expect further legislation protecting you from having a good time in the bedroom. It’s kind of what we do here. Oh, and be sure to rinse your eyes out with chlorine after reading this. Some jerkoff on Christian Twitter told me STDs can be transmitted visually and you never can be too careful. Say a prayer to exercise the masturbation demons and try to only date inanimate objects to protect the environment from utter destruction.